How to treat the topic of vicious slogan composition

A young man will join the army, an ophthalmologist in a military hospital will check his eyesight, and the young man will meet him.

Admit that you are nearsighted when you are examined. After the examination, the doctor said, "Yes, you are right.

It's myopia. "The young man was very happy to hear this sentence.

"Dear doctor, can I be exempted from military service?" The doctor shook his head and said, "No. ...

I wrote that I could take part in hand-to-hand combat.

Elephant sandwich

The customs officer stopped a passenger and asked him if he had anything to declare.

"No." The passenger replied.

"Are you sure you haven't?"

"Of course."

"What about the elephant with a piece of bread in your ear behind you?"

"Sir, what I put in the sandwich is entirely my own business!"

Gangster 1

A condemned man asked Interpol, "What time is it?" % Interpol snapped, "I'm going to die,

Why do you ask the time? "The prisoner said," this is a great event in my life. Remember that this time is very important to me.

It means a lot to me. "

Gangster 2

A gangster listened to the priest's sermon.

The priest said, "It is better to make more friends than to offend one enemy ..."

"I have no enemies." The gangster said.

"Great, why don't you have any enemies?" "I killed them all!"

Gangster 3

The thief went to church for mass. The priest asked, "What brings you here? You didn't steal the fire this week.

Chicken steak? ""No, not one. "

"Did other chickens steal anything?" "No."

"Great, you are one step closer to God."

Whispered, "If he asks me if I stole the duck, I will stay away from God."

Gangster 4

The policeman asked a criminal who was about to be hanged what he wanted for breakfast. "Yes, I remember,

I like peaches best. "said the criminal.

"You know, it's winter, and there are no peaches!" The police said.

"Never mind, I can wait."

Singular and plural

Teacher: "Nick, do you understand singular and plural?"

Nick: "I see."

Teacher: "Tell me, is' pants' singular or plural?"

Nick: "It's singular above and plural below."

worry

The wife said to her husband, "Every time you go out, I am worried." "Dear, don't suffer.

Heart, "the husband comforted her," I will come back at any time. " "This is what I'm worried about. "withered

I hope it's blood.

A Scotsman was walking in the street with a bottle of whisky in his back pocket. Unfortunately, he was killed.

The car knocked down. He got up and felt in his pocket. He felt a little damp. "ouch!"

He snorted. "I hope it's blood! ! "

Don't eat eggs

The lioness gave birth to a little lion, and the little lion wanted to eat. The bitch gave birth to a puppy, and the puppy came to eat.

"……

"In other words, all mothers have to eat."

Little Tom thought and thought, always trying to find a guy who was born without eating, but he found it three times in a row.

I haven't thought about it for days.

On the fourth day, he finally figured it out. He saw it with his own eyes. This is a fact. He ran to tell the old man.

Teacher: "teacher, hens lay eggs, but they don't eat them!" " "

of course

A man keeps a parrot that can only say "of course", so he decides to sell it. "Your parrot?

How much is Nautilus? "Asked the buyer 1000 yuan. "The seller replied." Why is it so expensive? "

"My parrot is very clever!" "Parrot, are you smart?" Asked the buyer. "Of course."

The buyer then bought the parrot. He was born when he found that parrots could only say "of course"

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second floor[British English]; third floor[American English]

He said angrily, "Only a fool would spend 1000 yuan on such a parrot." "Of course!"

The parrot replied.

Guide dog

John was about to cross the road when he saw a blind man crossing the road with his guide dog.

At the green light, the dog didn't take its owner across the road, but peed on his pants.

Unexpectedly, the blind man reached into his pocket and gave the dog a biscuit.

John was surprised and said to the blind man, "If that is my dog, I will definitely kick its fart."

Shares. The blind man replied very calmly, "Yes, I want to kick it, but I must kick it first."

Find its head! "

out of luck

Miss Jenny was on the night shift when she saw a man coming towards her with open hands. "Rogue!" Zhan (Han)

Miss Connie scolded and kicked the man in the stomach. With a bang, the man shouted, "God!

