A joke to comfort girls

1. Parents want their children to sleep in a room by themselves, so they say, "When the children are older, sleep by themselves, and don't let adults sleep with them." The child said, "Dad, you are so old, how can you let your mother sleep with you?"

2. When the weekend comes, Mr. Happy invites you to a weekend party. Let Miss Happy dance with you. Brother Healthy drinks to you. Sister Ping chats with you. Happy children are hip-hop around you. Happy weekend!

3. When I was a child, I often thought: When I grow up, is it better to go to Tsinghua or Peking University? I don't know until I grow up: I really think too much.

A Dai was swimming on the beach when a big wave came and choked a lot of water. A Dai only felt that water was constantly flowing from his mouth, nose and ears. He panicked and shouted to his companion, "My head is in water! I'm crazy.

The marriage counselor asked the couple to list all kinds of things that upset them on paper. Ten minutes later, the husband raised his hand and said, "I can't write." "That's good!" The wife said, "Marriage shouldn't be too critical of each other, right?" "There is not enough paper to write!"

When I think of you, I feel warm in my heart. I remember the way you gave up on yourself when we went shopping together. I really can't walk without you. You are my heaven, my land, my lover and my confidant-RMB.

7. My girlfriend is pregnant for 7 months and often complains to me: "People inside can't get out, and people outside can't get in if they want to!" My mouth is worn out these days!

8. A college student has just graduated from the wrong job, and his income is low, and his work always can't keep up with the rhythm. Once he quarreled with his girlfriend and said that I was unlucky for eight generations. Even if my work was wrong, you were also wrong.

I yelled at my girlfriend just now. She glared at me and said, "Come on, come on, just listen if you yell at me again!" " "As a big man, can I be afraid of this? So I took a deep breath and shouted with all my strength: "I love you! "I love you! I love you! I also yelled, can you marry me? "

10, the son seriously asked his father, "Dad, how much does it cost to get married?" Dad: "It's hard to calculate! Because dad is still paying the bill! "

1 1. The Tang Priest met a banshee who went west and wanted to have sex. When she saw this scene, the banshee shouted, Elder! My little girl is afraid of having sex when she menstruates! Hearing this, the Tang Priest folded his hands: Amitabha, I'm here to learn from the scriptures!

12. On the bus, the mother took the baby out, and the baby was afraid of life and cried from time to time. Mothers breast-feed, habitually say to their children while breast-feeding: Be obedient, eat quickly, or let others eat.

13, when the puppy's tail shakes, the troubles and bad luck immediately flee; The kitten barks obediently, bringing greetings and good news; Birds are singing songs and making you smile. I wish you: have a good time!

14, a handsome guy went to get a haircut. The barber smiled and asked: What hairstyle? Handsome guy said: What hairstyle do you have? The barber took pains to introduce it for more than ten minutes, and then asked, which one do you want? Handsome guy shrugged: I cut my hair!

15, Teacher: Why do you always come last in the exam? Xiao Ming: Teacher, don't talk about me either. Many of your colleagues have been promoted. You're still here in front of the little teacher. Aren't you going backwards? Teacher: Take your schoolbag and go home!

16. On Valentine's Day, my aunt sent Feifei a message "Happy Valentine's Day". Feifei replied angrily, "Why are there only these five words? I have no sincerity at all! " O chrysanthemum "because my hair is short. Believe it. "

17, Franklin: fortunately, lovers are not as powerful as lightning, otherwise the consequences will be unimaginable!

18, the old man asked everyone how they grew up. The headmaster said: I grew up laughing. The director said: I grew up in a small rural area. The official said, I grew up in captivity. The brigade commander said: I grew up in a tour group. The director cried and sobbed. I grew up in the toilet.

19, several female colleagues usually like to chat together, and once talked about how accurate their sixth sense is. Chatting, another female colleague came over and immediately said, I don't like the sixth sense! Everyone asked why, and the woman replied, I like Durex.

20. There was a female colleague named Ji. One day, my brain was broken. I told her: You said you wanted to have a man named Ji and called you "chicken" every day. How funny! Her face suddenly sank: my father's surname is Ji.

