A selection of 92 funny classic dialogue quotations.

1. I took my niece by taxi. My niece has to play with my mobile phone. After getting off the bus, my niece proudly asked, Aunt, guess where I hid your mobile phone? ? I smiled and asked:? Where are you hiding? ? Hide in the car!

2. Meeting for 40 minutes: 5 minutes to take notes, 10 minutes to pretend to know each other, 5 minutes to secretly press the phone, 10 minutes to pretend to think about problems, 5 minutes to drink water, and 10 minutes to chat. Stay in a daze for 5 minutes, 10 minutes countdown to escape!

3. Lu Yu Two old people are playing chess, and the pony is watching. The plate is in a hurry. For ten minutes, the two old people have been thinking. After a long time, one of them looked up and asked, Who is it? The other party replied: I don't know!

4. A young man casually threw the cans in his hand to the side of the road, and a policeman came over and said, It's so uncivilized, if only everyone were like you. As soon as his voice fell, an old man who picked up rags replied: Then I'll be rich. ?

Aunt: Which county is Qianlie County? Is it far? Uncle thought: I don't know, why do you ask this? Aunt: Just now, I heard from the person in front of the doctor that Qianlie County sends salt, and I also want to get some. Uncle: Let's go!

6. There is a kind of dad named Li Gang, a kind of son with rich official wealth, a kind of ethnic group named Moonlight, a kind of self-proclaimed fan, and a person who is stupid: because he can finish reading short messages!

Seven. In the past, the exam teacher handed out papers, and the girls at the back took one more and shouted:? Teacher, I have, I have? As a result, the boy sitting next to him said, is it mine? Is it mine?

My daughter's room is in a mess, and my mother complains, you lazy cat, can't you tidy up the room properly? The daughter giggled and said, mom! I don't tidy my room, I want to be a beauty in a messy room!

9. My wife was naked in front of the mirror in the bedroom, looked at herself for a long time and told her husband that I was fat and ugly. I look terrible. Say something nice to comfort me! The husband looked at it and said, you have a good eye!

10. Man SMS: What are you doing? Are you dreaming? Pass on your dreams to me; Are you laughing? Send a smile; Are you crying? Texting your tears makes me sad together. Girlfriend replied: I am defecating.

1 1. Ask yourself a thousand times, why do you always miss you recently? When will you invite me to dinner?

It is said that people unconsciously eat more than 70 kinds of insects and 10 spiders when they sleep. In order to avoid this terrible thing, remember to put on a mask and put two green onions in your nostrils before going to bed!

Thirteen. Once, a boy named Wei called his girlfriend and her mother-in-law received it. He asked, what's your name, young man? Aunt, my surname is Wei. What's my mother-in-law's name? Boy: Aunt, I don't know why. I was born surnamed Wei, and my mother-in-law is:

14. Seeing Polaris crying in the night sky, I asked Polaris why she was crying. Polaris said, alas, the little stars are speculating more and more about themselves now, and I'm afraid the honor of my compass won't last the night!

15. In busy days, I may forget to contact, and in physically and mentally exhausted days, I may forget to send my blessing, but today is your holiday, and I will never forget it. I extend my sincere greetings. Happy Halloween!

My friend introduced me to a blind date and asked me: What kind of girl do you like? I replied: I can't say clearly! He asked again: Think about what girls you like have in common? I thought about it and answered: * * * The same feature is that they don't like me!

Seventeen. One day, my boyfriend asked his girlfriend: What would you do if I cheated? Girlfriend A: Will I turn a blind eye? My boyfriend just wanted to sigh his girlfriend's tolerance, but her girlfriend spoke: Then aim and shoot you.

Eighteen. I went to the canteen to eat at noon and asked for a barbecued pork. When I got it, it was all fat. I was very angry and asked the chef who divided the dishes: Why is all the barbecued pork I want fat? Master: Being fat is safe, which proves that our pork contains no clenbuterol.

19. Big Wolf said to Kotaro, Dear, I will catch sheep for you. ? Kotaro stared at it and said? Are you silly? What kind of mutton is just a cloud to me? Look at the text message if you want to catch it. This boy, eating pork is popular now! ?

