What are some flirting words between couples, humorous and more explicit words that are close to life?

After my wife became pregnant and gave birth to her child, her weight became a top secret (live together).

Facing my wife’s growing figure, my curiosity to find out the truth is getting stronger and stronger.

One day while boating in the park, I suddenly had an idea and drew a mark on the waterline of the boat.

My wife asked me what I was doing, and I smiled mysteriously: "Dear, do you still remember the story of Cao Chong's victory as an elephant?

1. Watch some news on the Internet, the general content It was: My husband bought a Tibetan Mastiff cub, but he didn’t have time to raise it, so his wife had been raising it. Once the husband and wife had a fight, the husband beat his wife, but the Tibetan Mastiff rushed out and bit off her husband’s hand decisively! After watching the news, I asked my boyfriend : "What lesson did you learn from this news?" I wanted to hear him say that you can't beat your wife, but unexpectedly, this guy actually said: "Be sure to tie up the dog when you beat your wife!"

2. The wife cried in front of the mirror: "I am getting fatter! I am getting older! I am getting uglier!" Then, the wife acted coquettishly to her husband: "Husband, please praise me and coax me!" The husband thought for a while. , said: "Well, wife, your eyesight is still very good!"

3. There is a woman who doesn't trust her husband and is always afraid that his husband will break his shoes.

Yes. One day, when the woman came back from going out, she asked her husband: "Husband, have you worn out your shoes?"

The husband said: "I don't have a wife!"

The wife said: "It's okay. Just tell me, I will give you a hundred yuan for each person. ”

The husband said: “Fuck you, I won’t miss your 3,200 yuan.” ”

4. Xiao Zhang had just been promoted to the vice general manager of the hotel and was very excited. When he came home late at night and entered the room in the dark, he excitedly shouted: “I am the vice general manager!” At this time, his wife was on the bed. Said: "Go to bed, your subordinate Xiao Zhang will be back soon. ”

5. At a certain national highway toll station, a truck driver complained to the female toll collector: You have to climb two mountains to get to your place, which is too tiring. The female toll collector said: Go down a little and you will find flat ground. The driver He said: Is there any grass next? Female toll collector:...

6. The man found out that his wife was having an affair with the leader, and angrily went to the leader’s wife to complain! After hearing this, the leader’s wife said angrily: "We We both went to bed to take revenge on them!" After the incident, the leader's wife said, "I'm still upset, let's take revenge again!" The man cried and begged, "Please, I don't hate them anymore." "

7. The newly married couple were making out at home. The husband suddenly complained: "Honey, this bed creaks so loudly. What should I do if someone hears it?" The wife replied disdainfully: " It's okay, I can't hear the bed if I shout louder."

8. Because of her excellent work, the female secretary got married to a capable clerk with the help of her boss. The first night... .... Groom: Keep your voice down, you’ll be embarrassed if others hear you! Bride: Why do you talk like the boss!

9. “Honey, I’m sleepy” “Then you can take a nap.” "Then you have to kiss me!" "Okay, kiss me and go to sleep." "Hug, hubby!" "Okay, hug, go to sleep." "Husband, you shoot me." "Okay, my husband will film you sleeping." "Husband, tell me a story." "...I think...why don't you just stop sleeping..."