Jokes about Chuangwei

Be polite

A: People should be polite to each other.

B: Being polite is very important.

A: Politeness is "a fire in winter", the "glue" of feelings, the "key" to open the door of friendship, and the "flag" that reaches out to people in trouble. Warm hands”.

B: It seems that you really need to be polite.

A: For example, when everyone meets for the first time in the morning, they usually say hello: "Good morning"! Don't underestimate this sentence: "Good morning", it makes people feel psychologically warm.

B: Indeed.

A: In fact, it doesn’t matter whether we say hello to each other or not. No one deserves or owes anything to anyone. However, if there is no such sentence: "Good morning"! You will feel awkward and uncomfortable, do you believe it?

B: Is it that mysterious?

A: If you don’t believe it, let’s give it a try in front of so many audiences and see what your reaction is. Let’s start now.

B: What’s the test method?

A: It’s very simple. Just think that you and I met for the first time in the morning. You came from over there and I came from here. We were old acquaintances. But after we met, you looked at you and I Look at you, no one is talking.

B: This is too simple.

A: Come on, let’s start.

(Action: Two people walk opposite each other, touching each other)

A: How is it? How do you feel?

B: Don’t tell me, it’s really awkward.

A: Do you feel good or not?

B: Of course it’s uncomfortable. Are you feeling well?

A: Do you know how I felt when I saw you like that?

B: How do I know how you feel!

A: I feel like you are sick, not even mildly.

B: You are the only one who is sick. It is not good to say that. It is true that you are sick.

A: Actually, this politeness is very important. It is not just a matter of greeting the other party, it also shows a person's cultivation.

B: Is it that serious?

A: Of course. If people want to be respected by others, they should first respect others.

B: Yes, a person who does not respect others cannot be respected by others.

A: It is not enough for a person to be polite, he must also know the minimum etiquette. It's important to be polite to others, but it's still not enough if you don't understand etiquette.

B: Do you need etiquette?

A: "Social Etiquette" taught by Professor Jin Zhengkun on the CCTV Education Channel is very good. Have you seen it? If you haven't seen it, I suggest you check it out, it's very useful.

B: You really need to learn more etiquette.

A: This etiquette is not static. It also changes with the changes of society and the habits of different nationalities.

B: It seems that this etiquette is so sophisticated.

A: Isn’t it? Take our country as an example. It is a multi-ethnic country with great regional differences, so the etiquette is also different. The world is so big, then the etiquette is the same. They are even more different. There is also a saying among the people: they are different from each other.

B: Listening to what you said, you are really knowledgeable. Can you show me your skills?

A: I feel quite comfortable after hearing your praise. Why show me two hands? I might as well give it to you today and show three or four hands in front of everyone at the same time. What do you think?

B: He is really out of breath because he is fat. Well, just show four or five of your hands.

A: No problem. First of all, let’s start with a meet and greet. Do you think this level is okay?

B: OK, you can start from anywhere.

A: But sometimes you have to cooperate.

B: No problem. Three or four strokes, five or six strokes are all fine. Please be kind to me.

A: With such a good supporting role, I have to perform well.

B: Who is your supporting role? You should be pretty.

A: Don’t stop, let’s start now. Let’s just say that the etiquette for meeting is different in different countries and regions, different ethnic groups, and different genders.

B: How do we Chinese people greet each other when we meet?

A: Are you asking about ancient times or modern times?

B: Let’s ask about ancient times.

A: Are you asking about greetings between men or women?

B: Let me first ask how men greet each other.

A: It’s very simple. If two people are friends or peers, they hold each other’s fists and then greet each other. If there are different generations, the younger generation should bow to their elders with clasped fists and then exchange greetings. If you are greeting your parents or an older person, you will sometimes have to kneel and kowtow. If it is given to the emperor, it will be even more particular, and it must be done as a courtesy to the emperor and his ministers. Will you?

B: I have seen it on TV and movies, and I understand it a little bit. Sorry.

A: Do you also perform "the etiquette of a monarch and his ministers"? Then you should do me the courtesy of a king and a minister, and let everyone judge and rate you to see if you are qualified?

B: Go ahead and play.

A: It doesn’t matter whether you salute or not, don’t get angry. I am ‘playing with you’.

B: If women are meeting each other, how should they do it?

A: This is also very simple, just say "Hail" to each other. Just do it (do the action).

B: This is ancient, so you can also learn from modern and modern ones.

A: Why are you so incapable of speaking? What does "learning" mean? To be precise, it means "teaching."