In Chinese class, the teacher asked a classmate to use it? A narrow escape? After thinking for a long time, my classmate said: My sow gave birth to ten piglets, nine died and one lived. My sow really survived!

Twenty one. There is an honest man who can't lie. He went to ask a liar, and the man said, OK! So I taught him the common sense of lying. After that, he let an honest man tell a lie. The honest man thought for a long time: to tell the truth, I am dumb.

Twenty-two Once I sang with my friend, I wanted my friend to sing a nunchaku of Jay Chou. Because we are in a hurry, we welcome XXX to sing a song Zhou Jie-Great Shuang Jie. ! Ah! You embarrassed me!

A friend just bought a new mobile phone, and then it rang. He answered the phone? Hello? I couldn't hear the other person's voice for a long time, so I took it down and saw it was a short message.

I know I am late, but I have already apologized for it. What else do you want? Me: You don't have to apologize, really, if that's your attitude.

25. Seasons are vagrants. When they come and go, they always lose their youth. It's late autumn. In this sentimental season, anything unhappy can be said tactfully to make everyone happy!

Twenty-six. When my classmate was defending, the following tutor said: Why is your plan so familiar? I made it. This is the LOGO of my decoration company. My classmate suddenly petrified. I left with my bag on my back.

Twenty-seven After polishing the leather shoes, the gentleman found that the shoes turned into big faces. Instead of feeling very angry, he stood up and shouted angrily to the shoeshine worker. Wipe it from the head! ? The shoeshine man shivered and answered:? Sir, I'm too short to reach.

Twenty-eight Speaking of XXX, it is really difficult to speak; Think of once, you are also all-powerful; Recalling the past is really unbearable; Never say hello, let alone hold hands; Now that you are old, go to your home again; Looking around, the body has long since disappeared; Bow down and lament: I miss that dog!

29. The instructor looked at a student who was standing in a loose posture and said? Standing upright is the soul of a soldier. ? Students refuse to accept questions? Instructor, am I standing without a soul? ? The instructor said? You're standing like a corpse? . Dedicated to the freshmen who stand in the front line of military posture? Happy military training! ?

30. Passbooks and money have been in love for many years. Money complains to the passbook:? After all these years of talking, why don't you marry me? ? The passbook says earnestly: If I marry you, you are not mine. ?

Thirty-one. Female reproduction, urethra and excretion are separated, while male reproduction and urethra are combined. From an evolutionary point of view, male fertility is relatively low. So, don't pay too much attention to your boyfriend's quarrel with you. He is not as advanced as you.

Woman: I have a classmate. She said that she came with me today. She has something to do today. Shall we take a rain check? Me: No need to take a rain check. W: What do you mean? Me: You came on a blind date, not her. If you don't have her, you are not you. Then I suggest you marry her.

Thirty-three A lazy man asked for the easiest job, but he was arranged to go to the cemetery. He didn't work long before he came back and told the introducer angrily that the job was too unfair. They all lay down, leaving me standing alone.

34. The recruitment competition in the company was fierce, and as a result, an ordinary college student was selected. After work, college students asked: Why did you choose me at that time? The HR supervisor smiled: Boss, you look like a lucky cat. You want to be lucky!

35. For Yiya, sons are used for cooking; Get up to Wu Shuo, his wife is killing; For the emperor, the daughter is for sale; For Liu Xie, an ordinary mother is used to sleep; And you value affection and righteousness, for fun.

36. The aluminum pot at home leaked, and my son and I took it to fix it. After reading it, the master said: Change the bottom of the pot 15 yuan. ? My son whispered to me:? Dad, let's not change here. The hot pot restaurant opposite? The bottom of the pot is free? .

In the general manager's office of a company, the general manager got angry and said, Nowadays, college students are so poor in quality that they copy movies on my computer without permission and even use scissors. ?

38. Language volume, required:? what's up what's up What else is there? A student wrote: Yesterday I went to my grandma's house, and grandma brought me a chicken leg. After eating, I asked my grandmother if she had it. My grandmother replied: Yes, yes, what else? !