2 1. A father tells a story to his son: Once upon a time there was a frog ... Son: Is there a science fiction story? Father: Once upon a time there was a frog in space ... Son: Is there a limit level? Father: shh ~ keep your voice down so that mom can't hear you. Once upon a time, there was a frog with no clothes on …

22, junior high school students built a group, trying to pull all the students in the original class, but forgot how many people were in the class at that time. While everyone was thinking hard, a classmate said, "54 people, I'm sure!" " At that time, I always came last, 54! "Everyone unanimously passed, after all, this number is too authoritative.

23. The dentist said to the patient, "Please! Can you scream a few times? The louder the voice, the better! " The patient said in surprise, "But I don't feel any pain at all?" Doctor: "Help! You see there are so many patients in the waiting room, I'm afraid I won't be able to catch the ball game at six o'clock! "

24. I have a message for you. I have decided who will contact me the most from today. On the last Sunday of this month, I will take him to a five-star hotel to watch others eat! Dude, remember to contact more!

25. Do you think I can't find you if you hide? It's no use. No matter where you are, there is always an aura that attracts others' attention. You are not ignorant. It will smell good if you don't take a shower for so long!

26, others laugh at me too 2, I laugh at others can not see through. I will be at 2 am: keep smiling and look at beautiful women; At noon, I will be at 2 o'clock: combine work and rest to relax; I will be at 2 pm: relax and never stay up late. 2- 1-2, life will be better.

27. Give you a little sunshine, you will be brilliant, give you a little military forces, you will be rebellious, give you a little smile, you will discharge, give you a handful of feed, you will lay eggs, send you messages, you will understand, you are really an idiot.

28. When the weather is cold, I will give you a considerate brand thermal underwear, put on a caring brand sweater, put on a warm brand cotton-padded coat and tie a happy belt. I can't believe you don't look like a … Zongzi dressed like this!

29. I use a "vacuum cleaner" to suck the dust off your body, I use a "massage chair" to take away your drowsiness, and I use a "foot bath" to wash away your fatigue all day. May you be happy every day!

30, go to the hair salon to wash your hair, look at this, the phone is unstable, Duang hits my face, and the girl who washes her hair laughs and sprays my nose, damn it! But for the cold weather, I would forgive you.

3 1, the Spanish magazine held an essay contest and asked to write a report on bullfighting. The fewer words, the better. As a result, the article that won the first prize was written like this: "cow, two matadors, cow, a matador, cow!" "

32. It turns out that I love you wholeheartedly, and people are combined with coolness. A big kiss is a scholar, a freshman falls in love with immortals, and the east wind laughs when he lacks a left heart. (Answer: May you be happy every day)

My daughter-in-law came to the city where I work with her three-year-old son. On the first day she came, she forgot to sell the quilt, and the three of them crowded together. Finally, when our son fell asleep, we couldn't wait to start doing it. After a while, we saw our son sitting up. We quickly stopped to tell our son; It was cold outside, so I quickly got into the quilt. I didn't expect my son to say, you're lying, it's colder and windy inside!

34. Do you want to have good teeth? Here are three lessons for you: first, rinse your mouth after meals and brush your teeth in the morning and evening; Second, go to the hospital for a dental examination every two years; Third, mind your own business.

35. When buying clothes, the salesman (contemptuously): This dress is very expensive. Don't touch it unless you buy it. Jane Doyle: It seems that you are rich? Don't sell it if you have money!

If you let me find a reason to call you! I think you will be disappointed. No, I have many reasons. Want to hear it? Just answer my phone later!

37. The weather is hot and cold, so it's hard to calm down this season. I always miss you in the distance. I am willing to keep a homing pigeon and let it fly to your place every day, even if it is just a simple action: pull a shit on your head!

38. Patrol: Fishing is not allowed here. Fisherman: I'm not fishing, I'm letting earthworms practice swimming. Policeman: Then, show me the earthworm. Fisherman: Look! Patrol: I can't swim. You should be fined.

39. The bedroom is on the sixth floor. I climbed up and found that I didn't have my key. I'll go downstairs and let my aunt get it. Then I climbed up to open the door, went down to return the key and climbed up again. I found the door closed. A classmate next door passed by. "Look, your door is not closed. I'll help you close it. "

40. I got up late, bought a cup of porridge and got on the bus. Then a sister came up and sat behind me. I took a sip of porridge, she took a sniffle, and then she took another sip of porridge. Sister, can I have breakfast without dubbing? ...