That! The third piece of glass still can't be taken home! "

Things will either succeed or fail.

A gentleman politely asked the lady sitting next to him, "I'm here to smoke to get in your way."

Really? The lady kindly said to him, "No, you are as good as at home." "The gentleman will accept it immediately.

Back to the cigarette case, he sighed and said, "Still can't smoke!"

A new chapter in morality

"Dad, what is morality?"

"What is morality? Wait, how do you explain this? For example, someone put 1000 photos in it.

Gehrig left her wallet in the shop, and I found it. Should I keep the money alone or sell it with him?

Share the goods equally? It's called morality. "

It's hard to get

The defendant promised his defense lawyer: "If you have the ability, I can only go to prison for half a year."

Prison, then you will get an extra 1000 yuan reward. "The defendant finally understood.

While collecting money, the lawyer said, "This is really a tough job. Initially, the judges hoped to be acquitted. "

Put it on. "

Become very conceited

The father of the triplets called the newspaper to report the good news. The reporter who answered the phone didn't hear you clearly.

"Would you please repeat that?" He asked. The proud father replied, "Yes, yes,no."

But I don't want any more!

hard-earned

Someone invited a friend to his house for dinner. The friend asked, "Are you sure your wife knows I'm going?"

Have dinner? "

"Of course I know. I argued with her about it all afternoon! "

Waiting for the cat to catch the mouse.

Man: "Madam, I accidentally stepped on your cat when I was walking." I'll get you one.

Come on, okay? "

Woman: "Then you must hurry. There is a mouse in the kitchen at the moment."

Wait a minute.

A man asked God, "Great God, in your eyes, a thousand years means time."

What are you wearing? "

God replied, "It only means one minute."

"Almighty God, what does ten thousand gold coins mean in your eyes?"

"It just means a penny."

"Merciful God, please give me a penny!"

"Well, poor man, please wait!"

hell

After Bill Gates died, he came to the gate of heaven.

Well, you can choose whether to go to heaven or hell. Check it first, and then

Tell me the result.

Bill looked around, and people sang hymns and praised God with serious faces.

ada）； He went to hell again, only to see sunny beaches, beautiful women like clouds, C and basics everywhere, and wine.

If you don't get drunk, you will get drunk. . Bill said, hell, I like it! He returned to St. Peter.

Listen, you're doing great here, but it seems better in hell. good ...

No problem, you go ahead.

Bill went back to hell, tortured by war and oil pan. He is really in pain.

I can't.

He shouted: St. Peter! Why? Where are all the beautiful women here? : Is that right?

Sorry, you mean the demo version. ...

The third possibility

The nurse said to the parturient, "Your husband called to ask if it was a son or a daughter?" "Please.

Ask him if there is a third possibility. "……

telephone

1876, Alexander g bell won an award for a set of devices that transmit sound through wires.

Eight years after obtaining the patent, a farmer in California, USA, went to the telephone office for the first time to try this new thing.

He scribbled a few words on the paper, rolled up the paper, pushed it to the messenger with a pencil, and then

Sit down and wait for an answer. After waiting for a long time without responding, the farmer crumpled up the paper and threw it into the handle. I waited.

Half an hour later, there was still no movement on the phone. The farmer was very disappointed and walked away swearing.

Yes The staff took apart the damaged mobile phone. Is it dental caries? That piece of paper reads:

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Fourth Floor

Order wrenches from the store.

telephone

A man calls home at work.

It was a strange woman who answered the phone.

The man said, "Who are you?" "I am the maid here." The woman replied.

"We didn't invite a maid." "The hostess of this room called me this morning. “

"Oh, that I am her husband. Is she there? " "But ... she and one I thought was her husband's.

The men in the upstairs room ... do ... do ... do something that couples can do. "Listen to the man said.

Very angry. He said to the maid, "Listen, do you want to earn 50 thousand dollars?" "I want you.

Go and take out the gun on my desk and kill those two adulterers and adulterers! "The maid put the phone down.

Go down.

The man heard footsteps, followed by two shots.

The maid came back and picked up the phone.

