Humorous short messages that can amuse girls the most.

A collection of humorous short messages that can amuse girls most.

1. Due to the decrease of forest area, lions stipulate that each animal can only have one house. Soon, the rabbit was arrested, because the "three caves of the cunning rabbit" bees knew about it, thought about it, and went home to commit suicide. . .

2. Making money is "Laozi" and spending money is "son". "Laozi" is tired of making money, and "son" is not guilty of spending money. "Laozi" gets up early and is greedy for black, and "son" spends money smartly. I hope you spend properly and don't hold me back.

3. When is the spring flower and autumn moon? How hard is it to make money? I visited the supermarket again last night, and my interest in spending money should still be there. This is just a change in Zhu Yan. The geometry of saving money? It's just moonlight. May you spend reasonably and accumulate gold cups.

4. A man who doesn't care about a woman's five o'clock should find a woman he is satisfied with: First, he doesn't care if he is a virgin. Second, I don't care if I have children. Third, I don't care if I can do housework. Fourth, I don't care whether I am beautiful or not. I don't care if I was a woman before. .

5. "Dad, shall we go to the circus?" "I don't have time." "Listen to the children, there is a naked aunt dancing on the tiger." "Well, I haven't seen a tiger for a long time."

6. A friend's husband is a lawyer who specializes in divorce proceedings.

7. Friend: "Husband, don't fight a divorce lawsuit in the future. Breaking up the family is a bit immoral. "

8. Husband: "Split a pair into two pairs, accumulate virtue and do good deeds."

9. I met you by chance, paid attention to you after two meetings, missed you for three times and four dates, and I should like you for 90%. I'm sure I love you. It takes a hundred years to meet true love, and a thousand years to fulfill you. Are you willing to do anything?

10, let me tell you a secret. Please look at the back first, then at the left, then at the right. Ok, please don't look around with your mobile phone!

1 1. Urgent reminder: there is tornado weather recently. Be sure to take two dumbbells weighing 10 kg when you go out to avoid being swept to the west by the strong wind. Those who weigh less than 50 kilograms must be doubled.

12, driving to work with my buddies, met the police at the intersection. I was called by the police because I didn't wear my seat belt. The police said that I would be fined 50 pounds for not wearing my seat belt. As soon as my buddy heard that I was going to be fined, he explained to the police: Comrade, I'm sorry, I forgot to wear my seat belt after drinking some wine at noon. . .

13, pS: It's six o'clock in the morning! Stop writing! Stop writing! Too sleepy! In fact, women should be coaxed, not spoiled-this is the experience accumulated by men from long-term life! Coaxing is not cheating, although coaxing and cheating are often linked, called coaxing. But there is a difference between coaxing and cheating. Men coaxing women are actually similar to adults coaxing children. Smart men know women's weaknesses and the truth that "women are easy to coax". They often regard a woman as a child with a mouth. Women always need praise, your kind words and your exaggerated appreciation. To paraphrase one of my long words!

Humorous personality signature that can amuse girls most.

A collection of humorous personality signatures that can amuse girls the most.

1. Due to the decrease of forest area, lions stipulate that each animal can only have one house. Soon, the rabbit was arrested because of the three caves of cunning rabbits. The bee knew it, thought about it, and went home and committed suicide. . .

Making money is my father, and spending money is my son. I am tired of making money, and my son is not guilty of spending money. I get up early and get greedy, and my son spends money smartly. I hope you spend properly and don't hold me back.

3. When is the spring flower and autumn moon? How hard is it to make money? I visited the supermarket again last night, and my interest in spending money should still be there. This is just a change in Zhu Yan. The geometry of saving money? It's just moonlight. May you spend reasonably and accumulate gold cups.

A man who doesn't care about a woman's five o'clock should find a woman he is satisfied with: First, he doesn't care if he is a virgin. Second, I don't care if I have children. Third, I don't care if I can do housework. Fourth, I don't care whether I am beautiful or not. I don't care if I was a woman before. .

Dad, shall we go to the circus? I have no time. Listen to the children, there is a naked aunt dancing on the tiger. Well, I haven't seen a tiger for a long time.