4 1, a fight between a coal seller and an egg seller attracted everyone to watch and ask why. The egg seller said, come and judge, is there such a thing as him? I shouted: Eggs! He immediately shouted: sell coal!

42. There is a mosquito in the city. It has been a long time since it found a meal that suits its appetite. One day, he was so hungry that he stuck it in front of a woman's nose and took a bite. I found that all the glue was borrowed under her skin. She sighed, alas, there are fewer and fewer green foods!

43. The patient said to the psychologist: I always thought I was a bird. Doctor: That's serious. When did it start? Patient: Because I am a bird.

44. You used to be my pain when I breathed, but now you are my good brother. China New Year is coming. Let's go to the party and have fun together. My happiness for the rest of my life depends on you: my dear false teeth.

45. Our village has a big scar on its face. I asked how it happened. Him? Joseph said that he would go home by motorcycle in the evening of 2008, without going halfway. I'm rocking my motorcycle, as if I'm out of gas. So he took out his lighter, lit a fire and looked at the fuel tank. Fortunately, there was no gas, otherwise we would all die.

46. I made a wish before the Buddha, hoping to find my good luck as soon as possible. Who knows the Buddha said: a hundred years of harmony has long been arranged! I said: I have already arranged it, so how can I be late? Buddha said: What will happen to the world if human beings lose association? God, my marriage is in my imagination! Dizzy!

47. It is said that you are handsome and you are covered with famous brands. It seems that Pan An is living in the contemporary era, educated and educated. I've come to worship you, and I won't know until I see you. You are really a genius in the orangutan world!

48. When the radio was still very popular a few years ago, one day my grandmother asked me what time it was reported on the radio just now. I said, eight o'clock. Grandma said, oh, it's past eight. I said, didn't I say eight o'clock? Why is it past eight o'clock? Grandma said, didn't it report at eight o'clock Beijing time? Report here no later than eight o'clock.

49. If you love me, treat me well. If you never loved me, make it clear, I can understand. If you have to ask me if I love you, then I can tell you, in fact … I have never loved you!

50. A girl wrote to her boyfriend in the distance: Honey, don't write to me again. Neighbors all think that postman is my boyfriend.

5 1, ready to sing; Whoever marries you is sentimental and unlucky. At that time, the sky was still blue, and you always liked to eat garlic raw. You always say that graduation is far away, but you have failed! It's only occasionally that I turn over the photos that I think of you funny.

52. The driving school held a meeting for students. During the dinner, the lecturer asked everyone, "Shall we start now?" A student was awakened by a nap and replied, "Isn't there still a meeting?" (of meetings) I don't know why! "After listening, the lecturer said," You don't understand! "

53. Driving a motorcycle to pick up my girlfriend from work is a bit cold in the middle of the night. Your girlfriend gently put her arms around you, and suddenly she touched your face: "Is it cold?" Just want to interface suddenly found that the waist girlfriend's hand has not left, ah!

54. A joke: Congratulations on being admitted to frog university, toad department and shameless class. Please take the 250 bus to Fool's Road and get off at Fool's Street with the proof of mental illness! Please stand at the school gate and giggle when signing up!

55. I made a wish to the meteor, wishing you peace forever, and the meteor agreed; I prayed to god, wishing you good luck forever, and god agreed; I asked Xifeng to kiss you if you didn't contact me, and Xifeng agreed! Have fun!

I told you not to look, but you didn't listen! It's hot, and it's inevitable for a beautiful woman to dress up. Great, responsive, bloodshot, beaten, one big and one small. Oh, poor eyes!

57. The young man stroked his girlfriend's thigh in a miniskirt: Dear, I love you! Girlfriend is infatuated with being caressed: Come again, higher! The young man raised his voice: Dear, I love you!

58. Wife: Honey, come in and help me take a bath ~ My husband heard that there was a fire inside, took off his clothes and went into the water room. Wife: Help me wash dates. What are you doing?

59. When the Tang Priest saw Wukong put on his hat, he recited a spell. Wukong cried, "Headache! Headache! " Tang Priest was overjoyed. He read it several times, and Wukong rolled around in pain, grabbing at his hat! The Tang Priest paused, and Wukong asked, "What scripture is this?" Tang priest faint way: dysmenorrhea.

