Touching and funny quotations

There is a man who is too stupid to find a job. One day he went to KFC for an interview. The manager asked: What's your specialty? He said: I can sing. So he cleared his throat and sang: McDonald's has more choices and more laughter. The following are my funny quotations, I hope you like them!

1. Do your fingers itch? That means I miss your caress; Does your lips itch? That means I miss your kiss; Are you itchy ... that means you are dirty, so take a shower!

2. Read with me. If there are no mistakes at all, there will be a big prize: Wang forgets that when it is over, Wang expects it. Wow, you scream really well. I will give you a bone!

The sun is shining in the sky and the heat is unbearable. Want to refresh yourself? For a friend's sake, I'll teach you a trick: land on all fours, look up, look forward, stick out your tongue and scream twice: woof-woof.

4. Last night's dinner: It was very good. I sat next to the suckling pig. As soon as I opened my mouth, I found you glaring at me. I quickly smiled apologetically: I'm sorry, I mean the one that was done well.

5. Your phone bill balance is insufficient. Please recharge according to the prompt: burn a hundred-dollar bill to ashes, open the back cover of the mobile phone, pour the ashes and cover it again. Thank you for your cooperation!

6. A nun went to the hospital for a B-ultrasound, and the careless nurse gave her a test sheet for pregnant women. After reading it, the nun sighed and said, "These days, even carrots are unreliable."

I saw you last week, surrounded by several little girls, and some of them even touched you. I am heartbroken: is this good? What a poor puppy!

8. Man is the birthplace of mother, demon is the birthplace of demon mother, and everything is the birthplace of everything. This message is for you. I hope you can smile after reading it and be happy for ten thousand years!

9. Peach blossoms have been in bloom for a long time. Where are you going? It's been hot for a long time. Did you take off your clothes? Dog owners are not allowed to beat you in the city? Peace can be called avoiding my heart! Master!

10, the couple are eating seafood stalls. Husband: "I have to eat more oysters, this thing is aphrodisiac!" "Wife:" Well, it's very useful. It used to be 1 minute, but now it's 3 minutes! "

1 1. The thief was caught by the police when he came to the store to steal for the second time. The policeman asked, "Don't you know you're going to be caught?" The thief said, "I know it says' Welcome again'."

12, when I turned to leave, you cried helplessly behind me. The heartbreaking pain made me suddenly understand how much I love you. I turned around and hugged you: this pig is not for sale.

13, love you for ten thousand years, exaggerated! Love you for five thousand years, hopeless! Love you for a thousand years, ridiculous! Love you for a hundred years, too long! Love you for 70 years in succession, as long as I am healthy, it is my strength!

14, a bean fell. It's discouraging and frustrating. This bean is me. What can encourage it to stand up? The answer is you! Because there is something called "pigs encourage beans".

15, a person traveling was besieged by a group of wild boars. They took out food and money, and the wild boars were unmoved. Take out the only ID card, the pigs kneel and cry, boss, we found you!

16, I heard that you have been doing well recently. Ba Wen will accompany you upstairs, Xiao An will be your pet chicken, craftsmen will make things for you for free, MM will cherish you, GM will help you pick up garbage, and even I will send you a message.

17, if I burn incense for one year to meet you, incense for three years to know you, and incense for ten years to cherish you, I am willing to be happy for the next life. Convert to Christianity.

18, principle in mind, a person standing next to you, cleaning don't need near the water, sign the sheep, buttons don't need to touch, chaff shell without rice is best. (Answer: May you be lucky and healthy)

19, God was afraid that you were hungry, so he created rice, God was afraid that you were thirsty, so he created water, and God was afraid that you were lonely, so he created lovely me, provided that God found that there was no bucket for rice, so he created lovely you.

20. Your personality is gentle and elegant. Go to bed when you are full and fat. You advocate leisure and ruthlessness. You are naturally not tired if you don't love labor. You have a childlike innocence and never lose weight. You are perfect when the price of meat is not high.

2 1, the phone rang, which means I am thinking of you! Two voices mean I like you! Three voices mean I love you! When the seventh sound rings … damn it, I really need to talk to you, so don't answer the phone!

22, I am desperate, Xia Zi left me, the teacher is too nagging. Niu Wangmo didn't pay back his debts, and water curtain cave, which he finally bought, was taken away by the Bodhisattva, leaving only a dime to send text messages. How's second brother?

23, Friar Sand said: I have 16 changes! Pig said, I have thirty-two changes! Wukong said: I have seventy-two changes! Tang Priest was furious: I didn't see you change your mobile phone on the way to the Western Heaven. It seems that monsters read text messages on their mobile phones!

24, looking for someone: this person has a little ET gene, a little BT personality, and weighs MT. He has been engaged in IT for a long time, often goes to work OT, has done brain CT, and found TNT inside! Who knows its whereabouts? Pull 9 1 1 at once.

25. You are working again! I told you more than once not to work so hard and pay attention to your health, but you always said meaningfully: It's warm, so I won't roll more dung balls. What shall I eat in winter?

