qq personality signature humor humor

QQ personalized signature is funny and humorous

1. Falling in love without the purpose of getting married is all about supporting someone else’s wife.

2. If you are well, it will be sunny. Looking at the weather here today, you should be dead!

3. Some people say that men who treat women badly will make sanitary napkins in their next life.

4. If the teacher hadn’t told you not to throw away garbage, I would have thrown you out long ago.

5. The kindergarten teacher beat a boy because the boy ate a girl’s breast.

6. A young man went to lose weight. The doctor said he could only eat two slices of bread per meal. The young man actually asked, should he eat it before or after a meal?

7. The function of roaming chat records on smartphones has ruined so many couples and seen through so many people.

8. Don’t watch AV all the time, and don’t look at what’s behind the letters A and V on the keyboard!

9. When I am bored in class, I always fantasize about the bloody scene when the ceiling fan spins down.

10. Yesterday, there was an event in a shopping mall. I heard that there was a song by Zhou Bichang, so I went there. When I got there, I learned that there was someone named Zhou Bi.

11. Our advantage is that we know our mistakes and can correct them, but our disadvantage is that we do not know we are wrong.

12. Not everyone can read, and those who can read are not good children.

13. Did you hear me? If you treat me like a game, I will cheat and torture you to death.

14. In fact, the person who cares about you the most is always the one who hits you the most.

15. There is a pit in your head, there is water in the pit, there are fish in the water, and the fish is still spitting bubbles.

16. Grandpa said: Jay Chou must have been a good monk when he became a monk, because the sutras he recited were so good.

17. A woman who can only cry is a waste, and a woman who cannot cry is a monster.

18. I have a dream, which is to be as thin as a shadow. Do all fat girls have this ideal?

19. The only difference between me and Superman is: I wear underwear inside.

20. Listen, I allow you to like me. We have no other choice but to grow old together.

21. There are so many idiots in the world, but you have become the best among them.

22. The words you say when you are in love are called love words, but after you break up and fall out, they are all a joke.

23. I drink to drown the pain, but this damn pain has learned to swim.

24. She is mine, don’t touch her! You can’t afford to pay for it if it gets damaged. If you think it’s cute, please repost it!

25. It’s mine, so don’t move it. If it’s not mine, leave it alone.

26. Girls, in the future, find a husband named Xia and a child named Xia Ke. This child should not be asked questions by the teacher.

27. There is no such thing as a first kiss. With the continuous renewal of epithelial cells, every day is a first kiss.

28. If the teacher hadn’t told you not to litter, I would have kicked you out a long time ago.

29. The monster is a good boy. He will say to Ultraman: Don't be sad, just hit me.

30. When your indifference exceeds the load that my heart can bear, then I will give you my heart and I will leave.

31. Your sister dares to curse me for eating instant noodles without seasoning. I curse you for eating instant noodles with only seasoning.

32. During devil training, girls treat boys and boys treat them like beasts.

33. Ask a simple question: Why do birds like to sit in rows on wires? The best explanation is that you can only chat online.

34. What I hate the most is people who don’t reply to me after I send them text messages for a long time. Don’t read, I’m talking about you.

35. So many people on the street wear so dangerous clothes, but they look so safe!

36. I vaguely remember that the teacher said that question, but I clearly remember that I didn’t listen.

37. I don’t expect you to comfort me. As long as you don’t rub salt on the wound, I will be grateful.

38. When I ate today, there was a worm in the bowl. I originally wanted to call the boss, but then I was curious and wanted to taste it, but I didn’t expect it to taste good.

39. Everyone who loves to sleep in has a lover who is hard to let go, and his name is quilt.

40. Even 7 hours of sleep is not enough during school, but 5 hours of sleep during the holidays will make you more energetic.

41. I write your name on the soles of my shoes and stamp my feet every day when I have nothing to do.

42. During the Qingming Festival, it is not easy for students these days to have a holiday. Even taking a holiday has to take the credit of their ancestors.

