Paragraph 54 of the medical joke

Cold joke about medical care (excerpt from paragraph 54)

The emergency doctor just finished the rescue and didn't go back to the office to eat cold box lunch until after noon. Without swallowing a mouthful of rice, a parent leaned in front of the doctor and opened his diaper: "Doctor, do you think there is something wrong with our child's stool?" Did you poke your smile? Life needs jokes. Today, let's take a look at the jokes about medical care!

Medical joke 1 1, weekend rest, I slept all day, got up at night, and I said, "Mom, I haven't eaten all day."

Mom: "Did you eat enough yesterday?"

Me: "Dad! I haven't eaten all day! "

Dad: "Oh, then remember to eat tomorrow."

Me.

My turtle fell into the pit in the bathroom, and my mother asked me to start fishing.

I asked you, do you bite?

My mother said: I don't bite and I use you to fish! Come on.

Me.

My son does his homework carefully at home. Suddenly, his father said to him, son, don't always do your homework. Watch TV and have a rest.

My son was so happy that he ran to turn on the TV and found it couldn't be turned on.

Just ask: Dad, why can't the TV be turned on?

Dad: What? You broke the TV. What if your mother comes back?

Pro-dad is also full of routines.

4. Today, my relatives came to me for a micro-signal, saying that they would introduce me to my boyfriend.

Mom said, yes, but I'll give it to you tomorrow.

When my relatives left, my mother asked me to buy you an Apple phone.

I was shocked. How can a stingy mother be so generous? Then my mother said: It is said that Apple's mobile phone has the best beauty effect.

When I was a child, my family was poor and I never wore famous brands. At that time, we especially envied a classmate in our class because his aunt gave him a coat that could be worn on both sides. One side is Artie's and the other is Nike's.

Medical joke joke 2 1, who said that what he said in anger was angry words, maybe it was the truth that he dared not say at ordinary times.

2, massage the face can face-lifting, massage the legs can stovepipe, massage the abdomen can reduce the stomach. Then the question is coming, why can massage the chest to breast enlargement?

3. Under the tossing of modern life, sometimes you feel that you are getting old quickly, but sometimes you feel that you are not mature enough. This is the so-called "age barrier".

If you are still in your twenties, I suggest that you might as well go out and get to know your uncles and aunts nearby and see who can help you. Knowing people at the police station will make you younger.

If time equals money and money is the root of all evil, then wasting time is to fight evil.

Medical joke joke 3 1 Patient: "Doctor, I always lose my hair these days."

Doctor: "Never mind, I won't take it off for the time being."

The patient said worriedly, "It will be all right in a minute."

Doctor: "Yes, I won't take it off again after I take it off."

2. I went to the hospital two days ago and hung up the expert number.

The doctor looked at it, then told me the name of the disease and prescribed medicine for me.

In the process of prescribing medicine, I asked what caused it.

The doctor came and said, "Go home and ask Du Niang!"

The gynecologist said to a middle-aged woman who has been infertile for many years and is eager to have children: "Don't worry, you will have children. Even if not, your daughter will have children. "

A friend said to the dentist, "It must be hard to put your hand in other people's mouth all day."

The dentist replied solemnly, "I'm imagining putting my hand in their wallet."

5. What doctors say most:

1. Let's take a picture first.

2. Take a blood sample first.

How do I know what's wrong if you don't check it?

4. Pay first!

Medical joke joke 4 1. A man went to the hospital for medical treatment because he was unwell. Doctor: For your health, I must let you choose. M: Huh? Doctor: Which would you give up, the woman or the wine? Man: Doctor, let's see what year they are from. "

The husband accompanied his wife to the hospital for tonsillectomy. The doctor said to him, "Your wife should have her tonsils removed when she was a child. How did it drag on now? "

"Really?" The husband said happily. After his wife finished the operation, he immediately sent the receipt of the operation fee to his father-in-law.

3. "I had a toothache all night last night and didn't sleep."

"What happened now? Your Excellency. "

"I don't know, the doctor pulled it out."

4. Section Chief: Please give my wife another medical certificate! Doctor: Do you want to make your health worse as you did last time? Section Chief: No, please try to write better this time. Doctor: Why? Section chief: It was a transfer account, and this time it was a job arrangement.

A doctor is walking in the street. A young man ran across the road, ran into the doctor and knocked him down. The doctor was furious, stood up, grabbed the young man and raised his hand to fight. The young man said quickly, kick me! Please don't hit by hand. The doctor asked: Why? The young man said: People say that you can't die with your feet, but once you kick your hands with your feet, you will die.

