Touching classic jokes.

1, I heard that you were wearing a broken sack and walking at a strange pace that day; I was caught as a thief and brought you a dog tag?

Your sexy little back really makes me daydream. . . Round and smooth, I really want to move forward. . . Take you for yourself, but I can't! Delicious roast duck, I can't move chopsticks until all the guests are here!

Fireflies shine in the dark, stand out from the crowd, horses in donkeys are outstanding, pigs in pigsty are handsome, and you stand with orangutans is ... handsome!

Someone called you a pig behind your back yesterday. I fought with him for you. Damn it, you can't say what people are like just because their parents look like, can you?

You are as light as the wind, as gentle as water, as hazy as fog, as romantic as the moon, as warm as the sun, as tolerant as the sea, as healthy as an ox, as long as a tortoise and as lovely as a rabbit. In short, you are nothing like a human being.

6. I am really sorry. I'm just chatting with you. It's definitely good to eat donkey meat hot pot in cold weather. I didn't expect you to yell at me angrily: How did my brother offend you? You should put him in the hot pot cruelly. That's my own brother.

7. I am a lonely tree. For thousands of years, I have been standing on the side of the road, waiting alone, just because one day you pass me, I will fall for you, and it is in vain not to smash you.

8. Forward this message twice, and you will be lucky; Forward it, you will go to the official; Forward it, and you will have good luck; Forward it, and it cost yuan!

9. Bajie Huazhai is gone forever. One day, a man who looks like Bajie came from a distance. Wukong said it might be a demon, and Tang Priest said, Try sending a text message, or you will quit!

10, attention, summer air conditioning power saving strategy for you, my years of experience, only friends tell you: the first step, find the air conditioning power supply; Step 2, unplug the power supply; The third step is to check the effect. Look, the meter is slow.

1 1. On a summer night, you got into my mosquito net lightly, touched my arm and kissed my face. You tickle me all over. Turn on the light, take your long legs, damn mosquitoes! I told you to go to hell!

12, I know you like me, but I really don't like you. Although you have my flesh and blood in your stomach, please stop harassing me, or I will be rude to you, you dead mosquito!

13, there is a tacit understanding called tacit understanding, a feeling called wonderful, a yearning called longing, and an idiot who can read the text message!

14, the flowers in spring are very bright, that's your bright smile; The summer sun is very hot, that is your passion; Autumn is fruitful, that is your harvest; The winter wind is blowing, Xiaoqingwa, you are going to hibernate!

15. The day before yesterday, I sent you home and walked to a luxurious building. You looked at me affectionately and said, go home. I looked at your back for a long time and saw four words written on it: mental hospital.

16, I just heard that you were trafficked, which really scared me. Although you grew up with dementia, it is harmless to society. Who is so bold as to dare to sell you? I'm worried about him. It's strange to sell it.

17, I've always wanted to say three words to you, but you know its weight. I'm afraid that once I say it, we won't even have to be friends. But I can't control my feelings and summon up courage to say to you: you are a pig.

18, summer weekend, hot summer, scorching sun, I miss you very much. I feel hot and dry when I think of you. I especially want to meet you when it is hot and dry. As soon as I saw you, I couldn't wait to jump into your arms … my dear swimming pool!

19 Please touch your little red face first, and then touch your little belly! All right! This lecture on pig raising knowledge is over. See you tomorrow!

I want to tell you something. Don't tell anyone. I heard that people in the city beat dogs recently. I wonder if your master has hit you recently? Lao shifu misses you!

2 1, the five internal organs belong to five elements, the liver belongs to wood, the heart belongs to fire, the lung belongs to gold, the kidney belongs to water, and the spleen belongs to soil. I did the math for you. It turns out that your five elements are short of fire and gold. No wonder you haven't invited me to dinner for so long. So you are heartless!

22. Bathed in the breeze, you are chic and relaxed; Bathed in the sun, you are in good shape; Your smell is so strong that you need to control your chickens, ducks and fish. You are a hero in the kitchen! I can't live without you, shallot!

23. Learning Chinese means sending text messages; Learning mathematics is to count money; Learning English means pretending to be a foreign country; Studying physics is to build an atomic bomb; Learning art means that you can draw like you without looking at the photos of your second brother!

24. It was late at night, and I was walking alone in an alley, suddenly feeling so lonely, lonely and scared. I miss you eagerly, miss you and look forward to you. If only you were by my side, I really need you-flashlight!

Since I first met you, I have been deeply attracted by you. Your behavior makes me want to look at you again. Now I can't hold it. I want to say to you: you are simply a puppy that can walk on two legs.

