There are a lot of parenting chicken soup on the Internet, which ones are wrong?

Like most novice parents, since having children, Sister Wang has often read various parenting articles and listened to various educational lectures.

I don't know when all kinds of "chicken soup" parenting methods flooded the circle of friends:

Don't let the children be too obedient.

A good education is not shouting.

You should be happy that the child talks back.

It is said that a child is raised by books, and other people's parenting experience does seem to make sense. But sometimes in practice, it doesn't seem to be satisfactory.

Two days ago, the child talked back to her mother-in-law, and her husband felt that the child was out of order. Sister Wang accused her husband of being uneducated: "It is a good thing that the child will talk back. He is expressing himself. Look at this article. "

As a result, my mother-in-law felt that her daughter-in-law didn't respect her, and she was so angry that she had to pack up and go back to her hometown. Children feel that someone is supporting them and they are getting more and more naughty; The couple also had a big fight, and it was a big fight.

In fact, every child is a unique individual. Faced with a variety of educational chicken soup, if we can't treat it rationally, we will fall into the misunderstanding of education, turn "chicken soup" into "arsenic" and let children go further and further.

Just like the following three kinds of "chicken soup for raising children", do you still drink?

"You're great, son"-good kids talk big.

In the past two years, the most frequently heard sentence is: "Children should not scold, but praise. If you say he is good, he will get better and better. This is called positive motivation. "

Jessica Hester Hsuan's mother believes this very much.

Therefore, Jessica Hester Hsuan almost grew up with praise. As long as his family sees that he has made a little progress, they will say, "Our Xuan Xuan is really smart and amazing. You are the best and best child. "

At home, Jessica Hester Hsuan is the only child, and it is understandable that the whole family revolves around him. But after attending kindergarten, he is no longer unique in the crowd.

As a result, Jessica Hester Hsuan, who was bursting with confidence, was unwilling to play with the children after losing several games. Even the teacher's criticism and preaching will make him cry and even unwilling to go to school again.

In fact, children like Jessica Hester Hsuan are not alone.

In the face of the game, you will be in high spirits if you win, and you will lose your temper if you lose.

He is very concerned about other people's comments, and a word from others can determine his behavior and mood.

I don't want to try something I'm not sure about, and I can't see others doing better than him.

Praise that once blurted out in life seems to inspire children, but for growing children, these praises are like daggers, gradually weakening their resistance to setbacks.

CarolDweck, a professor of behavioral psychology at Stanford University, has been studying children's thinking patterns for 15 years.

He found that if parents often praise their children's talents and abilities, such as "You are great! How clever you are! You are a genius! You are really capable! "

Then, children will form a fixed mode of thinking-only care about whether they look smart enough.

Faced with difficulties, they will choose to give up or find excuses to escape, unwilling to work hard, and have no motivation to study in depth.

At the same time, psychological research shows that excessive praise will not only make children with low self-esteem afraid of challenges, but also reduce their self-identity more easily, and will also make children with high self-esteem become overly narcissistic.

The children of relatives are very smart, but they have a bad personality. They lose their temper easily and their parents won't say anything at all.

In order to make the child obedient, the family tries to coax him, regardless of others, they will leave enough face for the child and often deliberately say some compliments.

So that the culvert is over-expanded and often feels superior.

For example, on weekdays, he does something a little (such as housework), and always immediately goes to his elders to take credit and get praise, otherwise he will cry and make trouble.

If the child around you is praised, you must compare it with it and let others admit that the child is not as good as him.

Or, if your grades are a little better, or if you are praised by the teacher, you can't help showing off and boasting about yourself; If you don't do it well once, there are many reasons. I think I am good enough, and many people are not as good as him.

Brad bushman, a professor of psychology, thinks:

The most dangerous belief in life is that a person thinks he is better than others, which will lead others to behave worse.

If everyone regards himself as a member of the human family, it is most worth advocating.

Praise for a long time, the child will lose the correct self-judgment ability. If all actions must rely on the evaluation of others, it means that the initiative in life will also be in the hands of others.

"Children, do as you like"-the best love is to set children free.

In recent years, the "Buddhist" parenting method has gradually become popular.

Many parents began to let go, calling it "you can't suppress children's nature". "Why do you sign up for so many classes? Happiness is more important to children "and" Don't make too many rules. The more you manage, the worse your children will be. "

There is a "free growth" child in our community.

Four-and five-year-old children, like other children, like to play with their mothers in community parks. The difference is that this child is not chasing someone else's pet cats and dogs. Is to pull flowers and break branches; Even when playing on the slide, I often push other children down and grab toys.

