Funny text messages with a bit of color

Last night I passed by a flower shop, and the owner shouted to me: "Sir, do you want to buy flowers?" "What are you buying flowers for?" "Buy flowers for your girlfriend!" "Oh, how many flowers can I buy? A girlfriend?" The boss was stunned and put away the flowers silently...

A visits B's house every day, and B's dog always barks at A a few times, but then he doesn't even bark. No more barking. A: "Your dog is so sensible. It recognizes people so quickly." B: "I have never introduced you to it. Mainly because you come so often that the dog doesn't bother to pay attention to you."

The teacher assigned homework for students to make sentences using "generations and generations" and asked parents to sign. The sentence created by Niu Xiaoming is: Our family has been named Niu for generations. His father took a look and wrote a few words at the back: The situation is true.

Village chief: "The family planning work in this village has always been very difficult." Reporter: "Why?" Village chief: "Two years ago, a railway was built next to the village. The train passes by on time at five o'clock every morning, and the whistle blows. The whole village woke up. If you talk about it, it's too early; if you say go back to sleep, the time is too short..."

The per capita monthly income in China's cities has exceeded 10,000. Yuan mark. Comrades who are holding back the motherland, please consciously forward it. "I couldn't help but feel sad when I saw this news. I forwarded it shamelessly. I calculated carefully, I didn't just drag down the motherland's thigh, I dragged it down to the root of the motherland's thigh. I'm sorry, motherland, I dragged your balls! !

When a customer was ordering food in a restaurant, he saw the waiter scratching his head and asked, "Do you have hemorrhoids?" The waiter said awkwardly: "Sir, can you please order from the menu?"

A candidate applying for medical school saw a question on the examination paper: Please name the four benefits of breastfeeding. . The candidate quickly wrote three answers: no need to heat, easy to carry, more hygienic, and then he held it back... After thinking about it, he suddenly realized, picked up the pen and wrote: The container is pleasing to the eye!

In the human body class at the Academy of Fine Arts, a girl angrily threw her pen on the ground while drawing, and scolded the male model: "She looks bigger now, smaller now, why should I let anyone draw her anymore?"

My wife spent a lot of money on plastic surgery. In a few days, I will go home transformed into a beautiful woman! When entering the door, she said to her confused husband, "What? You don't recognize me anymore?" The husband was stunned for a moment, and then said in surprise: "Come in, my wife is not at home."

Valentine's Day and The Qingming Festival is actually the same. You have to send flowers and food, and you have to say some words that only a ghost can believe, and it's all done after setting off the cannons. . . There are always a lot of tears shed.

When Putin was president and Kim Jong Il visited Russia, Putin and Kim Jong Il competed over whose bodyguard was more loyal. Putin asked his bodyguard to jump off the building, but the bodyguard flatly refused: President, I still have a wife and children! Kim Jong Il asked his bodyguard to jump off the building. The bodyguard stood up and jumped. Putin stepped forward to stop him: You can't really jump! The bodyguard was in a panic: President, don't stop me, I still have a wife and children!