Humorous text messages or jokes about college life. Get down on your knees!

Have you started working again? I have told you more than once not to work so hard and pay attention to your health. But you always say meaningfully, "If you don't roll more dung balls while the weather is warm, what will I eat in winter?" ! ! "

2。

There are some things you should know! Days are used for windy and rainy days; The land is used to grow flowers and grass; I was used to prove the greatness of mankind. And you: "It is used to stew vermicelli. ! "

3。

Don't get drunk again. Yesterday, someone saw you chasing a pig with a glass and shouted, "Are you a brother?" Brother did it! ! "

4。

I am a lonely tree, standing on the roadside for thousands of years, waiting alone, just because one day you pass me, I will fall for you, and it is in vain not to smash you.

5。

If I leave in autumn, I will wait for you in the snow; If the world goes, I will love you in heaven; If I leave, I will let her take care of you. Really, her pig-raising skills are not bad!

6。

I know you pay attention to hygiene. Wash your hands carefully every time you go to the toilet. Suddenly you stopped washing your hands. I'm surprised: why don't you wash your hands? You replied: "I brought paper this time! ! "

7。

Miss you, is a very happy thing; Nice to meet you. Loving you is what I will always do; Keeping you in mind is what I have been doing; However, lying to you just happened.

8。

Every day, I pray to the Buddha for a long-lasting blooming rose. When it reaches 999, I will give it to you together and say emotionally, "Little son, I don't believe that the attracted bees won't sting you!" " ! "

9。

It is reported that a few days ago, Iraqi armed forces hung your jade photo on the wall of Baghdad, causing a large number of American soldiers to vomit and die. After investigation and evidence collection by the United Nations, it is confirmed that this is a weapon of mass destruction, so run quickly.

10。

Couples in western countries always divorce because their lover is a baby. Look at the old man under the moon in China. They are experienced, so China's marriage lasts longer. When carrot saw the customer, he respectfully handed in his business card. The customer looked at the business card and asked, why is it called Korean ginseng? Carrots have a thin waist. "People haha!"

1 1。

Today, when you wake up, there is a mosquito lying beside your pillow, and there is a suicide note beside you: I struggled all night, and your thick skin made me live in this world! Lord, forgive him! I killed myself.

12。

Someone saw you today, and you are still so charming, walking slowly in a plaid vest, looking detached and comfortable. It is really cute. I wonder how you beat rabbits in those years.

13。

One year, a man wrote more than 800 love letters to his girlfriend, and her girlfriend finally announced that she was getting married. The groom is the postman who delivered these letters to her.

14。

The barber chatted while shaving the guests. He was so busy talking that he didn't pay attention to shaving his guests' eyebrows. The barber asked: Do you want to keep your eyebrows? Guest: Stay! Barber: Alas! Why didn't you say so earlier? Shaved off!

15。

Husband: Honey, I'm fired. Because of a little thing, it's so unfair! Wife: Why? Husband: I forgot to close the tiger cage after work last night. But they don't want to think, who dares to steal a tiger!

16。

"Do you know why men like to have long hair like women nowadays?" "Because, if your lover or wife finds long hair on their clothes, he will smile and say,' This is my hair!' "

17。

You were internship in a mental hospital, and suddenly a psycho came after you with a kitchen knife. You turned around and ran until you reached a dead end, thinking it was over. The patient said, "This is your knife. It's your turn to chase me!" " "

18。

A player can't catch the ball steadily. While practicing passing and catching the ball, another player gave him a good ball. He was afraid of losing his grip, so he shouted "Hold on". As a result, the ball hit him on the head and he only heard him say, "With whom?"

19。

When you are lonely and empty, a pencil may be your best plaything. You can cut it, you can cut it, you can cut it with a small knife, and you can vent yourself and shout loudly, "I killed the pen, I killed the pen, I killed the pen!" " ! "

20。

The sky is so clear, the sun is so brilliant, and the sea is so boundless. You were standing on the blue beach, and I stabbed you with a stick: "Hey, this little bastard, his shell is quite hard! ! "

2 1。

On the first day of the obstetrician's internship, his wife asked him, "How was today?" The doctor said, "It's not too bad. Although the mother and the baby were not saved, the baby's father was finally saved. "

22。

In the military training under the tree that year, the instructor said to the students: Count off in the first row. You looked at the instructor in surprise, and the instructor said loudly, "Count off! So, reluctantly, you turned and hugged the tree! ! "

23。

Your voice comes from the valley. I looked down and found you at the corner of the mountain. It is you! It is really you! You were with an old man, and I excitedly ran over and said, "Grandpa, borrow the donkey!" " ! "

24。

Seedless watermelons have been successfully developed, and they frequently participate in various celebrations and reports, with unlimited scenery. Other watermelons are envious. A watermelon is indignant: what is beautiful? There is no next generation.

