Qq duanzi daquan

1, I heard that you are * *, which really scared me! Although you have dementia since childhood, it is harmless to society! Who is so bold, dare to sell you! I'm worried about him. It's weird to sell!

2. What road is too narrow to walk? What road is getting dizzy? What do passers-by dream of? What makes you angry? Answer: Route, Lost, Cailu, Bagya Road.

I know you pay attention to hygiene. Wash your hands every time you go to the toilet, and wash them carefully. Suddenly you stopped washing your hands. I'm surprised: why don't you wash your hands? You answer: I brought paper this time!

4, imperial edict: Feng Tian luck, the emperor said: Because you look like a fairy, the beauty in the harem is not as good as your eyebrows. It's better to shed tears and move north. Emperor Ming Sheng specially invited you to have dinner and chat with him in the palace on March 8th. I really appreciate this!

Two men were playing by the river and saw a beautiful woman fall into the river. One man went to save him at once, and another man took him away. Wait a minute. Rescuers can't do artificial respiration now.

6. When a beautiful figure passes by you, you always look at it with a smile for a long time; Although you are very devoted and romantic, you always get complaints. No wonder girls often talk about you: it's not discharge for me, it's just cheating!

7. Tell you a top secret way to attract a thousand-year marriage. Please go to the nearest telephone pole and say loudly to the wild advertisement above: "My illness is saved!" " "

8. Once a sloppy anorectal doctor wrote in his medical record after seeing the patient: Anal talk. After reading it, the chief physician angrily wrote on the medical record: Bullshit!

9. A lady came out of the bathtub and suddenly found that a window cleaner had seen her. He was stunned and looked at the man stupefied. "What's the matter with you, madam? Haven't you seen a window painter? "

10, Americans use Apple mobile phones and Apple computers. Because Americans eat beef, they need apples to balance their cholesterol, so American apple brands are easier to eat.

1 1, this is an old legend: at midnight, pick up the phone and press 12 0, and you will hear it. You Dial. Yes Electricity. Words. Yes Empty. Number.

12, Xiaoming pushes his bowl to Xiaojie's side: "Try my cooking ..." Xiaojie scoops up a big spoon and feeds it into his mouth. "Did you see it?" Xiao Ming added.

13, good news from the delivery room, people have gone up; Underwear was used as a vest, and people brought them here; When socks were put on, people jumped up; Leather shoes buckle, people's status is getting higher and higher.

14, a leader went to the countryside to do a census and asked an old farmer: Do you know why close relatives can't get married? The old farmer replied with a simple and honest smile: Hehehe, Hehehe, the relationship is too familiar, and there is no way to start.

15, during the summer vacation, Mijia camped out for a month. When he came back, his father asked him: Is your tent leaking? Mi Jia thought for a moment and said, Dad, it leaks when it rains.

16, if you hate a man, call his woman Chris Lee, so he can't enjoy the upper body happiness. If you hit a woman, beat her man into Chris Lee, so that she can't enjoy the happiness of the lower body.

17 I found that my wife has become witty recently. She sets two alarm clocks every morning. When the first alarm clock rang, she brought her underwear in and stuffed it on my stomach. When the second alarm clock rang, she immediately put on the alarm clock and got up, leaving me lying in a messy bed.

18, the zoo held a model contest, and Cobra won the first place. The elephant said unconvinced, "I am so plump and you are so thin, which is less than one fifth of mine." I am not satisfied. " Cobra: "Brother, you are out. I don't know if skinny beauty is popular in society now? "

19, in front of the lady's door, a beggar begged the hostess to say, madam, I haven't seen meat for a whole year. The lady called the servant and quickly brought a plate of meat to the man.

When I got home at noon and felt very hot, I turned on the air conditioner. After driving for a while, I felt cold and turned it off. So I switched the air conditioner back and forth. Finally, I simply opened all the windows, turned on the air conditioner, and finally got comfortable. Just lying down, the alarm clock rang and it was time to go to work again!

2 1. When I came back from the National Day holiday, the girl the company liked never came to work. I thought she had resigned. It's so sad. She came to work today! And gave me a candy ... I cried with joy.

22. During the examination, a candidate rolled his eyes on the table from beginning to end. After the exam, the teacher saw on his test paper that it was difficult for his grandson to give questions, but his son was very strict in invigilation. I can't do it, so I have to hand in a blank piece of paper.