26. Give the toilet a good wipe. The toilet thanked me and asked me what I could achieve. I said, I hope you can take care of this pig who is reading text messages for me! I hope he is happy every time he poops!

27. The night is beautiful tonight. I really want to share it with you and enjoy it with you ... but I'm afraid others will look at us differently. After all, it's hard to take a stupid pig out at night without attracting attention!

28. The wild boar was killed immediately. I only heard pleading with my master: It doesn't matter if I am killed, just please don't let my wife see it, don't make her sad, don't disturb her, just let it play with her mobile phone there.

29. I really miss you. I really want to see you and see you like this, but I really don't want to ... My heart is in a mess-every time I see you, my heart is pounding, and the results of the mental hospital examination come out. You are such an idiot!

30. I really wish I could be with you. Did you sleep well? Are you full? Will it be cold at night? I know you can't take care of yourself. Every time I walk away, you jump out of the pigsty!

3 1, four little pigs are sitting on the ground, and suddenly one is missing. Piggy is there, looking at a short message.

Your outstanding performance has made a great contribution, and the organization decided to reward you. You sit at the dining table with a medal around your neck and are indifferent to the sumptuous banquet. Just when I was wondering, I saw you flying higher and higher and pouncing on something. Take a closer look: a bone.

I've been wanting to see you, but I can't because I'm busy. I finally have time today. That's why I came to see you in the kennel.

34. You are the eighth weirdo in Jiangnan. You are always outside when you don't go home. You don't drink or eat vegetables. You don't talk about love, you don't have sex. You often have sex without a condom. You often take a young lady as a quilt, be lazy without giving money, and often let people kick your feet.

Do you really want to know what I like about you? But I really dare not say it, and I have to say it. I just want you to stay away from me.

36. The sun is shining, the breeze is blowing gently, the willows are shaking their branches enthusiastically, the peach blossoms are emitting charming fragrance, and the stream is singing cheerful songs. What I want to say is … work hard, the boss is coming!

37. What a strange thing? Just dialed your mobile phone, prompting to reply: the other party is streaking. I'm afraid I heard wrong! Dial again At this time, the prompt reply: Sorry, the dialed user has run out of the earth.

38. I have made a lot of preparations for you. I went to the supermarket and bought a lot of things you needed. Now, everything is ready. Your duck can finally cook.

39. It's hard to forget the feeling of holding your hand, kissing you and your unique taste. Let me smoke you harder-cigarettes.

40. I remember I really made up my mind and turned away. Behind me came your helpless crying and heartbreaking crying. Suddenly I feel how much I need you. I turned around and hugged you tightly: I really don't want to sell this pig!

4 1, I wish I could go to see the sea with you, but I didn't go; I wish I could go hiking with you, but I didn't go because I was at a loss; I wish I could hang out with you, but I met a policeman and he said, "Don't take dogs shopping!" "

42. Do you know that today the toad confessed to the swan, and the swan said: Who is like you might as well die! Toad is not convinced: the pig head next door is still alive and well! The pig said gloomily, I was just reading the text message. Why did I get shot again?

43. Domestic pigs are kept at home, wild boars are born in the mountains, and stupid pigs are reading this message. If the stupid pig is laughing, the fat pig is angry, and the dead pig is ignored, even the pig is not as good as the person who doesn't reply.

Recently, mice love rice, which reminds me of you. You are tender and boneless, and your fragile little body really makes me nervous: Damn Mi Chong! Don't hurt my rice!

45. The moonlight is really beautiful tonight. I really want to walk in the street with you. I really like the feeling of walking side by side with you ... but I'm afraid others will look at me differently. After all, taking the lead in the street at night is easy to be noticed!

Recently, mice love rice, which reminds me of you involuntarily. Your skinny skin and fragile little body really scared me: damn bugs! Don't hurt my rice again!

47. I miss you so much. When can I see you? You miss me so much that I can't sleep at night, tossing and turning. Should I repay the money I borrowed?

48. In my eyes, you have always been carefree, eating so sweetly and sleeping so comfortably. Sometimes I feel: I really envy your puppy life!

49. You are very creative. It is your courage to live. Ugliness is not your intention. God lost his temper and survived. Without you, who will set off the beauty of the world!

50. You and I walked quietly on the path in our hometown. You bowed your head shyly and said nothing. When the villagers saw me, they all said: Good boy, dressed neatly and beautifully, but it's a pity to come out to release pigs at such a young age!

5 1. Come down when you feel good about yourself, come down when you feel humorous, come down when you feel attractive, and come down when you feel smart. Well, it's shameless.

