Complete works of humorous jokes

The development of jokes has given people more profound meanings. Would you still miss the energetic humorous jokes if they were put in front of you? What follows is a humorous joke I carefully prepared for you. Welcome to watch!

Humorous jokes (hot articles)

1. In class, Zhang Tao is chatting with his partner by SMS. Suddenly, the teacher caught him from behind and confiscated his mobile phone. He was worried that the teacher would peek at his mobile phone, so he sent a virus message to his mobile phone with his classmate's mobile phone (it was blank after reading it). In the second class, the teacher called him out seriously. That? The teacher will send you a new one tomorrow. Your mobile phone was damaged by the teacher?

2. son:? Dad, there is a poor old uncle outside. He has been shouting outside, so dad, can you give me two yuan? I wanted to give it to him. ? Dad:? Good boy, you will pity the old man when you are young. Commendable. Here are two dollars for you. ? Dad:? Oh, by the way, what's the old man's name? Son:? Ice cream! Ice cream! One in 2 yuan! Come on! ?

3. The female colleague asked the male colleague to give her a ride. At the parking place, the woman saw that the motorcycle was broken and rotten, and could not help but hurt her male colleague. Come on, that old car must be locked! ? The man stared at the woman and said, then why are you wearing makeup?

Our classmate's mobile phone was stolen, so we comforted her: a broken mobile phone, forget it ...? She said:? What hurts is the photos in the mobile phone, those youthful and even the best memories. ? We gave her advice and sent a text message to our mobile phone, telling the thief that as long as the photos in the mobile phone are good, in fact, we know in our hearts that we have given up hope. But unexpectedly, the text message came back soon: "Sorry, it's so ugly, it's all deleted ..."

5. Send my son to kindergarten and chat all the way:? Baby, look how hard mom works. She drives you to kindergarten every day. ? Son:? Mom, when I grow up, I will take you to kindergarten every day! ?

6. Today, I saw a child standing with a lollipop in his mouth watching others play DOTA on the Internet! Nobody cares about such a discordant scene? I really can't sit still. I walked behind the child and patted him. I was afraid of him and handed a cigarette. Spit it out, little brother Change this. . ?

7. Ugly girl: I went on a blind date yesterday. Girlfriend: Oh, how about that? Ugly girl: He got down on one knee. Girlfriend: No way, this is the first time we have met. Ugly girl: He said my shoelaces were loose and he wanted to tie them for me. Girlfriend: Oh, well, what a romantic man. Ugly girl: meowed, he tied the shoelaces of my left and right feet together, and then turned and ran away.

In the coffee shop, he looked at his former roommate and smiled with emotion? In college, I fought with you when I was unhappy, scolded you, asked you to fetch water and cook for me when I was lazy, and even asked you to send me money and equipment when I played games. Now that I think about it, you didn't kill me? There was a pause, as if remembering something. Why are you so kind to me? Smile at the opposite person and hold his hand? I just think that one day you know me, and you can't live without me.

9. See a sentence:? If one day, we are imprisoned for downloading music, I hope we can be separated by musical style. ? After a young artist was arrested, he immediately shouted:? I especially want to talk to R &；; B's people are locked together! ! ! ? The next day, the prison guards locked him up with 2B's people?

10. acquire new skills (* _ _ *)

Humorous jokes (classic)

1. One winter, a sister had a fever and blushed. She went to the clinic to see her. As soon as the doctor came in, he touched her forehead with his hand and changed his other hand for 30 seconds. Then the doctor said, it's really warm.

2. Today, a buddy downstairs in the girls' dormitory put a heart-shaped candle pattern to express his confession. Just as the girls came out, a group of diaosi shouted at the boys' dormitory? Ya 'an Xiong Qi? ! ! (@ Classmate, it's time for you to take medicine)

I went to the bank to withdraw money yesterday, and the bank staff asked me: What business do you do? I said:? I want to withdraw money? The man said:? Is it over100000? I said:? No? The man said:? There are quite a lot of people doing business now. Just go to the ATM. When she finished, I was embarrassed to say, I can't get it from the ATM. I don't have enough money to withdraw 100?

