Funny SMS article title

1. The hunter hunted and saw two birds in the tree. He shot down one with a gun and found it hairless. Just wondering, another bird flew down and cursed the hunter: damn it, I just coaxed her to take off her clothes and you shot her down. . .

2. The farmer tried to kill the rooster but couldn't catch it, so he grabbed the hen and said to the rooster, Don't come down and let you be a bachelor! Rooster: You fucking think I'm stupid. If I fall, she will become a widow. . .

There is a parrot hanging in front of the hotel. When the guest arrived, he said, hello, welcome! An old customer thought, I'll go in and see your reaction. One day he ran in and the parrot said, "x your mother!" "You scared me! ! !

In a military exercise, a shell deviated far away. The soldiers sent to inspect found that the shells landed in the farmland, and Tian Zhongzheng stood with you. Your clothes are torn, and your face is dark and full of tears. You said: Is it worthwhile to steal a cabbage and fry it?

5. The restaurant fly said to the toilet fly: You chase the fishy smell all day, while I eat spicy food all day. Come here! Toilet flies: no common goals, no common goals. What's the use of eating well? How many beautiful women have you met?

6. The Beijing-Kowloon Railway is open to traffic, and farmers along it watch. A female passenger on the bus threw the sanitary napkin out of the window after changing it and stuck it on a farmer's face. The farmer took it and said, * * *! This car is so fast that a piece of paper can make your nose bleed! ! !

7. Have you ever heard of it? It took 500 times to look back in my last life before I passed by in this life. In this life, I used 1000 times to look back and smile at each other. Friends like us didn't do anything else in our last life, but turned around. . .

8. A woman urinated in the toilet, and a drunk went by mistake after drinking. When he heard the sound of urinating, he said, don't pour it, I really don't drink it! The woman was too frightened to pee, so she couldn't hold back and farted. The drunkard said, * * * *, why did you open another bottle!

9. Get up early in the morning, the rooster beat the hen and asked the hen: Why did the rooster beat you? The hen said I don't know, so she asked the rooster. The rooster said, screw it, it got up this morning and laid a duck egg! ! !

10.20 years ago, mom was waiting for the bus with you in her arms. Everyone laughed at the ugly child, and mother cried. An old man selling bananas patted her and said, don't cry, big sister! Give the banana to your monkey! Poor thing. I'm starving. . .

1 1. The farmer drove the donkey into the city and met a rogue. Rogue: Have you eaten? The farmer said, yes. Rogue: I asked the donkey. Hearing this, the farmer turned and slapped the donkey twice: Shit, there are relatives in the city who are silent.

12. The pig asked God to be reincarnated. The emperor asked: do you farm? The answer is too bitter. Say: work? Too tired to answer. Hey: Playing with monkeys? The answer is too difficult. What did the emperor ask for? A: You can eat, drink and be merry! The emperor was frightened: this son of a bitch still wants to be a national cadre!

13. A child in the delivery room smiled after birth. The midwife was very surprised. When she gathered around to observe, she found the child's fist clenched tightly. After breaking it, she found that it was an abortion pill. She only heard the child say, damn it! Do you want to kill me? It's not that easy! ! !

14. Ducks and crabs race and reach the finish line at the same time. It's hard to say who is the winner. The referee said, come and cut the cloth with stones! The duck is furious: Shit! Black whistle! Set me up. When I came out, it was cloth. When he comes out, he always cuts it.

1: One day, mosquitoes and mantis went to peek at a woman taking a bath. Mosquito proudly said: you see, I stabbed her chest twice ten years ago, and now it is so swollen; Mantis expressed unconvinced. What's the matter? I cut her between her legs ten years ago, and now she is still bleeding every month. ...

2. Kangaroos and frogs fuck chickens. The kangaroo finished it three times and twice, and only listened to the frog next door all night. One, two, three. Hey! The bagged sd mouse is so envious. The next day, the kangaroo said, "Wow! ~ ~ Brother Frog, you are great! . "The frog said," Damn it, I didn't jump on the bed all night! " ~~"

3. An elephant asked the camel, "Why do your breasts grow on your back?" The camel said, "Stay away, I don't talk to things with dicks on their faces!" " "The snake laughed hysterically after listening to the conversation between the elephant and the camel. The elephant turned to the snake and said, "Laugh! You have a face on your penis, you are not qualified! "

A poor scholar studied hard, so he wrote a couplet in front of the door to encourage himself. The first part reads: "sleep in the thatched cottage and type", the second part reads: "lie on your feet and blow your flute", and the second part reads: "I am willing to listen to my destiny". One day, a Henan man passed by and was curious to see this couplet. He read aloud in his hometown dialect: "Who did my ass?" I told him to make it hurt' ... yo, there's a comment! But this time he read backwards: "Do it again tomorrow!" " "

5. The female teacher in kindergarten led the students to swim and accidentally revealed an X-hair. A student asked the teacher, what is that? The female teacher pulled it out cruelly and said it was a thread!

6. The little girl always shows off her new toys to the little boy. The little boy had no choice but to take off his pants and say you'll never have this! The girl also took off her pants and said that my mother said that as long as you have this, you can have as many things as you want!

7: A row of girls are waiting for guests in the street. An 80-year-old lady saw them and asked curiously, What are you waiting for? * The woman said angrily: Wait for the lollipop! Old women also lined up to join the team, waiting for the candy. As a result, she was caught and asked the old woman, Can you do without teeth? The old woman smiled and said, I can lick it! ! !

8. The driver sent the leader to the literary evening, and the leader entered the venue. The driver was stopped by the security guard. The driver said that I and the leader are a system. The security guard said: Chicken X and eggs are also a system. Chicken X went in, but can eggs go in?

