Looking at the key to integrity education from the perspective of “insufficient belief” and “disbelief”

I wish to speak naturally. Therefore, the wind will not last forever, and the rain will not last forever. Who is this? world. Heaven and earth cannot last forever, how about humans? Therefore, those who practice Tao are the same as Tao; those who are virtuous are the same as virtue; those who lose are the same as failure. Those who are the same as Tao, Tao is also happy to gain it; those who are the same as virtue, virtue is also happy to gain it; those who are the same as loss, loss is also happy to gain it. If you don’t believe it enough, you don’t believe it!

——Chapter 23 of "Tao Te Ching"

Supreme, I don’t know it exists; secondly, praise it by being familiar with it; secondly, fear it; thirdly, insult it. If you don't believe it enough, you don't believe it. Youxi, its noble words. When success is achieved, people all say "it's natural for me".

——Chapter 17 of "Tao Te Ching"

In these two chapters of "Tao Te Ching", the same question is mentioned: whether there is insufficient belief and whether there is belief. This means that the reason why the people do not trust their rulers is because the rulers themselves lack integrity, not because the people do not trust them. This principle expounded by Lao Tzu is worthy of people's reflection and reference when it comes to the current headache of integrity education.

I had nothing to do a few days ago and watched the movie "The Orphan of Zhao". There is a plot that I replayed many times: Zhao Guboer climbed up to the roof in order to get the wooden sword that his godfather Tu Anjia threw on the roof. Tu Anjia asked him to jump down and said: Jump Come down and I'll follow you. However, when Zhao Gu jumped down, Tu Anjia did not follow him and told him: Godfather wants you to remember: no one can trust him. Gu Gu was very angry and climbed back to the roof to get his sword. At this time, Gu Gu's father Cheng Ying, played by Ge You, said to Gu Gu: Bo'er, jump down, and dad will catch you. Zhao Gu jumped down after hesitating for a moment, and Cheng Ying caught him.

Coincidentally, a friend sent me a WeChat message not long ago. The content is as follows: A father and his son were playing outdoors. The son climbed up the wall and wanted to jump down. He asked his father to catch him below. Before he was about to jump off, his father told him a story: There was also a father and his son in this story. The father in the story is a rich man in the United States. The rich man's son climbed up a wall one day and jumped off. The rich man was waiting below with open arms to catch his son. But when his son jumped down, the rich man dodged. The rich man's son fell to the ground, crying and looking at his father in confusion, wondering why he did this. At this time, the rich man said to his son: I let you fall so that you can learn a lesson - even fathers in this world may not be trustworthy sometimes, let alone other strangers. After telling the story of the rich man and his son, the father who told the story also stretched out his arms and said to his son: Come on, jump down, I will catch you. At this time, the son became uneasy. The stories his father told had already caused doubts and hesitations in his heart. His father urged him repeatedly. So the son gritted his teeth, closed his eyes and jumped. He thought he would fall to the ground like the child in his father's story, but when he opened his eyes he found himself lying in his father's arms. His father told him: I also hope you learn a lesson - you can sometimes trust even strangers, let alone your father.

I don’t know if it was the WeChat message written by a friend after watching "The Orphan of Zhao", or if the director of "The Orphan of Zhao" plagiarized the story of an American millionaire educating his son. This is not what interests me. , let’s leave it alone. My interest lies in the word "integrity".

The so-called integrity, in layman's terms, is nothing more than keeping your word, but it is so difficult to do, so difficult that some entrepreneurs are willing to risk bankruptcy due to breach of trust to try its power! There are many reasons for the lack of integrity. After reading the Tao Te Ching, I found that the root cause is "insufficient trust." The phenomenon of lack of integrity can be found everywhere: from large national enterprises to small family supermarkets at the door, almost everywhere. Honey is my country’s traditional export commodity. Export volume in 1996 was approximately 100,000 tons. 40% of them are sold to EU countries, with annual foreign exchange earnings reaching US$110 million, ranking first in the world. However, due to many reasons, the export volume in 1997 dropped to 48,000 tons. In 1998, there was another decrease compared to 1997. It is understood that honey products directly involve human safety and health, and countries are very sensitive to this.