43. Dear young man, I wish you will be as lonely as a dog in the future.

44. If no teacher can teach all subjects, then why should one student learn all subjects?

45. To explain is to cover up, to cover up is to be dishonest, and to be dishonest is to take care of yourself!

46. In how many centuries will it take for computers to be invented without radiation?

47. If I die, don’t forget to put an air conditioner in my coffin, Gree’s.

48. When my hair reaches my waist, I will cut it and sell it, and then we will get the certificate, okay?

49. It is best not to use a photo of yourself as your avatar. It would be unlucky for you to be offline.

50. What am I to you? You are my so many fishes, why are you snacks, because you are really superfluous. qq personality signature humor

1. The effect of contraception: If it fails, you will become an adult.

2. In fact, I am not fat, I am just too lazy to lose weight.

3. It’s time to buy a ticket to heaven and have a good talk with Yue Lao.

4. Don’t smile at your sister, as she will lose your pretense as soon as she smiles.

5. These days, women are becoming more and more masculine, men are becoming more and more feminine, children are becoming more and more mature, and adults are starting to pretend to be innocent.

6. In the next life, you will be your enemy’s wife and spend all his money to get revenge on him.

7. I suddenly miss my partner, and I don’t know if he has eaten, whether he is busy, how old he is, and what his name is.

8. I want stable scores, can withstand the cruelty of exams, and have a destination among the piles of top students.

9. I won’t cry for you, my mascara is too expensive.

10. Don’t smile so hard that you won’t have dimples.

11. It is so difficult to love someone, but it is so easy to give up someone.

12. My heart is so broken that it looks like dumpling stuffing when I hold it out.

13. Don’t use honey traps on me, otherwise I will take advantage of them.

14. If the teacher hadn’t told you not to throw away garbage, I would have thrown you out long ago.

15. Give me an atomic bomb and I will send a mushroom cloud to Japan.

16. You may not fall in love over time, but you will definitely have children.

17. Some classes are like Nanfu Batteries, each section is longer than the other.

18. You have the nerve to lie to me, but I don’t believe it.

19. Regarding grades, you are a bitch, always driving a wedge between my parents and me.

20. Money is useless in my hands, like garbage, but I used it to buy the humblest love.

21. You are my cup of tea, but I never drink tea.

22. When you marry a chicken, follow the chicken; when you marry a dog, follow the dog; when you marry, the monkey runs all over the mountain; when you marry me, I treat you to roast goose!

23. Men who change women more frequently than sanitary napkins will sooner or later have menstrual cramps.

24. Love does not hurt others, people hurt themselves. Love does not do evil, people do evil. If God doesn't play tricks on people, God will show off his brains.

25. The only thing I can hold up but cannot put down is chopsticks.

26. I don’t want to fuck you. I want to come from behind.

27. Fahai should not use the tower to suppress Bai Suzhen, he should suppress Gong Linna.

28. Speechless is when the judge asked: Why did you print counterfeit money? The criminal said: I can’t print real money.

29. Don’t always talk about your face that is easy to fade away. The beauty is not outstanding and the ugly is not fresh.

30. For men, the upper body is cultivation and the lower body is essence; for women, the upper body is bait and the lower body is trap.

31. If God gives me another chance to be reborn, I must choose to be in the Tang Dynasty, so that I don’t have to learn English or lose weight.

32. A woman who can only cry is a waste, and a woman who cannot cry is a monster.

33. After I die, please install a wireless router on my grave. Thank you.

34. This person is so unlucky that he can scare himself even if he sneezes, and even electrocute himself half to death if he takes off his sweater.

35. Your face reminds me of a word, it’s called do whatever you want.

36. The more someone likes you, the more childish actions they will make towards you.

37. The National Day goes too fast like a tornado, and I don’t even have time to write my homework.

38. It is your obligation to educate us, and it is our right not to be educated!

39. If you ask me how deeply I love you, money can represent my heart.

40. Life is like a pressure cooker. You'll get used to it when you're under too much pressure.

41. Other people’s stomachs are called stomachs, and mine are called stomach plus.

42. We promised not to separate, but to be together all the time.

43. I love that boy who has strong shoulders and only allows me to rely on him.

44. I have already decided the wedding day, now I have to choose the groom.

45. My boyfriend only needs to treat me as the only one.

46. The best wishes are not written on the greeting card, but in the notes column of the transfer.

47. Superman always wears briefs to fly because the triangle has stability.

48. If you say ten sentences to me without using curse words, it only means that you are not familiar with me.

49. A woman who never forgets her is the most despicable, and a man who cannot forget his old love is the most disgusting.

