Ask for some hilarious jokes (not adult ones)

2: There was a fat man ... who jumped from a tall building ... What was the result?

Fat boy)

6: Go to the toilet and type the name of a Hong Kong woman.

Karen Mok (reason: Karen Mok)

7: All the pigs in the pigsty ran out and beat a male artist in Taiwan Province Province.

Wang Leehom (reason: vigorous development)

8. Building a house in Master Roshi (a health care product brand)

Gaizhonggai

9. Master Roshi demolished the house and rebuilt it (a health care product brand).

New cover and middle cover

10: Master Roshi keeps tearing down the house cover (a brand of health care products).

A huge energy shield

1 1. Who is the fastest runner in history?

Answer: Cao Cao. Reason: Don't you always say, Speak of the devil and he will come?

13, can you guess three words: an old hen and an old hen?

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Two chickens

Please guess five words for an old hen and an old hen.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Or two chickens

13, then let an old hen and an old hen guess seven words.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Idiots are two chickens.

A disgusting joke

1. When I was a child, I ate dishonestly. In order to educate me, an old farmer said to me, "Sixty years of hard work. I have no food, and I never spit out my nose. "

Second, there is a rich man looking for a servant. The topic of the interview is going to the toilet. The first few came out without washing their hands. So the rich sent them away. Only one person washed his hands, so the rich man left him. But one day, the rich man found that he didn't wash his hands when he came out. The rich man asked him why. The servant replied, "I brought toilet paper today ..."

A man saw a big sale in a shop and went in. "What do you want?" "I want to buy dog food." "We have a rule that you must prove that you have a dog." "Where is such a rule?" "This is the case with goods on sale." The man has been grinding with the salesman for a long time, but the salesman still refuses to sell it to him. There is no way. The man had to go home and bring the dog before buying dog food. A few days later, the man went to this store to buy cat food. "Give me two boxes of cat food." "We have a rule that you must prove that you have a cat." It was the same shop assistant, and the man dawdled with her for a long time and finally had to go home and take the cat to buy cat food. A few days later, the man came to the shop with a big cardboard box with a hole in it and found the salesman. "What can I do for you?" "Just put your hand in and you'll know." The salesman put his hand in: "What is it? Very sticky. " "I want to buy two rolls of toilet paper."

A man and a friend went to visit his grandmother. While he was talking to his grandmother, his friends began to eat peanuts on the coffee table and ate them all. When they left, his friend said to his grandmother, "Thank you for the peanuts." Grandma responded, "Oh! Hmm! Alas! Because all my teeth have fallen out, I can only suck out the chocolate. Old, cough. . .

Some people like the dish "spicy vermicelli pot" very much. Once, he went to a restaurant and ordered this dish again. But the waiter told him that the dish was sold out. "Is it really sold out?" He asked disappointedly. "Sir, really sold out. You see, the last one was sold to the gentleman at that table. " The waiter replied. According to the waiter's instructions, the man saw a very decent gentleman sitting next to him. The gentleman's food has been eaten almost, but the "spicy vermicelli pot" is still full. The man thought that a gentleman had wasted delicious food, so he went up to the gentleman and pointed to the "spicy vermicelli pot" and politely asked, "Do you want more, sir?" The gentleman shook his head gracefully. So the man immediately sat down, picked up the spoon and wolfed it down. After a while, he swallowed half. Suddenly, he found a little mouse lying at the bottom of the casserole with all its hair. A burst of nausea, the man spit all the fans he had eaten back into the casserole. When he had a stomachache there, the gentleman looked at him sympathetically and said, "It's disgusting, isn't it?" I am like this ... "

6. On this day, the hotel owner is patrolling the lobby. A beggar came forward and said, "Can the boss give me a toothpick?" The boss gave him one and sent it away. After a while, another beggar came to ask for a toothpick. The boss thought, why do beggars want toothpicks instead of rice now? I also gave him one to send away, not too old, and another beggar came. The boss said to him, "Are you here to get a toothpick, too?" The beggar said, "Someone threw up and I came late. The first two beggars ate everything they could, and now there is only soup left. " Can you give me a straw?

