lanzhou dialect

There are two clever children landing on the roof. Male Buddha: Mud Noah, Female Buddha: It's not morning yet. If you move again, you will fall into the ditch and get old. Male Buddha: Let me hold you. Mother Er Qiao blushed Buddha: Harvey!

There are two birds in the tree. The man said, get out of the way Mother said, I can't move it. If I move it again, I will fall into the ditch. The man said, what's the big deal? Then I'll hold you. Mother bird blushed and said, bad guy.

Joke:

1 One person was in a daze, and another person saw it and asked, "Is mud thinking stupid?" What are you thinking about? The other party replied, "I feel stupid!" " (I didn't think of anything)

One man asked another man, "What do you do to catch mud every day?" What did you do yesterday? The other party replied, "The time when Wo Wo ignored each other has passed." I will go with us to earn money.

One man said to another, "This time, a thief's tile touched a Buddha, but my sister didn't call it a Buddha." I let Xiao secretly take one hundred dollars this morning, which is hard to say.

One man said to another, "The girl in the nest is so dirty." (My date is very beautiful) Another person said, "Let's look at the mud." (Look at your beauty)

One person wants to let the other person go: "The mud lifter wakes up and the waves disappear." Blow your nose quickly. Let's leave now. Another person is unhappy: "mud is delayed, and the nest will never think about it." If you hate it again, I'll trample you to death.

One person begged another person to do something, and the other person promised, "Do more things about history and love, and touch the kiss instead." What's the big deal? No problem. ......

& lt me >

There are two clever children landing on the roof. Male Buddha: Mud Noah, Female Buddha: It's not morning yet. If you move again, you will fall into the ditch and get old. Male Buddha: Let me hold you. Mother Er Qiao blushed Buddha: Harvey!

There are two birds in the tree. The man said, get out of the way Mother said, I can't move it. If I move it again, I will fall into the ditch. The man said, what's the big deal? Then I'll hold you. Mother bird blushed and said, bad guy!

& lt second >

Lanzhou dialect: smart children are happy, men and women, old and young.

Note: Male and female are actually the same word, which is unique to Lanzhou dialect. Because I can't type it, I have to write it like this.

A bird flew away happily.

One day, a panda attacked the keeper, and other keepers wondered, what happened to the panda? Some people say it doesn't matter. Can I organize it?

So he took a box of black Lanzhou and the panda took a look. He put on a beating posture and changed a box of auspiciousness. This time, the panda's attitude has improved slightly, but I still don't want it. Finally, he took out one and Zhonghua. ......

I brought it to the panda, who seemed to understand human nature and touched the head of the keeper, as if his brother was right. You don't want to think about it. Am I a national treasure or not?

With our unremitting efforts, a series of earth-shaking changes have taken place in China and the world in this century:

1 Beef noodles rank first among the five great inventions in China, and the other four are printing, papermaking, compass and gunpowder.

The production of beef noodles is included in the compulsory course of 9-year compulsory education. At the same time, the university has set up a comprehensive beef noodle making course from undergraduate to postdoctoral. The historical study of beef noodles is called' Niu Xue', and its authoritative organization-China Niu Xue Institute is located in the former site of Mazilu, Yongchang Road, Lanzhou. Someone won all the Nobel Prizes for publishing a paper entitled "How I ate three bowls of beef noodles in three hours" in the authoritative magazine Beef Noodles Magazine, and was hired as a tenured professor by Harvard University.

Ma Baozi, an old Muslim, surpassed Einstein and Newton and was called the greatest scientist and inventor in human history. The formula of beef noodles, like E=MC2, is called the two most genius and mysterious discoveries in the last century. The statue of Ma Baozi stands in the most conspicuous position in Tiananmen Square. Next to Chairman Mao's Memorial Hall, there is a Ma Baozi Memorial Hall for everyone to pay tribute to.

The famous singer Dong Xiaohua's The Story of the Bowl of Beef Noodles achieved the same sensational effect as her mother's The Story of that Spring. At the beginning of this century, Andy Lau, a famous performing star, had to be renamed Niu Dehua after his trip to Lanzhou, which ushered in the second spring of performing arts. In the same year, Singaporean singer-songwriter A Niu became famous.

In the first referendum in China, Lanzhou was chosen as the new capital of China because of its great contribution to the development of beef noodles. At the same time, countries all over the world strongly demand that the zero-time zone be designated as Lanzhou time, and the director of Greenwich Observatory in Britain was fortunate to attend the ceremony to modify the time. Unfortunately, I was so excited that I ate 10 bowl of meat and was sent to the hospital for emergency treatment.

Enthusiastic beef noodle lovers all over the world began to establish' beef noodle teaching' at the beginning of this century, and in just ten years, they became a foothold with Christianity and Islam (although beef noodle teaching has deep roots with Islam). When George W. Bush, an American bishop and former president of the United States, died, he regretted that he could not go to Lanzhou, the holy land of beef noodles, and repeatedly told his son George W. Bush to fulfill this wish on his behalf.

