Super different jokes, text messages, humorous sentences.

Super different jokes, text messages, humorous sentences.

Super different jokes, text messages, humorous sentences.

Someone asked the commander: Why would you rather have married soldiers in your army? Commander: Because married soldiers can only obey Nuo Nuo's orders even if they are beaten.

Churchill was asked how many planes there were in Britain. Churchill: Can you keep a secret? Man: Yes, of course! Churchill: So can I. Someone asked a gentleman if he believed in life after death. "Bah!" His wife said, "He doesn't even believe in life after dinner."

Two drunks go home together at night. "Lao Zhang, look, the thief went in through your window!" "Keep your voice down, don't answer, let him go. My wife thinks I'm back and will give him little shoes. "

Lu Ye: Close the window. It's cold outside. Younger son: If you close the window, will it be warm outside?

Someone farted, and everyone didn't know who it was. They suspected someone and blamed him. He just laughed. Everyone asked: What's so funny? Answer: the one who laughs fart also scolds me with everyone.

If you want to have a happy day, drink more wine; If you want to be happy in January, you must find the feeling; If you want to be happy for a year, you must give up your troubles; If you want to be happy all your life, don't follow the new trend.

Brother Jiao was in a meeting, and the second brother went to find him, but the doorman was not allowed in. His second brother was in a hurry and shouted, I'm having sex with a second child, so you don't want me to go in? The young lady said, even if you burn your penis, you won't let it in.

The new clerk stood in front of the shredder with a blank face, and his colleague asked, is there a problem? Stuff the paper into the shredder. "But where did my manuscripts and copies come from?" Asked the newcomer.

A priest advised the poor to believe in religion. He asked a poor man, "Would you rather go to heaven or hell after death?" The poor man replied, "Alas! You see, where the corn flour is cheap, go there!

A sign was put up at the newly built highway intersection, which read: You can arrive half an hour earlier by taking the new road, and those who can't read deserve to take the old road.

The newly-married woman said to the psychologist: Why is there such a big difference between my husband before marriage and after marriage? The psychiatrist solemnly said to her, "Have you ever heard of baiting a caught fish?" ?

Actor A anxiously looks for the director: Didn't you say that I should play the role of Wu Dalang? Why did you change people again? The director said impatiently, How many times have I told you that you are not tall enough to play Wu Dalang?

After the heart operation, the nurse asked, How do you feel? Patient: Yes, sometimes I even feel two hearts beating. Nurse: That's right. The surgeon is looking for his watch.

If I have money, I will eat sweet potatoes for breakfast, porridge for lunch and eggs for dinner, and I will eat whatever I want.

Mrs. Swallow: Yesterday, my husband got drunk and threw up. Neighbor: disgusting! Mrs. Swallow: What's more disgusting is that humans took my house early this morning and said they wanted to eat bird's nest.

A man asked the farmer, Why doesn't this cow have horns? The farmer said: some are hereditary, some are lost with other cows, and some are sick. This is because it is a donkey.

At the party, the husband has been peeking at the gorgeous girl sitting next to him, and the wife whispered, "Talk to her, or others will think she is your wife!" " "

A teacher ran a red light and the traffic police stopped him. The teacher said, please, I'm late for class. Traffic Police: Are you a teacher? Thankfully, I have been waiting for 20 years. I have written 100 times about not running red lights again. Help if you have difficulties, and help if you don't create difficulties.

Someone threw the leftover bagasse on the ground at will. A glutton picked it up and chewed it, but he couldn't chew any juice, so he cursed: Which glutton can't chew any juice?

There is a woman standing in front of a portrait of a tramp in rags. She said loudly: think about it! I don't even have money to buy a decent dress, but I can still ask someone to paint him.

Money makes the mare go, but don't try to get your wife to sign a divorce agreement. It will be sunny if I hear from you, it will rain if I don't hear from you, and it will rain cats and dogs without waiting for your news. It's raining today, but fortunately it's sunny.

A person is too lazy to be surprised. His wife wanted to shave and asked him to borrow the panel. He said, no, cut it on my back! After shaving, his wife asked him: Does it hurt? He said it hurts, but I'm too lazy to say anything.

Judge: "I hope this is the last time." I don't want to see you here again. " Thief: "What, sir, are you going to change careers?"

A teenager came to buy condoms. The boss was surprised. He said, I want to give a gift to my girlfriend. The boss said: Do you want to wrap it up? He said, no, it was originally used to wrap gifts.

After talking to the passengers, the captain forgot to turn off the microphone and said to the co-pilot, "I'll take a shit first, and then fuck the new stewardess." The stewardess wanted to tell him that he forgot to turn off the microphone and fell down in the aisle. An old lady next to her bowed her head and said, "Don't worry, honey, he said to shit first."

As soon as the recruits got their uniforms, they saw a man in uniform coming towards them. They stood at attention, saluted loudly and said, good morning, sir. The other party replied: Good morning, the post office staff will serve you wholeheartedly.