Let the ex-boyfriend reply to the text message and let the ex-boyfriend take the initiative to get back together.

We always feel that saving is the need to disconnect? Change yourself, "disconnect" makes the other person have aftertaste and nostalgia, and "change" makes the other person feel something.

Trying to save the first break-up is probably the most ridiculous sentence I have heard since I started my career.

On the surface, the above operation can form a better attraction, but it forgets a very important thing: time cost.

It takes time to really improve yourself. Apart from other things, the habit of "going to bed early" or "getting up early" can't be formed by ordinary people in a month or two. So, you expect to attract each other after your promotion, well, I'm afraid time waits for no one.

You might say, we can improve ourselves and save it at the same time, right?

In the emotional recovery cases I have handled, many girls have tried the "two-handed" recovery method, but most of the time they were blacked out.

Why should I ask?

The difference in thinking between men and women leads to the fact that most boys are rational and girls are emotional. A girl's sensibility often makes her emotional, especially after breaking up. Sometimes she is an "emotional bomb".

I once handled a case.

Girls spend a lot of time to improve themselves when they save themselves, while boys don't respond at the first time. The girl rushed to the boy's company downstairs and called him out. She lost her temper in front of him and the boy said a few words to her. She raised her hand and slapped the boy several times. After the fight, the girls found that the boys blacked out WeChat and the phone, and suddenly knew that the problem was big, so they came to me for help.

How does it feel to let girls put themselves in each other's shoes after I accept the case?

The ex only chose to break up because she was comfortable and broken. She was full of unhappiness and was asked by girls. It is estimated that the only feeling in my heart is that this woman is simply deep well ice, and I really made the right decision when I decided to break up. Then decisively blacken, only hope to have a clean, this life will never meet.

Therefore, "grasping with both hands" is right in itself, and the problem is prone to bugs in practice.

It is understandable that the girl paid a phone call, but she didn't get the recognition of her sweetheart. However, it takes time and skill to save people, and some of them can't be trampled on, because it's not worth doing too much.

It may be that the ups and downs of feelings caused the second breakup. I often suggest that you choose to save it by chatting.

Chatting can well buffer the emotions between two people, and also appropriately increase the sense of distance between two people. In the final analysis, breakup is the result of comfort breakdown, and emotional buffering and sense of distance are both necessary conditions for comfort reconstruction.

So how can we chat to make up for it?

The minefield of chatting during the rescue is like the aforementioned chat. Some minefields in the rescue are untouchable, and there are also such minefields in the chat.

Talk about feelings or talk about negatives?

Seriously, talking about "feelings" is a thunder pool for chatting when saving.

It is very important to create a comfortable communication atmosphere, and try to avoid any topic that makes the other person uncomfortable.

The other party just broke up with you, and the feeling of "feelings" is in an extremely negative emotional state, and the one who was broken up often likes to express his feelings to his predecessor in a very negative way:

This expression is actually a very selfish attitude. You don't think about what the other person wants from the other person's point of view at all, just express what you want blindly.

Moreover, even if you save each other in this way, they will only label you as "licking the dog". In other words, you also become unequal love.

Do you think unequal relationships can last?

break the earthenware pot so that the crack reaches the bottom—insist on getting to the bottom of sth

Many girls always like to ask why they broke up after breaking up. I pestered my ex-boyfriend to explain his thoughts clearly, and sometimes I could ask several or even a dozen pieces of information in one breath.

I can also understand that I am eager to know the other person's mood when he is broken up, but I can say responsibly that even if you know his mood, it is useless to save the matter itself.

When a boy breaks up with you, he may give a hundred reasons. He will say that you are working and what he wants at this stage is a career. ...

But in fact, this is not the case.

Except for some practical reasons, such as lack of money ... we broke up because of the broken comfort.

So the only result of your questioning is to further break the comfort of getting along with each other, which is harmful to the subsequent recovery.

No topic, create a topic without nutrition.

Some girls, through some sharing, know that they should create a comfortable communication environment and convey positive emotional value during the breakup, and know that they should not ask too many questions. So how do they chat during the recovery period?

Ask "Have you eaten?" three times a day. "What did you eat?"

"What are you doing?"

Send meaningless expression packs

……

Girl, after all, the other party just broke up with you. Your experience is so good that he can't see what you want.

If the other person still had thoughts about you, you wouldn't have come this far. Well, since the other person really wants to break up with you and sees you sending a message to sound out the details of his life, he either chooses not to talk to you or pulls you out again so as not to further interfere with his life.

So it has been made clear that two people broke up, and the two sides are friends, not the interaction between friends.

How to communicate and inspire boys to get back together with you actively? Before chatting, you must keep a short "period of avoiding suspicion". During the period of avoiding suspicion, it is forbidden to contact online or offline.

The main function of the "period of avoiding suspicion" is to give the negative emotions of the other party a slow release period.

As I said before, we broke up because people's negative emotions have accumulated to the point of explosion, so we need a "suspicion avoidance period".

Length of "suspect withdrawal period":

7 days without major failures.

A major fault is 12- 17 days.

Rationalize the matter of "you continue to chat with him"

After the other party breaks up with you, even if it doesn't hack you, it will definitely stop contacting you.

After all, it is normal for ordinary people to "have no contact with their predecessors".

But the problem is that you need to keep in touch with your ex, so you need to rationalize "keeping in touch with him" For example:

The basic logic of rationalization is to empathize with each other's feelings at the moment, agree to break up, and then show that your position is to be friends.

The other party may burst into negative emotions at this time, so make a wave of rationalization for your negative emotions.

Generally speaking, after two rationalization, the other party will not try to hack you anyway.

There is a period of silence after contact, lasting 5-9 days. During this period, you can update some positive trends in your circle of friends.