The small supermarket in front of the school began to sell tofu for a while. The owner claimed that it was "braised tofu", so everyone rushed to buy it. Later, they found that the tofu was not the "braised tofu" that everyone liked to eat; a female colleague from the unit went to the supermarket. I bought eggs, but after I bought them I found they were "rubber eggs" and inedible at all... A male colleague smiled bitterly and said: The Chinese are crazy poor, so they rack their brains to find ways to make money. Pork sellers add water to the pork and sell it to sellers. The vegetable seller sells vegetables with excessive pesticides to the egg seller, the egg seller sells rubber eggs to the milk seller, and the milk seller sells milk with a large amount of preservatives added to it to the pork seller... The vicious cycle repeats itself. There is no end.

Not long ago, I saw such a piece of information on a website:

We talk about the word "integrity" every day, but it is because of the lack of these two Simple Chinese characters, our companies lose 600 billion yuan every year! What a shocking number!

Another piece of news said: A clothing factory in southern Jiangsu, my country, exported clothing because the zipper material contained "excessive lead", resulting in a loss of more than 100,000 US dollars, which eventually led to the company's bankruptcy...

Open the Internet and type "Loss due to insufficient integrity" on Baidu to search. You will see the words "About 3,220,000 relevant results found." 3.2 million messages related to “lack of integrity”! This number also gives people the feeling of being at the epicenter.

Because the losses caused by lack of integrity were so huge, after the incident, people did not reflect deeply. Instead, they blamed each other and passed the blame. No one was willing to "pay" for the losses. Why does this phenomenon of "disbelief" occur among people? Isn’t this exactly what Lao Tzu said in the Tao Te Ching: “There is not enough faith”? Therefore, the key to integrity is not to ask others to do what you want, but to reflect on what you should do. This is true for everything from big national affairs to every small one in our family. If you find that the other person does not trust you, it is best not to accuse the other person, but to deeply reflect on whether you have committed the problem of "lack of trust" . As I write this, I remember something a colleague told me.

There was a girl in the same class who often didn't do her homework, which gave him a headache. He talked to the child again and again, and claimed that he would check her homework alone every day in the future. The child always vowed that he would correct it next time and do his homework well. However, the next time, the child still did not do his homework and completely forgot about his vow.

My colleagues said to me angrily: Such children are born liars! You must not believe what she says!

Looking at the furrowed brows of my colleague, I asked him: You said you would check her homework individually every day. Have you done it?

My colleague raised his head, looked at me in surprise and said: I have so many things to do every day, how could I take time out to check her homework alone every day?

I smiled and said to the colleague: Everything you said can be invalidated, why not allow that girl to be dishonest? You should have heard the story about Zengzi killing pigs. Because of a promise to coax his children, Zengzi actually killed the pigs at home. Why?

The colleague sighed deeply and said nothing more. After about a month, he was very happy to find me and said that the girl had started to do her homework, because as a teacher, he really took time to check her homework every day. She had no other choice but to start doing it seriously. Doing homework.

In fact, in the ordinary days when we get along with students, we always find that students do not mean what they say, but we do not find that we teachers are often "giants in words and words in actions". "Dwarf", it is precisely because of our "lack of belief" that leads to the "lack of belief" among the students.

At school, I am a teacher, and at home, I am the mother of a fifteen-year-old girl. I remember that when my daughter was in the third year of junior high school, the word "integrity" taught me, a mother, an unforgettable lesson.

The cause of the matter is this: every time my daughter, who is in the third grade of junior high school, is studying, she must first tell me and her father: Don't sit in the living room, go to your own room!

I really don’t understand my daughter’s weird request, because my daughter has her own room and all her activities are basically done in her own room. What do we have to do with her while we sit in the living room? A close relationship? This seems a bit irrelevant. However, seeing my daughter's serious expression, I still followed her request. However, the doubts in my mind have not been removed. Why on earth does my daughter not allow us to stay in the living room while she is doing homework? This question always lingers in my mind like a nightmare, and I feel uncomfortable until I understand it.

I once tried to communicate with my daughter to get to the bottom of her strange request. However, every time I opened my mouth, my daughter blocked me with one sentence: There is no reason. , I just don’t like you sitting in the living room when I’m doing my homework in the room! This was obviously just diplomatic rhetoric to fool the foreign devils. My daughter's secrecy made me more suspicious, and I vowed to find out.

That day, my husband was out for something, and he texted me that he would not be home for dinner, and asked my daughter and I to make do with it ourselves. I was overjoyed and realized that the opportunity had come.

