Short story joke

Short story joke 1:

Share the Pain

The teacher asked the students: how to explain? Sharing pain with others will halve it? And then what?

Xiao Lun replied? If my father hits me, I will hit his cat. ?

Sanpin

After the exam, three students filed a lawsuit to complain.

A said:? I didn't do well in the Chinese exam, and the teacher called me a loser. ?

B said:? I can't keep up with physical education class. The teacher said I was a defective product. ?

C said: I failed the political class, and the teacher said I was dangerous. ?

Sentence transformation

Teacher:? Please play it? The horse got away? This sentence is converted into a question. ?

Little Ivan: Can a horse run?

Teacher:? Correct! Very good! Now turn it into an imperative sentence. ?

Little Ivan: Drive! ?

The headmaster is blacker

Freshmen are reviewed by the principal when they enter military training.

? Hello, classmates! ?

? Hello, principal! ?

? Students have worked hard! ?

? Serve the people! ?

? The students are all tanned! ?

Freshmen were suddenly speechless and didn't know how to answer. After a moment's silence, a boy answered loudly:? The headmaster is blacker! ?

who

In order to vividly explain what insurance is, the teacher gave an example: for example, I took out life insurance, and one day I was killed by a car, and your mistress can get compensation. She is the beneficiary, then who am I?

A classmate replied:? Dead people. ?

Change the world

The geography teacher asked Xiaoming:? Why didn't you finish drawing the world map?

Xiao Ming answered carefully with his head down. I am afraid that the map I draw will change the world. ?

Jurassic Period

The teacher asked: Everyone knows the story of Ye Gong Long Hao. Do you know when this happened?

Student:? The story of the dragon must have happened in Jurassic! ?

homework

After class, the teacher said to Ivan. Let your grandpa come to school. ?

Ivan asked the teacher, Teacher, don't you need to call me Dad?

Teacher:? No, Ivan, call your grandpa. I'll tell him that his son made some mistakes in your homework. ?

Flowers bloom freely.

The teacher asked Joo Won?: What does it mean that bees add vitality to the garden?

Joo Won? replied? Bees steal flowers, and flowers get angry! ?

Everyone burst into laughter.

Joo Won? retorted:? If flowers are not angry, where do they come from? Flowers bloom? And then what?

Count to one hundred.

Start class. The teacher stood with his back against the stove and said to the students. Think twice before you speak, count to at least fifty, and count to one hundred for important things. ?

The students scrambled to count, and finally broke out in unison? Ninety-eight, ninety-nine, one hundred. Teacher, your clothes are on fire. ?

Short joke 2:

When is the most charming?

The wife told her husband: You can't drink it every day. Our financial situation does not allow it. ?

Husband:? Then look at your own expenses. Do you want to spend 65 yuan, 150 yuan perm, 30 yuan manicure, 300 yuan clothes and 600 yuan fitness? It is you who should save money in our family. ?

Wife:? I didn't do it for you. ?

Husband:? For me?

Wife:? Yes, it makes you think I'm more beautiful and charming. ?

Husband:? If that's the case, don't bother next time. Just a bottle of wine can solve the problem. Every time you get drunk, I find you charming. ?

I have to go tomorrow

Mom:? Did you learn a lot at school today?

Son:? Not much. I have to go tomorrow. ?

Four words

My father-in-law can't read One Spring Festival, my mother-in-law said she wanted to go to the movies, and my father-in-law said, I'll go and see if there is a movie today. ?

After a while, my grandfather came back and said that there was a movie with a title of four words. ?

My husband heard that he went out to buy a ticket. After a while, my husband came back and said, is it four words? The performance ends today. ?

Can't bear to look back

Son:? You sprained your neck after quarreling with your mother. How do you feel these two days?

Dad:? Oh, forget it! It's hard to turn back! ?

long-term project/plan

Xiaoli and I have been in love for three years. When it comes to marriage, the most important thing is the house.

After seeing a lot of houses, according to the financial resources, there are only two choices: one is to buy a second-hand house in the downtown commercial street, and the other is to choose a small jump in the suburban development zone.

For this reason, I argued with her endlessly.

At the weekend, let's bring it up, let dad? Ruling? .

Dad pondered and said, don't argue, I think you can buy a small jump in the suburbs! ?

After Xiaoli left after dinner, I asked my father: Why do you support her to buy a house in the suburbs? We live in the downtown area, which is close to you, so that we can take care of it later. ?

Dad listened and said meaningfully: I'm making long-term plans for you! Xiao Li is a good boy, but she falls in love with shopping. After living in the suburbs, it won't be so easy for her to go shopping, which will naturally save money! ?

Garbage must be packed in garbage bags.

One day, I really wanted to eat rice noodles, but just eating a pot of rice noodles was equivalent to eating three plastic bags.

While struggling, my colleagues comforted me and said, it's okay, go eat. You usually eat so much junk food, you always have to eat a few garbage bags.

Equal to what?

Teacher: How much is 8 minus half?

Xiao Ming: The vertical cut is equal to 3, and the horizontal cut is equal to 0.

Teacher:?

