Funny and humorous opening remarks for your speech

Funny and humorous opening remarks for speeches

Funny and humorous opening remarks for speeches. A good speech needs to attract the attention of the audience, clarify the theme of the speech, and stimulate the curiosity of the audience. The opening remarks of the speech are The purpose is to get the audience's attention. Let’s take a look at some funny and humorous opening lines for speeches. Funny and humorous opening remarks for a speech 1

1. "Friends, some people are really good at business and speculation! There is a song "Knack Inscription" that tells us: If you are not high in position, you will be smart if you have a sharp head. ; The official is not big, but the hands are long; this is the trick, I only work in the camp; support the thick legs for the superiors, and use the private parts for the inferiors; boast about good luck, flatter the horse without touching the needle, you can open the back door, and have no cells for friendship. The criterion of principle is that tobacco and alcohol can clear the way, and money can lead to spiritual enlightenment. Confucius said: "Why is this so despicable?"

2. Sorry, everyone, you have come to the wrong place. Today's speech has been cancelled. I think we don't need any speech. What we need is sincere communication. Then, our sincere communication will begin today.

3. My surname is Hu, so what I say next is nonsense. Please don’t take it seriously. (Statement before speaking in informal situations) My surname is Gu. Today is evening. There is a little moonlight in the sky. If you are with me, you will become Hu, so What I said may be nonsense, so don’t worry about it!

4. Ladies and Gentlemen, please invite me to shine on the stage. If you like me very much, please applaud. If you like me too much, please don’t applaud. Thank you for your cooperation...

This opening statement is for people He left a good impression of being very candid and funny. Soon, at the "Golden Microphone Night" literary gala, he was seen with a smile on his face and said to the audience: "I'm glad to see you again, but unfortunately to see me again...

5. You Have you ever envied Tao Yuanming's life? Yes, he lived in seclusion in the countryside, drinking light wine and watching the cold chrysanthemums in the wind. However, did you feel the helplessness in his heart? He also had ambitions to help the world, but he was unable to fulfill them. In that dark era, there was no room for this strong character of the Wei and Jin Dynasties, so he chose to be born in endless helplessness. Do you understand his helplessness, his anxiety, and his pain?

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6. Yes, you have never seen it. You only smell the fragrance of the chrysanthemums in front of Mr. Wuliu’s house. You are only intoxicated by the mountains and rivers of Nanshan. So you envy their lives and at the same time complain about the anxiety and anxiety of your own life. Tired. When will you know how to face the joy of your life and smell the fragrance of gardenias beside the window lattice? ("Gardenia beside the window lattice")

7. Clouds are the pink makeup of the sky. The morning clouds are dyed fresh pink, like the cheeks of a newborn baby, and the blood color is soft. The dusk clouds are plated with golden orange, like rust stains, shining with the glory of the lonely years.

8. , Su Shi's "The missing moon hangs on the sparse trees", will it not make people daydream?

9. What is Li Qingzhao singing about? I believe she is not singing about the "miserable and miserable" autumn. She is feeling the spring, which is too beautiful and gorgeous; she is feeling sad for the summer, which is too fierce and decisive; she is suffering from the winter, which is too cold and too bitter.

10 "Friends, some people are really businessmen. You have the right way to speculate! There is a poem "Inscription on Secrets" which tells us: If the position is not high, the head will be smart. Funny and humorous opening remarks for the speech 2

Humorous speech script

Good evening! (Applause from the audience)

Thank you very much to our friends from the Economic Development Zone for the warm applause! The lights are bright tonight and the house is full of guests. On the eve of July 1st, I feel refreshed and energetic to participate in such a "Three Highs" speech contest with high organizational level, high competition standards and high speech level.

God uplifts. Tonight, when I walked into the speech contest venue, my eyes lit up because I saw the bright smiles on the faces of my friends. Especially by listening to your wonderful speeches, I felt everyone’s sunny mentality and felt that you are flesh and blood, affectionate and loving. I am deeply shocked and deeply admired by his infinite loyalty to the cause of the party and his deep affection for the people.

I like this song "We Workers Have Power" very much. It sings the voice of the big brother worker. It is majestic, sonorous and positive. But I prefer Chairman Mao’s impromptu speeches.