Seven, boss, the second flight, the second airsickness, vomiting. A bag is full, so the boss has to get it. When he came back, he found that the whole plane was vomiting. The boss asked the reason, and the second said, "I think this bag is full, so I had to drink half a bag and throw up."

If you haven't spit it out, I have to admit that you are a master, so I will do my best-

One day, Big Brother and Second Brother went to the theater again, and when they saw that they were in the middle of an argument about the plot development, they made a bet. The boss pointed to a row of spittoons in front of him and said, "The loser should take a sip of what's there." Unfortunately, the boss lost and took a sip with a frown. The two then bet on the following plot. This time, the second child lost. I saw the second child pick up the spittoon and drank fifteen gulps. Surprised and envious, the boss said to the second child, "You are so amazing that you can even drink fifteen mouthfuls!" " "The second one shook his head." No, I want to drink. The sputum in that spittoon is too thick. I really can't stop biting! " "

1 Hao kindergarten

Question 1: What will fish do if there is no water in the sea one day?

Child A: The fish went to the river. (Thinking for a moment, continuing) Oh, no, what about whales? It's too big to get in. How thoughtful! )

Child b: change the stone. (The fish is vomiting blood ...)

Question 2: Where does the milk come from?

Child A: There are several mouths under the cow's stomach, from which it flows out. Are you sure that's a mouth? )

Continue to ask: How did coconut milk come from?

Child B: Coconut milk is goat's milk. That's too far, brother

Keep asking: what is goat milk?

Child B: Goat milk is yogurt, right? Don't drink at home, order bright milk. (What terrible logic)

Question 3: What is a child's face for?

Child A: It's for mom.

Follow-up: Do you miss dear dad?

Child a: for dad.

Keep asking: then who are you kissing your face for?

Child A: It's for mom. (Dad is in tears)

Child B: It's for sticker heads. Is your face a billboard? )

Question 4: Why does the child come out of the mother's stomach, not from the father's?

Child A: Girls come out of their mothers' bellies, and boys come out of their fathers' bellies. (what a fool)

Little boy B: Because boys are cute! (Little girls shout together: Boys are not cute! )

Question 5: What's the use of children's hair?

Little girl A: It's used to comb my hair.

Question boy B: What's the use of hair that can't be braided?

Child b: it's used to shave the hair of the barber shop. (Precious dedication)

2 nd kindergarten

Question 1: Why do people only have two legs?

Child A: Because we are not animals. Are ducks four-legged? )

Child B: You can't grow four legs. (this is the arrangement of heaven, the biggest)

Child C: (laughing to himself) If you have four legs, you will fight.

Follow-up: But can a four-legged dog run fast?

Child C: (in a daze) ... (All the children shouted: I run faster than a dog! )

Question 2: How can we make fat people lose weight immediately?

Child A: Eat diet cookies. (still smart)

Follow-up: you can't lose weight immediately after eating diet cookies. How can you lose weight at once?

Child A: Then don't eat diet cookies. (Are you kidding? )

Question 3: How can we make thin people fat immediately?

Child A: Drink milk. (Milk is not pig feed)

Child B: You can be a policeman if you eat too much. (The police are all fat? )

Question 4: Why did the balloon fly into the sky?

Child A: Because it is angry. If you are out of breath, can you call a balloon? )

Follow-up: Then why can't some balloons fly into the sky?

Child A: Because there is too little gas in it. (What nonsense)

3 rd kindergarten

Question 1: What animal has two feet and will wake you up when the sun rises in the morning?

Child A: Chicken, rooster. (Another child cries: Daddy Chicken)

Curiously asked: What is a chicken father?

Child: The hen is called hen, and the rooster is called chicken father. (It dawned on me ...)

Child b: mom.

Child c: the sun. (Khan ... The sun is an animal. )

Continue to ask: Does the sun have feet?

Child C: The sun has five feet. (Another child retorts: Seven, rainbows are seven colors. )

Question 2: What do you mean by gossiping?

Child a: it's just gossiping. It's a mess Add: We are talking now. (I still have self-knowledge)

Child B: Make a lot of tongues. (It's terrible ...)

Question 3: How to distinguish between men and women?

Child A: Look at the hair. Girls with long hair and boys with short hair. (A girl with short hair is crying next to her ...)