In order for the communication between mother and daughter to proceed smoothly after dinner, I worked hard to prepare the ground: After consulting my daughter, I decided not to cook solemnly as usual, but I went to the store and bought her favorite big bowl of noodles - I still don't understand why such a ready-made food with no nutritional value has won the favor of children? More than one parent has told me that their children would rather eat instant noodles than appreciate the nutritious meal that their parents have worked so hard to prepare. Normally, I would not agree with my daughter’s idea of ??instant noodles as her staple food. However, in order to create a pleasant conversation atmosphere, I endured my anger and made her a large bowl of noodles. Watching her devouring the food so deliciously, I felt that my usual enthusiasm for recipes was simply a kind of suicide. I obviously don't like the kitchen, but I have to spend a lot of time selling pots and pans for my children every day. I obviously don't know the recipes. I have a cold, but I have to endure the pain and torture of oil, salt, soy sauce and vinegar for the sake of my child! Why come? I'm really speechless.

After a simple dinner, I suggested having a cup of coffee with my daughter - the little one likes drinking coffee very much. Normally I would not condone her developing such a lifestyle that looks aristocratic but is actually rubbish. However, That night, everything had to make way for smooth communication between our mother and daughter, and for the first time, I made such a rubbish suggestion. The daughter happily agreed.

After the fragrant coffee was brewed, we, mother and daughter, sipped leisurely on the sofa. Narcissus blooms quietly on the windowsill; Phalaenopsis stands proudly in the flower pot; Ink orchid shyly hides among the green leaves; Begonia Xiaojia jade smiles on the flower stand... The rare tranquility and peace in the room fills my mind. I had a brief hallucination: it seemed that I was having a drink with my close friends, rather than deliberately planning a "conspiracy."

"Tell me, Mom, do you have anything to ask me?"

While I was meditating, my daughter drank the last drop of coffee and looked up at me, her face Covered with sly smiles.

Hey, this little thing has already noticed my "conspiracy"! I was a little ashamed. Looking at my daughter's bright little face, I kept saying "Uh-huh" in embarrassment, not knowing how to speak. After a long time, I put on a smile on my face and asked her: "How did you know that mom wanted to ask you something?"

"I'm sorry! Don't you always tell me: Abnormality is a monster. You Tonight is so abnormal, it feels so 'monster' to me. If nothing big is going to happen, it would be weird!" said the daughter, shaking her head proudly.

Now that the paint has been taken off, there is no need to hide one's true thoughts.

So, I came straight to the point and asked the question that had puzzled me for a long time: Why did you do your homework in your room, but asked me and your dad to stay in the bedroom? If we sit in the living room and read a book, will it have any negative impact on you?

The daughter stretched out, curled her lips indifferently and said, "You have to ask my dad about this question!"

"But, your dad today I'm not at home tonight. Can you tell me the truth? To be honest, my mother is confused by this question. If you don't tell me the truth, I will be driven crazy by curiosity. He stood up and stroked the pot of daffodils in full bloom on the window sill to hide his helpless mood.

"Mom, do you still have such great curiosity? No matter how strange things happen in our class, you can solve the case in a short time. Don't you always Do you think you are the police chief? You haven't found the answer to this question?" My daughter chuckled, her tone of disdain filled with ridicule towards me - and maybe even resistance against me. It seems that my daughter has her own opinions on my usual practices. She does not appreciate me as a mother who is very strong in class work.

"Do you know what your classmates call you? Everyone calls you Sherlock Holmes, Mom! However, you must not think that I am so proud to have a mother like Sherlock Holmes! I'm so helpless! Do you know how much pressure you put on your classmates by knowing everything? You said that many classmates in the class are your "little eyes and ears", and you also said that all the parents are your good friends. I will help you manage the class together. No matter what bad things your classmates do at home, you will soon know... It makes everyone feel insecure and suspicious of each other, and even the most basic trust is gone when the class started yesterday afternoon! Yes, you said that a female classmate in the class publicly called a male classmate her "boyfriend" and asked them to go to you to admit their mistakes. Do you know what happened in the class after the class meeting? Everyone covered their mouths. I didn’t dare to say anything! You actually knew that a classmate in our class didn’t come back from the Internet bar all night during the summer vacation, which made that classmate hate his mother! Fortunately, you later said that it was not his mother who told him about it. Your..."

"It's true that his mother didn't tell me that. I learned about it through other channels." The more I heard, the more surprised I became, and I quickly interrupted my daughter's volley. Sharp words.