6. A friend's husband is a lawyer who specializes in divorce proceedings.

7. Friend: Husband, don't engage in divorce proceedings in the future. Breaking up other families is a bit immoral.

8, husband: tear down a pair to do two pairs, accumulate virtue and do good deeds.

9. I met you by chance, paid attention to you after two meetings, missed you for three times and four dates, and I should like you for 90%. I'm sure I love you. It takes a hundred years to meet true love, and a thousand years to fulfill you. Are you willing to do anything?

10, let me tell you a secret. Please look at the back first, then at the left, then at the right. Ok, please don't look around with your mobile phone!

1 1. Urgent reminder: there is tornado weather recently. Be sure to take two dumbbells weighing 10 kg when you go out to avoid being swept to the west by the strong wind. Those who weigh less than 50 kilograms must be doubled.

12, driving to work with my buddies, met the police at the intersection. I was called by the police because I didn't wear my seat belt. The police said that I would be fined 50 pounds for not wearing my seat belt. As soon as my buddy heard that I was going to be fined, he explained to the police: Comrade, I'm sorry, I forgot to wear my seat belt after drinking some wine at noon. . .

13, pS: It's six o'clock in the morning! Stop writing! Stop writing! Too sleepy! In fact, women are meant to be coaxed, not spoiled. This is the experience that men have accumulated from long-term life! Coaxing is not cheating, although coaxing and cheating are often linked, called coaxing. But there is a difference between coaxing and cheating. Men coaxing women are actually similar to adults coaxing children. Smart men know women's weaknesses and the truth that women are easy to coax. They often regard a woman as a child with a mouth. Women always need compliments, your kind words and your exaggerated compliments. To paraphrase one of my long words!

A text message that amuses girls.

A text message that amuses girls.

First, it is found that when a man quarrels with his girlfriend, gay friends usually says: Forget it, it's good for your boy to find it. That's very kind of you. When a woman quarrels with her boyfriend, girlfriends usually say: Forget it, find another one after breaking up. I really don't know what's good about him.

My son plays ball in the square. A beautiful little girl looked at it for a while and came over and said, how old are you, little brother? My son said he was going to be five years old. Little Lori said me too! Little brother, I am a snake, and you? My son said me too. Little Lori was very surprised: We really have a destiny! The son took the ball and turned away: you just want to play with my ball.

There is a low hut on the edge of a small village, and an old woman sits in front of the door to bask in the sun. At this moment, a Mercedes-Benz car drove by and a well-dressed man stepped down from the car: Grandma, do you remember the winter of 1943, did you save a little boy in a crimson coat? Yes, son, of course I want to. Grandma answered excitedly. I'm the little boy. I've come to get my coat.

Xiao Li's eyes are bruised, and his friend Xiao Wang asks with concern: Brother, what's wrong with you? Xiao Li: I took a bus after work yesterday. I saw the skirt chain on the back of a beautiful woman standing in front of me open. I kindly helped her to pull up, and she hit my left eye. Xiao Wang: What about the right eye? Xiao Li: I thought she might not like me to help her pull it out, so she pulled it out again.

5. Today is 52 1. Are you hot? Hot! Hold it for a while. At night, my heart will be very cold. If I want a gift without a gift, I will be cool at once.

6. Halfway through the call, it stopped! 9 cents in arrears! The important thing is not over yet! So sad! I am so angry! Rushed to China Mobile to take out a dollar, loudly said a sentence to pay, and mobile customer service MM asked how much to pay. I said just one piece! She argued with me for a long time! Finally compromised, she gave it to me! Look, I'm still waiting! Ask me why I am still here! I said, make a list!

Seven, I slept with my girlfriend when I was a child. He likes to touch my ear to sleep. I slept with my wife last night and suddenly thought of him, so I touched my daughter-in-law's ear. She actually said, how do you sleep like everyone else? I actually smiled and said that he hasn't changed for so many years! Sleep peacefully. I have been looking for a marriage certificate since I got up this morning.

