Tik Tok's funny paper case.

1. Today, I squeezed the bus to work, only to hear an uncle say, "We are in no hurry, let the young people go first, they are in a hurry to go to work." At that time, I thought my uncle was so handsome, and then I said, "Anyway, there are seats in the car at many nights."

Step 2: Get married

On the tenth anniversary, the wife said to her husband affectionately, "honey, talk about yours."

Ten years of experience. "The husband sighed and said," Marriage is risky, so be careful when you apply for a certificate! "

Three. today

Stupid daughter-in-law clamored to buy Apple X. I said simply: There are many people who can buy Apple X for you, but I am the only one who can accompany you to wait for Apple X to reduce the price.

The second-rate daughter-in-law flew a slipper and smiled: I like your personality! Hey, it will fool people!

At that time, when Titanic set off, I shouted desperately, don't set sail. It's dangerous. Nobody listened to me and called me a fool. Finally, several burly security guards came and kicked me out of the cinema.

Jane married a foreigner and took her husband back to his hometown in the country for the New Year. The woman proudly asked the village.

Third Master: Is this the first foreigner in our village?

The third master pondered for a moment and said, No, the Japanese devils have been here!

6. What if I don't want to wash clothes? Just bring a wife. If the daughter-in-law is virtuous, she will wash your clothes. If your daughter-in-law is tough, you should learn to wash clothes.

7. A roommate asked: If you put a piece of shit and a bone in front of the dog, which one would the dog like? A funny roommate replied rationally: dogs can eat bones stained with shit.

Chatting with a buddy at a roadside food stall last night. That guy suddenly got up and said he was going to attend if you are the one. Suddenly, a row of street lamps went out.

9. Chinese teacher's first class: "Let me introduce myself first. Please open the first page of the textbook and find the deputy editor. That's my name. " Then everyone was shocked. I didn't expect our stupid school to be still undiscovered talent! He smiled mysteriously: "Can't believe it? We have the same name! "

10. There was a child on the subway who was clamoring to pee, and his crying was deafening. There are many people in the car, the mother of the child, the young woman, looking embarrassed and looking around, not knowing what to do. Then I thought there was a sock in the bag and handed it to her. She said, this is not good, it will leak. What are you thinking about? I said, shut up.

1 1. A Dai put down his wallet and looked back. He saw a couple, and the man was shouting, Whose is it? Whose is it? A Dai said quickly, it's mine! As a result, I was beaten, and later I learned that the girl was pregnant.

12. During the Chinese New Year. A family

Hold it in three.

3,000 yuan to buy clothes, first to buy children's clothes, then to buy women's clothes, and finally found that there were only a few pieces left.

Ten dollars, the man glanced at his daughter-in-law and said, "buy me a scarf this year, so that people can see it hanging outside, unlike last year, who could see it wearing underwear!" "

Thirteen. Today, I went shopping with my girlfriend. She got her mouth dirty while eating barbecue. I took a napkin out of her bag to help her wipe it. But when the tissue was 0. 1 cm away from her mouth, I found my girlfriend's eyes wide open. A closer look reveals that it is her pad! Passers-by around were choked with internal injuries, and then nothing happened. ...

14. My home is in the countryside. I remember when I was a child, one day a rural woman dressed in rustic clothes stood at the door of the classroom. The teacher asked who she was looking for, and she said to me.

Erwa sent a few catties of rice. The teacher turned around and asked, "Who is it?"

Erwa? The classroom was so quiet that the teacher said angrily, "Dogs don't think their families are poor, and children don't think their mothers are ugly!" " Then the headmaster stood up and walked out of the classroom to get the meal.

15. Bats love sparrows deeply, but they are rejected. Bat: "Why, why is this?" Sparrow: "My mother said that even if you are black, the man who always goes out at night is not a good bird!" " "

I think the way to find a girlfriend is to knock on her door and pull me in with a surprised face. "There you are." It's not like this: knock on her door, the door is ajar, and ask warily, "What are you doing here?"

17. Experts suggest that whenever a husband feels uneasy, depressed, disappointed and weak, a virtuous wife will say nothing, just silently swipe her credit card and then secretly put the bill on his bedside, and he will immediately regain the courage and strength to struggle. If you have such a wife, what else can you ask for?

18. Daughter

A seven-year-old child. After quarreling with his father, I went home and advised my daughter, "Who do you think I should call?" The daughter said, "It's up to you, don't forget whose belly I came from!" " "