New Year’s SMS jokes

1. Ji Xiaolan was a bachelor in the Qing Dynasty. Once, when he went home to visit relatives during the New Year, a family of three brothers in the village asked him to write a Spring Festival couplet. The Spring Festival couplets of "Behead first and play later". This was a serious matter. Someone accused him of deceiving the emperor in the name of "guilty". When Emperor Qianlong learned of this, he immediately summoned Ji Xiaolan back to Beijing for questioning. Ji Xiaolan replied: "I wrote the Spring Festival couplets rightly! The boss of this company sells firecrackers, isn't it an 'earth-shattering portal'? The second boss is in charge of Dou in the market. He kept shouting "One Dou, Two Dou" all day long, didn't he count one or two people? The third one was selling roast chicken, didn't he "cut it first and then show it off"? Qianlong also laughed after what he said.

2. At the end of the year, the husband’s private money that he had saved for a year was discovered by his wife. The wife got angry and punched her husband's gold-rimmed glasses.

3. Wife: "Tomorrow is New Year's Eve, what are you going to give my mother?" Husband: "Send me some good cigarettes!" Wife: "Are you crazy? It's been five years since my father passed away. My mother doesn’t smoke for many years. Why do you give her cigarettes?” Husband: “Because every time I go to her place, she only treats me to tea.”

4. The first two days. , my unit issued a year-end bonus, but unfortunately, I was on a business trip out of town, so I sent a text message to ask my colleague to collect it for me.

5. An American couple living in China were talking about Chinese festivals. The wife said: "My dear, we are celebrating the Spring Festival again. Twenty years ago, we celebrated Children's Day; ten years later, we celebrated Youth Day; in another ten years, you celebrated Father's Day and I celebrated Mother's Day; and again It’s been ten years since we celebrated the Old People’s Day, so what holiday will we celebrate after ten years?” The husband replied: “Qingming Festival.”

6. I am a new employee and I just came to work. As the Chinese New Year is approaching, one person in our unit is given six days off, and several people take turns taking it in turns.

7. The New Year is approaching, and firecrackers are going off everywhere. Guo Jing and Huang Rong took a boat to Peach Blossom Island. Huang Rong: "Dad, Brother Jing is here to bring you a gift." Huang Yaoshi: "You idiot, don't you know that I, Huang Yaoshi, hate these red tapes the most?" Guo Jing: "Dad, this is melatonin!" Huang Pharmacist: "Oh!" Just as he was about to reach out to take it, the old naughty boy who was trapped on Peach Blossom Island suddenly jumped out, grabbed the gift, and shouted: "There will be no gifts during the Spring Festival this year, only melatonin, Huang Laoxie, you No, then give it to me!”

8. A colleague charged up the wrong phone number. Because he was a little distressed after charging 100 yuan, he called the guy and asked if he could recharge it for me. return?

9. The New Year is so beautiful: fragrant flowers, mellow wine, warm blessings, beautiful memories, and renewed love. Even if there is nothing, as long as there is love, it is enough.

10. I received a text message on New Year’s Day: “Today is the beginning of spring, I wish you a happy family!” Who is this kid deceiving? It's been several days since the beginning of spring. Xiong said to Neng: He is so poor, all four bear paws were sold; Bing said to Qiu: Brother, you may have stepped on a landmine, why are your legs gone? The king said to the emperor: What are the benefits of being an emperor? Look, his hair has turned white. He said to the emperor, "My dear, I have been pregnant for so long without saying a word." Guo said to the naked man, "Brother, please put on your clothes." Might as well not wear it! Bi Duibei said: Why do couples need to divorce? The scarf said to the coin: Putting on the doctor's hat makes you worth a hundred times; The minister said to the giant: The area is the same, but mine has three bedrooms and two living rooms; The sun said to the sun: It's time to lose weight; I said to everyone: New year, new year The starting point, a new beginning; the blessing of the heart: Happy New Year. Happy New Year