Eight, the first two days were boring. I tried to send a message to 10086: I miss you. Unexpectedly, 10086 really replied to the message: you damn fool, come and find me! I was so scared that I quickly put down my husband's phone.

Nine, it's late at night, I know you are very tired after a busy day, and you may fall asleep! I don't know why I want to talk to you, maybe I'm in a bad mood! I really want to say-I really want to tell you! -I woke you on purpose!

Ten, rural areas pay special attention to seniority. I took my girlfriend home and met an old man in his seventies at the head of the village. I said sunbathing, he said how to get home, and I pointed to my girlfriend and told him that this was my girlfriend. My partner greeted grandpa at once, and the old man said, don't call me grandpa. If you two are going to be one, I have to call you grandma.

Xi。 I saw a beautiful woman this morning, so I went over and tripped her secretly. I kissed her when she slipped and I helped her! Then pretend to be pure and say to her, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I kissed you, but I won't get pregnant. You add me to WeChat, and I am responsible for you! Everything is going well! But just now, she sent me a message that she was pregnant. . . What should I do? Wait online!

Twelve, tidy up the room and find a "life book" left by grandpa. According to the description in the book, I calculated according to the time of birth, and there was no Jin, only 92. I am so angry. . . .

Thirteen, when eating, tell my wife: I can't afford to smoke with that little money every month. The son quietly put down his chopsticks and walked into the room. When he came out, he had a box in his hand. He saved one dollar, and I have five dollars in my eyes. Then I heard him say, mom, you'd better take care of it.

Fourteen, son, what are you doing One day, a family caught fire, and both parents escaped, leaving only one son inside. Mother was very nervous and shouted outside the house, son, what are you doing? The son replied, I'm wearing socks. My mother said: What socks are you wearing on fire? After five minutes, my son hasn't come out yet. My mother shouted nervously, Son, what are you doing? Come out ~ it's on fire, and stay inside. The son said, I took off my socks.

I heard that you went to your future mother-in-law's house yesterday? Yes, it's like being tortured by three major events in the Qing Dynasty. Ha ha! What are the three major tortures? Father-in-law's eyes, mother-in-law's nagging. What else is there?

When I was seventeen, my best friend Mix was a bit of a gold digger. It is said that she recently married a rich second generation and showed off. When she came back last night, she heard her complaining in her room. She said that the rich second generation took her to get a room, so she got into trouble in the car! In the process, the logo on the Porsche steering wheel actually fell off. With a big z on it.

I liked a girl in college. One day, I asked her out, and I deliberately put off eating and watching movies until very late. I asked her: the school must be closed. What should I do if I can't go back to the dormitory so late? She bowed her head and said shyly, let's go to the hotel! Oh, dear! I am so excited, my little heart! I took a taxi and dreamed all the way. As soon as she arrived at the hotel, she stepped through the door and shouted to the boss inside: Mom, this is my classmate. The school is closed, so he can't go back to the dormitory. Please get him a room, there will be a discount!

19. There is a long queue at the checkout counter in the mall. It's almost time for me to pay the money. At this moment, a beautiful woman came up to me: handsome boy, can you put me in front of you? I am in a hurry. I looked at the long line behind me, then at the beautiful women, and said politely, if you are in a hurry, go to work first and come back to pay when you are finished. Business is important, don't delay.

Twenty, my boyfriend took me to his dormitory to play, and a roommate said to him: Lao Liu brought his sister-in-law to play! I'm a little puzzled. Ask my boyfriend, aren't you the biggest here? How do I call you Lao Liu? Another roommate quickly said, Sister-in-law, the size of the six people in our dormitory is not arranged by age!

Twenty-one, the girl at the next table suddenly ate a ring on the cake and her cheeks blushed instantly. When my boyfriend saw me looking at him with expectant eyes, he immediately understood, called the waiter and said, waiter! Why don't we eat at this table?

Twenty-two, when I was a child, I went fishing in the river with my friends and gained a lot. It's time to divide the fish. A little friend said, My dad likes drinking. He said the big fish tastes good! Then catch the big fish and put them in the bucket. . . I just looked and didn't speak. He packed it, and I ran away with his bucket of fish, saying that my father also loves to drink. .

