24 of the most classic jokes of all time

1. If your mother and I fell into the water at the same time, you would...""I will give you points based on the difficulty of your actions before entering the water and the size of the splash after entering the water.

2. "What's wrong with me being fat? Is it because I drink your water, eat your rice, wear your cloth, or something else?" "I'm sorry, you are blocking my wifi"

3. Xiao Ming was sitting in front of his house eating ice cream. Not far away stood a ragged little boy looking at him eagerly, salivating. Xiao Ming felt that he was very pitiful, so he waved the little boy over. Then he handed him a bench and said: "Here, sit down and watch!"

4. I picked up 10,000 yuan at the gate of the community today. In the spirit of picking up gold, I waited there for two hours, and there was still no trace of it. I was puzzled when someone came to look for me. I was short of 10,000 yuan. Can I still play mahjong with that set?

5. My girlfriend is a foodie. I remember the first time I brought her home for dinner, my mother kept bringing her food. Finally she couldn’t help it anymore and secretly said to me: "Can you Give me a piece of meat?”

6. While playing basketball today, my friend said: I went to practice abdominal muscles. Immediately, another friend shouted loudly: Just shit, you are still pretending to be artistic.

7. Please recommend a sports car worth more than 4 million. It starts quickly, is comfortable enough, and has a good-looking appearance. The more expensive the better. I want to change the wallpaper on my mobile phone.

8. I am obviously a rich second generation, but I go to work to earn money. I can drive a luxury car, but I squeeze into the bus every day. I can rely on my face to make a living, but I work hard. This is what I am doing. A clear difference.

9. When I went shopping in the supermarket today, I saw two monks’ shopping carts full. I thought that the monks were really rich. When checking out, the cashier asked him whether it was cash or card. One of the monks He said, we are here to make alms.

10. Why do people like to take off their shirts and go shirtless when fighting in groups? If everyone took off their pants, the atmosphere would seem a bit strange.

11. I am so good-looking. First of all, I have to thank my parents. If they hadn’t given me a pair of hard-working hands, would I have been able to make myself so beautiful?

12. Anyone who has read can quickly distinguish the footsteps of parents, turn off the computer, TV or mobile phone within 20 seconds, put down their homework and pick up a pen.

13. Today my boyfriend suspected me of cheating, and I scolded him all over him. I said that none of my other boyfriends suspected me of cheating, so why are you the only one who has so much trouble?

14. I looked at you frequently on the bus, and you looked at me frequently. I fell in love with you at first sight, but you held your wallet tightly.

15. A very beautiful girl just stood in front of me. We looked at each other for a long time, and no one broke the peace. It wasn't until my hands got tired that I slowly put down the mirror.

16. Man: I will carry you. Woman: Forget it. Man: Why not? Woman: It feels like every drop of sweat you leave is mocking my weight.

17. My wife asked me while looking in the mirror: "Husband, honestly, what do you think of me as a person?" I said: "Although beauty and intelligence are not equally important, at least you have one. "Beauty or wisdom?" "Seriously ill." 18. I suddenly received a text message from my son today: Dad, do I still have a chance to become a rich second generation? I had mixed feelings and tossed and turned at night, then gritted my teeth and stamped my feet, picked up the phone, and forwarded this text message to my dad.

19. Before Lao Li’s heart surgery, the doctor made an incision in his stomach. Because if you want to capture a man's heart, you must first capture his stomach.

20. My life goal is to own my own house in Beijing when I am thirty. Now I'm halfway to my goal: I'm thirty years old.

21. I picked up a wallet on the roadside. When I didn’t know what to do, a villain popped up in my mind and said, find the owner and return it to the original owner. Then I suddenly understood, packed my wallet and went home, because I couldn't trust the villain's words.

22. If one day you want to cry, please call me and let me know that you have this day too.

23. When I was a child, every time I walked at night, I would feel like someone was always following me, so I developed the habit of turning around after taking a few steps. Ten years later, I became a tango teacher.

24. I am still as charming as I was back then, and there is still an endless stream of men calling me every day, including SF Express couriers, ZTO couriers, STO couriers, YTO couriers, and Yunda couriers. ……