39. According to the law, a man can only get married at the age of 22, but 18 can be a soldier. This illustrates three problems: first, it is easier to kill than to be a husband; Second, it is more difficult to live than to fight; Third, women are more difficult to deal with than enemies.

Forty. In the middle of watching a movie in the cinema, the screen of the cinema turned dark, and everyone was puzzled and began to talk. A buddy suddenly shouted excitedly: that who, front row, move the mouse!

Forty-one Speaking of counter-offer, a friend did so. Friend: How much is this dish? How much is it per catty? Vegetable vendor: 1 yuan. Friend: Eighty cents! Vegetable vendor: ninety cents! Friend: Seventy cents! Vegetable vendor: eighty cents! Friend: Please give me two Jin.

Forty-two There was a traffic accident, and many people were watching it, but no reporter could squeeze in. I had a brainwave: I am the son of the injured, please get out of the way! As expected, the onlookers got out of the way. The reporter looked over and saw that it was a dog that was crushed to death.

Forty-three During military training, students will undergo physical examination. The doctor asked a classmate:? Your weight now is 58 kilograms. What was your heaviest weight in the past? ? Classmate:? 60 kilograms. ? Doctor:? What about the lightest time? ? Classmate:? Four kilograms. ? Happy military training for freshmen!

44. You pay for dinner today, or I'll let the earthquake and tsunami go to your house for a carnival, so you can say you're not hungry? Don't worry, I still have radiation. If you are afraid, call me at once. I won't mention the above threats.

Xiaoli: Why can't I get a boyfriend? No men talk to you? Jane: Of course! Xiaoli: Huh? What did they tell you? Men often say to me? Excuse me, miss? !

Forty-six One day Xiao Ming suddenly found out that I have a big aunt, a second aunt, a fourth aunt, a fifth aunt and no third aunt. ? So he went to ask his father: Why don't I have a third aunt? ? I thought for a moment: did my third aunt die when I was young? ? Xiao Ming's father said: Your third aunt is your mother!

47. If you drink half a catty of white wine at a time, you have a good capacity for alcohol. Eight or two are not drunk, awesome; Not a pound, a lot of brothers; You don't care about these two bottles, which means you bought fake wine again.

48. When BMW met Mercedes-Benz, the driver of Mercedes-Benz angrily pointed to the license plate and asked the BMW driver:? You didn't see 00544? ? The BMW driver also pointed to his license plate without hesitation? 44944? .

49. Father and son watch TV together. Father said: those African refugees can't eat, so thin and pitiful! Son disagrees: liar! How can they afford a perm when they have no food to eat?

50. The pig is slim, and Mrs. Pig asks enviously: Pig! How did you lose weight? I drink slimming tea every day, how can I get fatter and fatter? Sister piggy leaned close to Mrs piggy's ear and whispered, I ate lean meat!

5 1. stuttering? Please. Please. Ask? Arrive? Arrive? Station? What? How come? Going? Asked several times, passers-by did not answer. ? What about you? How could you? No? Why? Me? Me? Me? Afraid? Afraid? What about you? Say? I'm here? Learn from you? You talk? .

52. If you met an alien in the street one night, what would you say to it? I want to change! If one night, you see a thief climbing the wall, what do you say? Watch out! Spider-Man's here!

53. Guarantee: Several men are playing cards. Man A said: I promised my wife that I would never play cards again. Man B asked: Then what are you still doing here? Man A replied: But I didn't promise never to lie again.

54. When the section chief was on patrol, he saw an employee eating, called him to the front and criticized: It's outrageous, how can you eat at work? The staff smiled and said, section chief, I have no job to eat!

Fifty-five. A girlfriend has a new boyfriend. After dating for a period of time, her girlfriend said: You lied to me. Your father is obviously a factory chef, but you said that more than 2,000 people depend on your father for food! ? Her boyfriend said:? Yes, I live on my father's cooking! ?

