Pay attention to children's inner growth

Han Han's stomach was exposed, and his mother said, "It's easy to catch cold if you lift your clothes. Please put them down. " "The girl is sitting and the boy is standing. If you pee standing up, you will pee your pants. This time, mom will take care of it for you. Don't pee your pants next time. "

Exposing the belly is related to whether the body catches cold or not, and has nothing to do with shame, so that children can fully accept their body and their gender.

Mother never boasted that Han Han could recite Tang poems in front of others-if the child can, it means that he has this ability, which belongs to the internal accumulation of self. Children acquire certain abilities only for their own internal accumulation, not to please others.

Mother never asked Han Han to perform singing and dancing in front of guests. Han Han can dance if he wants, and sing if he wants. Dancing and singing is Han Han's innate hobby, so it doesn't matter whether anyone watches it or not.

The motivation of children's growth is not to please others, but to accumulate themselves.

When such children grow up, they can express themselves easily in front of hundreds of thousands of audiences-I have this ability, I just show it, and it has nothing to do with your evaluation of me! Because I have never used other people's judgment to guide my habit since I was a child.

1 Love and Freedom

Han Han's mother once learned a trick in the book "Harvard Girl"-making children responsible for other people's emotions: "If you don't behave well, your mother will be angry."

Han Ma used it when she didn't meet love and freedom. After reading Love and Freedom, I was scared out in a cold sweat: fortunately, I used less, so I have to change it quickly. If children are held responsible for other people's emotions for a long time, they will learn to observe what they say and lose themselves.

Later, Han's mother said, Baby, I have to do something because … (a reason why I need to do it). Mom is angry because she has emotions, which has nothing to do with you.

Feel pain

After the injection, Han Han said, "Mom, I'm afraid."

Mom said, "Yes, injections are scary. After a while, the nurse's aunt pricked the needle, and you hurt. Cry if you want, and shout if you want. Mom will hold you, and mom will accompany you and comfort you! "

Then I kissed Hanhan and held her tighter. Han Han got support from his mother's eyes. Every time he uses this therapy, Han Han will not strongly resist the injection.

Let children learn to open their whole bodies to feel pain. If pain comes, it is blocked in front of you. That's what psychology says. It plays a psychological defense mechanism: I don't want to feel, I don't want to feel.

In this way, the child's habit pattern is: not remembering, not remembering, remembering is a painful thing. When he grows up, he often forgets some things, because these have become the automatic observation and perception mode in his mind.

If our children don't have the ability to face the pain directly, they can't have a strong artistic sensibility. The most commonly used model of our parents now is: separate their children's feelings from themselves, and then force them to learn art, and scold them when they can't learn in-depth art, but they don't know that learning art is based on keen sensibility! Alas!

3 internal will

Han Han is learning to share, and his mother asks, "Baby, are you happy to share the cake with you?"

"Well, happy."

"Would you like to share your food with her next time?" This sentence used by Han Han's mother focuses on the child's heart.

Usually, mothers like to use another sentence: "Next time, you must share food with Juanjuan!" When external demand appears, pressure follows, and internal will is ignored.

4 Respect children's skin sensitivity

One day, when my mother bought small underpants for Han Han, she met Jinger's mother and Han Han's little friend. Jinger's mother also bought underpants in that store, saying that Jinger likes wearing underpants very much.

After I bought it, Hanhan didn't want to wear it. At that moment, a sentence popped up in my mother's mind: "Your little friend Jinger loves to wear underpants. How did you ... "Fortunately, this sentence didn't come out. Knowing that each child's skin sensitivity is different and can't compare with other children, my mother changed her sentence: "Hanhan, why don't you like it?"

"I think this pair of underwear is too small and uncomfortable to wear."

"Oh, really uncomfortable. That's because the old underpants are too small and hurt your little ass. Today, mom bought a bigger one. You try it on. If you still feel uncomfortable, mom will find another way, okay? "

You see, in the little matter of wearing shorts, we must pay attention to children's sensibility, we must not force children, and we must not apply the situation of other children to our own children.

