The breakup rate of long-distance love is very high, but Teacher Tu Lei said that this is not a problem at all, but not enough love.

Long-distance love is a difficult problem faced by many lovers in current society. Affected by the epidemic, there has been an unprecedented "long-distance love", and many couples have not seen each other for half a year; "Foreign Love" is that I don't know when I can go to the appointment again.

However, Tu Lei, the teacher of The War of Love, said this passage to express his views on long-distance love: "Long-distance love is simply a false proposition, especially in this era of such advanced technology and transportation, is long-distance love a problem? On the contrary, long-distance love often proves that you don't love each other enough! "

Because no matter how busy a person is, he still has time to eat and go to the toilet. If he wants to reply to your messages and phone calls, he is always available. Whether it's life or work, it's just a matter of whether you want it or not. As long as you want to be together, no one can stop you, so don't give yourself some reasons and excuses to try to deceive yourself and each other.

It is said that the three-month dangerous period of long-distance love, but it is a lifetime to survive! I always think that people are unreliable, and distance is not the decisive factor, but it may become a stumbling block.

After watching Braving the Wind and Waves, you will know that Jingning is married and has a son in his twenties. According to Jingning, she divorced her ex-husband not because she didn't love her, but because she was too far away.

Therefore, Tu Lei said: "Age is not a problem, height is not a distance, but distance is really a problem. Moreover, in the process of keeping their distance, most boys often can't help being lonely. The biggest problem of long-distance love is not distance, but many problems, which are magnified in front of distance. "

Yes, long-distance love, for couples, distance is a noun representing pain. When you are alone, you always miss each other very much, especially when you need help, helplessness and loneliness. It is easy to collapse, and most people will break up in this collapsed mood. There are two kinds of distances, physical distance and psychological distance.

(1) physical distance

Whenever there are difficulties, people always approach love for the first time. Where were you when I needed you?

In the movie Liu Long Cafe, Xin Rui said: After today, I will be a memory. After I am admitted to different universities, I will fly away. If I stay away from my feelings, I will be alienated. I'm not sure what will happen in the future. If I add the distance, I will have more unknowns.

For example, I sprained my ankle on the way. You said you had an appointment with a client and were talking about business. Then you don't know how I limped to the hospital? When I had a cold and a fever, you said I was busy catching up on my thesis and told me to drink more water and sleep well. However, I was very ill, so I had to buy medicine myself.

In fact, many times, it is not that your lover is careless and inconsiderate; It's that you are sure that the person who likes you or both of you will not leave and wait for you in the same place forever, so you are unscrupulous and "busy".

As Hong Huang said: "When people pursue material things endlessly, they often forget the most precious things."

Perhaps it is because, when encountering something, two people have different solutions, and one of them insists that the other party must do it according to his method, which leads to disagreement between the three views. He always wants the other person to consider the problem from his own standpoint, thus ignoring the real feelings of the other person.

So it seems that the relationship between the two people is getting colder and colder, and the psychological distance between them is getting farther and farther.

⑵ Psychological distance

For example, in a certain issue of Battle of Love, an engineer and his girlfriend have been in a long-distance relationship for two years. Although they are separated, they have deep feelings. However, they broke up three times because of disagreement.

The contradiction between them has reached irreconcilable levels recently. On the stage of the love campaign, the host learned some short stories about two lovers.

Go to find a boyfriend overnight

Once my girlfriend went to Hunan by train overnight. In order to accompany her, the engineer video chatted with her until midnight 1 1. After his girlfriend fell asleep, he went to his own construction site to continue his work.

At five o'clock in the morning, something happened at the construction site where the engineer was located. I went to deal with things before breakfast and was busy until ten o'clock in the morning.

After being busy, the engineer suddenly remembered that his girlfriend's train arrived at 9 o'clock, so he called her quickly. I didn't expect my girlfriend's anger to come as soon as the phone was connected. His girlfriend said that he knew that he got on the night train and that he would arrive at 9: 00 in the morning, but he called himself an hour late and asked him if he got off.

(2) quarreling because of the time to go out to play.

There is another thing recently, because the engineer is working as an engineer at a construction site in Hunan, and his girlfriend is studying in Zhengzhou, so he has time on weekends, and his girlfriend wants to go to Hunan to see the engineer. Because the bus ride was very hard the day before, the girls hoped to get up later the next morning, and it was midsummer, and the sun outside was very poisonous, so they hoped to wait until the weather was cooler in the afternoon before going out.

But for the engineer, he thinks that he can finally meet the girls, so he should take the time to play more and give them more time to get along.

