Classic funny quotations that set off the atmosphere, laughing to death.

1, I didn't spray as well as you. That's a fountain.

2. You are patriotic, dedicated and have backbone.

It is not that the sun is bad, but that the fence is too high.

4, the beginning is terrible; Ghosts, funny in the middle; He ate a fart and ended badly; He's dead.

5, love is like a grave, knowing that it is death, piling up soil bit by bit.

6. My heart is not a bus. You can take it if you have a seat.

7. Brother, can you lower the resolution on your face a little?

8. If one day, you say you miss me, I will tell you: it's late.

9. I used to be proud to be happy together for a lifetime.

10, the brothers United to overthrow the government and demanded that the government give each of us a beautiful woman.

1 1, Love plus, Dream Xianglian, San Xiao is Pan Jinlian …

12, my heart is broken and it looks like dumpling stuffing.

13, you look very creative and live bravely. Ugliness is not your intention, but God is losing his temper.

14, I believe you every time, but you lie to me again and again, damn the weather forecast.

15, Lao Li's laundry opened, and Lao Wang gave him a plaque that read: "Give me back my innocence.

16, always eat when you are unhappy. If I eat too much, I will get fat. If I get fat, I will be unhappy.

17, unrequited love is a successful pantomime, and when it is said, it becomes a tragedy.

18, you can't guess who I am without blindfolding!

19, why is it more nonsense than the advertisement of Hunan Satellite TV?

20. I moved my heart for you alone and broke the hearts of thousands of women in Qian Qian.

2 1, people must not do dog things, so dogs have to be laid off.

22. Looking back 500 times in previous lives, I got a "rogue" in this life!

23, fart, they say it is love. I heard it and smelled it, but no one saw it.

24. Men in the new century: They got the hall and the kitchen. I can support my wife, remember my mother, and please my mother-in-law.

25, well said, you said a lot, I don't quite understand.

26, laugh, maybe you don't know, sigh, let it go. Unable to retain. Just because time took it away.

27. The person I love has been taken away, and the person who loves me is terrible.

28. In the past, the route was simple, but walking revealed the sexy essence.

50 classic funny quotations, laughing to death.

1, living alone, people can only waste; Wives and concubines in groups make people know how to be frugal. But now, I am eager to be frugal in waste all day.

Being single is very painful. Being single for a long time is more painful. A few days ago, I saw a sow. I think its eyes are very good. ...

I am in a bad mood today. I only have four words to say. Including this sentence and the first two sentences. I finished ...

4. I just found out that the way to attract a man is to make him not get it; The way to attract a woman is just the opposite, that is, to satisfy her.

If happiness is a cloud, if pain is like a star. Then my life is really cloudless and full of stars in Wan Li …

6. In life, you can't hang yourself on a tree, but try to die several times on several nearby trees.

7. The cat greets the cow. The cow teased the cat and said, You have a beard so young! The cat was very angry and said, why don't you wear a bra when you are so old?

8. Someone asked me, are you handsome? I said I was not handsome. He hit me and told you to lie.

9. Two drunks were driving like crazy. A: "Be careful! There is a sharp turn ahead. " B: "What? Aren't you driving? "

10, generally, boys are not allowed to go to the girls' building, and they must leave before 8 pm, otherwise the aunt at 8 pm will shout loudly: girls, Fujian.

1 1. Foreigners who have learned some Mandarin. Say hello to the secretary in the morning. "How are you?" The young lady stared at him. He paused and immediately said to her, "Hello, Mom!" " "

12. A farmer's daughter was so ugly that he had to let her be a scarecrow in the corn field to scare crows. As a result, not only did she scare away the crows, but even three crows were scared to send some corn back.

13. If marriage is the grave of love, the model couple is only a' model graveyard' at best.

14, the father said sternly to his daughter's boyfriend, "can't you just take my daughter to the movies every day?" The young man was surprised and happy: "You mean you can do other things?"

15, salary is dead. If the salary is worthy of going to work, you have to go to work less.

16, a stutterer invigilated and found a student peeking. He shouted angrily: "You, you, you, you dare to cheat, stand up for me!" " Five students stood up.

17, a couple went to register for marriage. "Have you ever had a premarital examination?" "Yes, his house and car are complete." "I'm going to the hospital." The young woman blushed and whispered, "Yes, it's a boy."

18, maintaining life lies in exercise, and creating life also lies in exercise. The difference is-under the bed.

19, you ask me, where is happiness? I tell you, if you stand on tiptoe, you can get closer to happiness. If you close your eyes, you can feel happiness. ...

20. If you blink, I will die. If you blink again, I will come back to life. If you keep blinking, I will die.

2 1, Xiaoming and Xiaohua go to the zoo to play. When they entered the door, Xiao Ming pointed to Xiaohua and said to the doorman, "Look clearly! Come out later, don't say I stole your monkey! "

22. No matter how high a woman stands, she can only wet the land under her feet; Men are amazing, stand higher and pee farther!