Woman: I have no feelings for you. Me: OK, you can go. Woman: How do you talk? Me: I like direct people. If you tell me how you feel, I will tell you how I feel. Woman: You are so stingy. Me: this is called a frank exchange of views between the host and the guest.

57. Two * * found three grenades in the street. The young * * was a little scared: What if a Grenade exploded on the road? ? Old * *:? Suppose we find two. ?

Fifty-eight W: I have many friends, and a few boys play well with me. Oh, I'm sorry. I'll take this call. Me: You can go first. Woman: That's all right. It doesn't matter. Me: Take care of all your friends. Since they are more important than me, why did they come to see me?

59. Jack, who is in love, said to his lover's little brother, Here is five yuan, just a short piece of your sister's hair is enough. The younger brother replied, if you give me fifty dollars, I can help you get her wig!

60. Chief: Hello, comrades! Soldier: Hello, sir! Chief: comrades are all tanned! Soldier: The leader is blacker! The chief patted a soldier's chest and said, how well this muscle is trained! Soldier: Sir, I'm a female soldier!

Sixty one. How do you know that some part of your body is sick? Which part do you think? Existence? Right, that is to say, which part is sick. Some people spend their whole lives trying to prove their existence. His sick part should be the brain.

Sixty two. One morning, A got up and found no socks. He said to B: You help me with those socks! Hey, why are there three socks? Think about it. A: Not easy. Two main players and one substitute!

63. The Tang Priest was caught by a banshee and tied to a cave. Tang Priest asked? Where is the patroness? ? The banshee stripped off her clothes and said, lick me and you will know. ? The Tang Priest said:? The young monk did as he said. ? After licking, Tang Priest said, it's so fresh! ? The banshee showed her true colors and said, I am a chicken essence! ?

Sixty four. Xiao Ming said: Dad, it's so cold in the room! Dad said, you can stand in the corner. Xiao Ming asked in surprise: Why? Dad smiled and said, because the angle is 90 degrees.

M: What do you think of our future? The girl wrote the word Wan on the man's hand. A few days later, the girl called to ask why she didn't contact. Man: Didn't you say we were finished? Girl: I wrote I love you!

Since you ask sincerely, I will tell you with great compassion: I despise you on behalf of the moon! That's it, Meow Meow ~ ~ Although you have a disgusting feeling, lamb, I will definitely come back!

Sixty seven. A buddy who never dared to take a cheat sheet and has always had excellent grades was publicly punished for cheating on his mobile phone. Don't understand, ask. Answer: No, the test questions are too simple, and there is too much time left. At this time, all the dishes are ready.

68. Grandson: Grandpa, why does Confucius and Mencius have a name? Son? Huh? Grandpa: in ancient universities, the name of the questioner was often added at the end? Son? . Grandson: You are also very learned. Your surname is Bao, or steamed stuffed bun for short!

Sixty nine. Someone went to a restaurant to eat beef Lamian Noodles, but he couldn't see a piece of beef in the middle, so he asked the boss: Why is there no beef in the beef Lamian Noodles? The boss said flatly, do you still expect to eat the old woman's cake as your wife?

While crossing the road, the tortoise was knocked down by a snail and passed out. In the emergency room, it regained consciousness and was asked how the accident happened. The tortoise replied, I really don't remember. It all happened so fast.

Seventy-one. W: I tell you, I just came for dinner today, nothing else. Me: Then you can go. Woman: You? Me: Eating is just a means to increase understanding and feelings. If you come here just to eat, you can go to the canteen, where eating is not to increase understanding.

Seventy-two There are many reasons why there are so many American psychologists: First, patients have enough time and money; Second, few patients died because of the second attack; Third, to tell the truth, this kind of patient is incurable!

Seventy-three A Dai is depressed. A friend asked him: Are you lovelorn? A Dai: No, I'm in love. Friend: Then you should be happy. A Dai: I love swimming so much. She pushed me down and ran away!

Seventy-four An athlete was practicing archery and accidentally hurt a bystander. The athlete rushed to apologize. The bystander said: I don't blame you, but I stood in the wrong place. If I stand in front of the target, I won't get hurt.