5 inner feelings

Sometimes, Hanhan's mother will make some small mistakes, such as: "Hanhan, put on this dress quickly and let me see if it looks good."

Han Han said, "Well, I will wear it to school in the future, and the teachers will definitely say that I am beautiful."

Hearing this, Han Han's mother said, "It's broken. If you pay too much attention to getting other people's comments on your appearance, aren't you a psychological slave to others? When I get to school, I will quickly explain to the teachers, just give a little affirmation, and don't judge the clothes. "

How many people dress up all their lives to cater to others, but they have no ability to buy famous brands, in order to make others look important. Obviously uncomfortable to wear, others say it looks good, so they squeeze themselves in and torture themselves.

Dressing still needs to return to your inner feelings. Later, mother Han learned to say, "Baby, do you like this dress? What does it feel like to wear it? " "Baby, try this pair of shoes and walk around. How do you feel? Is it suitable? " This statement still attracts the child's attention to his inner feelings.

6 unconditional acceptance

What my mother often says to Han Han is: "Baby, when you are good, my mother loves you, and when you are not good, my mother loves you!" " "

Mom's message is: No matter what your self looks like, mom will accept it unconditionally.

Unconditional acceptance made Han Han dare to express his true situation from an early age, including cognitively: Mom, I can't do this. She never needs to be ashamed, because she won't. As a child, she must grow up in constant learning. I don't know this, I don't know how normal that is.

But I often hear some mothers say to their children: don't you know this? Why not? The child immediately recognized the meaning of criticism in this sentence, and felt even worse: Oh, I won't, my mother won't accept me, and I dare not let my mother know that I won't do it next time, because it's time to be criticized again.

When the child was a child, he still dared not open his heart to his mother. When he grows up, how can he communicate with his elders smoothly when he enters the rebellious period of youth?

7 be a good partner

We said it was important to be six years old. What matters is whether the interaction mode between children and adults and between children and society is healthy and humanized, not how much knowledge has been accumulated.

Han Han's mother never lets her children cry. Be considerate and accept the child's inner emotions: Baby, mom knows you are unhappy, and mom understands. Mom loves you. Mom's here.

Adults learn to be good companions! When children are told not to cry, they often suppress their sadness deeper, and negative emotions can never be eliminated. We often think that children will forget, but in fact, friends who have participated in some spiritual workshops know that no matter what happened in the past ten years, thirty years or even longer, once the scene reappears, all the pain will be as intense as it was at the beginning, and it will never be reduced by the passage of time.

8 Construct the child's self

On the reminder of eating, the mother said, "The baby can grow up if he eats more." Besides, don't say anything about winning the first prize. Because mom found that dad and nanny used to coax their children like this, it was effective in a short time, but there were latent symptoms.

At that time, my mother took Han Han and another family of three to climb the mountain. The child of that family was a boy of 12 years old, Yu Yu. At that time, Han Han was two years old and three months old. Her mother and Han Han walked slowly. Yu Yu's mother walked slowly behind, while Yu Yu and her father always walked far ahead. All the way, I only heard Han Han's anxious voice: wait for me, not so fast, stop quickly. Then, waiting for his brother Yu Yu, he rushed forward anxiously. When her mother saw this, Han Han obviously didn't know that she was physically incomparable with her twelve-year-old brother Yu Yu, but she was in a hurry.

Mom probably thought to herself: Oh, I want to be the first, but I can't be the second. If the second place is not good, I won't! Therefore, I was desperate to attack Yu Yu's brother several times. This is one of the manifestations that I can't accept the limitations of my ability.

Introduce competition too early when children are not competitive. What children need now is to connect with the inside, not to compete with external benchmarks. Under the condition of mature mind, after mastering the rules of social games, there is of course a need for healthy competition.

After climbing the mountain, my mother realized that the "first place" method was quite toxic and resolutely prohibited her family from using it again.