23. Teacher, just follow the old lady! After a long time ... teacher, please give me a break!

24. The mother bird burst into tears, and the male bird said angrily: How many times have I told you that this ring was worn by the bird research station, not a wedding ring! I'm not married!

25. During a military parade, the head of an army walked by with his head held high, saying "Hello comrades", "Hello head", "Comrades have worked hard", "Comrades are tanned" and "The head is black".

26. Someone met a friend in the street. When he first asked about his friend's wife, he suddenly remembered that she had passed away, so he changed his tune: "Is she still in the original cemetery?"

27. A man and his wife are often ambiguous, but they don't see it. Colleagues send a pair of couplets. Part I: As long as the days go by, part II: Even if the head is a little green, cross-examine: the ninja turtle.

28. Two birds saw a hunter aiming at them. One said, you protect the scene and I'll call the police!

29. You are very creative, and living is your courage; Ugliness is not your intention, but God has a little temper; Without you, you have to live bravely ... who will set off the beauty of the donkey!

30. Three small animals are chatting in the forest. Pig said: nicknames are popular now, so you can call me pig in the future. Rabbit: ok, I'll call it rabbit. Chicken face is unhappy: I have work to do, so I have to go first.

3 1, my dream life: I wake up naturally and count my money until my hands cramp. My real life: count the money until I wake up naturally and sleep until my hands cramp. ...

32. The depreciation rate of women is amazing. It only takes one night to change from a' new' mother to an' old' woman.

33, the effect of contraception: unsuccessful, it will become a' person'.

34. Looking at beautiful women in the street is appreciation if you look up, and hooligans if you look down.

35. Money treats me like dirt, and I treat money like dirt! It's all dirt. Who's afraid of who?

36. Lie on your back tonight, get up early tomorrow, lie prone tomorrow, and stay up late the day after tomorrow ... to exercise. Sometimes it's that simple.

37. I know I'm not a handsome guy, but someone saw my full moon photo and said my left nostril was idolized.

38. Before eating peanuts, monkeys should put peanuts in their buttocks before taking them out. The administrator explained: Someone once fed it peaches, but the peach core could not be pulled out. The monkey is afraid. You must measure it before eating now.

39. Don't call children rabbits, because from a genetic point of view, it is not good for parents.

40. Real steamed bread is everything. You can eat when you are hungry. If you want to eat cake, pat the steamed bread flat; If you want to eat noodles, comb the steamed bread with a comb; If you want a hamburger, cut the steamed bread and eat it. ...

4 1, the inner beauty that men say refers to the inside of the bra, not the heart.

42. But I read the so-called contemporary women's criteria for choosing a spouse: having a car and a house, and both parents are dead. Depressed. I wrote down the imaginary criteria for choosing a spouse: the family property is over 100 million yuan, the beauty is the best in the world, the goodness is gentle and sexy, and the father-in-law has terminal cancer. ...

43. My father asked me what kind of life I wanted. I answered money and beauty, and my father punched me in the face; I answered career and love, and my father touched my head appreciatively.

44. All the columns except one are well filled in. The column of "relationship" should be filled with "mother-in-law" instead of "nervous"

45. Life is really boring. Last month, a buddy of mine borrowed 4000 yuan from me, saying that he was going to have plastic surgery. Now I don't know what he has become.

46. I think I should lose weight. Last time I donated blood, I actually shed 100 ml of lard.

47. If marriage is the grave of love, then the annual wedding anniversary celebration is to sweep the grave.

48. A young lady walks at night, and there is a thief in Lu Yu: "Hand over the money!" The young lady replied, "No, even if you force me, I won't give it!" " "The robber looked at the young lady carefully and said," You think it is beautiful! "

49, men, the upper body is self-cultivation, the lower body is the essence; Women, the upper body is the bait, and the lower body is the trap.

50. On Valentine's Day, I turned around and found the phone number of a girl I secretly loved in middle school, and sent her a short message: If there is only one bowl of porridge, you drink half first, and I will put the rest in my arms to keep you warm ... A few minutes later, she replied with a short message: Who introduced you? 400 at a time and 700 at night.

Classic funny quotations laugh at internal injuries.

1, in this world, it is more difficult to kill a Q pet than to kill a person.

2. You are my super happy insole. Let me step on you.

I stayed in a nervous crowd for a long time and found myself normal.

4. When you go to the street, sprinkle some oil on others and tell them: Don't worry, it's all automatic!

If you can't tolerate me, it means that either your mind is too narrow or my personality is too great.