"What should I do with the body?" "Throw them in the swimming pool." "What swimming?

Swimming pool? ""hmm? ... um (expressing hesitation, etc.) ... is this phone number 262 1-5656?

The computer is broken.

The computer system in the office often breaks down, so Cathy has accumulated a lot of work.

One day, when she was driving home after working overtime, a policeman stopped her and said that she was driving too fast.

"I'm really unlucky today." Cathy cried bitterly and said, "The company's computer will be fine for a while, and then it will be fine again."

Bad, good and bad, bad and good. I was in a hurry after work, and now I met this. "that?

The police ignored her complaint and immediately issued a ticket. It was a long time before he took her driver's license and license.

"Our computer is broken," he said with a wry smile.

Tv bug

Ferguson likes watching TV very much. His classmates found him after class, and nine times out of ten they saw him sitting on the phone.

In front of the TV, so everyone called him "TV nerd".

No, the literature teacher announced in class that day: "I suggest you watch the solar eclipse tonight."

Gerson immediately asked, "What channel?"

TV fan

Uncle Martin's parrot is sick. Do not eat or drink. Take it to the vet for consultation.

After the break, I said there was nothing wrong. The vet asked Uncle Martin if there was any serious accident at home, which made him feel like a parrot.

Uneasy. Martin said that the only thing that happened was that the TV set was fixed.

"Get it back quickly," said the vet.

Sure enough, as soon as the TV set was brought back, the parrot's appetite recovered.

The rules in the shop

Manager: Remember, the rule of this store is that the customer is always right. Now tell me.

What did the gentleman say?

Shop assistant: He only said one thing-your manager is a big idiot.

fish

Patrol: Fishing is prohibited here, and offenders will be fined 20 yuan. Fisherman: I'm not fishing, I'm teaching earthworms.

Swimming.

Policeman: Really? Let me see.

Fisherman: Look.

Patrol: swimming naked, fined 50.

Change it.

The future father-in-law said to Pierre, "I agree to marry my daughter to you, the marriage of 60 thousand marks."

I'll deposit the cosmetics in the bank for you. "

Pierre said sadly, "You'd better give me 60 thousand marks and deposit your daughter in the bank."

Inches "

Overlapping quilt

Instructor: Kameda, why is your quilt always worse than Yamamoto's?

Kameda: Sir, Yamamoto made tofu before joining the army, and I made steamed bread with flower rolls before joining the army.

Yes

bullfighter

A matador is drinking in the country. His friends advised him not to drink too much, but he drank until he was brave.

Stumbling out of control, and then taking a shortcut to the arena, there is already a bull lying on the field. bullfighter

At once, he put down his horn and fought fiercely with them. Finally, the bull ran away. Later, the matador followed his friend.

He said, "I really drank a little too much just now, otherwise I would have to drag the child off the bike."

But! ! "

Reading and treating diseases

A: "Where have you been all these years?"

B: "Go to a medical university."

A: "Then your illness must be cured."

take a risk

Four gentlemen got together to gamble. Before gambling, they said to John, "Go and see if there is any outside the door."

No police. "

John came in panting after walking for ten minutes and said, "There is no police outside the door, so there is no police station."

So I went to the station and called one! "

target

I came to you to propose to your daughter. Said the young suitor.

Have you talked to my wife? Father asked.

Yes, but I prefer to marry your daughter.

Take unnecessary action

A swimmer swam across the English Channel. When he landed, many cheering people surrounded him.

Male ... A Jew came up and asked inexplicably, "You didn't know there were ships sailing here."

Really? "

The more the better.

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Fifth Floor

A speeding car was stopped by a police patrol car. The police said to the driver while taking notes.

"You'll get a speeding ticket because your speed has just exceeded 60 miles. "department

The machine immediately said:

"Sir, would you please write down one hundred miles? You know, I'm selling this car.

So what! "

Years later

She (tenderly): "Honey, when did you first discover that you were in love with me?"