9. One day, a gentleman's wife gave birth to a baby. He rushed to the hospital and waited for n hours. The doctor came out and told him it was twins! He was ecstatic: I am a father! At this time, the doctor said sadly, the boy's penis grows on his face, but the girl's boobs grow on his back! Some gentlemen stayed there, wondering why. The doctor asked: Do you always refuse to reply?

First of all, Xiaoming was dishonest when he was a child. In order to educate him, an old farmer said to him, "60 years is hard, there is no food to eat, and he never throws his booger out."

Second, the boss and the second child fly, and the second child gets airsick and keeps vomiting. A bag was full, so the boss had to get it. When he came back, he found that the whole plane was vomiting. The boss asked the reason, and the second said, "I saw that this bag was full, so I had to drink half a bag, and they all vomited."

3. A man and a friend went to visit his grandmother. While he was talking to his grandmother, his friends began to eat peanuts on the coffee table and ate them all. When they left, his friend said to his grandmother, "Thank you for the peanuts." Grandma responded: "Oh! Hmm! Alas! Because I lost all my teeth, I could only suck out the chocolate in them. Old, coughing. . .

4. A rich man wants a servant. The topic of the interview is going to the toilet. The first few came out without washing their hands. So the rich man sent them away, and only one person washed his hands, so the rich man left him. But one day, the rich man found that he came out without washing his hands. The rich man asked him why. The servant replied, "I brought toilet paper today ..."

On this day, the hotel owner is patrolling the lobby. A beggar came forward and said, "Can the boss give me a toothpick?" The boss gave him one and sent it away. After a while, another beggar came and asked for a toothpick. The boss thought, why do beggars want toothpicks instead of rice now? I also gave him one to send away, not too old, and another beggar came. The boss said to him, "Are you here to get a toothpick, too?" The beggar said, "someone threw up, but I was late." The first two beggars ate everything they could eat, and now only soup is left. " Can you give me a straw?

Six, the boss and the second went to the theater to see the play, and saw them arguing about the development of the plot halfway, and made a bet. The boss pointed to a row of spittoons in front of him and said, "The loser should take a sip of what's inside." Unfortunately, the boss lost, so he took a sip with a frown. The two went on to bet on the next plot. This time, the second child lost. I saw the second child pick up the spittoon and took fifteen gulps. Surprised and envious, the boss said to the second child, "You are amazing. You can even drink fifteen mouthfuls!" " "The second shook his head. "I don't want to drink. The sputum in the spittoon is too thick. I really can't stop biting! " "

A man saw a big sale in a shop and went in. "What do you want?" "I want to buy dog food." We have a rule that you must prove that you have a dog. ""where is such a rule? " "This is the case with goods on sale. "This man has been grinding with the salesman for a long time, but the salesman still refuses to sell it to him. No way, the man had to go home and bring the dog before buying dog food. A few days later, the man went to this shop to buy cat food. " Give me two boxes of cat food. ""We have a rule that you must prove that you have a cat. "It's the same shop assistant, and that person has been hanging out with her for a long time. As a result, he still had to go home and take the cat to buy cat food. A few days later, the man came to the store with a big cardboard box with a hole and found the salesman. " What do you want? ""Put your hand in and you'll know. The salesman put his hand in: "What is it?" Very sticky. "I want to buy two rolls of toilet paper. "

Eight, some people like the dish "spicy vermicelli pot" very much. Once, he went to a restaurant and ordered this dish again. But the waiter told him that the dish was sold out. "Is it really sold out?" He asked in disappointment. "Sir, really sold out. You see, the last one was sold to the gentleman at that table. " The waiter replied. The man followed the waiter's instructions and saw a very decent gentleman sitting next to him. This gentleman has eaten almost all his dishes, but the "spicy vermicelli pot" is still full. The man thought that a gentleman had wasted delicious food, so he went up to the gentleman and pointed to the "spicy vermicelli pot" and politely asked, "Do you want more, sir?" The gentleman shook his head gracefully. So the man immediately sat down, picked up the spoon and wolfed it down. After a while, he swallowed half. Suddenly, he found a little mouse lying at the bottom of the casserole with all its hair. In a fit of nausea, the man vomited all the fans he had eaten back into the casserole. When he had a stomachache there, the gentleman looked at him sympathetically and said, "It's disgusting, isn't it?" I was just like that.

Nine, Xiaomei especially likes to eat pig blood cake. Every time I see a stall selling pig blood cakes on the roadside, she will definitely buy them. One day, she saw a woman in her sixties selling it on the road, so she went to buy it to eat. After eating, she found the pig blood cake extremely delicious, so she wanted to pay her highest respects to her grandmother.

(Answer in Taiwanese) `

Mei: "Grandma, why does your pig blood cake smell so good?" 」

Grandma: "The materials are very precious, and they can only be sold for a few days a month. 」

America: "Wow! Where did you get such precious materials? 」

Grandma: "Alas, mine has been used for decades, and now it is old and gone." Now it's my daughter's turn. 」

Beauty: "*&; %@」

10. For the first time, medical students covered the corpse with white cloth for a real anatomy class. The professor began to lecture. "As a doctor, you must have two important qualities. First of all, you must not be afraid of nausea. " . After that, the professor uncovered the white cloth, inserted his finger into the anus of the corpse, then pulled it out and put it in his mouth to suck. "Learn to do it," he told his classmates. The students felt sick and hesitated for a long time, but at last they had to do it in turn. When the last person finished, the professor added, "The second quality is observation. I inserted my middle finger, but sucked it. Students, pay attention to observation! "