"No matter how you say it, you know that whatever happens in the class is definitely not something you can be proud of! Because you make your classmates wary of each other and lose trust, and trust is the key to opening your heart. , Sincerity is a bridge between hearts, do you understand, mom?”

My daughter usually doesn’t like long speeches, but that night, her words were sharp, her language was fluent, and her momentum was majestic. , the explosive power is so strong that I, an adult who is both her mother and her class teacher, feel unable to withstand it. Especially her last words made me feel ashamed and sad. Thinking about it, the reason why she didn't allow us to sit in the living room while doing homework has something to do with the word "trust".

Sure enough, my daughter talked to me about this issue next.

"Don't you keep asking me why you and your dad are not allowed to sit in the living room while doing homework? I'll tell you the truth, mom." The daughter held a cushion in her arms and looked at It looks like it's cold. I stood up, found her vest and put it on her, but she threw the clothes aside. My heart was wrinkled and hurt by her subconscious action - my daughter didn't appreciate my concern at all!

"Mom, please sit here with me and take a look through the glass window of the bookcase in my room. What do you see?"

I sat silently Go to her side and look at the bookcase through the open door of her room. Everything on her desk is clearly reflected in the glass window!

I seem to understand something.

"One night when you were not at home, I was tired from doing my homework, so I picked up a novel and read it. My dad was sitting where you were sitting and reading, but he suddenly threw away the book. He rushed into my room, snatched my novel and threw it on the floor, yelling at me: You are always talking about studying, but why are you reading idle books behind our backs? How can I trust you if you do this? , I don’t know how my father found out. Later, after the incident passed, I thought about it again and again, and finally discovered that you were sitting in the living room reading a book, and you were actually spying on me through the glass of my bookcase. You said every day that trust is the relationship between people! The basis for human interaction, but how do you do it? You don’t even trust your own daughter!”

My daughter glanced at me, sniffed, and her eyes were a little red.

It was like a thunderstorm rolled past my ears, and I was stunned. My daughter asks us to leave the living room every time before doing homework. It turns out that there is such a complicated story behind it! Looking at my daughter's little face that turned crimson with excitement, I didn't know what to say or what to say.

The peaceful and pleasant atmosphere was replaced by unbearable silence. I sat on the sofa speechless. Trust is the key to open the heart, and sincerity is the bridge between hearts. My daughter’s words rang in my ears, which made me, a mother, feel ashamed.

"Okay, Mom, I've told you, are your curiosity satisfied?" the daughter said, standing up, "I'm going to do my homework, please go to the bedroom and stay!" "After my daughter finished speaking, she deliberately pretended not to care and went to her room to do her homework.

I looked at her back in bewilderment, feeling as if a five-flavor bottle had been knocked over, and I felt everything. My daughter’s questioning left me speechless. Reflecting on my own words and deeds, is what my daughter said unreasonable? I educate her and my students with the word "trust" every day, but how much trust do I give to her and to those children who are in their blooming years? Emerson said: Only when you trust others will others be loyal to you. This kind of trust cannot be just words, but more importantly, trust in the heart! As my daughter said: Trust in the soul is the key to opening the heart.

Thinking of this, I walked into my daughter's room and pulled her to sit down again in the living room. I sincerely apologized to her and promised her on behalf of her father that she would never monitor her study through the glass window of the bookcase in the future. At the same time, I also made a request to her: if she wants to get other people’s To trust, you must first not do anything that would not allow others to trust you. If you get tired from studying and play for a while or read for a while, you can explain it to your parents in advance to avoid unnecessary misunderstandings and cast a shadow on the family relationship. The daughter solemnly agreed.

Now, my daughter is about to enter the second year of high school. It has been two years since that incident, but every time I think about it, my heart is still filled with uneasy thoughts. On New Year's Day in 2014, when my daughter opened her eyes early in the morning, I told her: This year, an important theme in our family is "trust"! Because trust is an invisible but huge force in a person's life, it will bring you invisible but precious wealth.

There is a British proverb that goes: Credit brings gold, because gold is easier to get than credit. This folk proverb tells us the difficulty of integrity education and the importance of integrity. Shakespeare once said: If you want others to be honest, you must first be honest yourself. Shakespeare's words are similar to Lao Tzu's "Believe it or not believe it". Therefore, when we feel that our students do not have integrity, it is best to reflect on whether we have achieved integrity. This is the key to integrity education.