He (angrily): "When people say you are stupid and ugly, I start to go crazy!" " "

Malicious slander

A fat woman came to the court and asked the judge sadly:

"If a person goes around saying that I am a hippo, can I sue him for malicious slander?"

The judge said, "Of course, when did he take you as a hippo?"

"He has often said this to everyone since three years ago."

"What? Since three years ago? Then why do you want to sue now? "

"I went to the newly-built wildlife park yesterday to know what a hippo looks like."

Crocodile's big mouth

The keeper of the zoo stood in front of the crocodile with his mouth wide open and kept pushing the crocodile into his mouth.

Look at that.

Passers-by tourists asked, "What happened to the crocodile?" The administrator said, "I don't know yet. The doctor noticed him.

I went to my mouth and didn't come out for half an hour. "

crocodile skin shoes

Customer: "I want to buy a pair of crocodile shoes."

Shop assistant: "OK, madam, what size shoes do you want to wear for that crocodile?"

A loving couple

Once upon a time, there was a king who occupied the ideal city. Before entering the city, he issued an order: city.

All women can avoid death and leave the city with their most valuable things before dawn tomorrow.

Chi, the king guarantees their safety. At dawn the next day, I saw all the women in the city carrying them on their backs.

A heavy burden, one by one tired full head big sweat, out of breath out of the city gate. origin

Come on, they're all cheating on their husbands.

Common sense of children

The wife of the drama director of Radio Delhi took the children to the zoo. All of a sudden, kid

Seeing a fat and big cat, I asked, "Mom, is this a husband or a wife?"

The director's wife was embarrassed and didn't know how to answer the children's questions. At this time, the child since

I have made a judgment: "Mom, I know. This cat is a husband! "

"Why?" Mother asked in surprise.

"I just gave it a hard twist, but it didn't bark or jump. It just looked down and said,

Say nothing. "

pay

Morocco had a delicious lunch in a restaurant. He had to pay a ruble, but he even got a Gaby.

No, so he asked the shopkeeper, "Please tell me if someone hit someone here."

How much will he be fined if he slaps his face and the lawsuit goes to court? "

"I think it's five rubles!"

"Well," Morocco said, "please give me a slap in the face and give me the remaining four rubles.

Boss! "

invent

The Italian said to the Jew, "We found the cable in the underground of ancient Rome, which shows me."

Our ancestors invented telephone communication. "

Jew: "Do you know what you found in Jerusalem?"

Italian: "What?" Jew: "Nothing was found."

Italian: "Ah" Jew: "That means our ancestors invented nothingness.

Line electricity. "

Cryptographic mystery

"Joan Yi Kang, you went to school in law school. Can you tell me something about the Talmud?

Really? "asked shimer.

"I want to give an example to explain. Shimer, I want to ask you a question: Two Jews are from.

A tall chimney fell down. One of them is covered with soot, while the other is very dry.

Net, then who should wash themselves?

""the dirty one, of course! "

"Wrong! The man looked at the man who was not dirty and thought, "I must be clean."

Yes People with average prizes will think they may be dirty when they see people covered in dust. place

So, he wants to take a bath. -Now I want to ask you the second question: They all fell down later.

Tall chimney-who should take a bath? "

"Now I know, the man who won the average prize!"

"Wrong! The average winner finds that he is not dirty when he takes a shower; When dirty people look at each other.

On the contrary, he understood why most winners take a bath, so he also took a bath.

I'm going to ask you a third question now: they fell down the chimney for the third time-who will?

Take a shower? "

"Now, of course, the bather is dirty!"

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Sixth floor

"Wrong again! Have you ever seen two people fall from the same chimney, one clean and the other clean?

Dirty things? You see, this is the mystery of the Talmud. "

legal ground

Other families are read for calling others pigs. Therefore, the court sentenced him to 70 rubles.

"This is so unfair!" Don't cry out unjustly, "Last time I swore, my family was a pig."

A fine of thirty rubles! "

The judge plausibly shouted, "Don't you know that the price of pork has already gone up?"

refute

Klaus walked out of the hotel drunk. "Oh, my God," my friend stood at the door.

Usalz shouted, "You're wearing your hat backwards!" "How to wear it backwards?"

