I like Chen Cheng's suggestive messages.

Tired at the end of the world (1): drunk, empty old stone town (2011-02-1521:21:23) Reprinted label: Nanjing Songti Stone Town is not humane enough.

Stone Town is a historic site in Nanjing, which is sometimes referred to as Nanjing. The so-called tiger lives in the dragon plate, and that tiger refers to the stone city as a tiger. If Jinling is the king's capital, it probably depends on the feng shui weather where Dragon Pan Tiger lives. When I first came to Nanjing to study, the scholar was in high spirits, seven points of heroism and three points of pride. Time flies like water, and now I only have this flesh and blood, and my ambition is not paid. As the saying goes, "I sigh that his life is not long, and I don't know if I will come back to mourn", leaving this half-life hard regret, outsiders can't stand it.

One night a few years ago, an elder in my hometown invited me to Nanjing for dinner. This elder and my parents are friends for three generations. After the Cultural Revolution, he was an undergraduate. After the reform and opening up, he went into business. With his intelligence, he has accumulated tens of millions of wealth in his half-life career. The only daughter, whose studies and looks are not satisfactory, was sent to England to get a diploma for several years. My elders and my parents had a secret idea about their children's marriage in the early years-they both wanted to fix us up as a couple.

At that time, I was attracted by the girl I was attracted to for the first time in my life. I study in the same school as that girl, and my desire is beyond words, but I haven't made it clear because of the girl's face. I only remember that one night when we came back from shopping, on the bus back to school, the girl and I sat behind the bus and whispered something. Their words are sincere, almost dull, and their tone is very sad, which makes me want to cry. Since I was a child, my mother has been unreasonable and strict with me, taking male-female communication as a big defense, and even tearing up photos of me and my female classmates in high school. My slight sensitivity, intermittent sadness, my desire for self-isolation, including inferiority and depression, and some inexplicable fears about women are probably related to my experience. Of course, I don't complain about my mother. On the contrary, I deeply respect and love my mother. Without her, there would be no life and feelings for me. She is just one of hundreds of millions of ordinary working women in China. She values me more than her own life. As a child, you should go beyond understanding the limitations of your parents and don't be too entangled. We should beat ourselves, not our parents, right? I hinted my thoughts to my family again and again. Unfortunately, my mother didn't give in at last. I remember the fiercest quarrel. I seldom say directly, "We (my elder's daughter and I) have no feelings." My mother also directly retorted: "Feelings can be cultivated."

Finally, I compromised. A long time ago, my father told me that there is no win-win situation in this kind of problem, and one side must step back. Things have changed, and I have regressed. I never rebelled against my parents even in adolescence, and all my rebellious spirit was suppressed and sacrificed in the unanimous opinion and mutual maintenance of my parents. Maybe my parents deprived me of the right to "love myself" in the name of "he loves". I don't know what is "self-love" and what is "freedom" since I was a child. The theory I have been instilled is that my parents love me wholeheartedly, so as a reward and to ensure my happiness, I must give the decision to my parents. My parents are well-informed and have a deeper understanding of society and human nature than I do, so their decision must be the most correct. I can't judge my parents' motives in this matter, but I became a shameful traitor, betrayed my true love from the heart, and decided to take my chances according to other people's opinions.

Over the years, along the way, many homosexuals want to spend their lives with me. I always hesitate to make it clear that it is impossible. I will always get married. I always become a partner with any man for a period of time. At that time, my hypocritical face was probably full of lies. It may be a good thing to be infected with HIV now. If you push me to the forefront, you must face yourself-to be or not to be? There is always an explanation for everything. I hope I can gain self and eternal life in the rest of my life. Maybe it is possible.

