Encyclopedia of classic humorous short messages

Funny short messages should not only be appreciated by yourself, but also shared with people around you, so that everyone can be happy together. The following is a complete collection of classic humorous short messages that I have compiled for you. Come and have a look with me!

Classic humorous short message encyclopedia 1, friend, I called you just now, and it said; Hello; The subscriber you dialed was drunk, so I sent a message to greet you. Friend, how much wine did you drink? How come even the mobile company knows?

At lunch time, Xiao Ming pushed the bowl to Xiao Gang nearby. Try the rice I brought. Xiao Gang scooped up a big spoon and put it in his mouth. Xiao Ming added:? How's it going? It's been two days. Can I still eat?

Honey, I've been paying attention to you for a long time. Your big eyes and pure temperament fascinate me so much. I like you very much. If I can, I can even say I love you! It's a pity that your price is too high: the supermarket clerk said that live fish is half as expensive as dead fish! Dear, would you please die for me quickly? I don't have enough money! Happy every day!

Have you heard the story of the race between the tortoise and the hare? Do you want to know the story behind the game? Why did the rabbit lose to the tortoise? It's actually quite simple. The rabbit was dumbfounded at the sign on the finish tree-it said: the tortoise reached the finish line first!

5. Pig Bajie asked Yue Lao: Yue Lao, why did you break up Gao Jia Yue Lan and me? Yue Lao said: Hey! You don't understand my pain! She is human, and you are the devil. I'm afraid the child you gave birth to is a shemale.

6. Xiao Zhang was fired by the boss, and Xiao Wang asked why. Xiao Zhang said sadly, there is no way. There are two reasons. The boss says I can't do anything serious. The boss says I can't do anything serious.

7. The husband and wife quarreled. When they came home, their wives were livid. The husband went to tease the cat. The wife roared, what are you doing with that pig? The husband said in surprise that this is a cat, not a pig. The wife took it again: I'm talking to the cat. What are you going to say?

8. The teacher asked: Use? Besides? Make me a sentence. The students answered without thinking: set up a stage on the loess mountain and listen to the gongs and drums.

9, the weather is cold, daily care three notes: 1 Learn pigs, go to bed early and get up late; 2 learn from bears and add clothes in time; (3) Learn from kittens and run away when nothing happens. Care about hair, report more when you have time, and let me know that you are all right.

10, the sleeping cat was awakened by a knock at the door. When I opened the door, I saw that it was a mouse. Cat is furious: Do you want to die? The mouse trembled and said, big brother, give me some business. The task pressure head is really desperate!

1 1. The robot cat met Garfield and they talked for a long time. When Garfield knew that Tinker Bell was most afraid of mice, he smiled. Tinker bell said with a bitter face, what do you know? You wouldn't say that if your ear was bitten off by a mouse, huh

12. Every Valentine's Day, you will listen to an actress's song. It's beautiful and moving. I asked who you were, and you said it was Fish Leong. I know you like Fish Leong, but every time you listen to the same song by Fish Leong, I ask what it is, and you say, Happy breakup! Dude, you are so talented!

13, taxi drivers are often fined by the police, and he especially hates the police. One day, the daughter-in-law comforted him and said, husband, we will call the police when we have a child. If you are angry, call the police when you come back. If you still don't believe me, fuck the police.

14, find a wife to spend money. The wife said: Is 200 enough? I gestured OK with my finger. Wife is furious:? What? Do you still dare to ask for 300? Go away, not a dime. ? Then he left. I was stunned for a long time. What just happened? It all happened so fast that I couldn't understand it.

15, the man said: I am drinking with those women, which is necessary for the company. The woman said: I always talk to you, and being angry is also a job. I have to be cremated at work. I am afraid that one day I will be transferred to the hospital, so I have to have a baby to deliver the baby.

16, the child asked:? What do you mean, a dead rabbit cooks a dog? Mom replied:? Even when the rabbit died, the dog cooked and ate it. Don't dogs like rabbits? The child asked again:? How can dogs cook rabbits? Will you light a fire? Mother replied again:? This is anthropomorphic, and rabbits write adults. ? The child seems to understand: Oh

17, a squid was caught by a hunter, please don't roast it. The hunter said, well, let's torture you a few questions. Squid said happily: Great, cuff it! So the hunter roasted it?

18, your child is disappointing, and you always scold him? Son of a bitch? Every time I dare not talk back because I don't study well, but once, the boy talked back, don't you think? Son of a bitch, how dare you talk back? Did you learn today's lesson? Your son is very proud. Erudition is the inheritance of knowledge. ?

20. Xiaoming was hospitalized with a fracture. His mother cooked him a big bowl of pork bone soup and told him: Make up if you want, eat more, and your illness will soon be better. Xiao Ming said thoughtfully, I see. I said those two dogs, the neighbor, were so stupid. It turned out that his mother made him drink pig brain soup.