Attention, everyone, quiz: the contestants are elephants, pigs and you. The results of the competition have come out: first, elephants are better than pigs, and you are better than elephants. The final ranking is: you are like a pig. Ok, tell me!

53. After having you, I believe in fate. After having you, I believe that fate is doomed; Maybe all this is pulling you and me in the dark. I really want to say angrily: how much I owe you in my last life!

54, say you are a phoenix, I say you are a crow; You say you are a rose, and I say you are? ] toad; You said you were a lively deer, and I said you were a naughty pig!

55, you are so cute-poor, no one loves; You look so good-it's really not your fault that you look like this; You are a genius-a born fool; You are very emotional-stingy and neurotic.

56. In the morning, you approached my bed gently and kissed my face affectionately. Your deep eyes have been staring at me, and I really can't refuse you-be a good dog and take you for a walk.

57. I remember that night, you dreamed that you had a pair of wings that you dreamed of flying. I flapped my wings gently, then came to you gently-then kicked you and said, Stop dreaming, idiot!

Thank you for accompanying me to see flowers in spring, sunsets in summer, fallen leaves in autumn and snow in winter. Without you, no matter how beautiful the scenery is, I really thank you … glasses!

59, a kind of like plus a kind of infatuation, merged into my fiery love for you; Every bit of life is trivial, and I will rely on you closely; No matter the wind and rain, I will be fearless with you all my life. Really need you, money!

60. You always say that I am worthless. You can't make two farts or shit with a stick because the earth has no gravity, which makes you dissatisfied, but I'm also interested. Come on, put on the ring-K pure iron! ! !

6 1, I heard that you have changed recently. You quit smoking, drinking, gambling, sex, greed, work and love, so everyone calls you Bajie.

I really don't understand why you always try to stand in a bright place every night. Later, someone reminded me that you wanted to see pigs that night!

63. Warm reminder: The weather is changeable, so dress carefully! I miss you in the light rain, but I don't mind showers, which send my heart away in windy days. I miss you on a cloudy day, and I will never give up on a sunny day. There are surprises on a cloudy day! If it snows, you won't wake up!

64. I have been worried about you every day since I lost contact with you, looking for your whereabouts everywhere. Maybe you don't know how anxious I am, but I won't give up, because the price of pork has gone up and you have appreciated!

65. I was shocked to see that the model of your mobile phone was extremely radioactive on the Internet yesterday. I was just about to inform you that I was relieved to see that it was useless to people with IQ less than. Don't worry, keep using it.

Today, let's reminisce about our childhood. Let's throw away handkerchiefs and sandbags together. I don't believe this. I can't try my best to turn your head into a yurt.

67. I'm sorry to bother you so late. I just want to ask: Are you asleep?

68. The toad chased the swan, and the swan said disdainfully, if I were like this, I would have died long ago! Toad refused: Is the pig still alive? Hearing this, the pig felt wronged: I provoked whoever I recruited, I was just reading the text message!

69. There is a yearning, a love, a beauty, an agreement and a greeting.

70. I didn't bring any paper to the toilet. I was just about to call someone to deliver it. I took out my mobile phone and looked at it. Uh, no signal. Who built the toilet? Take it.

7 1, do you want to get ahead? Do you want to get rich? Do you want to pay homage to your ancestors? Do you want to be rich? Do you want to get promoted and get rich? Forget it, wash and sleep, I have to work tomorrow!

72. It's raining lightly in the sky, which seems to laugh at my delusion. Why are you so selfish and cruel that I miss you? Who knows, I only see pig heads and idiots staring at this poem on their mobile phones.

73. Without the company of flowers, spring will be lonely; If there were no changes in the four seasons, life would be dull; If I hadn't stopped you, you would have been raw; If you weren't beautiful, I would be a vegetarian! Happy holidays, piggy!

74. Do you know? I'm anxious to find you everywhere. I have amazing good news to tell you: your mother asked me to save several hundred million for you, and I'll bring it to you myself! I came to you with money that day and saw you sleeping soundly. I really don't have the heart to wake you up! A litter of pigs is your most beautiful! Ha! Happy holidays, piggy!

75. Confucius said: Want to be stupid and stupid. So I asked Confucius, does this sentence mean that I want to fool people? Confucius said: no, do you want to know what it means? Idiot! I am lying to you. How did Confucius know me? Confucius can't speak English! Haha, happy April Fool's Day!

76. I have asked myself countless times why I always miss you recently and am worried about you. The image of the dream is always you, and the clockwork message is also for you. I'm sorry to remind you, but I have the courage to ask you: when will you invite me to dinner?