Seventy-five The salesman said to a customer who was smoking. Sir, smoking is forbidden here. ? The customer replied:? This is a cigarette bought from you. ? Shop assistant:? So what? We sell toilet paper! ?

According to reliable information, scientists have extracted hibernation hormones from animals, which can be used on astronauts to realize human long interstellar voyage. Hide. I heard that your hibernation hormone content is the highest.

Me: Are you free to play ball this weekend? W: Sorry, I have something urgent at home. My grandmother is very ill. Tell you what, how about I contact you next week? Me: No need. Grandma, come to me when you are well.

Seventy-eight When the chief patrolled the army, he found that the queue was irregular, and the handsome and tall soldiers ranked first and the short ones ranked last, so he called the captain and gave him a lecture: What do you do? A: I used to sell fruit!

I heard that you have been abroad for more than half a year. Do you feel much? ? Yeah, it's too deep, right? The people's cultural level is high. ? How can I see it? ? Adults and children speak foreign languages. ?

There is a girl walking in front. A said: that girl looks like a figure, and her back is really beautiful. That girl seems to have heard it! Turn and smile! B said: I didn't expect her to look worried about the country and the people.

The tortoise won the all-around championship in the animal sports meeting. People asked him about his tricks. Tortoise: Nothing. I practice boxing with fish, swim with birds, race with crabs, meditate with frogs and hunger strike with pigs. I didn't expect to win easily

Eighty-two Gray went to a place and stayed in an inn. The host is very stingy and gives little food every day. One day he sat down to eat and saw that the plate on the table was wet. He called the shopkeeper: This plate is wet. The shopkeeper said, this is soup for you.

83. Husband and wife are arguing. Wife: I'm better than you in all aspects except one thing. Husband: What's worse than me? Wife: Isn't it obvious? My spouse is not as good as yours!

84. bugs bunny bought two rooms. This year? Housing fair? Prepare a loan to buy a suite, the bank refused, saying that the state prohibits lending to the third suite. Bugs bunny was angry:? Haven't you ever heard of the three caves of the cunning rabbit? Where is justice? ?

Eighty-five A college student was caught by the enemy. The enemy tied him to a telephone pole and asked him, where are you from? I'll electrocute you if you don't tell me! The college student replied to the enemy's words and was electrocuted. He said, I'm from TV University!

W: I don't like playing ball. Playing ball is so boring. Me: Then you can go. Woman: You are so stingy. Me: I don't need to take care of your hobbies if you don't take care of mine.

Eighty-seven The best B car: Honda without brakes; The best B * *: from the Philippines; B the best unrequited love: a person says he is patriotic; Best blessing message from B: I just hope Bojun smiles on Christmas Eve!

88. Passers-by said to the beggar: You are strong and have no disability. Why should I give you money? ? The beggar was furious and said, do I have to cripple myself to ask you for some stinking money? ?

Eighty-nine Two gangsters were lying in wait, trying to plot against someone, but they never saw him. One of them said anxiously: What happened? He hasn't come yet, I hope nothing will happen to him! ?

90. Once an educated youth went to the countryside, a farmer in Lu Yu was driving a donkey. The farmer shouted, big, big, big, and the donkey galloped forward. When approaching the educated youth, the farmer said: Hey, the donkey slowed down immediately, and the educated youth lamented: Grandpa, how can you speak the donkey so well?

9 1. There is Adu Wisteria in our class. His shoelaces were loose on the day of military training. Shouting for a report! ? What's your name? ? The instructor gave a cry, and the students thought it was asking his name: Du Ziteng! ? Go to the side to rest if you have a stomachache! ? The audience burst into laughter! May the freshmen successfully complete the training task and everything go smoothly!

92. Suddenly I saw my old friend walking in front, holding his hand and taking a few steps forward. The man looked back in surprise and said with a smile, I am someone else, not your friend, so let go. Hearing this, I was embarrassed and said, you are my friend, big monkey. I have the money to forget your old friends and am ashamed to be friends with you. The man scratched his head, and I ran away!