60. I am afraid that I will get an electric shock when I see you; I can't see you, I need to recharge; Without you, I think I will cut off the power. Love you is my career, miss you is my career, hug you is my specialty, kiss you is my specialty!

6 1, I took the bus with my buddies the day before yesterday, and the bus was very crowded. Suddenly I saw a big sister next to my buddy's face flushed, so I motioned for my buddy to have a look. The buddy took a look and said, "That's a thief!" " ".I asked," How do you know? " Answer: "because my trouser pocket has no bottom, it works!" "

62. What I do is circuit design. As a result, four mechanical teachers finished their lectures in five minutes, waiting for the teacher to ask questions. Take my paper and say that your punctuation is wrong, go back and correct it! Collapse!

63. If you were a puppy, I would like to turn into a bone for you to chew. If you are lonely, I will accompany you with my heart; But this time I didn't bring anything, only a bunch of bananas, hanging high. I'm sure you will fold up the box and pick it up!

64. When you are happy, you share it with me; When I was sick and injured, you cured me; When I am lonely, I think what I think; When you are happy, watch for me silently; Every moment, you are with me. Without you, there would be no sunshine, ah, shadow!

65. How can I put my left hand completely in your right trouser pocket and my right hand completely in your left trouser pocket? Answer: Just wear your pants inside out.

66. I heard that you have been awesome recently. Putin will help you get off the plane, Bush will be your driver, Madonna will accompany you up the stairs, Kim Hee Seon will roast your chicken, Andy Lau will take out the garbage, and even I will send you a text message!

67. Today is Dad's birthday. I just didn't get through to my dad and called my mom. The dialogue is as follows: "Ma Ma, why doesn't your husband answer my phone?" "Because my husband's family education is strict, he won't take calls from other women casually." Lie down! Lie down!

68, although you are a tooth! Don't feel sorry for yourself, just have teeth! You can dig sweet potatoes, cover your chin when it rains, separate the tea residue when you drink tea, and use it as a knife and fork when you have a picnic. Do you think you are the best?

69. The first wind knocking at the door in the morning is my loyal greeting to you; The stars that don't fall at night are my good night wishes to you.

70. Looking up classics and interviewing psychologists, naturalists and physicists at home and abroad, combined with my experiments, I finally found a way to escape the summer, that is: stay in your cool place!

7 1, a sister just broke up. I tried all kinds of persuasion and teasing. As a result, she got better. I advised her not to believe in true love. I took a fancy to her, but she told me that she no longer believed in true love. Did I dig a hole and jump myself?

72, the landlord played well, indicating that he has a mind; Playing well shows clear thinking; Fighting carefully shows that you understand the economy; Fighting is not afraid of bombing; If you win, you will be silent, indicating that you are shrewd; Do not surrender if you lose; Explain that the sense of competition is strong!

73. I've always wanted to say three words, but you know its weight. I'm afraid once I say it, we can't even be friends. But I can't control my feelings and summon up courage to say to you: get up!

74. Xiaoming met a lion on his journey. The lion knelt down and folded his hands. Xiao Ming was surprised and did it. The lion looked up and said, I don't know what you are doing! But I can tell you that I pray before dinner!

I have admired you for a long time. You are so talented and rich. Be my man! Don't get me wrong, I just want you to be my lender and lend me 20 thousand yuan, okay?

76. M: Women are really contradictory animals. Her beauty is so short, but her makeup is so long. W: If a woman doesn't spend a long time making up, her beauty will be shorter. Spices without meat taste even stranger. They are either spicy or bitter.

77. A couple went to register for marriage. "Have you ever had a premarital examination?" "Yes, his house and car are gone." "I'm going to the hospital." The young woman blushed and whispered, "Yes, it's a boy."

The prisoner is being sent to the execution ground. The prisoner complained, "How fucking far away!" * * Comfort: "Dude, you are lucky, we have to come back again!" .

79. It is not advisable to eat more ginger in autumn. It is easy to hurt the lungs when it is dry in autumn, and ginger contains gingerol, which can stimulate the secretion of gastric juice and excite the intestines. Eating more will aggravate the dehydration and dryness of the human body, so friends must pay attention!