I saw two children chatting in front of the kindergarten. The little girl asked the little boy, Is there anything you can't do? The little boy said shyly, I won't leave you. ? "Then why can't you?" The little boy asked expectantly. The little girl smiled shyly and said, "I won't like you." 」

Get up early to visit relatives and call dad. Calling dad by SIRI voice for the first time: calling dad. ? I thought I'd dial it out directly, but the system said, there are 26 dads in your mobile phone. I don't know which one you are looking for. ? (In the mobile phone card folder, there are the phone numbers of so-and-so father and so-and-so mother. ) At that time, on the bus, I clearly heard others choking on internal injuries. ....

Xiaoming was the penultimate in the exam, so he didn't dare to tell his mother truthfully when he got home. So ask first: Mom, what will happen to you if I come last in the exam? ? Mom:? I must make you angry! ? Xiaoming:? Great, mom! I saved your life again. ?

7. This advertisement ... is really kneeling! ! !

8. The tutor was giving a lecture when suddenly the telephone rang. He took it out and looked at it. He said to us, I don't answer most people's phones, let alone attend classes, but this person's phone is very important to me, and I can't help answering it. Please forgive me. ? then what Hello, this is XXX? Oh, you have the wrong number! ! ?

9. Look at a state:? May Day is coming, are you still alone? Someone replied? Mom forced me to become a dog! ? .

10. I bought a mouse in the computer city today, and then a buddy rushed in and shouted? Boss, give me a computer. ? Boss: What configuration do you need @%%? Renminbi, the buddy shouted: The hard disk should be at least 2T, otherwise it doesn't matter, just run fast! ? Suddenly, quiet down, the boss's eyes lit up!

Humorous jokes (selected articles)

1. On the bus, a woman took two children, the younger is her son, and the older should be the child of a relative or friend. The woman asked her son what he wanted to be when he grew up. Shota said the Monkey King, the woman asked the older child, and the older child said he was fooling around. That woman's face was blue at that time?

2. Be a person with self, not sociable, uncompromising, and not blindly following. Buy a ticket in the front row of the concert and shout to yourself, "Will everyone sing this song next?" ""no! ! 」; "Friend here, lend me your hand, will you?" "Don't borrow! ! ! 」; "He said that in the wind and rain, this pain is nothing. Dry your tears and don't ask why. ""why! ! ! 」

3. Play with the WeChat drift bottle and pick up a bottle dropped in Beijing for ***20 seconds. Didn't say a word in the first 19 seconds, but only said a word in the last second: sb, are you still listening? . . Mud horse in the trough! (@ Classmate, it's time for you to take medicine)

4.？ Why can't you admit it when you fart? How can you have the heart to let your fart have no parents! ! I don't want this bastard ...?

5. Have a chat with the barber while having a haircut. He said that the most painful time in his life was when he was an apprentice, giving a haircut to a college student. After the classmate sat down, he said, "Help me fix it, and then turn on my mobile phone to read a novel." . About ten minutes, I looked up at the mirror, paused for a few seconds, then silently turned off the novel, turned on Taobao, and started searching for the keyword: hat man.

6. The Tangshan earthquake told us not to sleep too early at night, the Wenchuan earthquake told us not to take a nap at noon, and the Ya 'an earthquake told us not to sleep late in the morning. Three earthquakes told us not to sleep naked!

7. The 32nd Sichuan Dialect Lecture 1. Learn Mandarin II. Change every word in Putonghua into two tones 3. Gong g? Ng hi x？ You learn from xǘe, don't you? I did it. l？ Four s? Chuanchu? N word Hu?

8. I can't sleep in the middle of the night, and I use an infrared pen to take photos everywhere on the balcony. Seeing that I was a man overnight, I used infrared rays to shine on him? I saw that guy jump quickly, jump on the green belt and lie behind the grass. Nothing happened for five minutes. I was about to go back to my room to sleep when I saw the end of the green belt. The guy got up and ran. What's more, he thought someone was going to attack him and climbed more than 20 meters in the green belt.

9. Touch screens are popular in mobile phones and computers now. A friend was particularly emotional:? With the rapid development of science and technology, it is hard to say which day TV will touch the screen. ? Another friend said:? You are so stupid! Do I have to walk over and poke with my finger without the remote control?

There is a six-year-old girl in my family. Yesterday, I took her to the supermarket to buy a bunch of food and more than a dozen packs of menstrual towels (bought for several months at a time). When I pay the bill at the cashier, she wants a box of candy, but I don't want to buy it. Because she had cavities, I said I had no money. She shouted at me angrily. Who told you to buy so many idiots and spend all your money? . Those in line at the back are all holding back internal injuries. . .