Long classic joke

Long classic jokes

People who can tell jokes are people with good popularity, so we should get closer to some joke kings. Now I'm the joke king, too! I have collected and sorted out long classic jokes for everyone. Let's laugh together and collect popularity!

long classic joke 1: You are amazing, young man. Can you cure hemorrhoids?

There are two lovers in the garden who are sweet. The girl coquetry said that her husband: I have a toothache! The boy then kissed the girl and asked, Does it still hurt? The girl said no! After a while, the girl said coquetry: Husband, my neck hurts! The boy kissed the girl's neck again and asked if it still hurts this time. The girl said happily: No pain! An old lady stood by and watched for a long time, but she couldn't help it. She came forward and asked the young man, Young man, you are amazing. You can't cure hemorrhoids. < P > A classmate loves to fart, and all of them are tonal. We think he can be included in the unsolved mystery of the human body. When the self-study was quiet last night, he suddenly came to one, and all the students burst into laughter. After a few times, the Chinese teacher finally slapped the table angrily: "Can't you get lucky and transport it into a burp!"

One day, my wife came home to get something, only to find her husband lying in bed with one of his buddies. She left in a hurry with disapproval, and received a short message from her husband on the way: "Come back early from work at night, let's talk!" I was about to reply when I received a text message from that buddy, "Sister-in-law, I'm sorry!"

He fell in love with the goddess in his class. Because he didn't have a chance to be alone, he couldn't express himself, so he secretly put medicine in her water and decided to wait for her at the door of the deserted toilet. When she appeared, he greeted her, lowered his head and blushed. She said, "I like you. Can you stay with me?"? "She replied firmly," No! " "Ha ha, I won't let you take a shit if you don't agree."

My daughter just went to kindergarten and was assigned to Class 3. I took part in a sports meeting once. I heard several teachers in the class shouting slogans, and the sky thundered: Come on, ladies, come on; Small three small three, the tiger goes down the mountain ... Long classic joke 2: I am a bird! I'm a bird.

In this lonely world, except for 186, who will take the initiative to send me a message, who will answer my phone call immediately, who will care about how much money I have, who will send blessings every season, who will turn on my phone 24 hours a day, and who will think of me alone in the world except 186?

I took a bus and heard a conversation in a crowded and noisy environment.

a young woman: "Look at you, you didn't even fart when you stepped on my foot."

a man said quietly and slowly, "I'm sorry for stepping on your foot. If I fart at you again, am I still human?" ”。

One day, all kinds of poultry held a big meeting, and chickens, ducks, geese, turkeys and crows all came. At this time, the penguin passed by the door, and when he saw how busy people were, he said, "I want to join in! I want to participate! " The chicken at the door doesn't know penguins, so slam the door. The penguin cried sadly outside, "I am a bird!" I am a bird! " .

A village held a meeting to discuss the reform of funeral and save land resources, and the villagers expressed their opinions. A said: I suggest! Don't use coffins, save money and land.

b said: I think burying vertically can save more space.

C knocked on his pipe and said slowly, I see, only half of it was buried vertically, and even the tombstone was saved. You can tell who died at a glance!

A buddy was walking on the road and snorted "You are the most beautiful cloud on my horizon".

After riding a bicycle, he answered "Let me keep you with my heart".

Then, the buddy chased after him like a chicken blood, chasing the sister paper to the corner all the time.

The sister was so scared that she took out her pocket and said, "I'll give you the money and my mobile phone. Please let me go. . 。”

My buddy said calmly, "Next time I sing, I will start by myself.". Long classic joke 3: I'm talking about my girlfriend

in the morning, when her wife was changing clothes, she said to herself in the mirror: It seems that today's skirt is a little short. I am more open, so I said to my wife: nothing, it looks good! As a result, my tough wife said, "So I changed my beautiful underwear today ... < P > Female: I am married and have a house in Beijing. I want to give it to my parents. transfer fees is too high. How to reduce the fee? Lawyer's reply: divorce your husband, give him the house, and remove your name from the house certificate. My parents are divorced, my husband and mother are married, and my mother's name is added to my house card. Husband divorced his mother again, gave her the room, gave her husband's name, and then remarried separately, adding her father's name to the room, saving transfer fees and getting the first suite discount. * * * Divorced and married six times, and the fee is 9 yuan every time, ***54 yuan. It's nb who is a fucking lawyer.

I heard from a friend-when he was a child, he once played with his friends to shoot a water gun. As a result, several guys formed an alliance to beat him. The so-called two fists are hard to beat four hands, so there was no way for him to escape to a broken house. After a protracted war, he had run out of ammunition. At this critical juncture, he also showed his extraordinary strategy, took out his little JJ and peed all over the water gun, and fought his way through the screams one after another, winning more with less.

Yesterday, I accompanied my friend to a blind date. The other person was a pretty girl. As a result, my friend asked: Do you play this? Then put the left and right index fingers on both sides of Zhang Cheng's O-shaped mouth ... My sister said, "Sorry, I have something to do ..." Then she took the bag and left. I said, what's on your mind when you kiss each other? ! This 2B looks aggrieved: I just want to be cute and ask her if she plays lol ...... < P > Leader: Why didn't you report this in advance? Me: I called. Leader: I answer so many calls every day? You should send me an email! Me: I sent an email. Leader: There are so many emails every day, I can't read them at all. Can't you report to me? Me: You're not in the office. Leader: Do I have to report to you everywhere? I think your attitude is very bad! Me: ... Such a leader can't afford to be injured!

When it comes to marriage, it means "Forever and ever"; Now when it comes to marriage, I think of "how long can it last?" Before marriage, men wait for women in "restaurants"; After marriage, women wait for men in the "living room". When you are in love, "kiss" as soon as you meet; After marriage, they "bicker" as soon as they meet. I would get married at the beginning, saying it was "fancy"; Later, I will divorce, saying that it is "seeing the wrong eye"?

Every day before going to bed, I ask my son, "How is mom?" The son replied, "Good." I asked again, "What's good about mom?" The son will habitually answer: "Mom is good-looking." Then I told my son a story with satisfaction. One night, when I asked this question again, my husband muttered, "Always asking this question affects my son's aesthetics."

The girl likes him very much, and he also likes girls. He is always considerate of girls. He sent her roses for a candlelight dinner on Valentine's Day. He kissed her deeply, and the girl smiled and fell into his arms. The two of them spent spring night. Seeing her lying in his arms, he felt very happy and secretly vowed to do better and give her more love. He got up, went to the door and opened it. "Brothers, come in!" " .

I went to my classmate's house to log on to QQ once, and forgot to return it when I left. Then something wonderful happened: the two guys used my QQ to send "I like you" to the girl he secretly loved ... Five minutes later, the woman replied, "I like you too." Then ... then the guy broke up with me ...

The buddy at the next table was crying while drinking. I asked him with concern what happened. He said: "My girlfriend broke up with me. We have been together for 7 years. I also bought a house and a car. I really can't figure out why she left me!" I said to him, "Make a romantic proposal!" He gave me a strange look: "Propose? I have a fucking wife! I am talking about my girlfriend! " ;