He was a master of language and used metaphors profusely in his conversations, writings, and presentations. As early as 1921, Mao Zedong taught the rickshaw pullers in Changsha at night school. He first wrote the word "work", followed by the word "人", and then told the poor workers.

If "people" and "work" are powerfully combined, what would you say is the word? (The audience replied, it is the word "天") Yes, this constitutes the word "天" - the working class unites and can hold up to the sky. Therefore, today I am very happy to come to the Economic Development Zone to participate in the speech contest, because I came to the middle of a vigorous team, because I came to the middle of the new industrial workers who stand upright, because the Economic Development Zone is half the sky of Xiangxiang’s industrial economy. , it is the future and hope of Xiangxiang! (Applause from the audience)

Speaking of my thoughts before the competition, I originally thought that the speech in the Economic Development Zone was a worker-style speech. When dealing with workers and doing work in places where workers gather, you may speak worker-style Mandarin, and you may not be able to escape worker stereotypes when dressing up. But through everyone’s affectionate speeches, I learned that the Economic Development Zone has gone through a difficult journey since its formal establishment in August 2016, and has now become a pearl in the economic and social development of Xiangxiang.

When I saw the mental state and speech and behavior of the people in the Economic Development Zone, especially their wonderful performance in the speech contest, I thought that the Economic Development Zone was a place where dragons and tigers were hidden. It's not like some units that have talents but don't have speaking talents. To give a speech, you need to hire master speakers from the society. Today’s speeches are all from the Economic Development Zone, all handsome men and beauties, all the image ambassadors of our Xiangxiang. This is a speech contest to showcase the strength and style of the people in the Economic Development Zone! Vary good! (Applause from the audience)

The organization of this speech contest reflects the strength of the leadership team of the Economic Development Zone. Because this speech contest not only played an educational role, but also played an inspiring role, and also played a cohesive role. The leaders of the economic and technological development zone can use speech culture to promote the development of the economic and technological development zone. This kind of initiative is indeed precious. From planning and organization to implementation and success, this speech event demonstrated the style and strength of the leaders of the Economic Development Zone.

It can be said that it is an honor for me, a little girl like me, to serve as a judge for the semi-finals tonight with the strong and powerful leadership team of the Economic and Technological Development Zone, led by four handsome men. Isn't it just a combination of men and women, so the work is not tiring! (Laughter from the audience) This is especially the first time that the Economic Development Zone has organized such a speech event. Although it is almost 11 o'clock tonight and the weather is very hot, the entire competition is still in an orderly manner, with no audience or contestants leaving the venue. This fully demonstrates the strong cohesion, centripetal force and execution ability of the Economic Development Zone team, Varygood! (Applause from the audience)

With the theme of "Welcoming the 18th National Congress, Showing New Style, and Contributing to the Economic Development Zone", everyone talked about how individuals, outstanding party members around them, and party branches have played a pioneering and exemplary role in economic construction. The advanced deeds in practice truly reflect the spirit of the construction and development of the Economic Development Zone.

In today’s speech, the speeches such as "The Style of a Hero, the Sail of Life", "Dedicate to the Economic Development Zone, Be a Good Master", "Thinking about People", etc., made us feel the dedication of the people of the Economic Development Zone. My fiery heart saw the passionate feelings of loving the party, country, and hometown as revealed by the Kama Sutra. Although I have to listen, watch,

judge and think about the methods of commenting, I simply cannot absorb and digest the essence of these speeches in a short speech contest. But I will take your manuscripts back to read and study. I will learn the work style of the people in the Economic Development Zone who endure hardships, be tyrannical, and are willing to die, and learn the spirit of dedication that everyone puts down their own family and serves everyone.

In recent years, the Economic Development Zone has witnessed the emergence of talents in large numbers. A large number of talents have been openly selected from the society, and a large number of enterprises and projects have entered the Economic Development Zone. This talent strategy is magnificent, and I believe that the Economic Development Zone will surely prosper. , brilliant and brilliant! What impressed me about your speech just now is that it has clear viewpoints, outstanding themes, typical materials, a combination of reason and emotion, and a generous appearance. Varygood! (Applause from the audience)

Whether a speech is wonderful or not depends to a large extent on whether there is interaction between the stage and the audience, whether there is a buzz, and whether there is harmony. Today's speech is not so much a competition as it is a performance of friendship, joy and applause. Especially today, the audience in the audience was highly educated and enthusiastic, showing their spiritual outlook. Although, some players were nervous and stuck during the competition, and some had pauses.