23. Let me tell you a story. Once upon a time, there was an idiot. He is so stupid that when people ask him any questions, he just shakes his head or answers "No". Have you heard this story?

24. Lao Wang: My wife and I have been married for 30 years, and we always hold hands in the street. Xiao Wang: You have such a good relationship! Lao Wang: As soon as I let go, she went shopping.

25. The whole family drove for an outing. The son kept reminding his parents to look at the scenery outside the window. "Mom, look, cow!" "Mom, look, goat" "Dad, dad, look, beautiful girl!"

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs are showing in the cinema. Someone told the cinema owner to change to a movie called "The Life of a Woman and Seven Men", and the audience was full!

27. In the past, the school said that it was necessary to have a physical examination and test the stool, and then everyone would take a little. Then, an alumnus put it in Chow Tai Fook's bag and box. Then I walked halfway and was robbed by a motorcyclist.

28, in the vast sea of people, when you receive this sincere blessing, please try your best to hit your head against the wall-see? Countless stars in front of you are my infinite concern!

29. Send you an email in case you pretend not to see it; Calling you, I don't know what to say; I have to text you to tell you that your boy is great now? How long has it been since you saluted me?

30, your happiness, I will build; I will make up for your confusion; I will satisfy your greed; I will give in to your willfulness; I'm the only one who cares about you. I am a professional pig farmer.

3 1, a poor family, thieves quietly pushed the door and sneaked into the house at night. The wife told her husband that there was a thief, and the husband said to ignore him! The thief turned to go out, and the master said, slow down, please close the door!

32. Grandpa, when I was in Chinese Valentine's Day, I was worried about being harassed by text messages. A master told me that as long as I turned it off, grandpa tried to turn it off. Now that I'm online, there's not a message in my mailbox. I have to say, it's really effective

33, twist, health follows the body; Ho, you have everything for me; Take a break, feel refreshed, and turn over; Received the receipt and received the blessing: May you stay happy and have a happy life!

Feifei: You don't love me as much as before. Don't ask why when you see me crying. A Ju: I'm sorry, because my financial ability is not as good as it used to be. I have to go to big shopping malls every time I ask questions. I can't ask.

35. I passed the dormitory building and something floated on it. Looking up at the whole building, I saw tears running down my face. Hmm? Braised taste. Shit! Who is so heartless that he pours soup after eating instant noodles!

The boss remembered that he didn't bring his passport at the airport, so he said to the driver, "Go back and see if my passport is in the right drawer." The driver came back an hour later: "The passport is still in the drawer."

37. A woman got on the bus in a one-step skirt, but the skirt was too tight for her legs to lift and she still couldn't unbutton the two buttons of the skirt. Later, I saw a man staring at her and calling her a rogue! Man: You are a rogue. You untied us all so quickly!

38. In the zoo, a lady asked the keeper: Is that hippo male or female? Keeper: Madam, I don't think anyone will be interested in this question except another hippo.

39. To show us? Z, I think our pinyin names are almost better. For example, my name is Sila and your name is Dundunla. This is a good example, don't you think?

40. Pig said, "Brother, go to the hospital quickly. I heard that the hospital has set up a department specially for you. " Wukong: "Oh? What department? " "Two forced monkeys!"

4 1, Dad: I came back with zero eggs. You humiliated me! But the only thing that makes me happy is that you certainly didn't cheat in the exam. Son: That's not accurate. It was deception that didn't work.

42. The magpie came, and the mother told the children that it was a happy bird or guest, the swallow came, and the mother said it was a beneficial bird or guest, and the crow came. Children ask, are you my guest? The crow said, I am a hacker.

43. The university roommate has a good relationship with the class teacher, but the class teacher's family disagreed, forcing her to marry someone else. The day before the wedding, her roommate asked her out. There were tears, sweat and that kind of water that night. All the water has drained away! What a good teacher! He taught his students everything!

44. The wild boar got married and everyone came to celebrate. I saw the groom riding a wolf to pick up the bride. Everyone is confused. The wild boar groom said unhurriedly, wedding date, the men's wear of "riding a wolf" makes me more pie!