Child B: Peeping at him (her) to pee, boys standing, girls squatting. (This era is lewd ...)

Child C: Look at what socks he (she) is wearing. The red one is a girl and the blue one is a boy. (so innocent ...)

Child D: Look at its eyes. (so erratic ...)

Question 4: What happens if a stone is thrown into a fish pond?

Child A: Water will turn into waves. (……)

Child B: The fish will come up. The fishermen are very happy ...

Child C: A fine of five yuan. (Khan ...) No.4 kindergarten

Question 1: Why is Tangshan called Tangshan?

Child A: Because it is a mountain for drinking soup. (Really looking for meaning ...)

Child B: Tangshan is a hot spring and a place to take a bath. (irrelevant answer ...)

Child C: It's very hot down there, so it's called Tangshan. Khan ... turned out to be a hot mountain ...

Child D: Who is Tangshan? (……)

Question 2: An old man lost a horse. Do you think the horse will come back?

Child A: No, because horses are playing on the road. (Naughty horse ...)

Child B: No, Marta can't read rings. I've never seen a horse walk to see the rings ...

Child C: No, mom went to marry another horse. What a romantic child ...

Child d: no, grandpa is not nice to the horse. The horse has gone to find a new owner. The reality is cruel, and horses need to jump ship ...

Question 3: Why does the aunt who gives medicine in the hospital wear a mask?

Child A: Because the dean is afraid that they will steal food. (Is the medicine delicious? )

Immediately, a child scrambled to say: Are those uncles with scalpels and masks afraid of their meals? (dizzy ...)

Child B: I'm afraid of drooling, because I have to pay attention to hygiene. Wearing a mask is to prevent saliva from flowing down ...

5 th kindergarten

Question 1: What's the difference between Coca-Cola and Pepsi?

Child a: the name is different. (This is even known to Martians)

Child B: The bottle of Coca-Cola is red, and Pepsi is blue. I know you're not color blind, good boy.

Child C: Pepsi has Jay Chou, and Coca-Cola has vanilla.

Child D: Coca-Cola is sour, and it will get angry if you drink it! (I will be angry, which means it is a special cola. )

Question 2: Why does the subway run underground?

Child A: Because the subway has the word "ground", it should be underground. I know someone who will answer this question.

Child B: The subway has no wheels, so it can't run on the ground. Do you have wheels? No? Really? )

Question 3: Is there a chicken or an egg first in the world?

Child A: Eat the eggs first.

Q: Where did the eggs come from without chickens?

Child A: ...

Child B: Hens come first, and then eggs are laid.

Child C: There are 30 eggs in a * *!

Surprise: What? Thirty eggs, right?

Child C: Because there are two old hens, each laying 15 eggs, there are 30! Hello, children, God.

Question 4: What festival is April 1?

Child a: mother's day.

Child b: Women's Day.

Reminder: March 8 Women's Day.

Child B: That's Arbor Day!

I can't help it: When is April Fool's Day?

Child C: It's 65438+1October 8th! (This ...)

Child D: I see, April 1 is the festival of uncle driver! (How did you come up with it, out of curiosity)

Question 5: How can we become beautiful?

Child A: Sticking cucumbers, my mother sticks them at home every day.

Child B: Stick papaya. My aunt always sticks papaya.

Child C: Paste the eggs! (It's really hard)

Child D: Sticking potatoes, my mother-in-law sticks her hand to me.

Little boy e: I've burnt mango skin! Is that you fooling around? )

Summary: One is more magical than the other, and DIY is really popular.

6 th kindergarten

Question 1: Who is the most beautiful person you have ever seen?

Child A: Zhao Wei!

Child B: Jolin Tsai!

Child C: I like He Jie! (A group of children booed: super girl, super girl! )

At this time, tough guy D appeared, just like reciting a jingle: super girls include Chris Lee, BiBi Zhou, Jane Zhang and Huang Yali ... (Many names that didn't make it to the final also appeared one by one, and the reporter was dumbfounded).

Kid E: It's Fan Xiaoyu from our class! (A little girl named Fan Xiaoyu punches out)

Child F: Jay Chou is the most beautiful!

Q: Jay Chou is a man. How can he look good?

Child F: Then he is the most handsome!