Therefore, when the girl was sleeping soundly, the engineer kept urging her to get up and said many great words in her girlfriend's ear, such as not getting up, having no sense of time and so on. Unsurprisingly, the engineer's action was very successful in arousing girls' anger.

The contradiction between two people is not only because of their bad temper, but also because of their values.

(3) Like to preach and tell some truth.

The girl said that if she did this, she would still understand him, but the most incomprehensible thing is that in ordinary life, engineers like to tell themselves some big truths, which makes people very disgusted.

The engineer himself is a very thrifty person, and his salary distribution is reasonable at ordinary times. Every month, he divides his salary into three parts, one for their future, one for their present love fund and one for his own private money. With an average salary of 6000, he can save about 4000.

During the internship, the girl vowed to tell the engineer that she would start saving money, which also made the engineer very happy. However, after the first month, the girls not only didn't save money, but also borrowed money from Hua Bai. Until half a year has passed, this situation has not changed. They bought more than 5,000 Apple mobile phones without telling the engineers.

As a result, the engineer finally couldn't bear it, and kept criticizing the girl, saying that she couldn't save money and had no plan. The girl said that she can make money now. Although it was used up, she was still self-reliant and returned the flowers herself. She didn't feel anything wrong.

(3) parents' opposition

Of course, the contradiction between the two is not only their own reasons, but also their hometown is far apart. The girl's father is worried that his girlfriend will be bullied when she gets married, and that the engineer will treat her badly. After all, marriage is a lifetime thing, so he has always opposed them. Now they are secretly together.

So, what is the reason why long-distance love is so difficult?

(1) communication efficiency is low, resulting in two people * * * language barrier.

"Have you eaten?" "What are you doing?" "Go to bed early", these words are not the conversation of every long-distance couple. In fact, after a long separation, the intersection of life is getting smaller and smaller, and every chat topic will become boring, embarrassing or even embarrassing, and sometimes it is not as good as an ordinary friend around.

(2) The pace of study and life is out of sync, which leads to the inability to enjoy emotions and produces * * *.

When you are happy, when you are sad, when you need a hug, he can't give you any practical help at that time. Maybe I'm seriously preparing for the final exam. My girlfriend WeChat misses you and wants to talk to that boy. He chatted happily with his friends.

At this time, because my feelings can't get timely response, I can't sing in different environments, and I can't sing well in my heart. In fact, a problem that can be solved by a hug is likely to end in a few days.

(3) Life can't take care of each other, resulting in two people can't understand each other and have no intimacy.

Simply put, intimacy means that another person knows you completely, and the more you can feel your partner's acceptance. For some people, intimacy is like going home. When you see the person you love, you will feel extremely relaxed and happy.

Intimacy plays an important role in a relationship. Most people's intimate relationship needs to be maintained by physical contact, which is also an important way to communicate feelings and gain a sense of security.

Studies have found that after hugging for about 20 seconds, the human body will secrete a substance called oxytocin, which will make the relationship between men and women more stable and promote the relationship between couples more intimate.

In the process of long-distance love, physical contact is greatly reduced, which easily leads to the lack of intimacy and security.

(4) There will be a crisis of trust at any time, so be alert to the temptation of the outside world.

When distance makes it impossible for both sides to get physical and psychological comfort from each other, and people feel lonely and helpless, they will be more vulnerable to external temptation.

Once two people who were originally together become a long-distance relationship, it seems that their attachment is broken, and they will have separation anxiety like children who leave their mothers. After separation anxiety, they are more inclined to find substitutes around them to alleviate separation anxiety. As long as there is the opposite sex around you that is almost as good as the original object, empathy will occur.

For example, in a certain issue of Battle of Love, a young man neglected his girlfriend, a girl and other boys to go to the movies because of his busy work.

Tu Lei once said: "Talking about long-distance love is mostly in two states. The more women talk, the more tired they get, and the more men talk, the more annoying they get. Women are tired because every passion has no return and every miss has no response; A man is annoyed because he thinks you are interfering with my present life. "

(1) Because the two sides haven't seen each other for a long time, they are facing separation anxiety, which makes girls feel emotionally and emotionally insecure.

Long-distance love, Qian Shan is separated by thousands of waters. When the other person is sad, he can only convey comfort through text messages. When the other party is helpless, they can only hold the phone and silently listen to the crying from the other party. Over time, it is easy for girls to feel insecure because of emotional asynchrony, which leads to separation anxiety.

So two people will show strong emotional dependence, possessiveness and jealousy, but they are afraid of being rejected.

She will think that love is exclusive, love is unique, and the sense of exclusivity and exclusivity is particularly enhanced. Unreasonable doubts and extreme jealousy often occur easily.