B: Teach? Who are you teaching?

A: You, "When three people are walking together, I must be my teacher." "He who knows is a teacher." How could you forget it?

B: Well, even if you are a teacher, in this case, I have to ask for advice today (talking to himself).

A: Ask me, apprentice, there is no one who has a hand in being a teacher. They all give without reservation and selflessly.

B: Teacher, how do modern people greet each other when they meet?

A: Why are you such a stupid student? You don’t even know how to say hello at the very least. It’s really rude.

B: Teacher, you are very polite, please teach me.

A: Well, modern etiquette has also been reformed. With the improvement of living standards, etiquette is constantly changing. The bow was changed to a handshake. Especially for lesbians, they no longer say "Hail" when meeting and greeting, and young people no longer need to kneel down and kowtow when meeting their elders. Think about it, people nowadays are very particular about hygiene. You wear clean and luxurious clothes. If you meet Master, I will I crawled on the ground and kowtowed. Firstly, I feel bad about it, and secondly, it's not hygienic. Don't you think so?

B: Who kowtowed and knelt down for you?

A: Not only the etiquette has changed, but also the language of greetings has changed. Especially in recent years, living standards have improved and people have become more civilized and polite. This etiquette has also changed. It has become a compulsory "homework" for modern people. They interact with others a lot and have a lot of entertainment when going out, so they have learned a lot about this etiquette.

B: That’s really what happened.

A: The language of greetings also changes a lot.

B: What did you say when you met in the 1960s and 1970s?

A: At that time, the problem of food and clothing had not yet been solved. Generally, when people met, they would first ask, "Have you eaten?" The abbreviation is "Have you eaten?"

B: Why are you asking this? Can't you ask something else?

A: Everyone was like this. At that time, eating was the first priority, and everyone regarded being able to eat as the most commendable thing. Some places are even more interesting. No matter what time of year, everyone is outside the door when eating, men, women, old and young are holding bowls outside, regardless of what "good things" are in the bowl, so that others can see it. , at least it means that my family has food to eat today. This is not just for eating, but also a way to show off.

B: How unhygienic! How to answer that.

A: The answer is usually "eat". Regardless of whether you are hungry or not, or whether you have eaten or not, you should answer first before talking about it. Then ask "Have you eaten?". If the answer is "No", it probably means that your family has no rice to cook, and maybe you can't even get a wife.

B: It seems that the pleasantries during this meeting are still marked by the times.

A: Just this sentence "Have you eaten?" A lot of jokes have been made.

B: Really? Let’s talk about it.

A: Once, I just came out of the toilet, and a colleague happened to come over. He was also going to the toilet. The first thing he asked was "Have you eaten?"

B: How do you answer?

A: Of course I answered "I ate", so I asked him "Have you eaten?"

B: How did he answer?

A: "Not yet, I'll eat it later."

B: How embarrassing, there is no other topic.

A: It was like this back then. Older comrades may still remember it.

B: Teacher, what kind of etiquette do foreigners do when they meet? Please advise.

A: Are you talking about foreign countries? There are too many foreign countries. I won’t tell you about them one by one today. I will just pick a few typical ones, such as Europe and Africa, and teach them to you briefly. Professor, you don’t have to pay the tuition today. It’s free, but it won’t be the same next time.

B: It’s a beautiful idea. Whoever has money can ask you for advice.

A: For example, in Europe, when men meet, they usually hug each other or shake hands.

B: Do they also ask "Have you eaten?" when they meet?

A: People don’t ask like this. They usually say hello with HI or Hello. When they meet, they usually talk about the weather. If you see an elderly Chinese person, out of respect for the elderly, they usually ask, "How old is your old man this year?"

B: Just ask about your age.

A: Our Chinese old people will happily tell you his or her age. But it is impolite to do this in foreign countries, especially to older lesbians. This is impolite and she will be very angry. Like: Where did you get rich? How much is the salary? Can't even ask.

B: So how should I ask?

A: If you praise her, she will be very happy.

B: How to praise? For example, I met an old lesbian.

A: Foreigners generally do not call them "comrades", but generally call them ladies.

B: I’m used to saying this.

A: You said: "You look so young and you are so beautiful." She will say "Thank you!"

B: This is definitely possible in China.

A: You are wrong. For example, if you see a beautiful lesbian on the road, you want to talk to her and say: "You are so beautiful."

B: She will be very happy.

A: She will call you a "rogue".

B: Why are you swearing?