I secretly loved a goddess for a long time, and finally got up the courage to confess to her. I called her and told her all my thoughts. No matter what happens, I will always love her. She said to let her think about it. After a while, she sent a short message: Would you like to be the father of my child?

24. Today, when I went to a small shop to buy cigarettes, I saw a woman shopkeeper talking to another person. She said, you didn't give me two dollars to copy last night, did you? I don't remember! The female shopkeeper said: forget it if you don't remember! Isn't it just two dollars? I also said to the mud: Yes, yes! Two dollars is not enough! When I bought cigarettes and walked out of the store, I counted the change in my hand. Wow! Why are two pieces missing?

Related recommendation: sweet words that make girls happy

1. Looking at your smile, I suddenly found that I really am the happiest person in the world.

Second, those irrelevant things are of infinite significance to me.

You don't know how much I like you, but if I go to see you, I will definitely run.

I hope you can live as you like and see your happy smile, so that I will feel a little contribution.

I think I will accompany you to the market every day in the future.

There have been rumors recently that I like you. I want to clarify that this is not a rumor.

As long as you are willing, when you are frustrated and need a shoulder, let me know and I will appear immediately.

Eight, I am willing to spend 10 million years waiting for you to laugh like a warm sun in early spring.

Anyway, as long as I love you and live safely, I want nothing more.

I hope you think of me when you are happy and think of me when you are unhappy. In short, you should always think of me.

XI。 The most precious things in the world are free, maybe you already have them, such as sunshine, air, love, affection, friendship, dreams and beliefs. God is so kind to you, I hope you will spend every day happily.

I love you until the end of the world.

Thirteen, you have been coming into my life, and I am preparing for your life.

Don't let me see you again, or I will like you once I see you.

I have met countless women in my life, but I have never been so deeply shocked by you.

My motivation every day is to see you and talk to you.

Seventeen, 365 days a year, I only love you for three days, yesterday.

Humorous sentences that amuse girls.

First, the process of changing love objects: after changing to beautiful women, I found that my looks did not match; After becoming a rich girl, I found that consumption is not worth it; After changing to Shangguan's daughter, I found my position unworthy; After changing into a girl, I found that my posture was wrong; After changing into a lady, I found myself feeling wrong; After changing into a slut, I found that the hat was the wrong color. There is no perfect love in the world, it is more realistic to be romantic! I wish love happiness.

Second, you = eat+sleep+miss me; Pigs = eat+sleep. Substitute into the above formula: you = pig+miss me. Transposition: you-miss me = pig. Conclusion: If you don't think of me, you are a pig! Did you say you miss me now?

Three, my god, modern civilization, making a fool of yourself can make money, and it's not illegal, otherwise your ugly face will be sentenced to life, and if you have to, the sentence will be 10 thousand years, but I like it, and I will often go to prison to see it!

Fourth, one day in computer class, a row of classmates' computers crashed. So a classmate stood up and said, teacher, the computer crashed and all our platoon died. At this time, many students said: We are dead, too. Then the teacher asked: Who else is not dead? Only one classmate stood up and said, I'm not dead yet! The teacher said strangely that the whole class was dead. Why don't you die?

Five or seven years after graduation, I finally took on a big project to build a 30-meter chimney. The construction period is two months, and the cost is 300 thousand, but I have to pay for it myself. It was finally finished at the end of last year. Today, people went to check and accept, and they were scolded to death, and they still had no money. Shit! The drawings are upside down, and people are going to dig wells!

6. Don't ask me how much I love you. Run to the sun to bask in the sun. The sun represents my feelings. Don't ask me how long I have loved you. Looking up at the lonely starry sky. The moon represents my heart!

Seven, to travel, there is a temple in the scenic spot, so I will stop by to play in the temple. When you buy a ticket, ask if you have a student ticket. The result of the conductor's answer is super classic. He said: all beings are equal before the Buddha, and there is no student ticket!