6. Tell me about you. Learn to be ugly without a diploma. If you are not smart, learn from others' baldness!

7. When two male turtles fight, the most ruthless trick is to turn each other over.

8. No matter how much water you have, you can't drink enough loneliness.

9. What is happiness? You eat fish, I eat meat and watch others chew bones!

10, don't give me a sweaty look, or I'll pay you back with my nose.

1 1, big head, thick neck, stupid like a pig!

12, in order to celebrate the success of quitting smoking today, I decided to smoke another one.

13, when I saw your face, I felt that your parents were not serious when they made you.

14, reading travel novels every day, looking at the toilet is like a hole passing through.

15, does it itch? Itching is right. When the wound is growing, so are the nerve endings.

16, a day is really short. As soon as the computer was turned on, the day passed.

17, if you treat me like a game, I will kill you.

18, spread soy sauce all over the world and make others jealous.

19, how can you get married without going through scum? No one can be a mother casually.

20. I don't look down on you, but I don't care about you at all.

2 1, my so-called dream is dreaming at night and daydreaming during the day.

22. Superman always flies in briefs because triangles are very stable.

23. Close your eyes and see the bank, which is where I hide my money.

24, benefactor, if you bully being original, it is a disgrace to Jesus.

25. It's even more embarrassing to drown one's sorrows by drinking. Tang Yan washes his hair softly.

26. Diapers that can resist floods are diapers that can really suck.

27, finished, you also ignore me, I became a dog ignore.

28. What should I do if the egg hurts? Continue licking the egg.

29. When I get rich, I will go back to Afghanistan, because where can I find four wives?

It is said that we are the flowers of the motherland. Why am I the one who gets hurt?

3 1. Youth is running wildly and then falling down beautifully.

32, after hearing what you said, a sense of superiority in IQ arises spontaneously!

33. I always fantasize that I am human, but the fact tells me that I am just a rugged person.

34. When playing a game, when there is one blood left, call three letters to revive Zeng Ge.

35. Women mix well and wear less. Men mix well, and their hair falls backwards.

36. There must be a driveway in front of the mountain, and I can't stop it.

37. Men are naked animals, but putting on clothes is the devil wears Prada.

38. In fact, if you like a girl, buy her more food. If you get fat, no one will chase you. It's yours.

I love you without explanation, because explanation is a cover-up.

Fzl's funny quotation "Laughing and Bending"

1, you are not handsome, you are ugly!

We have all grown up, but Xiaoming in the math problem has always been so big.

Your shameless appearance has my youthful charm.

Suddenly looking back, there is a dog looking at me in the back.

5, the so-called love is to waste expression after love,

6, feelings are sometimes just a person's business. It has nothing to do with anyone. Love, or not love, can only end by itself.

7. I used to feel that the future was boundless, but now I always feel that the future is not bright.

8. I swear I'll chop my hands when I surf the Internet again. I found out that I am Guanyin with a thousand hands.

9. In my heart, you are as sacred as the sun. As long as I touch you gently, I will be burned to black charcoal in an instant.

10, it's not that I look down on you, but that I don't care about you at all.

1 1 My dream is to have a lot of delicious food.

12, God, give me a bowl of big white rice and a plate of hot and sour potato shreds.

13. Without studying, Wan Li Road is just a postman.

14, come. Suddenly come back and ask for a blind date in disguise …

15, my mother said my wife is virtuous, but I think she is too idle to do anything!

16, she has been laughing and listening to my jokes. I'm always so stupid in her heart.

17, when the class is very noisy, the teacher always shouts at us: "Don't you understand?" Actually, we are disobedient.

18, even if you are occupied, I will use flowers instead of trees.

19, there are only graves in the world. If there are more dead people, there will be graves. ...

20. Don't be afraid of losing. What you can lose is not yours after all.

2 1, rural mother said that distant relatives are not as good as close neighbors, and I said that few people in the city know the opposite door.

22. As a monster, my wish is to destroy at least one Altman!

23. It is even stronger to hear that you have lost weight recently and have broken up with you.

24. I think there must be many people who secretly love me, because no one has confessed to me for so many years.

Although I can't save the whole life, I can bring disaster to all beings.

26. I'm not a saint who can't satisfy everyone//I'm not a money who can't satisfy everyone.

27. I tell you, as long as the Russian small universe broke out, Jesus could not be reborn.

28. Once a little girl said to me upstairs: Brother, you are so handsome! I immediately replied: not handsome, not handsome, just long.

Let me say: I like people like you! Tell me if you can: I like you.

30. We have all grown up, but Xiao Ming on math problems has always been so big.

3 1, the problem of human body structure is very profound, so let's go home and study it …

32, the school expelled me, I can only use the last sentence of Grey Wolf: I will definitely come back.

33. Boss, weigh two catties of love and take it home to feed the dog.