80. Marriage is called surfing the Internet, bigamy is called even card, extramarital love is called call transfer, and more lovers are called Monternet. Divorce is called cancellation number, separation is called downtime insurance number, remarriage is called remarriage, the woman remarries is called transfer, and the man remarries is called replacement card.

8 1, one day I found such a sentence in the factory: evaluate risks, work correctly and develop rapidly. I don't know who changed the punctuation: the evaluation of wind and risk is correct, the operation is fast and the development is fast. I didn't know it was a wind power station until I asked.

82. Some people complain that salesgirls make up during working hours. Everyone thinks that the manager will be furious. Who wants the manager to simply say: it's outrageous not to let people put on makeup when they are ugly! Since then, no one has tried to make up.

Bees chase butterflies, but butterflies marry snails. The bee doesn't understand: where is he better than me? Butterfly replied: people at least have their own house, unlike you who live in a dormitory.

84. My little niece is 2 years old. One day, my colleagues and I were teasing her. I said, give me a kiss, and she kissed me. Then my colleague said, give her a bite, too. My colleague said that if you don't kiss me, I will kiss you, so I kissed my little niece. As a result, my little niece silently opened her face with a piece of paper. Haha, my colleague blushed instantly.

85. A group of ants climbed up the elephant's back, but they were knocked down. Only one ant sticks to the elephant's neck. The ant below shouted: strangle him, strangle him, small sample, what a fucking retrogression.

86. Mom: "Obviously you are so old, don't you wash your feet yourself?" "Obviously, you are still young. You should listen to adults. " Mingming: "Mom, am I old or young?"

87. After talking with a patient, the dentist asked him if he had any problems. "I only have one question," * * said uneasily. "I never gave you a ticket, did I?

Buck: "I really don't understand that so many people died in the sea, but so many people went into the sea." Bill: "With so many people dying in bed, you still have to sleep every night."

89. Fish said: I never close my eyes, because I want you to see you in my eyes at any time! Water said: I keep flowing, so that you can feel me hugging you at any time! The pot said: it's almost ripe. tm is poor!

90. Today, my colleague suggested that I tattoo my eyebrows. I said my bangs covered my eyebrows, which is unnecessary! She said that I can keep my bangs clean now, and when I am 30, I will act very young! As a result, our general manager happened to pass by I wonder if she heard him! She is over 40 years old and has always had bangs! When she left, we kept laughing! We really didn't mean it, so we know that the general manager happens to be!

9 1, take a black car home and ask the master if he has eaten. The master said coldly, just finish this ticket. I said with trepidation, you, what do you want? The master said coldly, take you home. Well, master, I only have 50 yuan in my pocket. I'll give it all to you. I suddenly remembered that I had something to do, so I didn't sit down.

92. Making money is like "bird's nest mud" and spending money is like "the river burst its banks". Diligence without thrift is like wireless with a needle. May you manage your family diligently, learn to manage your finances, be happy and auspicious, and accompany you forever!

93. Now I know that Li Bai, a house slave, bought an unfinished building, which is evidenced by poems: the foot of my bed is so bright-there is no window; Is there frost already? -The door is not installed; Looking up, I found it was moonlight-the roof was open; I sank again and suddenly remembered home. -It hurts.

94. Everyone sends polar bears to play football with penguins. As a result, the polar bear came back alone Asked why, the polar bear said, "Penguin said he was playing 360 at home, so he won't come."

95. What time is it? No sleeping! Congratulations on receiving the message from the most handsome man of this century! I can't think of anything to congratulate you except congratulations.

96. When the private did not salute the lieutenant according to the military regulations, the lieutenant ordered him to salute himself 200 times. A general said with a smile, but according to the military regulations, you must reciprocate every time he salutes.

97. A Dai: It is said that women will become beautiful after marriage. Has your wife become more beautiful since she got married? Agua: It looks good without glasses. A Dai: But she doesn't wear glasses! Agua: I wear glasses!

98. Don't panic when you meet a mouse on the road. Fight bravely. There will be at most three results: first, you win, you are better than the mouse; Second, if you lose, you are worse than a mouse. Third, you are even. You are like a mouse.

99. "Beauty, can I support you for one year with one million dollars?" "Very good." This is 1 15 yuan. Count. I'll stay here for an hour first.

100, like, is a touch of love. Love is deep love. I hope we can go home together in the future, instead of sending you home.