Send a funny copy in a circle of friends

1. Why are you nearsighted? I blurred my eyes in order to look down on the world.

Laziness is a strange thing, which makes you understand a truth: hard work may not be successful, but it will be easy without hard work.

One day, I asked my wife why so many excellent people didn't choose me. Wife: Because when I first came to your house, everything was up to your mother, and your father didn't dare to fart. People say that this gene can be inherited ... Hehe, you win!

Four. One day, my father and her husband were drinking and chatting together. My father, who had never had any emotional intelligence, suddenly said to her husband, If you don't love my daughter that day, just tell me. I was very moved at that time: Dad, are you taking me home? My father said to my husband: I let her remarry. If she can't be my son-in-law, she will be my brother. ...

Afraid of being used by others? As long as you become a loser, no one can take advantage of you.

6. I received a client to play and visited a temple today. When customers pay homage, they say: Pray for me to meet a beautiful marriage as soon as possible. Embarrassed, I told him that this was a Confucius Temple dedicated to Confucius, and it was for academic achievements. The goods listened and thought, and continued to pray: Then please bless me to marry a female college student! Me, Kao, or you are awesome!

7. The loss of traditional culture is serious, and ancient women can recite poems correctly. Modern women can't do it, they can only do it right.

8. My mother gave birth to two daughters. I am plain, but my sister is as beautiful as a flower. I asked my mother: Why is it so unfair? My mother replied: the first batch of goods, inexperienced, almost the same quality.

9. Friends' party. I was about to go out when I packed my luggage. My mother said that the shirt behind me was wrinkled and asked me to stand there and wait. She made it for me. A smart person like me capsized in the gutter and forgot to buy a wireless electric iron for my mother the other day! Now I have a burning burn on my back, and my mother said indignantly, I thought you were thick-skinned and not afraid of scalding. ...

10. My family is a democratic family. Since my son entered a small class, he cried every time he got up, refused to eat breakfast and refused to go to school. Grandma always persuades him earnestly. Grandpa helplessly looked at the newspaper, and mother quickly cleaned it up. I winked at my son. Finally, the whole family held a meeting and felt that this was not the way. The end result: children always cry at school, and most of them are itchy. Just fight!

Eleven. It's getting hot. Send your girlfriend back to the dormitory. She suddenly said, look, look. I am puzzled to see a girl changing clothes in the dormitory and watching her share happy eyes. Is this nima a brother or a wife?

12. My daughter-in-law is on a business trip. I invited some buddies over for drinks. My old dog has been whining outside the door, probably trying to come in and pick up bones to eat. I'm a little tired of listening. I shouted to my buddy at the door: Go, open the door and let the old dog in. As a result, when the door opened, I found my father-in-law standing outside the door angrily ... Dad, can you listen to me? Dad ... Dad, don't go!

13. My nephew likes to play in my room. I always thought it was because I was nice to him and he liked me. Until that day, I heard a conversation between him and his friend: Go to my aunt's room to play, and grandma will scold me if the living room is dirty. My aunt's room is a mess like a pigsty, and I can't tell whether it's dirty or not. ...

Fourteen. That summer, I saw my ex-boyfriend and a 90-point beauty shopping hand in hand. I chased him impulsively, slapped him with tears, and then turned and left! Behind him came his anxious call: honey, listen to me! I imagined that he was my cousin or relative, and stamped my foot and shouted: I don't listen, I don't listen, I don't listen … I turned around and found him chasing the 90 mark, trying to explain.

15. When I was a child, I raised chickens at home. My mother said that last year I fattened and slaughtered, rabbits fattened and slaughtered, and pigs fattened and slaughtered. One year during the Spring Festival, my mother pinched my face and called me fat. I knelt down and said with a runny nose and tears, I often don't wash my feet and I don't wash my face in the morning. It stinks! But my mother said with a bad smile that I didn't blow it with you when I washed it at night. Taking a bath at night, my mother and my sister didn't put me in the bathtub, so I was too eager to survive. ...

15. My cousin's dog is too prosperous and has a high fever. He refused to go to the hospital, so I coaxed him: the little nurses in the hospital are all alone. If you go, choose the most beautiful girlfriend! So my cousin went. It is estimated that there are no beautiful nurses during the Chinese New Year, but there are quite a few aunts. My cousin, who is hanging a bottle, said without love, I have been watching it for a long time, and the aunt who has a blood test is the most beautiful one among the aunts. ...

17. The shower just started in the morning. First, a female customer came, but she walked into the men's bath. When she was naked, the male administrator came in and told her that this was a men's bath. The female customer was very angry: Why did you tell me this was a men's bath when I was naked? Male administrator: I have to make a thorough confirmation. Who knows if you are a man or a woman?

18. I once went out to play all night in high school. After sneaking home, my mother looked pale at breakfast. She asked me what was wrong, and I said I didn't feel well. My mother was so frightened that she couldn't tell whether to drag me to the hospital, and then she went to register. I was so sleepy that I fell asleep in my chair. I was confused and heard my mother crying and calling for a doctor: doctor, my daughter is dying and in shock. ...

19. Waiting for takeout at home. Someone knocked at the door, so I hurried to answer it. I want to go out and get takeout as soon as I open the door. I didn't want to trip over the threshold, so I threw the takeaway brother to the ground. The little brother was frightened and stammered, Big … Brother, I … I have a normal sexual orientation and like women!

Twenty. The daughter and her children are chatting in the living room. I insist on running every morning, I insist on reciting words every morning ... when I talk to my daughter, I insist on stealing an ice cream every morning! Hey! As the saying goes, good children belong to others. ...

I saw Goddess on the Internet today, and I sent her a message: Are you there? Ten minutes later, the goddess replied, yes, why? Oh, my God, the goddess replied to me! I replied excitedly: then you pull first, and then talk about it. I'm in no hurry ... an hour has passed and the goddess hasn't finished playing.

22. Go out with my husband. I saw a squid grill in the distance. I said, honey, I want to eat squid when I see it. What should I do? Before I finished, my husband immediately ran to set up a stall. When he was still moved by his thoughtfulness, he ran back and whispered to me: I told him that the city management would come in a minute and told him to hurry up. ...

23. The community is an old community, and all facilities are very old. Especially public toilets, not to mention. In summer, there are so many flies that I can't get in. One day, I was squatting in the toilet and heard a young buddy come in while singing. This is just a joke! Seeing so many flies, he said wryly, get up quickly, and don't delay my delivery of food to you!

24. Chatting in the game team group, a man wanted to know me, but I refused. Then he said: I have your photo and your location, and I can find you! Then my best friend came out and said, don't be so naive. She can't even recognize her mother's beautiful photo. Can you find her?