25。

There was a fight between the camera and the mobile phone, and a camera came running excitedly: report to the chief, grab the mobile phone! When the camera saw it, it was angry: Why did you arrest us undercover? This is a mobile phone that can take pictures!

26。

Do you know that?/You know what? I really want to take you out to experience the charm of ktv! Do you know what ktv is? Then k stands for you, t stands for you, and finally I'll make a V gesture!

27。

The moment I left, you cried helplessly and tore your heart out behind me, which made me suddenly understand how much I love you. I suddenly turned around and cried and hugged you: "I'm not selling this pig!" " ! "

28。

It is said that arrows have golden arrows. Iron arrow. Copper arrow, you must learn from silver arrow! It is said that there are 18 kinds of 360 strokes of martial arts, but you must learn drunken arrows, so soon there appeared on the rivers and lakes: "drunken silver arrows!" " ! "

29。

When I first met you, I felt that I had known you for a long time. I have never said anything so certain. You may not believe it, but it's true. You really look like my ... lost pig!

30。

God said to grant me a wish, and I said I wanted world peace. He said it was too difficult to change. I took out your photo and said to make this person more beautiful. He pondered and said, "I'll take a look at the globe again!" ! "

3 1。

I saw you the other day. You are very uncomfortable sitting in the sun. I asked you what you were doing, and you smiled mysteriously: keep your voice down, and no one will call me an idiot when I get tanned!

32。

The tortoise and the rabbit race, and the pig is the referee. Do you think the tortoise runs fast or the rabbit runs fast? When I came home one day, four children were making noise. My wife was very happy to see me back: "You finally came back." I am also happy to think that the children are afraid of me. But the wife went on to say, "Only you are obedient and good at home! Go and buy me a bag of salt. "

33。

If you want to travel abroad, sincere friends will see you off. The cold wind cannot stop our friendship. I hold your hand and say, "Make a good reform and try to reduce your sentence!" " ! "

34。

Listen! I want to chase you! I thought you were! I have been looking for you! I will seize this opportunity! I must catch up with you! Dead flies!

35。

Honey, I miss you again. My love for you is increasing sharply every day, because someone told me that pork has gone up in price, so you can get a good price!

36。

The defendant promised to his defense lawyer: "If you have the ability to let me go to prison for only half a year, then you will get an extra reward of $65,438 +0 ooo." As a result, he finally got his wish. While collecting money, the lawyer said, "This is really a chore. The judges had hoped to be acquitted. "

37。

In those days, we walked quietly on the path in our hometown, and you bowed your head shyly. When the villagers saw us, they all praised you: Oh, it's so beautiful and clean! Also praised me: good boy, come out to release pigs at such a young age! ! "

38。

Oh! It's snowing. I really want to turn into a snowflake and fly to your arms. I flew into your collar. Fly into your cuffs. Fly into your ... why don't you zip it up?

39。

A group of male hippos risked being eaten by crocodiles and crossed the river to woo the female hippos. After crossing the river, they found that all of them were castrated by crocodiles, and only one survived. The only one explained that you are so stupid. You are all breaststroke, and I am backstroke.

40。

"You know what? My husband was injured in the table tennis final. " "But no one has seen him play?" "yes. He broke his vocal cords while watching the game. "

4 1。

A lady went to take pictures. After the photo shoot, I'll get the auto-developed photos. After reading it, I exclaimed: Why do I look like a monkey? The woman in the back said coldly, that's mine. Yours has to wait.

42。

Honey, you know what? You have lost a lot of weight recently! I see it in my eyes, but it hurts in my heart. It's almost the Spring Festival, but your health is worrying ... who doesn't want to let their pigs kill a few kilograms more!