2 1. You were on Naihe Bridge in your last life. Meng Po said to you: As a person, you are a little careless and good for everyone; As a monkey, your climbing ability is a little insufficient, although you want to climb; As a fish, you have to breathe with your lungs, which is not up to standard? Well, what should we do? By the way, pig, it still suits you! Is that what you are now? Everyone affectionately calls you: Bajie? Happy every day, huh?

22. Dad teaches his son: Son, you must study hard. My heart is broken like pork stuffing for you? . The son quickly said:? Are you still breathing? .

23. After receiving this message, please look at the beautiful woman 10 second to the left, the handsome man 10 second to the right, then look up at the sky 10 second and look down at the ground 10 second. How's it going? And swallow the saliva back. Thankfully, thanks to a parenting encyclopedia, otherwise I really don't know what to do.

24. Five No's: Don't pretend to be busy with work and ignore me, don't forget me when you get rich, don't help me when you are in trouble, don't eat chocolate and don't call me! Don't think about me when you are free! Hope to implement it seriously. Happy new year! New year's day blessing message

25. One day, you said that you bought a long mobile phone, which was enviable. One day I went to your house and saw you put it on your waist. I accidentally pressed it and the TV turned on! Dude, your mobile phone has too many functions!

26. We are in love! My parents agree, your parents agree, and we all agree! Every time I miss you, my parents will say: Let her stay with us for a few days! When I was bored, my parents said, Call that smelly boy and ask him to take you out to play! Why do you think this is, dear?

27. Criminal detention does not read my text messages, and labor reform does not return my text messages. Those who didn't call me were sent to the North Pole to feed the bears. If you often want to contact me by phone or text message, I will reward you with a boat ticket 20 12 and send it to the earth.

28, a four-year-old boy, holding a three-year-old girl, the little girl said; Can you be responsible for my life? The little boy said; Of course. We are not children of one or two years old. Of course I am responsible for you.

29, buddy, there is one thing I have to talk about you. You are a good man, but you like playing big cards too much. You don't answer every time you call. If you don't answer it, you won't answer it. You're always touching. Tell me you're sorry. Don't do this again. You have to say you're sorry.

Xiaoming always likes to wear shoes barefoot and never wears socks. Dad said angrily, if I see you without socks again in the future, I will give you a good beating! Xiao Ming said in horror, ok, ok, I promise, I will wear socks and no shoes in the future!

3 1, Henan Wa asked Henan Ma: How to make sentences? Henan mother: A, this child B is from family C? Stand barefoot on D, EF is not wearing, GG is still exposed! Ha ha laugh

32. I love your eyes, just like the bright moon in the sky, one is the first day and the other is the fifteenth; I love your face, just like a big apple, with red Fuji and yellow banana; I like your hair, just like Yang Liuzhi, whether in autumn or in winter!

33. In Chinese class, the teacher took the composition book and said to everyone very seriously: What is this? Listen to me read this composition. It was Sunday, and my mother took (looking for) and (socks) to visit relatives (men and women). There was a strong wind (disorder) on the way. Here we are. (Male) is not at home, only the guy (axe) and the guy (wolf) are sitting in the pit. Haha, don't watch it, let everyone laugh.

34, I want to send you a bowl of soybeans, I hope you can grind into healthy soybean milk to drink; I want to send you nine red beans to express my long-cherished thoughts of you. However, I searched my site and found that there is only one mung bean, so I hope you can look at it correctly! Dear little bastard, be happy, okay?

Remember, when you were in high school, your grades were average and your Chinese was a little better. You took another mock exam. I heard that the highest score in this exam was 140, so I published my paper. At that time, you shouted, it's really not a person, and the exam is so high. As a result, the paper was handed down and found to be myself!

36. Three people buy breakfast, and the first one says: An fried egg, no yolk. ? The boss fried an egg accordingly; The second one said:? An omelet, no egg whites. ? The boss did, a little impatient. At the third turn, the boss shouted, What about you? Don't what? The third timidly said:? Me? I don't want eggshells for mine.

37. Performance of depravity: Morning begins at noon; Time is basically spent on the computer; Serious lack of exercise; Indulge in games; Three meals are not balanced. None of this matters. The most important thing is that you haven't invited me to dinner for a long time!

38. There was a man who was too stupid to find a job. One day, he went to KFC for an interview. The manager asked: What are your specialties? He said: I can sing, so he cleared his throat and sang: McDonald's has more choices and more laughter?

39, carnival night, all the programs in the program list have been performed, but none of them can make everyone laugh! A buddy, in order to make up for everyone's regret, the host came on stage and said, I will give you a unique skill. A man can only perform twice in his life? Hammer to the testicles! ? As a result, a hammer went down and both of them were broken! At this time, everyone realized that men can only perform this kind of unique skill once in their lives!

40. The wife said with emotion: Thank you, husband, for remembering my birthday for so many years. I never miss it. I love you. Husband replied: actually, I am afraid of being beaten. Wife: I didn't hit you. Husband: Your birthday happened to be the day when my father beat me all my life.