Microsoft President 20 18 ate beef noodles for the first time, and resolutely renamed the fist product WINDOWS XP as Noodles XP, and built-in beef noodle making simulation program-Academician of Chinese Academy of Sciences NRM simulated V.2.0. Strangely, the US High Court did not use the Anti-Monopoly Law to accuse Microsoft of tie-in sales. Noodles XP was out of stock as soon as it went on the market, but then the hottest post on the global BBS became-'How to safely delete noodles XP from NRM simulation.

Lanzhou dialect has become the most popular language in the world because of its unique effect of ordering food. Lanzhou dialect has been formulated as the only designated language of the United Nations because of its conciseness and humor. There are many varieties of Lanzhou dialect in the world, such as Yinglan dialect, Falan dialect and Xilan dialect. The word JUE has become the most popular word in the world because of its extensive use environment and expressive ability. After mother, JUE became the first vocabulary for newborns to learn. The first sentence when young parents meet is:' Can your child speak JUE?' -The negative answer is generally: juega, not yet! According to CNN, Greenspan insisted on learning Lanzhou dialect at the age of 100, and successfully overcame the difficulty of Lanzhou dialect on his 100 birthday-uncle of the People's Liberation Army studied under a tree.

In 2025, the United Nations adopted resolution 2098-to promote beef noodles around the world at the density of one beef noodle restaurant per 10,000 people. The president of Rolls-Royce held a board meeting and decided to provide its latest model, Golden Angel, as a takeaway car for free. Shu Niuhe (note: Schumacher's son), a famous driver of F 1, excitedly sent out his first takeaway, and decided on the spot to give up F 1' s racing driver career and become an ordinary takeaway employee at Saddam Beef Noodle Restaurant in Lanzhou, so that he could eat the most authentic beef noodles every day. Obviously angered by Rolls-Royce's decision, the president of Boeing Company decided to provide 100 Boeing 999 wide-body aircraft to the Eskimos for free the next day. (Note: President Bush acquitted Saddam Hussein in 2005 because he happened to have the same name as a brand beef noodle restaurant in Lanzhou and was forced by the strong demand of the American people. Saddam Hussein subsequently obtained the franchise right of Lanzhou and worked hard to develop more than 1000 branches in the United States.

10 KFC, a world-famous fast food chain, made an amazing decision in the middle of this century-changing its name to KFC, giving up all its products and making beef noodles and snacks in Lanzhou instead. A year later, McDonald's almost went bankrupt and finally managed to survive by selling syrup. As a classic marketing case of MBA, this decision is listed as a reserved case of kuya Business School of Lanzhou University, which ranks first in the world. At the end of this century, the old people in the United States often used a sentence to educate young people:' At that time, it was very bitter, there was no beef noodles, just eating hamburgers and chewing French fries ...'.

1 1 Although go-vern-ment has changed the alarm number of 9 1 1, 999,1/9 into a take-away line for beef noodles, it still cannot meet the ordering needs of beef noodle lovers. At&T Company. In 20031year, t made the most successful decision in the company's development history: to add a button in the shape of a bull's head to every phone it installed, and directly connect to the nearest beef noodle restaurant in the community. Later, big telecom companies such as BT followed suit and launched free trade-in activities, which were warmly welcomed by consumers. China Mobile even introduced the function of' beef noodle group calling', in which users in the group can make free calls, so that citizens can exchange their experiences of eating beef noodles in time.

12 Tens of thousands of Americans made a pilgrimage to Lanzhou on September 1 1 2028, and unfortunately they were shipwrecked in the North Pacific Ocean, resulting in the greatest tragedy of this century. Ten years later, Hollywood made this painful experience into a movie, with a global box office of more than 654.38 billion yuan, including all the awards of Oscar and Cannes. The touching love story of the hero and heroine touched the hearts of countless men, women and children all over the world. The dialogue between the hero and heroine drifting on the sea before their death has become the most tearful movie scene in this century:

Man: (trembling voice) You won't die! Promise me that you will live well!

Woman: (crying voice) No, none of us will die! We will eat horse noodles, Du Weicheng's beans, Chinese hamburger and roast mutton in Huangmiao, and so on!

Man: (trying to smile) I won't succeed. If you leave, remember to give me a bowl, too, as if I were still by your side. ....

Woman: (Desperately) No!

At this time, the hero took off his life jacket and tied it to the heroine, pushing her away with his last strength.

Woman: No, you come back!

The hero smiled and sank, and the heroine reached out and pulled him back. At this time, the hero shouted a sentence with an English accent that people will never forget:

M: Remember to give me a second fine and put more peppers! ! increase .....