Therefore, girls will begin to test their boyfriends, with the aim of making them loyal to themselves and love, keeping them away from their pursuers and enjoying them alone.

Girls like to test each other.

When in love, many girls will let each other prove how much they love themselves through various means.

For example, ask the other party to report their whereabouts at any time. Ask your ex-girlfriend.

(3) Girls' personality affects the direction of love.

Some people will say that character determines fate. Even in the emotional world, a person's personality reflected in his words and deeds will subtly affect her emotional trend and determine the depth of her fate.

For example, girls are very strong. In a certain issue of Battle of Love, a couple in a long-distance relationship finally got together after three years. Both confirmed that their feelings for themselves had changed. Why is the distance near but the heart far away?

In the program, the boy said that the girl was so angry that she didn't even cherish the only day when two people could meet together. Once, colleagues from his own company got together, because at the dinner table, she smoked and drank alone, which made the girl very uncomfortable. The girl almost overturned the table at last, which made her lose face in front of her colleagues. In the face of male guests' accusations, girls think that boys are not completely honest.

It turns out that two people have been together since they graduated from high school. After more than three years, because of their studies, they had to start a long-distance love life. When two people were together, the girl found that the boy started smoking and drinking, which made her very unacceptable. So, at the dinner table, girls have been winking at boys. The girl did not expect that this kind of action of her own actually made the female colleague of the boy stop watching it.

Actually, she has been watching it for eight years. Perhaps, she chose to keep this relationship with male guests, just because the girl hasn't met anyone better yet.

Therefore, when a person's words and deeds give people the illusion of being self-centered, then the fate of two people will face great challenges, and it is really not easy for both sides to live in peace for a lifetime.

Love is an interactive process. When you are willing to pay for love, you can cherish it everywhere in your words and deeds, or you can turn getting along with two people into a relaxed and happy thing instead of haggling over every ounce. Because I have devoted my energy and time, I must get the reward from the other side. In a love, if you have such an idea, you can only say that he is not your true love.

(4) Because the distance is too far, two people or one of them feels lonely.

Marx once said: "Everyone's development depends on the development of others who interact with him indirectly."

In a certain issue of War of Love, Xiao Wei is a photographer and Tong Tong is a wedding planner. Both of them belong to the same company, but they are in two different cities separated by 100 kilometers. Xiao Wei often goes to see Tong Tong and often gives him a little surprise. However, after confirming the relationship, when they went out to play together, Tong Tong found that a nickname "Baby" appeared on Xiao Wei's mobile phone.

But later, she found the ambiguous information that Xiao Wei was chatting with other girls. Besides, Xiao Wei likes drinking and playing. He often goes out with friends after work and seldom stays at home with Tong Tong.

Tong Tong felt that he came to a strange city alone, and his boyfriend was so inconsiderate, so there was a big gap in his heart. In the face of his girlfriend's accusation, Xiao Wei thinks that he is now in his twenties, which is the age to play. This is understandable, but his girlfriend is too serious.

It's okay to play around in your twenties, but only if you don't have a stable love relationship, otherwise you must sacrifice some freedom for it. Because Feng Jicai said: "Only by keeping the bottom line can a person achieve a successful self and a successful life."

Smart girls should only give each other one or two chances after defining their own principles and bottom line. If they can't change, they should choose to leave, so don't overthrow their bottom line while highlighting their bottom line.

You have to understand that your repeated compromises and forgiveness will not bring him back to life, but will only make you slide into the abyss of pain.

Therefore, people who can persist in long-distance love will actually make trouble without reason. They are not as impeccable as we thought.

(1) You have psychological adjustment ability and never have a cold war with each other.

Many people say that long-distance love is an independent and rich journey. Long-distance love is not the same as cohabitation. In long-distance love, many people will suffer from distance, but at the same time, in long-distance love, two people will have enough time to consider each other's difficulties, thus avoiding various problems and contradictions arising from cohabitation.

Therefore, in long-distance love, psychological adjustment between the two sides is particularly important. Of course, sometimes such pressure is brought by the feelings themselves, and sometimes the anxiety in life will in turn affect the feelings of both sides.

When you encounter problems in your relationship, you can think about whether there is a crack in the relationship between two people or something else. Instead of two people immediately engaged in a cold war and began to use cold violence against each other.

If one party can understand the other party's emotions at this time, give support and understanding, then these moments can in turn help the growth of feelings.