Klaus retorted, "You have no idea where I want to go!"

Oppose marriage

An old man and a beautiful young girl fell in love, but the old man didn't anyway.

Willing to marry her.

Honey, I can't marry you, he told her gently. Father and mother will object.

What! You are so old, are your parents still alive?

No, it's not. He corrected. I mean father's timing and mother's nature.

Think about it.

"If you earn as much as God of Wealth, what will you do? “

"If the god of wealth earns as much as I do, what will happen to him? “

reaction

One day, Joe walked into the classroom, his hair standing straight. When the teacher asked what had happened, Joe said:

"This is the reaction of hair gel." The next day, Joe came into the classroom cheerfully, and the teacher asked

Joe said, "This is my father's reaction to hair gel."

Different methods

At the product sales meeting, the sales volume was very frustrating, so the manager reprimanded our sales staff.

Tao: "I've heard enough about your poor work level and reasons." If you can't do it,

In this job, someone will replace you and sell these valuable things that each of you should be proud of.

Products. Then, he said to his new employee, a retired football player, "If a football.

What will happen if the team can't win? Players must be replaced, shouldn't they? ! "A few seconds of silence.

Later, the former football player replied, "Actually, sir, if the whole team is in trouble."

Well, we usually get a new coach.

The slogan on the roof

A film studio built next to the airport was built on the roof to avoid the interference of plane sound.

Wrote a big slogan: "Please be quiet!" Each letter is eight feet square.

As a result, this slogan brought more noise, because all pilots wanted to see the room clearly.

What does it say? Competition makes the plane fly lower.

expense

The hotel customer asked the manager, "What is this fruit money every day? We didn't touch it either.

Some fruit. ""But the fruit is in your room every day. You can't blame me for not eating.

Kid. "I see," said the man, subtracting 150 yuan from the bill.

"What are you doing?" The manager shouted anxiously.

"I reduce the cost of 50 yuan as a kiss to my wife every day. ""What did you say? I didn't.

I kissed your wife. "Ah," the man replied, "but she is there every day." ..."

Angry dog

When the clothing store manager came back from lunch, he found the clerk's handbag wrapped in bandages and didn't wait for him.

After asking, the clerk told him a very good news.

"Guess what happened, manager," said the clerk. "I finally put it on hold.

I sold my ugly suit! "

"Not that terrible blue striped pink double-breasted suit? “

"That's it."

"Great!" The manager cried and said, "I always thought we couldn't get rid of that monster costume."

Yes, that's the ugliest thing we've ever been in. Oh, by the way, what happened to your hand? How did it get tangled up?

Bandage? "

"It's no big deal," said the clerk. "When I sold that suit to that guy, he

My guide dog jumped on me and bit me hard. "

* * * Similarities

Two friends are chatting together. They talk about novels and poems.

One of them said that he found that Russian novelists and poets have one thing in common, and each category has this thing in common.

It is reflected in the works.

high-tech

Gorbachev visited the United States, and Reagan invited him to enjoy the latest scientific and technological achievements in the United States: fully automatic super comfortable horses.

Barrel.

After using it, Gorbachev admired it from the bottom of his heart and secretly made up his mind that China should also develop it.

After returning to China, a key research department was established, and it is progressing smoothly. However, Reagan suddenly visited the Soviet Union.

Elbachev called an emergency meeting unexpectedly and issued a written guarantee to the key research departments: it must be done in three days.

Make.

Three days later, I reported: Yes. Gorbachev then held talks with Reagan, but he didn't see Reagan for a long time.

It means adding croton to coffee and then being drunk by Reagan. Finally, Reagan went to the toilet.

Reagan sat on the toilet. When he finished, he felt very comfortable and satisfied, and thought that the Soviet Union really benefited.

Harm, developed such a comfortable toilet in such a short time. No, I must study it carefully, because

The development of China provides first-hand information.

So, Reagan once again opened the toilet lid and twisted the button, only to see a toilet below.

Hand, carefully wiped Reagan's face again.

expert

"My husband is good at gambling." "So is my husband!"