50. There is no cold man in the world, but he is not warm to you.

51. The most painful thing in the world is to be woken up by peeing from an erotic dream.

52. A day is actually very short. It passes as soon as the computer is turned on and off.

53. Teachers of various subjects really feel that they teach well even though they don’t show their skills in the monthly exams.

54. Have you been thrown up three times since you were born, but only caught twice?

55. If the teacher hadn’t told you not to litter, I would have thrown you out earlier.

56. My ex got married again today. I wish him happiness every year and happiness every year.

57. If your high school classmate was sitting at a KTV and you happened to meet her, what would you do? I will point her out.

58. I curse you for buying instant noodles without seasoning packets for the rest of your life.

59. Some girls look behind and want to commit a crime; when looking from the side, they want to retreat; when looking from the front, they want to defend themselves.

60. Play seriously when you play, and sleep seriously when you study. Are you the same?

61. It’s okay to have acne, it’s just your cute bubbling.

62. If you have chosen to go against me, then please don’t look back.

63. Underwear is like knowledge, invisible, but important.

64. Who do you think you are? You are just the water that is thrown away, I don’t even want a basin.

65. Happiness is when you wake up every morning and look at your watch, and you can still sleep for another half hour.

66. Everything this year is abnormal, except Chinese football.

67. A faint glance is your serious commitment. A quiet moment is all my life. I don’t want to leave you.

68. Have you ever remembered that Heimi’s brother who lived and died by the Daming Lake and refused to go on a mission?

69. The so-called successful woman is: she is awesome during the day and awesome at night.

70. If you fancy his money, the money will be yours only when the time comes. You have to strike while the iron is hot, and you have to make money while you have love!

71. Everyone says I am ugly, but in fact I am just not too beautiful.

72. On the first day of school, there are always a bunch of people dressed like they are going on a blind date.

73. I want someone to hold my hand, whether it is ordinary or vigorous, we can walk together.

74. I am not the jasmine honey tea you bought, and I don’t have another good chance.

75. Come here, there are three words that have been hidden in my heart for a long time. Can you get away!

76. Choose the person who makes you happy to spend the rest of your life with, not the one you have to work hard to please.

77. Secret love is a kind of politeness, narcissism is a kind of pride, and open love is a style. Not being in love is a taste.

78. It doesn’t matter if your head is empty, the key is not to get wet.

79. After the teacher finished the lesson, he said: Is there anything else you don’t understand? I stretched and said, "Teacher, what kind of lesson is this?"

80. In fact, I am a genius, but it is a pity that God is jealous of talents!

81. I don’t like to go to bed with just one woman many times, but I like to go to bed with many women only once.

82. Weigh yourself every time. When you lose weight, say to yourself: Lose weight. When it gets heavier, say to yourself: Your breasts are big.

83. It is said that melons that are forced to bear fruit are not sweet, but I like to eat bitter melons.

84. A good friend is probably like, you are a psychopath, I don’t want to be a psychopath with you, but I will give you medicine regularly.

85. I saw a beautiful woman on the street today. When I got closer, I saw that it was a mirror.

86. Those encounters like fireworks are just a prosperous moment. Maybe, some things are already doomed.

87. Flowers don’t bloom for anyone, but they can bloom for themselves. The world doesn’t exist for anyone, but it can also exist for themselves.

88. I turned her from a girl into a woman; she turned me from a boy into a poor man.

89. I fought against fat and almost lost my life.

90. What is a class teacher: He is a person who destroys your friendship and then your love and still doesn’t let go of your family ties.

91. I remember that a few years ago, single people were said to be noble, but how come they have turned into dogs in recent years?

92. How many generations of climbing and struggle does it take to get from this world to that world?

93. Making money is a kind of ability, spending money is a kind of skill. My ability is limited, but my skill is very high.

94. I have liked you for a long time, and I have been waiting for you for a long time. Now, I want to leave, which will take longer than a long, long time.

95. If you feel nauseous and retching while brushing your teeth, don’t brush your teeth in front of the mirror.

96. I hope to have a seven-year relationship, to stay together for fifty years, and to proudly talk about our love to our children and grandchildren.