What is valuable is that the audience at the scene not only did not laugh, whistle, or boo, but applauded enthusiastically, not making the players nervous or letting the scene cool down. The collective applause told me a message, the Economic Development Zone has Generosity and kindness like friends, with an atmosphere of generosity and tolerance, this big family is harmonious, united and friendly. Even though everyone was nervous, stage frightened, and flustered, they could still see the bravery and persistence that the contestants should have, and they did not quit midway.

In fact, who wouldn’t be nervous on such an occasion? Forgot the words, this is normal. Nervousness is what it is. Say it, show it, there's no shame in it. Dou Wentao, a famous speaker on Phoenix TV, is everyone familiar with him? (The audience responded "I know") When he was a child, he was shy, introverted, and not good at talking.

When he was in junior high school, his head teacher discovered that his voice was very good and recommended him to participate in the school's speech contest. At first Dou Wentao refused to give up, but he was afraid that the class teacher would punish him, so he went to the podium. As a result, his legs were shaking on the stage, his face was red, he was stammering and speechless, he was so frightened that he wet his pants, which caused a roar of laughter.

(Laughter from the audience) So it is normal to be nervous. Even celebrities like Dou Wentao will be so nervous, let alone ordinary people like us. After ten years of sharpening his sword, Dou Wentao learned his shame and became brave. He worked hard, trained hard, and constantly improved his speaking skills, and finally became a famous speaker that the audience loved. Funny and humorous opening remarks for the speech 3

Humorous speech script

Dear leaders and comrades, hello!

First of all, I would like to thank the organization for giving me such an opportunity. Participate in the competition for employment. For me personally, I think this is not only a competition, but also a test, learning and exercise for myself. Now I will report some of my thoughts on competing for the director of the Education Department to all leaders and comrades.

For me, as a woman, I have gone through 35 years of life, and I can’t be said to be young anymore. Today, when competition is fierce and opportunities and challenges coexist, I stepped onto the podium today with the purpose of testing, learning, and improving. I want to thank this era, which has given me another opportunity; I also want to thank everyone sitting here, who has given me incomparable courage and confidence.

In 1988, I graduated from the former vocational high school majoring in preschool education. It can be said that I was one of the first batch of preschool teachers trained in Kezuohou Banner. In XX, he was transferred to Banner Kindergarten to work. Previously, he taught at Ganqika No. 4 Primary School. After working, I kept studying and completed the Chinese correspondence course at the Normal University.

During the three years of working in Banner Kindergarten, I have realized the responsibility and glory of doing this job, as well as the hardship and difficulty, and I have been able to grow and mature day by day in this team. Get up and be proud.

As the saying goes, "A hundred years of life is based on early childhood education." Early childhood education has always been called "downward-rooted education." This sentence vividly depicts the role of early childhood education in people's lifelong development. status. Children are like tender green seedlings that need our care and watering. Therefore, today I want to compete for the director of the Academic Affairs Office, firstly to better train myself, and secondly to better serve the cause of early childhood education.

I made this choice mainly based on the following two considerations. First of all, in the past three years, I have been working as the deputy director of the Academic Affairs Office and accumulated rich work experience. Secondly, I have the consciousness to do a good job in service, love the cause of early childhood education, and am willing to make selfless contributions.

If I compete for this position today, I will work harder to do this job well and live up to your high expectations with excellent work performance.

First, position yourself and be a good assistant. Respect the leadership of the principal at work, do not exceed authority, do not overstep; think actively, make suggestions and suggestions; unite all comrades in the kindergarten to work together to do a good job in early childhood education.

Second, strengthen learning and improve quality. In the future, we must strengthen the study of all aspects of knowledge, learn from books, and learn from colleagues around us.

Third, keep pace with the times and pioneer and innovate. If a unit does not innovate, it cannot move forward. I will be innovative and gain something in early childhood education and teaching, and strive to put our kindergarten's early childhood education work on a scientific and standardized track.

Dear leaders and colleagues, I think it does not matter to me personally whether I win or lose this election.

The most important thing is that as our kindergarten teachers, we have no regrets in our posts, work conscientiously, and use truth, goodness and beauty to enlighten every young heart. As a candidate, I believe that the future of national kindergartens will be better. Even better! Thank you!