A man lost two ears in an accident, so the doctor gave him a transplant. A month later, he came to the doctor again and complained, "What you transplanted for me is a woman's ear!" " "

"yes! But how do you know? "

"Well, I heard everything, but I don't understand anything!"

7. An American hospital decided to confide in its patients: "You are terminally ill, and there seems to be no cure ... Do you want to see anyone else?"

The patient nodded slightly.

"Who do you want to see?" The doctor asked patiently.

"I want to see another doctor!" The patient replied.

8. I had to hang up for three days when I was sick. When I came up, I met an old nurse who was teaching while taking a little nurse as an intern. The old nurse came up to me and said, "This pulse is good. You can have a look. Obviously, the thin one I tied is for your exam tomorrow. " I didn't come for the next two days and hung up decisively! Big bad guy!

9. With the new leadership of the hospital, there is naturally a new rule: "No breakfast in the office".

Unfortunately, a colleague was caught by the new leader.

The leader asked sharply. He crustily skin of head and said, "I ... I'm injecting food into my stomach."

10, the doctor walked into the ward and saw a patient with a good complexion: "I am in good spirits today."

Patient: "Yes! Yes! Since I got this mental illness, the whole person has been a lot more energetic. "

1 1. The female doctor glanced at the man opposite: "What's the matter?"

Man: "Arrhythmia."

Doctor: "When did it start?"

Man: "When I saw you."

Doctor: "Then you won't get better if you don't come to see me?"

Man: "If you can't see, you will have difficulty breathing."

12, I forced a little male nurse in the intensive care unit.

A patient had his lower limbs amputated in a car accident. It was the fifth day, and he laughed and laughed with us every day.

Suddenly that afternoon, I opened the quilt and shouted: Oh, fuck! Where's my leg?

The whole department was shocked. How did he come over these days? ...

13, Nick told People: It's amazing to find that Brown's good luck was with him until his death. What's going on here? The doctors operated on him and took out a pearl he swallowed while eating mussels. When he took it out, he found that the pearls were enough to pay for his surgery and burial expenses.

14, the patient said to the doctor: I'm not doing well, doctor! My conscience has been bothering me.

The doctor said understandingly, then you must need something to strengthen your willpower.

Actually, the patient said, I'd rather know that I want to weaken my conscience.

15, the dentist said to the patient: Don't be afraid, come and have a drink to calm down.

After the patient finished drinking, after a while, the doctor asked, how do you feel now?

Who dares to pull out my tooth? The patient said to the doctor with red eyes.

16, mr. yi caught a cold and went to the hospital for intravenous drip. 1 more hours passed, and the water in the salt bottle was finished. When the nurse came, she immediately changed another bottle. The gentleman was puzzled and asked the nurse, "Miss, isn't there only one bottle on the prescription list?" The nurse pointed to the empty bottle cap behind the salt water and said, "Congratulations, you are so lucky. This bottle won the lottery. Come again! " "

17, a snail was walking on the road, and a turtle ran over him from behind. Later, the snail was taken to the hospital for emergency treatment. When the snail regained consciousness, the police asked about him. The snail replied, "I don't remember, everything was so fast ..."

18, "I'm afraid", "What am I afraid of", "I'm afraid of the first pain", "I'm nervous", "Relax, it won't hurt", "But ..." Shut up and take off your pants! ! !

19, a doctor wants to check whether his little patient knows the names of his body parts.

He pointed to the little guy's ear and asked, "Is this your nose?"

I saw the little guy immediately turn to his mother and said, "I think we need to find another doctor."

20. Xiaohong signed up for a physical examination and went to see a doctor. After reading the report, the doctor said with a dignified face, it's a good thing you came early. ...

Xiaohong turned pale with fear, and the doctor went on to say, I have something to leave work early …

The doctor looked at the patient's throat for a long time and asked, "Have you ever rinsed your mouth with salt water? It's good for you. "

The patient suddenly became unhappy: "I washed it. I went swimming in the sea the day before yesterday and almost choked to death. "

2. Smile. I ate bean jelly today, and my stomach hurts. I hurried to see the doctor. After the doctor touched Xiaoxiao's abdomen, he shook his head seriously. He smiled and asked anxiously, "Is it a stomach stone? Still a gastric ulcer? " The doctor still shook his head. When he couldn't help thinking in a worse direction, the broken doctor said, "What a lot of meat!" " "

There is also a stuttering surgeon in the hospital. In one operation, he said: cut … cut … the intern just clicked on a pair of scissors.