A: I say you are a gangster because I think highly of you. If this lesbian gets angry and twists you to the police station, you will have to walk around without food. If you meet her boyfriend or husband, you Even more unlucky.

B: It seems that the customs and habits of these different places are really different.

A: Of course, when we meet, most of us smile and greet you warmly. However, there is a tribe in Africa. When we meet for the first time, they welcome you and cry when they say hello.

B: Don’t be embarrassed.

A: In order to express your happiness at the host’s welcome, you have to cry a little. If you can't cry, it means you are not sincere.

B: The customs are so different.

A: Isn’t it? Most friends or colleagues shake hands or hug when they meet. When you go to France, do you know France?

B: Who doesn’t know about France?

A: If you meet your friend’s wife or lady in France, do you know what etiquette you should do?

B: Needless to say, of course it’s a hug. Who doesn’t want a hug? Don’t you think so, comrades?

A: Wrong. You have to kiss the hand.

B: A kiss on the hand? Just use my nose to smell the wife’s or lady’s hands?

A: No, just use your mouth to kiss in person - kiss means to kiss, it means to kiss the other person's hand with your mouth to show respect for the other person.

B: I won’t do this. Kissing her hand with my mouth would be okay if she had just put on makeup, but what would I do if she had just come out of the toilet?

A: It’s bad luck for you.

B: Then I will be miserable.

A: Why are you so stingy? You don’t even dare to kiss a woman’s hand. You are so unmanly.

B: You look like a man. Have you ever kissed me?

A: It’s impossible for me to kiss you.

B: Even if I ask you, you won’t do it. Those who knew it were doing a "kissing on the hand", but those who didn't know thought it was a hooliganism.

A: This is quite civilized. There are some etiquettes that you simply cannot accept. But you have to accept it or not. After all, do as the Romans do.

B: It seems that before going to a new place, you have to learn other people’s customs first, otherwise, you will make a fool of yourself.

A: Let’s talk about foreign countries. In some places in Africa, the greeting ceremony is very special.

B: What special method?

A: When guests come, instead of serving tea first, they first smear mud on the guests. Judging from the suit you were wearing, when you arrived, after a while, when I looked at you again, I couldn't recognize you. You looked like a "sculpture". If you do this (act) like a "thinker".

B: Is this a welcome? It’s just bullying the guests.

A: You are wrong. This is the most solemn courtesy. You have to accept it. It is said that there is a disease in the local area. This mud will prevent guests from contracting the disease.

B: To put it this way, you really have to put some mud on your body to cure the disease.

A: We are talking about foreign countries, but our country is also very different. Even within the same region, there are huge differences.

B: Is it that serious?

A: Okay, let me test you now.

B: You ask, whatever.

A: Have you left?

B: What are you talking about? How do you call "discipleship"?

A: Let me ask you, what color do we Han people like best?

B: Of course it is bright red and green, which symbolizes good fortune and peace.

A: If someone gave you a piece of snow-white cloth and asked you to hang it around your neck, would you do it or not? Please answer.

B: Don’t do it. Absolutely not.

A: Do it, absolutely must do it.

B: I won’t do it, I won’t do it.

A: It seems that you are still ignorant and need to study hard. Let me tell you, this is not called "white cloth", this is called "Hata". It was given to you by a Tibetan girl to express the friendship between you. It symbolizes pure friendship and that. White actually means Symbolizes purity and friendship.

B: It seems I have to think about it.

A: This is the etiquette of Tibetan compatriots, and it is the highest etiquette.

B: It seems that you really can’t hurt the feelings between brothers, nationalities and compatriots with your own likes and dislikes, you have to accept it.

A: The customs and etiquette in the same area are also very different. I have suffered in this regard.

B: A smart person like you has ever suffered a loss?

A: You don’t understand this. Even the smartest hunter will make a mistake sometimes.

B: Excuse me, when did you miss it?

A: I am afraid that everyone here will laugh at me, but the one who made the mistake was none other than your Majesty, my wife and I.

B: Why are there still etiquette between you and your wife? It seems that I am not the only one who is afraid of your wife. What kind of gifts do you give to your wife?

A: Go, shall I salute her? This statement is surprising. Why can't you speak? You.

B: Didn’t you say you were rude in front of your wife?

A: I’ve been here before, so I’m not afraid of your jokes anymore. My wife and I are from the same area, but we're not in love, it's the matchmaking kind of thing. I almost divorced her just because of different customs.

B: Is it that serious?

A: Not only is it a divorce, I even want to get married with her——————.

B: What’s the matter? Why haven't I heard you say that?