Don't talk too much. I gave up a congenial relationship to pursue a girl who has only met several times in my life and has only a hazy image. I try hard to learn the way other boys pursue girls-calling and texting every day to greet and care. I seem to remember her birthday, and chatting with boring text messages every night has become the most important thing in my life. It's just that the other end of the phone is always cold, and in a few words it sent me to bed. There is a folk saying that "a hot face sticks to a cold ass". Isn't that what it means? But I always have a sense of humiliation and helplessness, which probably lingers in my mind. So, not long after, the news that the elder daughter had a boyfriend came out, but I was relieved-although the parents of the two families were worried about it for a long time.

The elder's daughter found a peddler's son, who also studied in a dirty school in England. Is it a rich second generation? I don't know. I can't comment. I never thought, never met, and never thought of meeting them. In this way, many years have passed and there is no news from each other. There is nothing in Hongyan. "No news is good news." I still hope this girl is happy. After all, she is a family friend for three generations, and I was raised by her parents.

Finally, one night years ago, my elder invited a table of people to dinner in Nanjing, including me, his daughter and his son-in-law. I am so disappointed to finally meet the legendary man. Although my family is well-off, I came back from overseas and smoked British sea breeze for several years. Finally, my appearance is not pleasing: short and fat, only wearing glasses, very gentle. How can you grow a general's belly in your twenties If I had to imagine it, it would be a handsome young man. At dinner that day, I didn't speak, and I was drunk by myself-how could I not be as good as such a talent? Although I don't like that girl, I'm not convinced. Later, they carried me back to my elders' home, and I didn't even know it.

When I was drunk, I forgot to take medicine.

At three o'clock at night, I woke up from drunkenness and looked for water on the first floor, still dizzy and weak. Maybe the noise is too loud. The elder's daughter came down from upstairs and poured me a glass of water. I took a sip and she helped me to rest on the sofa in the hall. I was lying there half drunk, and the girl took out my washed clothes and dried them under the air conditioner. In a daze, I just felt that the girl was standing there quietly at the other end of the hall, looking at me silently. I suddenly had a silly idea: "maybe this girl doesn't hate me so much, but she is also resisting everything arranged by her parents." She just wants to find her own way out. " Now look at your boyfriend who is short but has a big belly and a round waist, will there be a trace of regret? I was content with my unfounded illusion and was drugged unconsciously, just like a poor guy.

It wasn't long before the girl went upstairs to rest. I struggled to get up, secretly dug out the medicine in my pants, took the medicine and drank two sips of water-although I knew it was meaningless to take medicine at this time, I was afraid of death, and I really wanted to live. I take medicine as a lifeline-even if I take it four hours late, it's better than missing it once. Am I naive? So in Nanjing, I always remind my friends to cherish medicine as much as life. "It's not so terrible to have medicine, and it's really terrible to have no medicine." Are you right? I vomited after eating for a few minutes. I threw up all over. I don't care. I have already eaten. I can't help it, but I'm afraid others will see it. I have no spare medicine. Tomorrow morning, I must go home because I don't have any medicine.

The next morning, my elder sent me back to my residence, and I asked him to take me to the subway. I'm worried about polluting people's cars. Take the subway, get off at every stop, find a bathroom to vomit, and then wait for the subway to the next stop. At the end, it's all yellow bile. Bile is too bitter, and my tears come out unconsciously. When tears flow into my mouth, my tears are more bitter. Finally, I came to a place close to home. I couldn't bear it any longer. I took a taxi home.

This is the only time in my life that I got drunk as a fiddler.

I want to say to the elder's daughter: I was drunk today, and we are even. If you have shed tears for us before, I will pay you back today; I've eaten all the snacks you gave me since I was a child, and I threw up today. Let bygones be bygones. Let's be good friends. You are still my good sister, and I will treat you as my sister and care about you from the bottom of my heart. This has never changed, and there is no need to vent your resistance to your parents on each other.

Before the New Year bell rang, I finally got drunk in Stone Town, a city that I was deeply infatuated with and complained about, but wanted to fly away but could do nothing for the time being. I hate it. I have been trying to eliminate my inner hatred since I was a child, but how can I not hate it? -since ancient times, I have been passionate and carefree.

I was drunk, wiped the tears from my eyes and fell asleep with strong hatred.