45. Military training for freshmen. Instructor assigned tasks: one class kills chickens, the other class steals eggs, and I cook porridge for you. Do you know what this means? It turns out that class one shot and class two dropped bombs. I'll show you.

46. Wang Xiaoer's wife didn't come home until the wee hours after playing mahjong. In order not to disturb Wang Xiaoer, she first crept into the bedroom in the living room. When Wang Xiaoer woke up, he was shocked and said, "Oh, my God, you lost everything!

47. The American said: We dug a very old wire in Washington, which means that we could make a phone call 200 years ago! China people said: We didn't dig anything, which means we started using mobile phones a long time ago!

48. I remember when I was in history class in high school, the boy in the back seat was sleeping. The teacher asked him a question and told him to get up. The boy whispered, no. The teacher was right. Sit down. I feel dizzy. The teacher mistook "No" for "Congress", but it doesn't matter.

Teacher: Xiao Li, your skill is really great, which holds up half the sky in our class. Xiao Li: Why? Teacher: If you don't talk in class, our classroom will be half quiet!

Xiaohua: Yes … No … Xiaoming: What is Xiaohua doing? Xiaoying: She is peeling petals to decide whether to have the baby. Xiao Ming: What's the other flower for? Xiaoying: It is used to decide who is the father of a child!

5 1, "What's the matter with you?" "I have loose bowels and my legs are soft. What do you say? " "I have a way to come with me." "What are you doing in the bathroom?" "Why don't you sit still on the toilet?"

52. I haven't contacted my friends for more than a year. I added QQ and said I was selling halal beef offal. Quality assurance, large quantity discount. I asked if there was a bullwhip. He said yes, I asked, is it awesome? He said yes, I said, then blow me!

Teacher: David, the teacher gives you 50 yuan, and then you borrow 80 yuan from Xiao Hu. How much money do you have altogether? David: 0 yuan. Teacher: You don't know anything about math! David: You know nothing about yourself and the tiger!

54. I passed a shop called "Sister Rong". Out of curiosity, I went into the shop and took a look. The shopkeeper greeted me warmly and asked me, "Young man, are you here for acupuncture?"

Feifei went to a variety show. The host saw that Feifei's nails were beautiful. "Look, Feifei's nails are colored. Feifei: "Ah ~ I'm poisoned."

56. The house can be smaller, the furniture can be older and the electrical appliances can be less, but as long as you are around, there will be more love and intimacy, and happiness and happiness will be full. Your home is a five-star hotel.

57. In the shade of the hospital, a couple are hugging and kissing. A doctor saw it and went over to the man and said, "You are so confused. You should put her flat on the ground for artificial respiration. Go away and let me do it. "

58. It is said that the middle position in the last row of the bus sits like an emperor. There were not many people on the bus today, so I gave it a try. As a result, I suddenly braked and almost killed Lao Zi.

59. Nowadays, China people are very fashionable: they fell in love with Christmas and lost the Lantern Festival; Learn to be a fool, but forget to be sober; I like my lover, but I snubbed Qu Yuan. But Koreans want to grab the Dragon Boat Festival. Do you agree? Forward if you don't agree!

60. The train has started. The conductor told a beautiful lady to close the door. The girl said, I haven't kissed my sister goodbye yet! Close the door and I'll take care of the rest.

6 1, you keep a low profile, live a simple life, think simply, and don't rhetoric. You are a rare honest man. It's a good thing I didn't fall in love with my mother, otherwise I ... I fell in love with you who is so stupid. What a thing!

After two generations of love had money, they drove around the world, but just after he went out, his car was trapped in the desert. It seems that the little donkey is still useful. Where can I find it? Afandi thought: Communication is so developed, send a message to the little donkey!

63. Psychological research shows that men speak 2,000 words a day, while women speak 7,000 words a day. Men's words are written at work, and I want to have a rest when I go home! And women still have 5000 words to say, so finish them! Thus, tragedy was born.

64. You have red enthusiasm, orange liveliness, black calmness, blue melancholy, green vitality, gray peace, purple romance, white elegance and yellow heart. No wonder people give you the title of "Little Goat"!

65. Alas, I didn't expect my wife to cheat me! B: What's the matter? She didn't come home last night, but she said she was with her sister. Isn't it? She is lying. Last night, I stayed with her sister all night!