Short joke 3:

I see

Xiaoming is preparing for the civil service exam and often stays up late. As soon as the roommate met, he couldn't help but ask curiously: What did the civil service exam take?

Xiao Ming replied:? Astronomy, geography, human history and so on! ?

My roommate shook his head in disbelief.

Xiao Ming further explained:? You see, many civil servants are chatting at work and have little knowledge. Who will talk to you?

A sensible baby

A pregnant woman is going to give birth, and the baby is moving around in her stomach, which makes her sleep uneasy. That night, she tossed and turned and couldn't sleep.

The husband next to him opened his eyes and asked her what was going on.

The pregnant woman said angrily: Your son doesn't sleep! ?

The husband thought about it and said that he should know that he was coming out, and he was packing in it.

Terrible test

A little girl went to the hospital and the doctor asked her to have a blood test. The little girl burst into tears with fear.

When the little boy next to him saw it, he was busy comforting her and told her not to cry.

The little girl was ungrateful and cried, I have to cut my finger for the blood test, and I don't want to cut my finger! ?

Hearing this, the little boy paused, sat down on the ground and burst into tears, crying louder than the little girl.

The little girl stopped crying and asked him, Do you want a blood test, too?

? Don't! ? The little boy sobbed and said, I, I want a urine test! ?

This countdown

An old couple waited at the bus stop, but the bus didn't come. The old man was a heavy smoker, so he lit a cigarette. No sooner had he taken a sip than the car came!

The old lady complained on the side: let you endure, the car is so crowded, wasting this cigarette! ?

The old man is in a hurry. This is a China cigarette. Two yuan each. You can't waste it. So, he started? Bang, bang, bang? I smoked a lot and tried to finish this cigarette before the bus stopped.

The old lady looked at the car and encouraged him: one and a half left, one and a half left, one

Repay the teacher's kindness

A young female teacher wears a hat and looks funny. Her students saw it and said with a smile, Teacher, your hat is too ugly. Take it off quickly. ?

The teacher listened carefully and said, then study hard and make money to buy a beautiful hat for your teacher in the future, okay?

? Not good! ? Without thinking, the student immediately shook his head and refused. When he saw the teacher's sad face, he patted his chest and promised that after I made money, I would take you directly to South Korea for beauty treatment.

freeze

As the Spring Festival approaches, people come and go in the bank. Suddenly, a strong young man shouted: Nobody move. ?

Everyone is quiet for an instant and stay where they are. The bank security guard whispered, oh, no, we have been robbed! But he was still brave, sneaking around with electric batons and waiting for his chance.

The strong man noticed the action of the security guard and roared again:? Do n't move ? When he saw that no one was moving, he fell to the ground and groped slowly, explaining that I had dropped my contact lens. Please don't walk around and trample my glasses! ?

Must have lost money.

Dad checked his son's Chinese homework, and one of the questions was "Use"? Are you sure? Make sentences.

What did my son do? Dad came home sadly. He must have lost his money. ?

Dad was very unhappy and asked his son to make a new sentence.

The son readily agreed and quickly added:? Mom yelled at dad, and dad must have lost money again. ?

Dad told his son to rebuild and stop writing that he lost money.

The son thought for a long time and finally wrote:? Dad won't let me write about losing money. I'm sure. I'm afraid my mother will know that he lost money again. ?

Special therapy

A girl caught a cold and was very uncomfortable, so she sent a short message to her boyfriend saying, I have a cold! ?

Soon, my boyfriend texted back, and he sent two words:? Open the door. ?

Girls scold? Idiot? While getting up happily, I rushed to the door to meet my boyfriend at the fastest speed. At this point, the phone rang again and she received another short message. She opened the door with one hand and the text message with the other. This one is also from her boyfriend. He wrote: breathe more fresh air and exercise more. ?

accident

There is a six or seven-year-old boy learning to ride a bike in the community. Suddenly, a two-year-old or three-year-old boy staggered over and happened to fall in front of his car.

The child had nothing to do with it, but he cried in grievance, and the crying attracted many people.

The boy got off the bike helplessly and said angrily. Hey, I met a man who touched porcelain.

Kind teacher

A student scored 58 points in the exam, so he went to the teacher to add some points to himself. After some efforts, the teacher finally let go and promised to add points.

Hearing this, the students were all relieved.

The teacher added: For your sincerity, I'll give you 1! ?

After an outing

A city man went to the country to play. He was playing in the field when he suddenly heard a farmer remind him: Comrade, you stepped on vegetables. ?

The city man glanced at the farmer and sneered. Without culture, it's called an outing. ?

When the city man walked out of the farmland, the farmer pushed him into the river and said with a smile. Then I'll let you surf again! ?

Solve the problem piecemeal

A boy and several classmates made an appointment to go to a friend's house to play, and everyone gathered at a bus stop.

When the boy got off the bus, he saw that all his classmates had arrived. He looked at it carefully again. Everyone has milk and fruit in his hand, but he has empty hands. He wanted to turn around and go shopping, but his sharp-eyed classmates saw him. Everyone looked a little strange when they saw that he didn't take anything.

The boy used his quick wits and suddenly turned around and caught up with the bus he was riding, shouting: Master, stop! I forgot my things! ?

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