In the face of everyone's complaints, the child's mother said with grievances that the child is still young and these behaviors are normal. How can a child stay out of trouble?

Since you want him to grow up happily, you have to let him explore freely. You can't tie him up at home and do nothing.

It is never a problem to let children grow up freely. The problem is that freedom without rules is the helpless doting of parents.

Sun Ruixue said in Love and Freedom:

The so-called love and freedom is not an education without rules, but an educational process in which children have free will and self-discipline of thought under the premise of respecting others in a loving environment.

Think of a news I saw in Weibo, a little boy in Chongqing. His parents have always adopted an "enlightened and free policy" towards his education, hoping that his children will do what they really like.

Therefore, although children have been playing mobile games since they were 4 years old, they often hold their mobile phones and don't leave their bodies, and their parents rarely preach.

In this growing atmosphere, children are more and more addicted to the internet, and even feel that they are very talented and want to be a game anchor when they grow up.

At the age of 6, the child inadvertently saw his father send a red envelope and secretly wrote down the password for account payment. In just two days, he spent more than 10 thousand yuan in his father's account to buy the character equipment in the game. He also said that all the debit messages sent by the bank were deleted.

After being discovered, the child behaved very indifferently. Faced with this carelessness, he only cares about meeting his own interests and needs, regardless of other people's behavior, his parents can only regret it. It is his own lack of education for children that leads to such problems.

Piaget, a psychologist, believes that children's moral development is a transformation process from heteronomy to self-discipline and from objective responsibility to subjective responsibility.

This means that if children want to develop a sense of rules and form self-control, they can't miss the critical period of heteronomy.

When I was a child, I made rules, educated and disciplined. When they grow up, children can fly higher and farther within safe limits, and have more happiness and happiness.

As Gao said to his daughter, "May you be warm and pure all your life, and never abandon love and freedom."

While touching countless people, this sentence also teaches us that the premise of "love and freedom" must be to make children "warm and virtuous."

"Baby, as long as you work hard, you will succeed"-the degree of hard work determines whether you succeed or not.

Compared with the "Buddhist" parenting style, this kind of parents pay more attention to their children's achievements. Indeed, success has factors of hard work, but don't forget that hard work is never the whole of success.

When we are used to educating our children with the slogan "Hard work will definitely succeed and hard work will change our lives", we link all our achievements with "hard work" and tell them:

If there is no good result, don't quibble, you just don't work hard enough.

Try harder and you will be the first.

The child just doesn't work hard. He is very clever and will succeed if he works hard.

Under the guidance of this deformed concept of success, the harm to children is unpredictable.

I remember when I was a child, every time I took a big exam or a small exam, my parents would show off everywhere as long as I got good grades in a single subject and did well in the exam.

If the grades are not bad, they will start asking, "xxx, what's the score this time?" Look at others. Can you learn more from her? "Once I can't meet their expectations, I must be beaten up.

So during school, every night before the exam, I will be anxious to insomnia; All extracurricular competitions can only be avoided and dare not try easily.

Even now, I don't want to tell my parents before I do anything, because I am afraid to hear "Come on, I believe you will succeed."

It seems to be encouraging, but it is full of pressure.

You know, many things don't mean that you can succeed if you work hard, but it doesn't mean that children don't work hard.

In the variety show "Incredible Mom", Ye Yixi said:

The result is not important, what is important is that he enjoyed the middle process, and he showed his strength, which I think is very good.

Life itself is a process, and whether a child enjoys this process is more important than what he finally gets.

If success is not regarded as the only possibility in life, there will be more than one possibility in life.

Tell the children, but do good, Mo Wen's future. I believe that he will be more calm and calm, and will have more courage to try all challenges and gain more happiness.

There is such a sentence in "The Gift of Failure", which impressed me deeply:

Lessons learned from mistakes are gifts for children, so don't pass the buck.

Year after year, my best students, that is, the happiest and most successful students, are like this: parents allow them to fail, make them responsible for their mistakes, and encourage them to do their best in the face of mistakes.

Just as there are no leaves in the world, every family needs different educational models.

Some educational methods seem to be correct and reasonable, but they may not be able to prescribe the right medicine. Listening is the most taboo point in the process of parenting.

Parenting first nurtures oneself, nurtures oneself first nurtures the heart.

As parents, we should recognize ourselves and not be swayed by chicken soup, so as to avoid taking the opposite path and achieve twice the result with half the effort. This is the meaning of modern parenting.