The so-called high emotional intelligence means being able to talk.

The so-called high emotional intelligence is talking, which is a practical book to teach you to improve your emotional intelligence and communication skills. "Expression has the power to change life" sounds like a mountain out of a molehill, but it's not an exaggeration at all. Whether interviewing, selling, reporting work, chatting with family and friends, and falling in love with your partner, you need to be able to talk. Not being able to talk may make you miss millions of orders in minutes or offend important people. Proper and clever expression can not only help you out, but also win people's applause. Give an example from life. For example, if you want your family to help you clean up, many people will say, "Go and throw out the garbage!" " "But as a result, in the face of the tone of this command, when the other party is in a good mood, he may help. If it happens that the other person is in a bad mood, either you are rejected or there may be a war at home. At this time, if you put it another way: "throw garbage or clean the bathroom, you choose one to help." "It not only gives the other party a choice, but also has a gentler tone, so the family will naturally do more relaxed' throwing garbage'. This is the charm of speaking-different expressions can convey different emotions, bring completely different feelings to each other and produce different communication effects. People who can talk can talk to anyone, become more popular and get things done more easily; And honest and stupid people often suffer because they are not good at words. Although everyone agrees that gold always shines, people who are good at talking can often shine with excellent light earlier than those who don't know how to express themselves. Why not? Next, I want to share with you the book "The so-called high emotional intelligence is talking", which is an excellent guide for you to master communication skills and improve your speaking level. It is the most popular interpersonal communication book in Japan, and it is also the staff training textbook designated by many world-renowned enterprises. The author of this book is Keiichi Sasaki, Japan's top communication expert, advertising genius and copywriter. With his touching language mystery, he became the first Japanese to win the "Golden Pencil Award" in American advertising awards. He is regarded as the most successful advertising planner in Asia, and has won 5 1 award in Japan and abroad. Keiichi Sasaki's own work experience is very enlightening: when he was just doing advertising copy, he was often unable to complete his work tasks because he was not good at expression, and the company even began not to arrange work for him. Frustrated, Sasaki Kei learned from a bitter experience and took the initiative to change. He began to extract novels and famous sayings. After a lot of excerpts, he found a touching "language law". Since then, I have embarked on the road of exploring communication skills and summed up a set of secrets, gradually becoming a top communication expert in Japan. So far, Keiichi Sasaki has made more than 300 speeches on the theme of "communication" for many famous Japanese enterprises and institutions, including Toyota Motor Corporation, which has helped many people solve problems in communication and changed their lives. He has also hosted many programs on NHK TV, Japan TV and Tokyo TV. In this book "The so-called high emotional intelligence is talking", the author Keiichi Sasaki summarizes the communication skills he has mastered for many years and shares in detail the "7 breakthroughs" and "8 skills" in speaking. Through a large number of concrete examples, he helps you improve your speaking level, become an expert in communication, and let you feel the great changes brought by speaking. In fact, talking is like cooking, and there is a spectrum to follow. The so-called high emotional intelligence means talking, which is an easy-to-understand and easy-to-operate speaking menu. When you start learning, you should look at the menu and cook. When you master the skills, you can make all kinds of delicious dishes even without the menu. I divide the essence of the book "The so-called high emotional intelligence is talking" into four parts. First, how to turn not into yes; Walk in three steps; The second is the "seven breakthroughs" to improve the success rate of communication; The third is the "8 skills" to create impressive famous aphorisms; Fourth, skill is the introduction, and the real improvement of oral English depends on practice. Three steps to turn not into yes. First of all, I want to introduce you to an idea: language expression has the power to change life. According to statistics, whether to family members, lovers, colleagues, leaders, or even strangers, each of us has to ask others 22 times a day on average. Sometimes we will get a positive answer of "yes", but sometimes we will be rejected by the other party and hear a "no". These two diametrically opposite results may be simply because of your wording. Then, if you master the high EQ speaking skills, you can at least turn 1 of the 22 rejections into "good". Don't underestimate these changes in 1. After a long time, the change of 1000 can be realized at least in three years. So many rejections turned into promises. Won't your life change because of this? For a simple example, if you have ever taken care of children, you will know that when they are three or four years old, they will have some rebellious psychology. Imagine that on the way from car to car, the traffic lights have finally changed and pedestrians can pass. If you want to cross the road by holding the child's hand, you urgently command him: "It's dangerous here, come and hold my hand! I'll take you across the street! "He has been very uncomfortable, neither dare to cross the road alone, nor dare to hold your hand. Seeing that time is passing, the traffic lights will change again. What should you do at this time? You can say, "I'm afraid of loneliness. Can you hold my hand and cross the road together? "I believe that the child will reach out soon. Because, although children are still young, sometimes they want to be treated as adults. If you do what he likes and treat him as a "little adult", the situation will be reversed in an instant. Whether it is love, work or family, more recognition and acceptance always means more success. Don't underestimate the power of conversation. Changing your life begins with changing every sentence on weekdays. Next, enter the practical stage and talk about the three steps to get others to agree with your requirements. The author of this book, Keiichi Sasaki, points out in the book that the more important the moment, the greater the influence of language expression on the result. You may say, "I know it's important to be able to