Question 2: Both chickens and ducks have wings. Why can't they fly in the sky like birds?

Child A: Because chickens and ducks are too heavy, they all have eggs in their bellies.

Child B: Yes, yes! If they fly into the sky, the eggs in their bellies will fall to the ground!

Child C: Birds can fly because their bones are hollow. (Good on-time answer, unexpected accident)

Q: Who told you that?

Child C: Mom said so. (This mother wants to praise)

Question 3: How can the poor get rich immediately?

Child A: Drive a Mazda. (Characteristics of Nanjing)

Child B: Open a supermarket. I also want to open a supermarket and take whatever I want.

Child c: work.

Q: Do you know what a part-time job is?

Child C: I just help others and get paid. This idea looks beautiful. )

Child D: Driving a bus.

Q: Why can you get rich by driving a bus? (Really ...)

Child D: There is a box in front of the bus. Everyone has to put money into the car. It's full of money. (Sure enough! )

Child E: You can change the money into 1 100, and you will have money.

1. When my son was 4 years old, he saw a frog jumping. He jumped like this frog, jumped a few times, stood up and said, how tired! ! ! It's hard to be a frog, jumping like this every day. "

My colleague's son, less than 3 years old, once held him in front of the computer and saw a cute puppy jumping from left to right on the screen, and it disappeared on the far right. The boy really jumped off the chair and went to the monitor to look for the puppy ... He stared at me with big eyes and asked me with a confused face, "Where's the dog?" 」

My aunt just gave birth to a son last month. My cousin's daughter is almost 3 years old. I took her to see her son and pointed to the little baby who didn't open his eyes and said to her, this is your uncle. She was shocked, took two steps back and said firmly, impossible! How can he be my uncle!

When my little cousin was very young, I once took him as a guest. When he saw a little girl at the next table, he approached him. The little girl ignored him and sang "Sister takes a boat and brother walks ashore". The table is almost full of people.

The child's mother is very strict in family education. One day, the child was scolded again, so the child cried and said, "Mom, go to work." Mother said, "just go, don't worry about it!" " Mom, you'd better go on a business trip. I don't want to see you for a long time! 」

One day, when the teacher came into the classroom, the students stood up and shouted, "Good morning, teacher!" " "

The teacher said angrily, "Good morning? What shall I do in the afternoon? Not good? "

So the students shouted together: "Good afternoon, teacher!"

The teacher said angrily, "What about my evening?"

The students shouted together again: "Good evening, teacher!" "

The teacher nodded and said, "That's it. Now shout it again! " "

The students shouted: "Good morning, teacher, good afternoon and good evening!" "

The teacher said, "Sit down! Today we are going to review antonyms. Let's practice like this. When I say something, you say the antonym loudly. Start now. "

Teacher: "The weather is fine today."

Student: "The weather is terrible today."

Teacher: "There is sunshine everywhere."

Student: "There are clouds everywhere."

Teacher: "The road is crowded with people."

Student: "There is no one on the road."

Teacher: "Young."

Student: "Old."

Teacher: "Stand."

Student: "Lie down"

Teacher: "There is a young man standing on the road."

Student: "There is an old man lying on the road."

Teacher: "I found a dollar."

Student: "I lost a dollar."

Teacher: "I found a dollar and gave it to the teacher."

Student: "I stole a teacher and lost a dollar."

Teacher: "No, you can't say that!" " "

Student: "Correct, you should say so!" " "

Teacher: "Wrong."

Student: "Correct."

Teacher: "that won't do, it's illegal!" " "

Student: "This is ok, this is a legal act!" " "

Teacher: "I was wrong."

Student: "We are right."

Teacher: "Listen to the teacher, what the teacher said is right!" " "

Student: "Listen to us, everything the teacher said is wrong!" " "

Teacher: "You are so stupid."

Student: "We are very smart."

Teacher: "Stop!"

Student: "Go on!"

Teacher: "You stop now! Stop it! "

Student: "Go on now! Say it! "

Teacher: "You stupid pigs, I said stop!" " "

Student: "We are all geniuses, we say go on!" " "

Teacher: "You listen to the teacher!" " "

Student: "The teacher listens to us!" " "

Teacher: "all students have to listen to the teacher!" " "

Student: "The teacher should listen to the students!" " "

Teacher: "now you stop practicing!" " "

Student: "Now let's continue to practice!" "

Teacher: "Are you endless?"