The hero's words sank before he finished, melodious music sounded in the background, and the heroine's eyes were full of tears.

W: I see ... Second, put more peppers. Bake the cake crisp.

This is the end of the movie, and fans all over the world are curious about what the hero wants to add-some say it's meat, some say it's eggs, and some say it's radish. Maybe only his girlfriend knows, but we don't know. The director of this film didn't give an answer.

A Lanzhou native took part in the Water-splashing Festival and suddenly cursed: Fat splashed on the ground? Fat splash? Zengmen is so cheap? The tour guide told him that splashing water is a blessing to you. Lanzhou people said: You are not an old Hoover, today is really a bad day. It's just Hassan passing the buck!

I once saw a group of jokes in Lanzhou dialect on the bus to Lanzhou, which was very funny. The following is one of them.

-hometown, you (you) feed the pig Nima?

Ah, I feed the pigs.

-Did you feed Sasha to the pigs?

-I fed the bran to the pig, and the leaves were scattered.

-Now Sato should pay attention to nutrition. Can you feed pigs with hard poplar (nutrition)? I belong to the Poplar (Nutrition) Association, and I will be fined (100 yuan).

-hometown, you (you) feed the pig Nima?

Ah, I feed the pigs.

-Did you feed Sasha to the pigs?

-My pig feeds delicacies (seafood) and honey eggs.

Oh, many people in our country don't have enough food and clothes. What do you feed the pigs? I am frugal in the office and will be fined (100 yuan).

-hometown, you (you) feed the pig Nima?

Ah, I feed the pigs.

-Did you feed Sasha to the pigs?

-I didn't feed my pig.

-Then (you) will starve the pigs to death? We are from the Animal Protection Association. ...

Oh, hey, I'll give you the Buddha. I give the pig two yuan a day, sprinkle whatever I want and buy it home for the elderly.

——

The mysterious disappearance of Lanzhou, China shocked the White House and sent thousands of agents to Lanzhou! (joke)

Beijing time165438+1On the night of October 25th, the White House was brightly lit, and all the intelligence personnel stayed up all night. What happened?

Just three days ago, the United States found that Lanzhou, China could not be found on its satellite map, and Lanzhou disappeared. Lanzhou is an economic city and an important military stronghold in China. Lanzhou suddenly disappeared. Is this good? This shocked the whole country. Has China invented any new technology that can hide the whole city? If this is true, it will be a great threat to the United States. The United States sent CIA personnel to Lanzhou overnight to investigate the reasons, and contacted all the agents engaged in intelligence work in China for several days, but failed to find the reasons. In addition, China's leadership has no special response. The United States is depressed and ready to withdraw its intelligence personnel in Lanzhou.

Just as the intelligence personnel left Lanzhou, an expert on China bought a local Lanzhou Daily on the morning of 26th, and prepared to browse it on the way. He opened the newspaper, and the headline read impressively: the pollution in Lanzhou fog lock city reached the highest pollution index of 500 in China.

It's really hard to find a place to get it, and it doesn't take much effort to get it. These days, the problems that the United States has to solve from top to bottom have been solved by a small Lanzhou Daily! !

Shit, 500 fucking words! !

Attached to Yahoo News: According to the statistics of the State Environmental Protection Administration,1October 26th, Lanzhou's air quality pollution was five-level severe pollution, with a pollution index of 500, ranking first among 84 monitored cities, the highest since this winter, and 309 higher than the pollution index of Urumqi 19 1, which ranked second. According to meteorologists, moderately and severely polluted weather (Grade 4 or 5) will cause poor air convection and make it difficult for pollutants to spread. In this weather, people should avoid outdoor activities as much as possible. In the morning and evening, we should strengthen indoor ventilation, maintain air circulation, drink more boiled water, eat more fresh fruits and vegetables, and improve our immunity.

Buddha, a native of Lanzhou, married an old Russian daughter-in-law who gave birth to four dolls. Personal opinion, my doll name.

The handwriting should be well written, with our Lanzhou characteristics and Russian flavor, alas! Yes, old. The boss called "what in the group"

Sally ",the second child is called" Price Old Sally "and the third child is called" Price Wave Sally ".

A Lanzhou man walked into the beef noodle restaurant and shouted, Boss, a bowl of noodles, more soup, more radishes and more garlic sprouts.

Yes, there are many peppers. The boss Buddha said, Your brother asked, can't you have a big fucking bowl?

The fly fell into the glass,

Beijingers: Bah, that's fucking disgusting.

Cantonese: Wow, night flies are nutritious. Drink them!

Shanghainese: Catch flies and spit out Allah's wine!

Lanzhou people: Bomber, it's a waste of tile!

One day, the teacher asked Xiao Ming to make a sentence with "pleading"

Xiao Ming wants to be old for a while and say, "My mom cooked a pot of ribs and my dad can't chew the ball ~ ~ ~".

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