A: Today, I am willing to go all out. Anyway, I am not to blame for this matter. I will tell you about it and let everyone comment on whether you blame me or my wife. The thing is like this, there is a custom in our place that the daughter-in-law who has just passed the matchmaking must go back to her parents' home with her new husband on the day after the Spring Festival, which is the second day of the first lunar month.

B: Nonsense, this husband is still old and new.

A: It is also the first time for my husband to go to his father-in-law’s house, also called to pay New Year greetings to his father-in-law and mother-in-law.

B: There’s nothing strange about this. It’s the same in our place.

A: I have been looking forward and looking forward to this day, and finally I have looked forward to this day. But I didn't expect that on this day, I almost divorced my lovely wife. (When speaking, speak in a heavy tone, preferably with a crying tone)

B: If you have anything to do, please tell me quickly.

A: It’s the second day of the first lunar month. My wife and I prepared gifts early. My mood is really indescribable (it’s better to show some action), not to mention how happy I am. I remember clearly that day, it had just snowed, and the ground was covered with freshly melted snow. We have a habit where people go to the street to see the "new son-in-law" on this day. I think he looks good, and I feel good about him. If you think about it, just watch it. Anyway, although I am not as handsome as Andy Lau, I am not as ugly as Pan Changjiang. Now that it’s at this point, there’s no way to prevent people from seeing it.

B: What’s going on?

A: When I walked by in public, I heard a lot of compliments, saying that I was handsome, and many older girls were praising me (making shy gestures).

B: Stop having sweet dreams.

A: Suddenly, several big men jumped out from the roadside. I was happy when I saw it. It was my brother-in-law and several of his cousins. I thought they were coming to greet me, but they kept waiting for me. I said hello to them. They didn't care. They came up and beat me to the ground. You said it just snowed and there was mud and water everywhere on the ground. You should also find a place without mud and water. When I reacted, I heard laughter all over the street. Now that I’m covered in mud, I’m so angry that I can’t even mention it.

B: Why is this? They don't like you?

A: This is a local custom. When a new son-in-law comes to his mother-in-law’s house for the first time, his brother-in-law and brother-in-law must welcome him with wrestling. My wife didn’t tell me so that I could be mentally prepared. If I had known that I would arrive, I would not have put on my clothes, but would have worn them in rags.

B: Hurry up and leave.

A: You said it nicely. Can I walk? Did my brother-in-law let me go? I didn’t take a few steps and they put me down again. , when I walked to my father-in-law’s house, I looked like a mud man.

B: What kind of etiquette is this?

A: Just because of this, I had to divorce my wife. Later I learned that this is the best etiquette for newlyweds.

B: Then why are you angry? Look how enthusiastic people are towards you!

A: My wife should have told me earlier, don’t you think so? I'm so mentally prepared.

B: It seems that there are so many things to pay attention to in this etiquette. If you are not mentally prepared, you will be scared.

A: Isn’t it? Friends who have been to Yunnan all know that there is a custom in Yunnan, the "Water Splashing Festival". If a girl likes a young man and pours water on her body to express friendship and love, this may be related to the climate in Yunnan, because it is hot there and there is no need to worry about the guest catching a cold.

B: This is a good etiquette, especially for those who are difficult to take a bath.

A: Well, that’s the etiquette and customs of ethnic minorities.

But if this etiquette is used in Harbin, I'm afraid it won't work, especially in winter.

B: Isn’t that the same?

A: Still the same?

B: Of course, it’s other people’s habits.

A: Suppose you are in Harbin, in the winter, it is more than 30 degrees below zero, and the sharp north wind is blowing non-stop, and you are walking alone on the street in a suit and leather shoes——.

B: Wait, the more I listen, the more I sound like a wolf from the north.

A: Let’s not worry about whether you are a wolf or not. Suddenly, a beautiful girl appears in front of you.

B: It seems that I am going to have good luck.

A: The girl is fascinated by your charming young man. In order to express that, the girl got a bucket of cold water from home.

B: Nonsense, using boiling water is a waste of time.

A: Pour it on your head like this.

B: I feel so comfortable.

A: Let’s look at you again.

B: Staring straight at the girl.

A: You are not like you now.

B: What does it look like?

A: A whole popsicle.

Husband: "Honey, no, our house is haunted!! I just went to the bathroom, and as soon as I opened the door, the light came on, and there was a cold wind blowing over!! "

My wife slapped her and shouted: "You drunkard! This is the third time you peed in our refrigerator!"