97. I don’t know if you are willing to be the person I love most.

98. When I come to this world, it is impossible for me to come back alive.

99. My dream: Be a secretary when you have something to do, and be a secretary when you have nothing to do. The reality is: I can’t be a secretary if there’s something wrong, and I can’t be a secretary if there’s nothing wrong.

100. Principal, if the air conditioner is in good condition, it will be sunny; if it is not in good condition, be careful when going out at night! qq humorous personalized signature

1. Let’s talk about a friend’s husband’s surname Zhou and her surname Xia. The couple discussed the name of their future baby. The wife first thought of a name called “Monday”, and the husband listened and talked. The name is good, and there is continuity. You can give birth to seven in one breath, from "Monday" to "Saturday". At this time, my wife asked what if the eighth child was born? My husband said that the eighth day is called "Summer Monday" (next Monday).

2. Some people envy other people’s love, just like they envy other people’s clothes, and wish they could buy something exactly the same to wear. Please don't think like this, you don't know what it feels like to wear that seemingly beautiful dress. Maybe it was so tight that she was suffocating, maybe she had been starved for five years just to wear that dress, maybe the fabric made her itchy and rashy. You are not the one wearing it, you don’t know.

3. A newly divorced man told his friend the reason why he did not remarry: "I already have a dog, a cat and a myna, that's enough." "But how can I replace my wife?" asked the friend. The man replied: "Absolutely! My dog ??barks all day long, myna scolds all day long, and my cat can stay up all night!"

Four or three people are bragging and competing to see who has the best wife. The thinnest. Dui: "My wife's scarf can be worn as clothes." Agua was dissatisfied: "My wife accidentally fell into the sewer while taking a shower." Ahua said calmly: "My wife swallowed an almond, and everyone thought she was pregnant."

5. Appreciation of the most incisive riddles of the year: The second wife returned to her parents’ home... and returned it without justice! A group of eunuchs have a meeting and talk about nothing; A woman has been divorced many times and her ex-husband has abandoned her; A man is streaking...playing a fool; A woman is streaking...it comes out of nowhere; A child is streaking...there is a long way to go; An old man is streaking...and he will live forever; The whole of China is engaged in family planning (get a health product) Chinese Turtle Essence; The difference between men and women (as the saying goes) is less than what is better than what is above, but more than what is below.

6. On the day of my wedding and the wedding banquet, I will put my husband’s ex-girlfriends at a table alone, and then I will toast them one by one, thanking you for spending the most beautiful years with him in his most empty childhood. Now that he has grown up, he finally knows how to distinguish between good and bad, and what kind of woman he needs.

7. An official says: I am honest; a star says: I am innocent; an urban management officer says: I am kind; a rich man says: I pay taxes; a mistress says: I am self-reliant; a director says: I am serious; a teacher says: I Noble; the police said: I am impartial; China Mobile said: I am honest; the bank said: I behaved; PetroChina said: I lost money; the hospital said: I treat illnesses; the court said: I am impartial; the people said: It's all nonsense.

8. When I went home yesterday, I met a teenage girl on the road. When I saw the boy on the road, I chased him and shouted: "Please marry me!" I was watching, and suddenly a young woman rushed out, took the girl away, and said as she walked: "Even if you get married, you still have to go to school."

9. Once, while my roommate in the dormitory was taking a shower, I changed the girlfriend's number saved in his cell phone to mine. I then sent him a text message "Husband, I'm pregnant" while lying in bed at night. I saw the guy suddenly turned over and got out of bed, smoked a pack of cigarettes, and asked the dormitory person to borrow money...

10. A man went to work the day after his wedding, and he was unhappy at work. When a friend asked him why, the man said: I was used to prostitution in the past. After I finished with my wife last night, I threw 100 yuan to her.

The friend said relievedly: It doesn't matter if you give her money! The man said angrily: The problem is that she found me easily 20------

11. Some people sell their wisdom, some people sell their time, some people sell their labor, some people sell their relationships, some people sell their bodies, Someone betrayed their morals. If you want to make some money, you must sell a little of what you own, so "making more money" and "living yourself" are completely opposite. Going to any extreme will make your life troubled. The most comfortable life is to find balance. point.

