My girlfriend wants to hear a joke, but I can't hear it. Who has a funny joke? Urgently beg

1 It's been so many days since the Asian Games, and the American team didn't win a gold medal!

2, the wife is a big tree, you must hug; Lovers are birds, don't feed them. My wife is a treasure. I told you not to make any noise. Lovers are grass, and whoever pulls them runs with them; It is said that beauty is good, and it is not easy to find if you don't make trouble or run.

3. When the community opens, the slogan reads: If you can't give mistress a home, please at least give her a suite!

4. donkey kong, the fourth successful person: expert guidance, noble help, God bless and villain supervision.

5, experiencing a love is like eating chocolate, even if you don't pay for chocolate, you have to pay for weight loss!

6, 1. Xiao _ Jie: from noble to vulgar; 2. Beauty: from stunning to gender; 3. Boss: From rare to everywhere; 4. Chicken: from birds to humans; 5.**: From kindness to sensitivity; 6. Things: from personal privacy to public suffering.

7. Very meaningful professional expression: ① female directors: Stop! Do it again. 2 female traffic police: Don't stop if you sayno. Female conductor: A little further, it's empty. 4 female boss of internet bar: can't you get on? There are people waiting in the back. Female nurse: Go to bed quickly and take off your pants! 6 female teacher: If you don't do well, you will be fined one hundred times. 6 Female Mountaineering Commander: Climbing up means climbing up.

8. Loneliness said to me: I'm leaving. And then it really disappeared. But I turned around and saw her there again. I said, didn't I leave? She said, I didn't leave, I came, and my sister just left. I am her sister. My name is loneliness.

9. Huang chose a husband and asked Guo Jing and Ouyang Ke to write a composition. Guo Jing racked his brains to write 500 words, but he was nervous. Unexpectedly, Ouyang Ke only wrote 140, and Guo Jing won easily. Ouyang Feng was furious and slapped Ouyang Ke in the face: "s-b! Tell you to write Weibo every day! "

10, chatting with an old lady in the park, the old lady complained that her health was not as good as before. I said: nothing, look at your health, at least you can live to 90. The old lady said helplessly, I will be 90 in three months.

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12, degenerate to the point where I want to go clubbing on Monday night. I felt uneasy and prayed to Guanyin Bodhisattva: "Can I go clubbing at night?"

Sister Guanyin gestured to me with her right hand: "Good!" I don't feel so guilty.

13, the computer class found that the note on my girlfriend's QQ was called W, so I asked her what it meant, and then she said it meant "mine", which moved www.ixue5.com for several days!

I played with her mobile phone today to see what my name is in her phone book. As a result, I saw a c, what does this mean … what does it mean … what's going on …

14, said it was a buddy, went to the restaurant for a blind date.

The woman asked if there was a car.

The buddy replied: Yes.

The woman asked: What car?

Dude: Just Honda.

Woman: Oh, that's not bad, much better than Alto.

After dinner, the woman said take the car out and let's go for a ride.

The buddy decisively went to the hotel garage and rode out a motorcycle.

The woman was angry and scolded: Your dad, Wuyang Honda!

15, a classmate, on Singles Day a few days ago, he sent a message to a favorite girl wishing her a happy Singles Day (I want to take the opportunity to express my confession), and the girl replied, "Don't pass, haha."

16, my girlfriend and I broke up, and we agreed not to talk to each other. The next day, I checked the monthly subscription of the mobile phone, and found that there were 499 minutes left in the monthly subscription of the point-to-point call between us, so I sent her a short message: there are 499 minutes left in the monthly subscription of our husband and wife. Why don't we cooperate for another month and share it next month? Girlfriend said: Yes, it's cheap and can't be moved. ...

17, girlfriend: Husband, my classmate asked me to go shopping. Give me some money quickly.

Boyfriend: Will you go out with other rich men?

Girlfriend puts on an S-shape and says, You underestimate me. If I go out with a man, do I need to bring money?

18, girlfriend: I just saw that you are a potential stock and bought on dips. I don't know how many years have passed, and there is no upward trend at all. At first, I might as well just choose a blue chip.

Boyfriend: Be content. In your eyes, you will definitely buy PetroChina.

19, girlfriend: Do you miss me?

Boyfriend: Yes.

Girlfriend: What do you think?

Boyfriend: I want to go anywhere

Girlfriend: Not now! ?

Boyfriend: Not if you don't ask me. . .

20. Excellent female secretary: "Good morning, boss!" Best female secretary: "Good morning, boss!" "

2 1. Mom said that food is very expensive recently and money is very cheap. . .

22, Shanghai and Shenzhen stock markets brand high-throwing film, which contains a high amount of decline! It's affordable to fall one day in the past five days!

23. A classmate bought a plate of "Male Mosquito Music" mosquito-repellent incense. Everyone asked, "How do you call male mosquito music?" "Female mosquitoes are smoked when they come out to suck blood, and male mosquitoes don't take the opportunity ..."

24. What is overtime pay? This thing is like a woman. Everyone is talking about it, but no one has seen it.

25. I went shopping with Mr. Chen that day and saw pomegranate vinegar. Lao Chen was surprised that pomegranate can also be used as vinegar! Later, when he saw jiaozi vinegar, he was surprised that jiaozi could also make vinegar! I saw the old vinegar and pointed to him and said, Mr. Chen, you are so poor.