He: Hey, give me the scissors ... give them to me! ! ..... who the fuck ... let ... let you cut ... I want to ... want to cut!

The doctor said to the patient: You need to eat more fish, because fish contains more phosphorus. Doctor, but I want you to treat me, not to shine at night!

5. Patient: "Doctor, you cured the rheumatism on my feet a year ago and took care of my abdomen not to get wet."

Doctor: "Yes, what's the problem?"

Patient: "Can I take a bath now?"

6. My friend fought with others and got a needle in his head. I bought a box of walnuts to visit him in the hospital.

I stood in front of the bed and peeled some walnuts for him and said, "Eat whatever you want and eat these shells."

7. A middle-aged woman who was always afraid of being told that she was old went to the hospital to see a doctor. When the doctor asked her age, she lied and said, "Twenty-five."

The doctor frowned and wrote on the medical record card: "This person has amnesia."

8, the unit routine physical examination, chest X-ray in the mobile ambulance, cut ... The nurse told me to get on the bus, take off my coat and put it on the machine for chest X-ray. After 3 minutes, nothing happened. I asked the nurse if she was ready. As a result, the machine was pushed away and a colleague came out. It turned out to be just a door in the chest X-ray room, not to mention the way the nurse looked at me.

After the examination, the young doctor can't diagnose the patient's illness.

"Have you ever had this disease before?"

"Yes, doctor."

"Oh, yes, you have a relapse now."

10, watch and practice archery in the martial arts field alone. Suddenly an arrow flew in and accidentally hit the man's arm. The man sought treatment from a surgeon. The doctor sawed off the exposed arrow shaft with a small saw and asked for the money to go. The man asked, "What about the half arrow in it?" The doctor replied, "This is a matter for physicians. Go find him! " "

1 1. The gynecologist said to a middle-aged woman who has been infertile for many years and is eager to have children: "Don't worry, you will have children. Even if not, your daughter will have children. "

12 patient: I'm deaf, and I can't even hear myself fart.

Doctor: This medicine may help.

Patient: After taking this medicine, your ears will get better?

Doctor: It will make your fart louder.

13, once I had a stomachache and ran to the hospital to hang up the emergency department. As a result, when I was seeing a doctor, a patient covered in blood suddenly came in 120 hospital. The doctor had to throw me aside and advised me to have lunch first and then come back to see my stomach.

"Find something to do and divert your attention, or your stomach will hurt more." These are the doctor's exact words.

14, college entrance examination, need to check a person named Qiu Hua.

A buddy in the dormitory happened to have diarrhea at that time, and then asked the doctor if he could check it.

The doctor replied fiercely: What makes you?

The classmate said that he had diarrhea.

The doctor doesn't believe it! I broke a man named Qiu Hua right away, so ... I was sprayed all over my face.

15, a man with beriberi fights with a smelly woman, and the man kicks the woman in the mouth. The next day, the woman felt itchy in her mouth. I went to the hospital for examination and got beriberi.

The woman said, that's strange. Is it strange to have athlete's foot in your mouth? The doctor said, what's so strange about this? Yesterday, a man smelled it. !

16, Xiaoming went to the hospital for a physical examination. Seeing a child crying badly, he asked him with concern: Son, why are you crying so sad? The child replied: Just now, I wanted to have a blood test and take blood from my fingers. It hurts! Xiao Ming cried immediately after hearing this. Children asked him why he was crying. Xiao Ming said: the blood test took blood from his finger, but I still have to do a urine test. My little brother is in pain.

17, a priest came to see a doctor. "Doctor, my amnesia seems to be cured."

"Are you? Tell me, what did you do before? "

"sermon!"

"Hehehe, let's consolidate two courses of treatment."

18, a patient went to see a doctor and said, I have a stomachache. Can you give me some medicine? What did you eat today? The doctor asked. Rotten meat pie The man said. The doctor said to give him eye drops, and the patient asked strangely, I have a stomachache. How can I buy eye drops? You should treat your eyes first. If you could see clearly, would you still eat carrion pie? The doctor explained.

19, "This is my mother"

"What are the symptoms?"

"Every day after dinner, my hands are shaking!"

"good! Come closer, old man, and let me see! "

The doctor looked at it carefully and said, isn't this the aunt who cooked food at school that year? Karma! ! !

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