12. I want to cry, I want to make trouble, stay up all night, holding a bottle of sleeping pills in my hand, and a small rope to hang myself. No matter how ugly you are, you still have to fall in love and the world is filled with love.

13. My wife hates cooking, but she likes it very much. One day I couldn’t stand it anymore and asked, “Why do you like cooking so much?” My wife said, “Everyone says they want to have a baby. You have to get that person's stomach." I said, "Then why do you make it so unpalatable?" My wife slapped the table angrily: "What I can't get, I'd rather destroy it!"

14. My English was not good in junior high school, so the teacher gave me a female deskmate who was good at English. One day in a self-study class, I had an impression of "hunband" when I was looking at the vocabulary, but I wasn't sure about it, so I asked my deskmate about the vocabulary: "Wife?" "No, husband." I always thought it was my wife, so I got into a relationship with her. : "Wife!" She was not to be outdone: "Husband!" "Wife!" "Husband!" the voice got louder. After shouting for 2 minutes, I found that the classroom suddenly became very quiet...

15. These days, all I worry about is sexual intercourse! Men are worried about their private houses, women are worried about their breasts, old people are worried about their hearts, college students are worried about having a house, working people are worried about renting a house, people who are hospitalized are worried about the ward, those who are giving birth are worried about the delivery room, those who are getting married are worried about a new house, ordinary people are worried about housing allocation, ordinary people are worried about housing, and producers are worried about box office. , the rich worry about the second wife, and the bad people worry about the second wife.

16. Dan went fishing with his mother at the lake. After returning home, Dandan quickly wrote the diary: "Today my mother and I went fishing at the lake. We caught a big fish weighing 2 pounds. We are very happy." Her mother felt that her daughter's writing was too simple and she was angry. Said, "Write more!" Dandan lowered his head and thought for a moment, then changed the diary to: "Today my mother and I went fishing at the lake, and we caught a big fish weighing 5 kilograms."

17. Sometimes I really want to fuck about the house and car, fuck the three insurances and one housing fund, fuck get married and have children, fuck work and entertainment, fuck the household registration and residence certificate. Love somewhere, love someone, go out, walk a long way, meet a lot of people, give a lot of love, and finally, with a cry of Gabelle, die in a foreign land, and the tombstone is engraved: This guy went to another world to continue to be awesome. Now...

18. Dan went fishing with his mother to the lake. After returning home, Dandan quickly wrote the diary: "Today my mother and I went fishing at the lake. We caught a big fish weighing 2 pounds. We are very happy." Her mother felt that her daughter's writing was too simple and she was angry. Said, "Write more!" Dandan lowered his head and thought for a moment, then changed the diary to: "Today my mother and I went fishing at the lake, and we caught a big fish weighing 5 kilograms."

19. Happiness is more like a cramp. It comes as soon as it is said to make people obsessed with it. It leaves just as quickly as it is said to leave. It is so simple and not sloppy at all, and there is no time to even shed tears. Pain is more like a dog-skin plaster. It's so close to you, maybe others can't see it when you're covered with clothes, but right now, it's close to you all the time, and you can feel its presence every second. It's not that happiness is too short, it's that we are too sensitive to pain.

20. After graduation, some people are disappointed, some are lovelorn, and some are missing. Some people get rich, some gain weight, and some get wedding invitations. These things will continue to happen one after another, and the tacit life trajectory will come to an end and a completely different life will begin. We don’t expect to get together again one day, but we hope we never forget our initial looks. After all, we have all broken into each other’s lives.

21. I stayed in a hotel yesterday. The Nongfu Spring mineral water in the hotel room cost 18 yuan a bottle. I bought two bottles outside and spent four yuan to exchange the two bottles of Civet Cat in the hotel. The prince was not discovered during the ward inspection. This is called economic acumen. He got the 9 times price difference instantly.

Now I am drinking Nongfu Spring which costs 18 yuan a bottle and it feels so good!

22. Speaking of your appearance, I don’t want to attack you. You go to the zoo to see if there is any suitable job for you. If you run around on the street like this, you will easily be shot by the police. 2. I think people should have two extremes in appearance, one is the extremely beautiful one, and the other is like you! 3. The length is both euphemistic and thrilling. 4. It’s great to meet you, no need to go to the zoo!