Because after every quarrel, our feelings are the opposite. The main reason of the cold war can't solve the fundamental problem, except that it will make the other side tired and have no benefit at all. It takes some time for a person to admit his mistake bravely, which doesn't mean anything. Considering that we have been together for several years, we finally got together. If we keep fighting over such a trivial matter, it may lead to a breakup between us.

Therefore, we should have confidence and confidence in each other.

⑵ Be sure of your feelings and understand each other.

Long-distance love needs mutual confirmation and understanding more than ordinary feelings. If two people are 100% sure that they can be together, because the more trusting couples are in a relationship, the more willing they are to be patient and work hard for it, the easier it is to overcome the obstacles of long-distance love.

They firmly believe that this relationship is worth paying, the other party is worth waiting for, and they will try to polish themselves into a person worth waiting for in the process of being in a different place. In their eyes, it is never the confrontation between "me" and "you", but the confrontation between "us" and "problems".

Even if they quarrel with each other, they can solve the problem with a hug and a kiss.

If two people are separated from Wan Li, they don't know what the other person wants or needs, and they don't know the sense of security they need. In the end, their feelings will gradually fade away.

⑶ Take a positive view of different places and meet frequently.

According to Murphy's law, if we are more worried that something may happen, the more likely it will happen; If you get along with the mentality that "long-distance love can't last long" from the beginning, when there are problems and frictions in your relationship, you will blame all the faults on long-distance love and lose the ability to solve problems actively. If long-distance love is regarded as a necessity for almost everyone, and both sides can grow together and learn to experience independently, long-distance love will not be as "unbearable" as we thought.

However, no matter how deep the feelings are, you need to know how to operate. Only when we meet frequently can we constantly know and understand each other, and each other will always exist in each other's world and become an inseparable part of each other.

All long-distance relationships are temporary and will not be separated one day. If you really love each other, don't give up easily and don't think about it.

Teacher Tu Lei said, "If you really love someone, you will fall in love with a city because of someone? . But you obviously didn't do it. Nobody wants to rush, and nobody wants to rush. Why justify yourself and deceive yourself? "

(4) Have the same plan for the future and learn to enrich your life.

Even if it is possible to stay in a different place because of objective factors, both parties can consciously plan a time to end the different place.

For this date of ending different places, it may also make both sides lose the motivation to continue. If you think about the present and don't mention "the future" just because you are not sure about it now, it may inevitably cause one party's insecurity. So, let's describe the life after the end of a different place.

Because long-distance love is an opportunity to focus on yourself, enriching yourself will in turn make the time in different places less long.

Of course, while enriching your life, don't forget to talk to each other about what you do every day when you have the opportunity: who do you talk to at lunch? What snacks do you like to eat recently? What is the most maddening thing at work? Have you added new decorations to your room? What song are you listening to and what drama are you chasing? It should be noted that such behavior is not simply "reporting".

Because if two people can't stay together all the time, don't know what happened to each other in time, or even communicate, then they will gradually disappear from each other's world. Then, after a long time, you can only become the most familiar stranger. Therefore, when you really love each other, you must keep in touch at any time. Only in this way can we better consolidate our feelings.

5] Learn to control your emotions and treat every meeting reasonably.

I have read a sentence before: "The most important thing in love is to learn to control your disgust." After being together for a long time, the other person is within our comfort zone, and there is nothing taboo to speak. They often poke each other where it hurts, but think about each other. If a friend shows disgust for himself, will you start to hate him?

No matter what your lover is dissatisfied with, if you want him to do better, please express it from another angle: "You have done well, but if you can do better, will it make the other person more satisfied?" If you abandon it directly, you will instantly dispel each other's enthusiasm and lose each other's enthusiasm, which is a bit of a loss.

For example, you can lie on the sofa, watch any movie, cook dinner together and feel the joy of wasting time together. At the same time, we should also remember that the other party may not be as perfect as we thought, because every reunion is a process of getting to know each other better.

Ye Zi has something to say.

1. Han Han once said: To fall in love, you should experience a long-distance love, you can't share joys and sorrows, you can't laugh and cry, you can't hug, you can't contact each other through screens, telephones and letters until you are almost crazy, you should learn to refuse temptation, learn to handle one's time and learn to take care of yourself. Only in this way will you be grateful in your next hug and even grow old together. Long-distance relationships not only test each other's patience. "

2. I hope all long-distance relationships are fragile and sensitive, because only by encouraging each other in dull and lonely days can we grit our teeth in the suffering of different places.

3. Because in the final analysis, long-distance love is just one of the forms and states of Qian Qian's absolute love, and it is not so special and terrible. What separates us is actually not "different places", but the story behind "different places". So what really matters is the ritual sense of love and love itself in long-distance love.