77. The New Year is coming. There are four words to say to you. Although I am a little embarrassed, this is not the time to be shy. If I don't say it, I will regret it, so I sincerely say to you, bring the red envelope!

78. If you procrastinate, you will pretend that others don't exist, and you will only bask in the sun all day, not afraid of scaring others. Don't think you are handsome, but you are just Marshal Tian Peng!

79. On that summer afternoon, I took you into the green veil. The sun was shining high and the breeze lifted my clothes. We had a wonderful afternoon together: you bowed your head and ate grass, while I read the picture book!

If you must compare with a pig, I think you are different from it in at least two aspects: first, you can eat more than it. Second, it is smarter than you.

8 1. Many aquatic animals celebrate the birthday of the old dragon king. During the dinner, Prime Minister Turtle took something out of his arms, looked at it and put it back. The dragon king quickly asked, what happened to Prime Minister Gui? Shrimp, soldier and crab will quickly answer: the old bastard has received the text message again.

82. You are very creative. It is your courage to live. Ugliness is not your intention. Without you, who can set off the beauty of the world!

Frankly speaking, I like you very much. I am fascinated by your eyes, the way you walk, the way you are happy, the cuteness of your coquetry, and even the way you sleep! But what annoys me most is that you don't catch mice, and you always lose your hair.

You are a genius-a born fool, graduated from Harvard-Harbin Buddhist College, and you look good-it's really not your fault that you look like this.

85. I thought there was something better, but I found it again and again. The best is around, just like you. I didn't think so at first, but as time went on, I realized that you were the best … bully!

86. I am determined to do a great thing for the people of the whole country: build an elevator for Mount Everest, put up the Great Wall and reverse the plane; Do a little thing: put gloves on flies, put a mask on mosquitoes and feed you some pig feed.

87. I send you a gift with the heaviest amount of feces since there was feces. You will eat a catty and be full. If you feel that the amount of feces is not enough, please help yourself.

88. After seeing the Three Kingdoms, the tiger went to catch wild boar. He saw that there were no pigs in the pigsty, so he touched his beard and said, Empty city plan! I turned around and saw a dead pig on the animal trap. I was shocked: danger! Suddenly seeing you again, I was overjoyed: yo-ho, there is a honey trap!

89. Without wind, clouds will not move; Fish can't swim without water; If there is no sun, the moon will have no light; If it weren't for you ... stupid people wouldn't exist.

90. You are as hardworking as a bee, as beautiful as a butterfly, as loyal as a puppy, as smart as a kitten, as simple and honest as an old cow and as fierce as a tiger. No wonder people call you ... an animal!

9 1. My friend thought a lot last night, and I also thought about it. Only you are the coolest. I looked for you in my dream. Looking back, you were really thrown in the depths of someone else's donkey shed and tied up. It was cruel! Cruel! Calm down after reading the information!

92. Someone saw you yesterday. You are still so charming. You walk slowly in a plaid vest. You look so detached. It is really cute. I don't know how you beat rabbits in those years.

93. You are happy because I am happy, I am happy because you are happy, I am sad because you are thin, I am thin because you are sick, I smile because you are strong, and I am rich because I sold you-pig!

94. I sent you this dime message just to tell you? I am not a penniless person. For example, this dime message is my birthday present to you. Don't forget to invite me to dinner tonight. Happy April Fool's Day!

95. It is not surprising that people will fall in love; It is not surprising that cows can eat grass; It's amazing that a pig can press the phone. A pig is a pig. Press it! What a stupid pig!

96. Part I: The wind is blowing and the rain is falling. I am waiting for your call back. Bottom line: live for you, die for you, and wait for you all your life. Horizontal batch: sent to the wrong person.

97. You were practicing in a mental hospital, and suddenly a psycho came after you with a kitchen knife. You turned around and ran until you reached a dead end, thinking it was over. The patient said, here's the knife. It's your turn to chase me. Happy April Fool's Day!

98. I don't want to be alone. I want it, too. Walking in the street, I took a look. Handsome men and beautiful women hold hands, but I hold hands with my left hand. Now I just want to go out with you, but I'm afraid my friend will say, don't always walk the dog.

99. What should I say about you? You are really different! Give some sunshine and you will be brilliant; Give some happiness and you will be romantic; If you like it, you fart; Give some praise and you will praise it; Give a little praise and you'll be crazy.

100, do you know? We have known each other for a long time. You followed me closely, put your face on me, sniffed me with your nose and bit me gently with your mouth ... At that time, my name was Lv Dongbin.