23. I am me. If you can’t stand it, don’t enter my world. I am not gentle, I have a bad temper, I am easily angry, I am easily jealous, I am easily heartbroken, I am prone to random thoughts, I am willful, I don’t want to talk when I am angry, I will keep giggling when I am happy, I will keep it in my heart when I am wronged, I want you to know that I care. I like to listen to sad songs when I am sad. I like to share with the people I care about when I am happy.

24. My English was not good in junior high school, so the teacher gave me a female deskmate who was good at English. One day in a self-study class, I had an impression of "hunband" when I was looking at the vocabulary, but I wasn't sure about it, so I asked my deskmate about the vocabulary: "Wife?" "No, husband." I always thought it was my wife, so I got into a relationship with her. : "Wife!" She was not to be outdone: "Husband!" "Wife!" "Husband!" the voice got louder. After shouting for 2 minutes, I found that the classroom was suddenly very quiet...

Twenty-five, "In the dead of night, the curtains complained:" "I am exposed to the wind and sun every day, quilt brother, you are so happy, I hug you every day The hostess is sleeping. ""Quilt: "Happiness? Do you know how long it takes for a fart to disappear?" Asked: Sir, I see that your mobile phone bills have fluctuated greatly recently. Is it because you are traveling long distances in other places or because you are using other numbers? I answered: I was dumped... The customer service lady couldn't help but laugh. qq personality signature funny humor

1. Secret love is a successful pantomime, but speaking out becomes a tragedy!

2. Don’t be obsessed with your brother, your sister-in-law will beat you up.

3. Don’t argue with a fool, otherwise others will not be able to figure out who the fool is.

4. It takes several generations to climb from this world to that world. struggle?

5. What to do if your balls hurt, rub them and get on with it!

6. Sorry, the user you dialed is married.

7. When dry firewood meets a strong fire, it is called a bright show; when wet firewood meets a small flame, it is called a dull show.

8. Format yourself just to delete you.

9. An ancient saying goes: A man has gold under his knees, but I have foot hair under my knees.

10. Chirp again chirp, Mulan flies a plane. What kind of plane was it flying? A Boeing 747.

11. Even if you want to cry again, you must smile and say: Your uncle!

12. There is no 100-point partner, only 50-point two people!

p>

13. It doesn’t matter if your head is empty, the key is not to get wet.

14. You do art, and I do you. This is called in-depth art.

15. On Qingming Festival, buy flowers to commemorate the dead love.

16. What matters in life is not where you stand, but the direction you are facing.

17. If you just wait, all that will happen is that you will get older.

18. If I can forgive your vulgarity, can you tolerate my pretense?

19. There are too many liars in the world and not enough fools.

20. Half of the world is laughing at the other half, but in fact the whole world is a fool

21. If anyone uses a honey trap against me, I will take advantage of it.

22. For the sake of the next generation of the motherland, no matter how ugly you are, you still have to fall in love, and talk about the world being full of love, La La La ~~

23. Question: What are the most commonly used functions of mobile phones? Answer: It depends on the time.

Q: What is the most heart-pounding feature of a mobile phone? Answer: Vibration.

24. I am not your little raccoon, and I cannot have as much fun as you.

25. I have passed by a person countless times, and my clothes They were all scratched and there were no sparks.

26. I am L’Oreal Paris, you deserve it!

27. In the next life, I will be reincarnated as a woman and marry a man like me.

28. Summer is just not good. When I was poor, I couldn’t even drink the northwest wind.

29. Sunflower, a flower that grins at the sun.

30. What is the biggest difference between Jesus and Sakyamuni? One of their hair is curly and the other is curly.

31. A successful man is one who can earn more money than his wife spends, and a successful woman is one who can find such a man.

32. When you have money, you spend money; when you have no money, you worship God.

33. It turns out that Wukong has always been sexy: the most powerful leopard print skirt in history, red stockings, black boots and steel pipes

34. On the road of love, he always stops and goes. Stop, my mother said my legs and feet are not good.

35. As long as you look straight, you are not afraid of your eyes getting hot