Humorous hilarious jokes

Selected humorous and hilarious jokes

Do you agree?

The work unit organized blood donation, and when it came to Xiao Chen, these two guys were right The doctor said: I am very generous, you can smoke as much as you can. The doctor glanced at him, OK! Then you go and sign a body donation form.

They are indeed brothers and sisters

One day when I was in high school, my cousin came to my house. My sister was watching TV in the living room. My brother stood at the door of the living room and talked to me. I was about to go upstairs. , just stood at the top of the stairs and listened to him. My cousin walked to the door of the living room, and my brother happened to fart loudly. My cousin hurriedly ran into the living room, saying that she wanted to hide from the fart. In less than two seconds, he yelled, "Why does it smell so bad!" My sister weakly said that I just farted. My cousin rushed out and ran next to me and said that she almost died from the smoke. I was already laughing so hard that I couldn't stand up straight, but now I couldn't live up to my expectations and let out a series of farts. The cousin had nowhere to escape and ran into the kitchen. When I was laughing so hard, the uncle from next door happened to come over to see the wall that was being built at my house. He stood for a few seconds after entering the door and said, "Is there a gas leak in your house? I smell gas?" A few of them suppressed their laughter to the point of internal injury.

Fortunately, I didn’t get bitten.

When I was in school, I returned home from home to the school dormitory after a vacation. A roommate came and chatted with a few of us and we were having a good time. Maybe I suddenly felt my crotch. Feeling uncomfortable, so this guy reached out and unbuttoned his trousers. Just when we were confused, he magically pulled out a bat from his crotch. Just when we thought he was playing magic, oh, damn, This guy was so frightened that he squatted on the ground, and he was still alive. At that time, our jaws almost dropped to the ground and we laughed non-stop. Now that I think about it, that guy was also drunk at the time. Where do you think that bat came from? I don’t know how long it has been in his crotch...

Don’t drink while driving

The Chinese New Year is coming soon, so everyone should stop drinking and driving. I drank too much the night before and drove a motorcycle. The police came up. After saluting, they said that gays cannot drive after drinking. I said this was a motorcycle, and besides, I didn’t drive it. Would it be okay if I sat on it? Then The traffic policeman is getting anxious. Come down here and take your car. What are you doing in my car?

It’s a pleasure to visit you.

I’m on duty at work! Because I have a stomachache. The toilet was far away! I was afraid that there would be a live broadcast in the middle of the road! I was so anxious that I took a big plastic bag, went straight to the corner outside the house, and pulled Xiang into the plastic bag! My stomach felt much better immediately. When I was done, I opened the top of the plastic bag. Tie it up, pull up the pants and tie the belt! I easily walked to the trash can, threw it in and returned to the duty room. I really admired my emergency response ability! But after thinking about it, I felt something was wrong, as if I had forgotten the procedure for pulling Xiang. . Needless to say, I’m working hard to wash my butt now! I can’t have any more pants!

It’s like I have a wife

A friend is single and bought a green down jacket and brought a hat with him The kind of hat. The weather was a bit cold, so he put on a hat. At this time, the two girls behind said: Look, the guy in front is such a dick. He actually put on a cuckold for himself. When I heard this, I put down his hat and quickly put it away. No one would cuckold himself. He looked at me with determination and said quietly: "You say this as if I have a wife." For a moment I was speechless...

We broke up decisively

My mother told me something I will never forget in my life. ....Just cut it yourself first.

Some time ago, my girlfriend asked me, what is the most embarrassing thing about you growing up? Then I suddenly remembered what my mother told me, that I was very delicious when I was a child! One time, my mother took me back to my grandma's house, and when I fell asleep at noon, she took me They left it in the room and went to eat. After a while, uncle came in and shouted! Sister, come and see what this little guy is doing!? My mother came quickly and even the whole family was messed up! You guessed it right, I am here On the bed, I grabbed it with my hands and put it in my mouth! I told my girlfriend and we broke up immediately!

Need special services

During the summer, I was on a business trip and found a small hotel in another place. , the phone in the room rang around 9 o'clock in the evening, I picked it up and heard a lady say: Hello sir, do you need special services? I answered decisively: ?No? At around 10 o'clock the phone rang again: ?Sir, do you need special services? Me: No need. At about 11 o'clock, the phone rang again: Sir, do you need special services? Me: How much is it? Madam: 200 for the night. Me: Okay, can you come over? Wait until the lady arrives. My room: Please take off your clothes. After I saw the woman take off her clothes, I said: Okay, now you can go and stand in the corner. Then I turned off the light. The woman said: Brother, what do you mean? Me: You are not Special service? The woman: Yes? Me: That’s right. There are so many mosquitoes tonight. If you stand there, I can have a good sleep?

Hey, speechless

In the afternoon, I went to eat Lanzhou Ramen with my friends. There were three people, and one of the friends said I would pay for the meal. Then we started eating. As a result, the guy forgot to pay after finishing the meal. The two of us left directly. After walking for about three minutes, the guy said, Damn, I haven’t paid yet. I said, didn’t you say you were treating me? He said that I forgot to pay when I came out. The two of us went back to pay. I saw another buddy looking at us with innocent eyes...

It’s really unethical to penetrate a female colleague like this in the office

Yesterday, the circuit in the office was broken, and there was a power outage, and the phone’s battery ran out. I put it on a female colleague’s laptop to charge.

Ten minutes later the call came, so I unplugged the line and plugged it in again after answering the call. The female colleague said, "I've fucked you once, and this is the second time. How many more times are you going to fuck me today?" The people in the office fell silent immediately, and burst into laughter three seconds later.

Wearing sunglasses like this is too realistic to hurt.

I still remember when I was a child, wearing sunglasses and walking by the small pond on a bright moonlit night. That day, I was shouting loud slogans, and while wearing sunglasses, I accidentally stepped on the grass and fell into the pond with a splash. Since then, I have never worn sunglasses...

Forget it, we are both single

A buddy has two hamsters, and I asked if they are both male. One mother. My buddy’s words are still unforgettable to me: How can I possibly match him with a mother when I’m single? ;