26. Some people want to learn martial arts from their teachers and have searched all over the country. Today, he went to a place in Hengshan. He was very excited when he saw the big word "Hengshan School" written on the plaque in front of his door. He hurried closer and looked at it carefully. At the bottom, there are two words: "out of the office"!

27. I quietly blindfolded you, gently put a banana peel under your feet, gently watched you step on it, and smiled at you looking for teeth everywhere! Then a shallow smile: see if you dare to forget me!

28. 1 I fell in love with you at first sight, and I have no second thoughts. I am willing to take care of you for three generations. I dreamed about you four times last night. You're charming. You fascinate me. A broken heart can't be calm. Say 10: I was wrong!

On the day when A Dai's son was born, the nurse took him out of the delivery room. A Dai, a new father, was so excited that he quickly took over his son and habitually said, Come, uncle, give me a hug. ...

30. If you are unhappy, I will care about you. If you are unhappy, I will care about you. If you are unhappy, I will care about you. If you are really in trouble, then I will turn off my phone …

3 1, I want to invite you to dinner, but I have no money, and I want to invite you to dance. Unfortunately, I am short and miserable, and I want to walk with you, but I have no choice but to close the road. Fortunately, I still have a mobile phone to send a text message to greet you: When will you invite me to dinner?

32. Ayong asked Amin for advice: How did you get her? A-Ming: She runs a teahouse. I go there every day, that's all. You can also use this trick! Ayong: Alas! I only have one tooth.

33. In order to consolidate our friendship, narrow the gap between the east and the west, curb the disparity between the rich and the poor, end social division, stabilize social order and promote Socialism with Chinese characteristics's modernization ... lend me 200 yuan!

On a dark and windy night, you became a famous ninja and stood majestically at the top of the Forbidden City. Suddenly, you turn around, pull out a cold light treasure knife and shout at the sky: sharpen scissors, sharpen a kitchen knife!

35. If you are a genius, I worship you; If you are a generalist, I will learn from you; If you are a wizard, I envy you; If you are a talented person, I recommend you; But you are a fool, I can only lie to you!

36. My son came home trembling: "Dad, I only got 60 points in the exam today". Dad is very angry: "Don't call me dad next time you fail the exam!" " "The next day, my son came back:" I'm sorry, brother! " "

37. This April 1, you should be amazing. There are festivals for you 365 days a year. It is never illegal to send blessings on holidays. It is necessary to send blessings today. Happy April Fool's Day to you.

38. One day, the child asked his father, "Dad, what kind of cigarette is this?" Dad: "Remember, smoke is a chimney." Child: "Oh, I see! Why is dad's nose not called' chimney'? "

39. God said that the so-called happiness means having a grateful heart, a healthy body, a satisfactory job, a lover who loves you deeply and a group of trustworthy friends. When you receive this message, everything will come naturally!

40, the stars in the sky are dripping, the rabbit is cooking, the dog has nothing to do, and he keeps watching with his mobile phone: one front paw is still pressing. Press. Press. Press it when I tell you, what a lovely little fool.

4 1. A German who loves China culture very much is called Wittmer. One day, he met an old man and they greeted each other. The man said, "What's your name?" "Last name is Wei." "Wei what?" "Why? Do you want to explain why your surname is Wei? "

42. No, I can't take it anymore. I can't keep silent any longer. I must ask the truth. You should answer truthfully. Are you ready? Are you really ready? Are you really a pig?

43. When a meteor crossed the night sky last night, I immediately made a wish to the meteor: May your peach blossom every day! Win the prize! I saw the meteor come back and told me: when he invited you to finish eating, your wish will come true immediately!

According to statistics,% of people in the world are short of calcium! There is a simple way to test whether your teeth are calcium deficient. The method is to bite ivory chopsticks with your teeth and spit them out after biting. Haha … who can say that dogs can't spit ivory!

45. The first thing I do when I wake up in the morning is to miss you. The only thing I do during the day is to miss you. The last thing I do before going to bed at night is to miss you. The most important thing in my dream is to miss you-when will you pay me back?

46. You are not easy to fool. It's hard to buy a smile this season. It's not fun to waste your energy and send you away. The mystery lies in the first word and the last word of every sentence. Don't be angry, just kidding!

47. My colleagues and I drove to eat. There is no parking space, so I have to park my car on the side of the road. I'm worried. Q: Will I get a ticket? Friend: Nothing! After that, I took out a ticket and posted it on the window. It is safe indeed.

48. I have built the Great Wall, turned the globe, played in Spider-Man, cheated Zhuge Liang, managed Transformers and welded motherships. I'm really not a cow. I learned it by reading short messages.

Please call me if you feel bored or empty! Please press 1 to talk about feelings, press 2 to talk about work, press 3 to talk about life, press 5 to introduce me, please tell me directly when you invite me to dinner, and please hang up when you borrow money from me.

50. After the CET-4, A said to B: The person in front of me is so bad that I won't copy at all! B said, that's not as good as the man in front of me. He gave me 29 answers to 30 multiple-choice questions. How do you suggest I copy them?

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