Student: "We finish what we started!" "

Teacher: "Then stop! Stupid pig! "

Student: "Then we should continue! Genius! "

..... Then the teacher walked out of the classroom angrily with a book in his arms.

A county magistrate with a strong accent went to the village to make a report:

"Rabbit, shrimp, pig tail! No pickles, pickles are too expensive! ! "

Attention, comrades and villagers! Stop talking and have a meeting now! ! )

After the county magistrate finished speaking, the host said, "Please give me sausages and pickles!"

Now, please talk to the township head! )

The township head said, "Rabbit, the dog ate today's meal, and everyone is a big jerk!" "

Comrades, that's enough for today. Let's make a big bowl! )

"Don't be pickles, I pick up a shit to lick for you. . . "

Don't talk, I'll tell you a story. . . )

Taoyuan dialect is very strange and has a high ending. For example, "ju" is pronounced "pig".

Go to the propaganda department of the county party Committee first and contact the personnel bureau for an interview. The propaganda department called me to make an appointment and put me on speakerphone.

Propaganda Department: "Hello, are you a pig? (Personnel Bureau) "

The other party: "No, you are mistaken. I am not a person but a pig (Personnel Bureau), and my mother is a pig (Grain Bureau). "

I tried to hold back my laughter and my stomach hurt.

The next day, I attended the briefing of the county government. Roll call before the meeting.

Moderator: "Which units have arrived?"

So the participants signed up one by one:

"I am a wild boar (Public Security Bureau)."

"My name is Pig (Education Bureau)."

"I am a pig (post office)."

"I am a typical pig (telecommunications bureau)

[Turn] Laugh your whole family to death

When the school began to call the roll, a class teacher was ingenious and said to the students, "I'll read the student number, so you can give your own names and get to know each other, okay?"

"No.0065438 +0!"

"Teacher, my name is Jiao and my name is Jiao Pei." The teacher was a little dizzy and asked, "Who gave this to you?"

"My dad." "What does your father do?"

"Open a pig farm!"

"No.002!"

A girl stood up and said, "Teacher, my name is Zhang and my name is Zhang Dekai."

"No.003!"

"Teacher, I am Zhang Dekai's twin brother. My name is Zhang. "Who gave you this name?"

"It's my dad. He sells pliers. " The teacher quickly took a sip of water.

"No.004!"

"Report teacher, my name is Qu (pronounced" ou "), and my name is Qu Ye (oh yeah). This is the name my mother gave me. She said that when she gave birth to me, a computer game exploded. " The teacher felt a little uncomfortable.

"No.005!"

"Report to the teacher, foster mother!" "How do you call names? ! "

"no! Teacher, I mean my last name is Gan, and my name is foster mother. My father makes wine. " The teacher took a pill.

006! "

"Teacher, my surname is Gou, and I am told to ignore it."

"Your dad is a steamed stuffed bun shop? ! "

"Teacher, you are so smart!" The teacher has been a little shaken.

"No.007!"

"My name is Kuai (read fast, send the third sound. ) This is called goods. "

"Don't tell me your father runs a warehouse."

"Teacher, you are too old-fashioned. My father is a pimp. " Blood oozed from the teacher's mouth.

"No.008!"

"Teacher, go to hell!" "What? what did you say ? /Excuse me? ! "

"I mean, my name is Ni, and I'm going to the temple. My mother is a Buddhist. Is my name interesting? "

"Interesting, interesting." The teacher is about to cry.

"No.009!"

"Teacher, let's talk about it next time." "Why do you want to say it next time, you say it now!"

"no! Teacher, my surname is Xia, and my name is Xia Huishuo. My father is a storyteller. " The teacher felt dizzy.

"0 10! "

"Teacher, my last name is Gao."

"My name is Mei, and my name is Mei Conscience."

"My name is Wu, and my name is Kate."

"My surname is Mao, and my name is Mao Rongrong." …………

The teacher turned to the sky and growled, "God, I met a group of students!" " "The teacher spurted blood and fell to the ground.