speak, but isn't language ability innate?" "I have been all thumbs since I was a child. What should I do? " Actually, you don't have to worry. It is true that many people are talented in language, but ordinary people can still become talking people after practice the day after tomorrow. Former British Prime Minister Churchill stuttered when he was a child, but he didn't give up. After long and hard practice, he became a world-famous speaker. Because the language itself has a set of rules, so if you want to speak appropriately and let others agree with your requirements, there are ways to help you achieve it. Let's take a look! Step 1: Don't say what you think directly. There is a common phenomenon, but it is worth reflecting. Many people can be polite in front of strangers and use euphemisms when making requests. But in the face of people close to them, such as parents, lovers or children, what they say is always simple, direct and even rude, and requests often turn into orders. When both sides are angry, there will be quarrels when they talk. For example, cooking at night, you fry a big dish, much more than usual. Unfortunately, I can't finish eating and throw it away, so I hope my family will eat more. At this time, if you just say, "eat more vegetables!" " Let's finish the food together! "There are only two kinds of family reactions. One is to listen to you, be more interesting and eat more; The other is that you don't listen to you at all, and you don't care at all, which makes you helpless. What's the problem? Analyze what you said first. Generally speaking, it is easy for people to say what is on their minds without thinking. And for those who are psychologically safe for us, such as family members and lovers, we feel that they will agree to all requirements and speak more recklessly. But in fact, such a direct way of speaking, not only has little effect, it makes you counterproductive, but also causes the other party's disgust and is unwilling to accept your request. Moreover, if this simple and rude way of speaking is used on colleagues, leaders and even customers, then the label of "unable to speak" will even affect your career. In fact, the root of the problem is that your words only reflect your personal thoughts and have nothing to do with others. Everyone doesn't like being dominated by others. Therefore, when we ask others to do something, we hope to get a positive answer. The first thing we should learn is not to say what we think directly. How can I put it? Let's take a look at the second step: try to figure out each other's psychology. This step is very important and plays a connecting role in the three steps of turning failure into success. Specifically, this is actually what we often say "talk to each other's hearts." It requires you to think seriously and quickly before speaking your mind, and think from the other side's point of view. First of all, you have to judge, if you directly say your request, what are the chances that the other party will agree? If the probability is high, say it; If you are not sure, then stop and try to figure out the other person's psychology first. This kind of thinking includes each other's thoughts, personalities, likes and dislikes, living habits and so on. Take eating green vegetables as an example! Your idea is to let your family eat more green vegetables and avoid waste, but what is your family's idea? Try to guess first, it should be something like "I don't want to eat only vegetables" and "I want to eat other dishes". At this time, you should temporarily forget these thoughts of your family and start thinking about what they like or fear. It is best to find a point that can attract everyone's attention, such as health. Everyone wants to be healthy, and no one wants to get sick, especially in the flu season, and no one wants to be infected. Now, through thinking, you have found a breakthrough to change your family's behavior, and then you can move on to the next step. Get others to agree to your request Step 3: What you say should be in the interest of the other party. When you make a request to others, under what circumstances is it easier to get help? Except that the other person has the noble quality of living Lei Feng, or has deep feelings for you, the rest is nothing more than profit-driven. In layman's terms, I am willing to agree to your request, because it is good for me. Especially in business activities, it is easier for both parties who pursue * * * to reach an agreement. A salesman can sell his products more quickly only if he makes his customers feel that the products are very useful to him. It also applies to verbal expression. Let's continue to look at the example of eating vegetables You want your family to eat more vegetables, but they don't want to eat them. At the same time, they are all afraid of getting sick. At this time, you can link your interest in "eating green vegetables" with your family's interest in "not wanting to get sick" and let your family come up with ideas that are in their interest through words. You can say, "The doctor says eating more vegetables can prevent colds!" " "At this time, my family will think: If eating more vegetables can keep me healthy, then I might as well eat more. This not only solves the problem that vegetables may be left behind, but also does not cause resentment among family members. More importantly, it is also a healthy living habit! It can be described as "killing three birds with one stone", and it only takes three steps to do this. These are three steps to turn negation into affirmation. They are: don't speak your mind directly, try to figure out each other's psychology and consider each other's interests. Ok, the first part of this book, "The so-called high emotional intelligence means talking", ends here. Let me summarize for you: First of all, the author tells us that expression has the power to change life. We all hope that when we make a request to others, we can get a positive answer, and clever language expression can help you. Although we can't guarantee that others will promise you 100%, talking can at least help you improve your success rate by 20-30%. Don't underestimate this little change, the power of language will play a huge role over time, enough to change your life. Secondly, the author introduces the three steps of turning no into yes, that is, getting others to agree with your request. The first step, don't speak your mind directly, don't cause others' disgust; The second step is to ponder each other's psychology and find out the interests that the other party cares about; The third step is to combine your requirements with the interests of the other party when you speak. Through these three steps, you can finally form a high emotional intelligence discourse, which will increase the chances of the other party's consent and make others agree with your request.