8. Weather forecast: Tomorrow your family will pay RMB from morning till night, and some will also have gold bars. At noon, they will pour dollars into euros, with sporadic checks! The weather bureau tells you to put on your helmet and hemp belt, and get ready to make a fortune!

After the bell rang, the teacher came into the classroom. He dipped his hand in saliva, slammed open the textbook, cleared his throat and said, classmates, the first lesson we are going to talk about today is hygiene from an early age. Please open your books. As a result, the children look at me, I look at you, and then put their fingers in their mouths one by one and open the books. Make a girl happy.

Ten, always let people taste the charm of waiting, and space makes people worry about beauty. Many times, the blessings between people do not need words to reflect, just like you quietly look at the message I sent you at this moment.

Eleven, the mother called her son to get up again: Jacques, good boy, it's time to get up. You have heard the cock crow several times. What does it have to do with me? I am not a hen.

The woman said: Why do you look so old-fashioned? M: If you like RMB, do you still care what year it was issued? Secretary: Boss, your wife called. She said she would kiss you on the phone. Boss: Give it to me first, and then give it to me later.

Thirteen, a strong leader speaks in dialect: rabbits and shrimps, pickles are too expensive, not ginger melons, but pig feet (comrades and villagers, don't talk now, pay attention).

14. The monitor asked: Who is the largest officer in our platoon? A: It's a platoon leader. The monitor asked again: Who's under the teacher? The recruit replied: The teacher rode the horse.

Fifteen, the husband took an orchid bowl and solemnly said to his wife: Don't break the bowl again. This bowl was left by your mother. There are only two left now, and you have dropped the others. The wife gave her husband a white look and said, then you must not be angry with me in the future. I was dumped by my mother, too, leaving me alone.

Sixteen, someone rode a bike to the street, crossed a junction and spilled his hand. The traffic police saw it and exclaimed: Good palm! Someone waved happily and replied: comrades have worked hard!

Seventeen, a drunk accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by to watch, and a policeman came over: What's the matter? Drunk: I don't know. I just arrived.

Eighteen, the blue sky is special to you, but I miss you helplessly; Baiyun lovely you, helpless I miss you; You stay away from the green wind, and I wait for you affectionately; Gentle rain romantic you, lonely I miss you!

Son: Dad, tell me a story. Dad: OK. Once upon a time, there was a frog. Son: No, I want to hear historical stories. Dad: OK. In the Song Dynasty, there was a frog.

One day, you squatted on the side of the road and looked at a pile of poop carefully. Smell it before getting together: is it poop? You dig with your hands: it seems to be poop; Taste it in your mouth: it's really poop! You laughed: it's a good thing I didn't step on it!

Twenty. Look at the girl across the street. The seed of lonely boy's love needs you to give me some love.

Twenty-one, the elephant accidentally stepped on the ant nest, and the ants in their nest climbed on the elephant. The elephant shook its body and the ants fell down. At this time, there was another elephant around its neck, and the fallen ant shouted to strangle it.

22. The nurse saw a patient drinking in the ward, so she went over and whispered to him, "Sweetheart! The patient smiled and said, little baby.

Twenty-three, the teacher wanted the Physical Education Commission to confirm whether all the girls were here after work, so he said to him, "Go and tidy up all the girls in the class." The sports commission is a kid, so he asked, which one? The teacher said: I know I still want you to go! (It's almost enough to handle the relationship.)

24. In front of the counter of Lamian Noodles Store, a beautiful girl is waiting in line. When she arrived, Master Lamian Noodles asked, Do you want a thick one or a thin one? Girl: I'll eat whatever you pull.

Twenty-five, because you are cute, I care about you very much; Cover the quilt at night to avoid cold hands and feet; There is nothing to worry about, you can supplement calcium; Don't say I'm too bad, I wish you a happy New Year's Day!

26. Remember the military training last year? You stand in the first row, and the instructor loudly orders: Count off in the first row! You looked at the instructor in surprise, and he said it again: Count off! I saw you reluctantly turn around and hug the tree!