Eating is a child's own business, just be responsible for yourself. When you are satisfied, your grandparents will be happy, and eating will become someone else's business. This topic should belong to the border. However, it is also appropriate whether the concern for growth should be internal or external. Eating is for the happiness of grandparents. It must have been led outside.

At this point, it's time to end the analysis. I hope more parents can be moved, changed, understand "focusing on children's growth", be vigilant in parenting, and establish children's self.

Let every child grow up easily, hear her inner voice and socialize without damaging her self. This rule can also be applied to the mother's own growth process. If they pay attention to their own growth and keep a deep consciousness, all the wonderful possibilities will come.

This self, which is connected with the deep heart and built bit by bit, will show great power one day.

/kloc-the power of 0/0 language

Example 1

Mom: "Is my dress beautiful?"

Baby: "How do you feel?" (internal)

"Why haven't you worn it for so long?" (denying that the child is from the outside)

"Wearing shoes is a test of the flexibility of your little hands. Come on! " (actively encouraged)

"Chopsticks are very useful. Look at me. " (denying the child's experience)

"Chopsticks may not be easy to use, and the bottom alignment may be easier to clamp." (Support affirmation, demonstrate)

Example 2

Five-year-old Qian Qian is a nervous and tearful girl. Her favorite cousin stayed here with her for the summer vacation and will go back. Qian Qian feels very uncomfortable, but her mother doesn't seem to understand her feelings.

Qian Qian (with tears in her eyes): "Sister is leaving, and there is no one to play with me."

Mom: "You will find other friends. You can go to see Xiaofeng next door to play. " (denying the child's feelings)

Qian Qian: "I don't like playing with him. My sister is my good friend. "

Mom: "But my sister is going home, so you can't cheat like this." (or no)

Qian Qian: "Mom!" (sobbing)

Mom: "You are five years old, big girl. Don't be so tearful. " (Don't accept the child's inner sadness)

Qian Qian glared at her mother, then ran back to her room and closed the door.

If you use the following sentences, you obviously accept the whole inner feelings of the child.

"You will feel lonely without your sister."

"You will miss her very much, won't you?"

"When you are used to being together, it is very painful to be apart."

"Without a sister, you often need to play by yourself."

Such an answer will make parents and children feel close. When children feel understood, their loneliness and pain will be reduced. Children are understood, and their love for their parents is deeper. Parents' sympathy is the emotional first aid to children's hurt feelings!

My thoughts on this topic: I think that even if the mother knows nothing about the education system, the child will be absolutely healthy as long as she keeps in touch with her inner self before she is six years old. Don't press the child with the truth, don't compare with others, and pay full attention to the child's inner self. Only this one will benefit children for life!

split line

Through these thoughts, I found that the inner connection between me and my maid was deeper, and her feelings of blooming like flowers all the time attracted me deeply. I have heard for a long time that "the child is the father of an adult", and now it has been internalized. Internalize yourself into four years old and thoroughly feel the joy of life!

Sometimes I see scenes about ancient human life on TV, and I think, "Human beings have developed so fast since ancient times, where will they develop today?" Looking at the complicated world, I often fall into deep meditation. The building is already high, and the pilot has reached the moon. What will happen in the future?

It was once asserted that Osho was a spiritual leader beyond the present human beings for a thousand years. When I first saw this statement, what did human beings look like after 1000 years? I don't understand. Now, when I began to pay attention to myself and the people around me, I really understood the development direction of human civilization: slowly let go of external material demands, constantly explore the inner world of human beings, constantly understand human beings and the universe, and constantly understand the relationship between human beings and the universe. After 1000 years, human beings will present a supernatural appearance, and perhaps people there have been able to freely connect themselves with the universal consciousness. At that time, mankind will lament that we only pursue the success of the outside world today, just as we envy the state of mankind thousands of years ago today.

I seem to have found the direction of human development? !

There is no doubt that after the external material civilization is extremely rich, we must explore the inner world!

Let the children go inward in the first six years, such a life is joyful, happy and peaceful!