66. A prince is enchanted and can only say one word a year. He didn't speak for five years, so he saved five words and said to the princess: I love you, princess. The princess only said a word and the prince fainted at once. The princess said: What?

67. I have defeated my troubles, and they don't love you at all; At the same time, I scolded my sadness and told it not to flatter itself; Only happiness allows me to send you a message: it is willing to accompany you for life!

68. Three mice bragged. A: I couldn't get drunk when I jumped into the wine jar. B: It's nothing. There are clips everywhere, so I'm still dancing. C raised his hand and looked at his watch. Excuse me, I should pick up a cat.

69. I have heard of you since primary school. I have known you since junior high school. I have liked you since high school. I fell in love with you when I went back to school. I lost you when I was in college. I want to get you again this year. I love you, Tsingtao Beer!

70. I'm always by your side, and I worry about you again and again. Are you full today? Did you sleep well? Will it be cold late at night? I always knew you couldn't take care of yourself. Every time I walk away, you jump out of the pigsty.

7 1, what is happiness? Happiness means having a cool place when it is hot, a fire when it is cold, food when it is hungry, water when it is thirsty, sleep when it is sleepy, and rest when it is tired. Happiness is to buy you some cat food when you have no money, and you are happy to eat it!

72. Which bastard said that fishermen have a good temper? Today, I saw a group of old people squatting by the river to fish. Idiot friend picked up the stone and threw it into the river. At this time, seven or eight old people rushed up! Said he was going to hit us and lie in the trough, but fortunately we ran fast.

73. Just eating out, there is a couple at the next table. The man fed his sister intimately, and her sister asked lyrically, Dear, who have you fed besides me? Tell the truth! The man held back for a long time and stared at his sister sincerely: dog!

74. Last night, I was absorbed in watching TV, and my father picked up my mobile phone and threatened me to peek at my privacy. When I found the password, I answered frankly, "The password is my birthday!" " "I saw my father meditate for a while and silently put down his mobile phone and left.

75. Go shopping from the subway in the morning! After coming back, I proudly said to my husband: Today I am wearing this purple coat with white fur collar, long hair shawl and mask! The return rate is super high! Husband disapprovingly said: that's because people don't know your true face! Can this husband still have it?

76. If you shed tears, I would like to be the toilet paper in your hand; If you wake up, I will be the shit in your eyes; If you are hot to death, I would like to be the only piece of cloth on you.

77. God, modern civilization can make money by making a fool of itself, and it's not illegal. Otherwise, your ugly face will be sentenced to life imprisonment If you have to be sentenced, the sentence will be 1 ten thousand years, but you like it and you will often visit the prison!

78. Car accident! The driver was unconscious and the pet dog was safe and sound. The traffic police asked the dog: What was your master doing before the accident? The puppy is drinking water and wobbling. Traffic police: Oh, I've been drinking. What are you doing? The puppy sits up and holds the steering wheel with both hands.

79. My second-rate girlfriend and I passed by the door of a primary school. The sign on the door said that children are forbidden to take three cars without cars. Then I asked her, do you know what "three car-free" is? The idiot thought for a moment and replied, no brakes, no steering wheel, no driver.

You have the right to remain silent, but every message you reply will be a witness of our friendship and a proof that I will treat you to a big meal in the future. Don't be stingy with your fingers. For our friendship, please reply more messages!

8 1, female: "I am a simple girl, I don't have too high requirements for marriage, as long as I have a home and a shelter!" Man: "Sister, is that thing you said called a house?"

82. I want to change all my savings into more than 300 pieces of steel jumpsuits. There is nothing to play, but you can also stroll around and listen to the sound. If you dare to mess with me, I will hit you with steel, and your head will be wrapped to show you the power of the rich!

83. Today, I saw a dead fish in the river. The son saw it and said, "Mom, you see a fish drowned in the river. He didn't listen to his mother and went to the river to take a bath and drowned! " The child's brain hole is so big that I am speechless!

84. One day, a father who studied education thought it was time. He called his son to his side and said, "Son, dad wants to talk to you ... about sex." The son replied, "OK. Dad, do you want to know? "

85. At noon, having dinner at a friend's house, my friend asked me: Do you regret talking to her for so long? I said that the second stupid thing I did in 25 years was to fall in love with her and talk to her for three years. Friend: Oh? What about the first stupid me: I didn't marry her.