43。

Some people say you are a pig! I seriously criticized him! How is that possible? How can people tell what they look like? Monitor: What is the purpose of your martial arts? A Qiang: To stay healthy! Brother Meng: Serve the country! Soldier: In order to crack the women's self-defense …

44。

Many cocks are chasing hens, and their necks are ringing. One cock has red eyes and says nothing, and the hens are moved. Newly married, hen: You are so cool. Why didn't you scream? Rooster: I drank too much that day ... I was afraid of vomiting.

45。

A girl walked into a bar and said to the shopkeeper, "I will do anything for you if you pay 200 yuan." The shopkeeper said, "OK, you paint the wall here."

46。

Please don't look down, turn it off. There is really nothing to see. Come on, do you really want to see it? No regrets? You asked for it yourself You are a pig!

47。

Jade Emperor: Now the court is in session to hear the case of Erlang God's roaring dog raping Chang 'e Jade Rabbit and call the defendant! Hey! Whistling dog! Call you! Still reading text messages! Still smirking!

48。

There will be a meteor shower tonight. It is said that a big pig will fall from the sky. Too bad I want to sleep. You're gonna be okay. So many people watch you fly! You make clothes out of white clouds, borrow the right wings of birds, fly to me like an arrow, and tell me-this is what a bird looks like!

49。

John signed up after seeing the advertisement for lifeguards in the swimming pool. The owner of the swimming pool asked John what he was good at, and John replied, "The swimming pool is 2 meters deep. 1 m, my height is 2. 17 meter. "

50。

A drop of water is very small in the ocean and very large in the desert; Red-crowned cranes are small in cranes and large in chickens; You are small in the crowd and great in the pigsty!

5 1。

You know, I met a mentally retarded person yesterday. I have never seen such a stupid person. As for how stupid? Let me tell you this, he may have a lower IQ than you!

52。

I don't care about long hair, dirty clothes, messy beard, and the image of men and women. I go to bed at noon and never want to win. Who is it? It is you!

53。

Please touch your little red face first, and then touch your little belly! All right! This lecture on pig raising knowledge is over. See you tomorrow!

54。

I vomit when I drink too much, cry when I am sad, climb trees when I drive, and I can't move when I see beautiful MM. I always feel that I am making money soon, and my feelings are always not improving!

55。

Today is your birthday. All women's toilets and bathrooms are open to you free of charge. Welcome to visit! You make clothes out of white clouds, borrow the right wings of birds, fly to me like an arrow, and tell me-this is what a bird looks like!

56。

Yesterday, I made a bet with my friend. I said: there is nothing more stupid than a pig in the world. I lost, so it's all your fault!

57。

Ah! Your skin is so shiny and your fragrance is so irresistible. Let me bite you hard, dear ... Braised pork.

58。

There is a tacit understanding called tacit understanding, a feeling called wonderful, a happiness called being accompanied by you, and a yearning called yearning, so that a fool will finish reading the short message.

59。

I wish you good health and all your teeth are lost! Bon voyage, missing halfway! Go all the way to the end and give up halfway! Happy every day, often abnormal! Laugh often, laugh anyway!

60。

An electrician walked into the operating room and said to a dying patient wearing an oxygen mask, hello! Listen, take a deep breath, I need a power outage for five minutes!

6 1。

Strange, strange, strange, seven turtles are dancing, six lions are playing chess, five monkeys are eating pears, four donkeys are chasing Shu Kei, three mice are patting level three, two crabs are playing Tai Chi, and a little pig is reading information!

62。

A pig and a penguin were kept in a cold storage at MINUS 20 degrees. The penguin died the next day, and the pig was fine. Why? You don't know? By the way, pigs don't know either!

63。

Are you Lian? ! Let me see: three inches of golden lotus, four inches of silver lotus, five inches of copper lotus, six inches of iron lotus … Wow, one foot and two inches is lotus! ! "

64。

Do you know that?/You know what? Do you know that?/You know what? I dreamed of you last night. We walked by the river and snuggled up to each other. You looked down at my eyes and said three words affectionately: woof-woof.

65。

A flock of swallows pecked mud under the eaves to build their nests. After the bird's nest was built, swallows called on the roof. The children in the yard were curious and asked their father. Father replied: alas, the contractor hid and didn't pay others.

66。

Crickets toot, spiders ask you why your voice changed? Cricket: I have a cold. The dial tone is wrong. I can't get on. Then the spider suddenly fell down. Cricket: Huh? The broadband is broken, too?