But remember, don't apologize the first time you add it! When a boy breaks up with you, his reasons are often made up on the spot. If you apologize, you rationalize his reasons for breaking up!

Guide chat content

At this time, you can talk about a small business with him, for example, asking the other party to do you a small favor. Just like the girl who beat her boyfriend in front, her ex sold apples at home and asked her to buy her a box of apples.

Remember, when you ask your ex for help, you must use polite words to express your gratitude and approval like a friend, and finally end the chat voluntarily. It is suggested that the whole chat process can be solved in 3-5 sentences.

Remember, finding the little things he can do is not something that can be solved in a minute or two, but something that will give him more opportunities to communicate with you.

* * * Buildings with the same interests

In fact, after the above two processes, the communication between you will not be as rigid as when you broke up. At this time, we can communicate with each other because of our respective hobbies.

Boys' common hobbies are playing games, cars, history and so on. You can talk about what he likes, but you must remember to communicate the details of his personal hobbies.

During the chat, you can also send him a funny little video or talk about your happy memories.

The frequency is "3+5" mode, once every three days and once every five days, so that the other party will not realize that you are deliberately contacting him.

In this process, the other person may not rekindle his interest in you, but he will know that your preferences are similar, which is enough.

Into the heart anchor

Heart anchor is to bring a person into a specific situation and give him some past emotions.

The core anchor is divided into two parts:

Review the past, but there are two things to remember:

Must be a good memory.

Just have a brief chat, don't continue to fight, give each other a little aftertaste.

Looking for memories with * * * has never been possible. Do it once or twice properly, so that you two can talk more comfortably.

Find an opportunity to explain to each other why you are ruining your comfort behavior.

After this stage, the relationship between you has actually become close in essence.

Take the initiative to quit, and provide identification emotions in turn.

In the early stage, you kept an active communication attitude with him, and there was not much accident. Now you have to cooperate every day and get in touch the next day. You can reduce the number of seconds appropriately and say something to guide him to care about you.

When the habit of chatting with you cultivated in the early stage is broken, he will enter a period of psychological discomfort and will contact you on his own initiative.

At this stage, you don't need to follow up as closely as in previous stages. Generally speaking, it is good to give the second longest reply within three days. In the long response, talk to him about what he likes, give him enough sense of identity and admiration, and meet the main emotional value that men need in a relationship.

After the completion of this stage, the boys' interest in you has actually been fully mobilized, and the reasons for the contradiction between you have been explained clearly, except for one foot.

Lateral stimulation

Now, what you lack is a chance to get back together. Let me give you a reference: the stimulation of competitors of the opposite sex. Tell each other that a friend took you to the party, but you don't want to go.

In fact, by the end of this stage, the feelings between you are already obvious. With a little skill, you can make the other party give a positive answer faster. If you are not in a hurry, you can take your time.

I read this passage in a book in Cai Kangyong before.

"Sometimes, long after the relationship has ended, we gradually realize that the way we loved that person was wrong, and then we suddenly want to get that person back, fall in love again once."

In fact, the process of redemption is the process of understanding what is wrong with the "way of love".

We don't have to feel that redemption is a shameful thing, because redemption has never been done for anyone, just to avoid leaving undue regrets in life, just to avoid being unable to "redeem each other and fall in love again" for a long time.

Psychological test: test the probability of getting back together after breaking up.

Have you ever thought about the possibility of getting back together after two people break up? This set of test questions helps you test the probability of getting back together after breaking up. Let's try it together!

Do you still have your ex's contact information in your mobile phone?

A. Yes (5 points)

B. No, delete all (0 point)

What is the reason why you broke up?

A. For objective reasons, the family does not agree (1)

B. Long-distance love, no future (2 points)

C.TA thinks I have a bad temper and our personalities are not suitable (3 points).

D. There is a third party involved in our feelings (0 point)

E no one wants to bow their heads after our quarrel and break up in a rage (5 points).

F. I think TA has a bad temper, always complaining and being dumped by TA (6 points).

Of the following four statements, if you had to choose one statement that you agree with most, which one would you choose?

A. If a person loves another person, he should love all of TA, regardless of its advantages or disadvantages. Otherwise, it is not true love, but he likes it at most (2 points).

B. Although feelings are what you want, it depends on people's efforts, and their love can also be controlled. As long as you can meet each other's psychological needs, you can guide love (4 points)

C. twisted melons are not sweet. If TA doesn't want to get back together, I respect TA's idea (1 point).

D. The emotional world can never be equal, and those who want to get back together must not be stingy with their own efforts (6 points)

What do you value more in expressing one thing?

A. Accuracy of verbal expression (2 points)

B. The strong impression left by talking to the other party (1)

C. Are the people around you comfortable with what you said (6 points)

D. The ultimate goal that words can achieve (4 points)

What do you think are your basic emotional characteristics?

A. He is in a serious mood and often can't control his temper (0 point).

B. Strong self-control, calm on the surface, but great ups and downs in inner emotions, once bruised, it is difficult to calm down (2 points).

C. Everything is a cloud, and it is not easy to get angry by nature. Friends praise it for its good temper (6 points).

D. Feelings are not slow or direct, but they are easily excited and angry once they are unstable (3 points).

Did you save your ex?

A. I got it back, but it was rejected and I didn't get it back (4 points)

B. No, I don't know what the other person is thinking, and I dare not speak (2 points)

C. I saved it several times, but the other party was very repulsive and dark, and didn't want to see me again (0 point).

D. I tried to speak, but the other party thought that we were not suitable, and hoped that I would find happiness (6 points)

The complete version of the test questions and answers can be obtained by private mail.

I'm Chen Yu, an emotional counselor, and I know more than you think. If you are emotionally confused, you can ask for a private letter or comment.