86. A young man who just left the army was robbed by two robbers in the middle of the night. The robbers swore at him and demanded that he hand over the money. After all, the young man just came out of the army. He shouted "Hey" and immediately punched three sets of military boxing. Then he was stabbed more than 30 times.

87. Look at your lemon head, mouse eyes, aquiline nose, eight eyebrows, ears, big mouth, rabbit teeth, wick neck, high and low shoulders, long and short hands, chicken breast, dog belly and useless waist. Hurry back to Mars. The earth is very dangerous.

My parents said that when I was young, I stayed in a hotel with them. When I got up in the morning, they found me skillfully brushing my teeth with a toothbrush. The problem is that the washbasin in the hotel is higher than mine, so they asked me how to fill it. I took them into the toilet and pointed to the toilet. ...

89. Send money, send money, and live a better life; Happy, happy, with pockets full of money; Looking at it, looking at it, the wallet will soon lose weight; Gifts, gifts, a stack is gone. Let's save a dime at ordinary times. I wish you unlimited money in the future!

90. My daughter, my father loves me very much. Once my father took me to buy sportswear, and I took a fancy to a set of more than 800. Dad said, "Buy whatever color you like." Finally bought three sets. When I swiped my card to go out, I heard a weak voice of a salesman: "This is really ugly!" "

9 1, my student Wang, went to the canteen to cook today. Everyone knows the aunt in the canteen. While cutting vegetables, a sister was cooking, and my aunt was shivering there. My sister grabbed my aunt's hand in an instant and said piteously, Aunt, please, don't shake.

92. An old man always loses his car. He bought a new car, locked it three times, put it downstairs, and put a note inside, which said: Let you steal it! The next day, he found that the car was not lost, but there was an extra lock and a note that said: Let you ride!

93. Two biologists saw a beautiful woman pass by. Old man: Like us, she is more than 75% water. Young colleague: But look at the surface tension!

94. The advantages of snake bite are: you can dig sweet potatoes in the ground, cover your chin when it rains, separate tea residue when drinking tea, serve as a knife and fork when eating, and be cut twice to prevent snake bite.

95. One day, I watched my son's homework. The content of the homework is "Like Dad". My son wrote: Dad is as fat as a pig. I asked my son why he wrote this. The son asked, don't you like it?

96. The coach is a cat and I am a mouse, so I must stand upright like a tree. The buddy next to me won't admit defeat. They must stand up and kick their teeth. I hope the students will train hard, cultivate their endurance and live in harmony with the instructors.

97. Smile in your heart, take stock of the seven tricks to pick up girls, turn misunderstandings into love, and fix the "backyard". When you see the truth in adversity, don't blush, sweet words are indispensable, coquetry is lazy and pathetic, and risk is the key to emotional sublimation.

98. Father tells a story to his son: Once upon a time, there was a frog ... Son: Is there a science fiction story? Father: Once upon a time there was a frog in space ... Son: Is there a limit level? Father: Shh ~ Keep your voice down so that your mother can't hear you. Once upon a time, there was a frog with no clothes on …

99.Gofan and Stupid Bear are drunk. Gofan said to the stupid bear, when I proposed to my wife, I knelt for an hour. Are you on your knees? Stupid bear proudly said: My wife says I won't kneel, and there will be many opportunities in the future!

100, a funeral administrator went on a blind date, and the girl asked about her job. The man said, my work is the most sacred. Responsible for sending people to the happiest place. Girl: Playground? Man: Heaven.

10 1. The goddess borrowed money from me and repeatedly promised to pay it back, but I hesitated. She asked, "You don't believe me?" I told her, "My mother said that the more beautiful a woman is, the less trustworthy she is." She smiled coldly: "You trust your mother so much, it seems that your mother is quite ugly."

102, a man won the 5 million prize, found his girlfriend and said, "Dear, I won 5 million, let's split it!" The girlfriend nodded. When the man said he was going to break up, the woman cursed: "Nima, I thought you were going to share the money with me!" " "

103. Little girls always show off their new toys to little boys. The little boy had no choice but to take off his pants and say, do you have this? You will never! The girl also took off her pants and said, it's not rare! My mother said you can have as many things as you want as long as you have this!