Twenty-seven, committing fraud: a university law department will take the criminal law exam one day. The first question the professor asked the students was: What is the crime of fraud? The student replied, if you don't let me take the exam, you will commit fraud. The professor was surprised: how to explain it? The student said: According to the criminal law, anyone who makes use of others' ignorance to make them suffer losses is guilty of fraud.

28. Sleeping in class: A student sleeps in class and is found by the teacher. Teacher: Why do you sleep in class? Student: I didn't sleep! Teacher: Then why do you close your eyes? A student: I'm meditating! Teacher: Then why do you nod? Student: What you just said is very reasonable! Teacher: Then why are you drooling? A student: Teacher, you speak with relish!

Twenty-nine, once upon a time, there were two people, one named Zhuang and the other named Xiao, who disappeared one day. Zhuang happened to see a group of people fighting, so he went to pull and said, I'll find Xiao! The gang paused and said, are you faking it? Yes, I am!

As soon as Mr. Smith checked a female patient and confirmed that she was pregnant, he said, Mrs. Mary, I have good news for you. It's miss Mary. Young ladies are more upright. Oh, Miss Mary, the doctor said quickly, I have some bad news for you.

Thirty-one, wake up tomorrow, there is a mosquito lying on your pillow, and there is a suicide note beside you, which reads: I struggled all night, but I couldn't pierce your face. You are so cheeky, I have no face to live in this world! Lord ~ forgive him! I killed myself.

In the mid-1990s, my family bought a new TV set, 2 1 inch, which was several times larger than the previous 14 inch. Watching big TV, the whole family is of course very happy, especially grandma. I remember she asked my dad: should those two broadcasters be able to see the whole body in this news broadcast?

It's hot in summer and I want to be cool. I'll teach you a secret trick: first raise your hands above your head to let your armpits dissipate heat, then touch the ground with your hands, and finally stick out your tongue and breathe hard to let your mouth dissipate heat. Do you understand?

Thirty-four But if it grows to 1cm, you have to change the iphone 4s to the iphone 5. You should be glad that your girlfriend doesn't have the same idea.

The mother was very angry with her daughter. This is the modern young people! She said to her friend. /kloc-I had a boyfriend at the age of 0/6, but I forgot my mother's 32nd birthday!

Love your obsession, miss your fever, see your blushing dream, please don't run away, I want to hug you! Ah! Money, just kidding, don't care!

One day, the cow gave the donkey a difficult problem and asked which of the two bugs under the stupid word was male and which was female. The donkey racked his brains, but he still couldn't answer. Cow scolds: What a donkey, male left and female right!

37. I have been by your side, worrying about you again and again. Are you full today? Did you sleep well? Will it be cold late at night? I always knew you couldn't take care of yourself. Every time I walk away, you jump out of the pigsty!

Thirty-eight, the long road of life, who is not bad! Family to take care of, lovers to get along! There is a cook at home, a kind-hearted person outside, a nice table and a missing person in the distance! Keep two, keep one, develop three, four, five, six, seven!

Thirty-nine, children are considering issues related to heredity and environment. Mom interjected: This question is very simple. As we all know, children who look like their fathers are inherited. Like neighbors, that is the environment. 1, God gave me a cornucopia, and I can change it as I want. Once I accidentally thought of you and turned into a you; I can't stop thinking about it and it won't change. In the end, the room is full of you! I'm worried: how to feed so many little mice?

Forty, there is such a funny scene: Mr. Huang took his son to the bus stop and saw a No.8 bus driving into the bus stop in the distance. He immediately shouted to his son: Huang Jun, run, the 8th is coming!

Forty-one, monkeys should put peanuts in their ass before eating them. The administrator explained: Someone once fed it peaches, but the peach core could not be pulled out. The monkey is afraid. You must measure it before eating now.

Forty-two, think deeply without words. Silent blessing is the truest. Silent thoughts are inseparable. Silent worry has been in my heart. Waiting silently to meet you. Silently, I miss you deeply, deeply. ..

43. A woman was walking at night when she suddenly saw a man coming towards her with open arms and gave her a hug. The man fell to the ground crying and said, it's the third piece. Who did I piss off? Is it so difficult to take a piece of glass home?