"He won the prize the first time he bought a horse racing ticket, and 1000 yuan won 300,000 yuan."

"My husband is even worse. He just paid a sum of money for life insurance and won back thirty million immediately.

Yuan. "

golf

An old but still energetic golfer approached the wizard and asked what was in heaven.

Whether there is a golf course, the guide said he would check it out and give him an answer the next day.

The next day, the old man came again. The wizard said, "I have good news and bad news."

The old man said, "Tell me the good news first." "There is a wide golf course in heaven" wizard

Go ahead. "The stadium is covered with green lawns and equipped with the best equipment. "The old man then asked," Now?

Tell me the bad news. The wizard said, "it's your turn to serve at ten o'clock next Sunday morning!" "

romantic

Before the masquerade, the wife suddenly felt unwell and asked her husband to go to the party alone. Later, my wife felt better.

At 8 o'clock, then put on a suit that her husband had never seen before and drove to the dance. Just entered the door, too

I was very jealous when I saw her husband flirting with other women, so I decided to test her husband.

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Seventh Floor

She walked up to her husband and threw herself at him with a charming voice. Finally, he was lured to the back garden to have fun.

Romance at midnight, when everyone was about to take off their underwear, the wife quietly left. Her husband is heterosexual.

I didn't come back until three o'clock in the morning. "How was the dance?" The wife asked. "It's not funny." Husband.

Answer. "What on earth did you do there?" The wife asked repeatedly. "To tell you the truth,"

The husband said, "When I got there, I saw several friends without wives, so we were there."

Playing cards in the study. ""Have you been playing cards all night? "The wife screamed." Yes, no.

But I lent my clothes and mask to another old friend. The guy fell at the end of the dance.

He boasted to me that it was the best night of his life! "

Rheumatoid patients

Patient: "Do you remember? You showed me rheumatism last year, and you told me to avoid the tide.

Wet. "

Doctor: "Yes. What do you want to see now? "

Patient: "I wonder if I can take a bath now?"

Division of labor between husband and wife

Tomu said to his friend, "Pierre, our family has a division of labor. I am in charge of several things. I "

Ma 'am, she also manages some things. ""Tom, what are you in charge of? " "I am in charge of children and servants.

People. ""What about your wife? " "She cares about money and me! "

Get his son.

Beautiful Egyptian female spy, returning from Israel, reported to Cairo headquarters. "I see.

General Dai Yang's latest attack plan was stolen from his desk. It is not only like

At this point, I also caught his son ... ""Great! " The Egyptian general shouted, "Where is it? I

The children asked him at once. ""no! " The female spy said, "We have to wait another ten months. "

Children's parents

During his visit to Britain, Clinton had dinner with Margaret Thatcher, Jeffrey Howe and others. It's an active gas

Mrs Thatcher asked Geoffrey Howe, "Your parents have a child, not your brother.

He's not your sister either. Who is he (she)? "Hao laughed and replied," it's me, Hao. "Scold or play?

Linton was very interested. After returning to the White House, he asked Christopher, "Your parents have a child.

Neither your brother nor your sister, who is it? "Christopher can't answer. Kelin

Gordon smiled proudly: "It's Hao."

Father and daughter share happiness.

Father asked Natasha, "You didn't attend class yesterday. Where have you been? "

"I went to the opera with a classmate. "Natasha answered without hesitation.

"How can I go to the opera during school hours?" Father said angrily.

"Yesterday was not your day off, but I saw you sitting in front of me in the theater."

Father's parting

"What's the difference between Baron Calder, Emperor Qian Wei II and Tsar Nicholas II?

Really? "

"Yes, Calder has a rich father; Qian Wei II had an evil father.

Pro Tsar Nicholas II has a cruel father. "

Father-son letter

Harry wrote a letter to his father in boarding school. The whole letter has only six words:

"No money, boring. Son. " A week later, he received a reply, the content is:

"How bad, how sad. Father. "

Then go to see a doctor

Bill knows that it costs three yuan to see a doctor for the first time and only one yuan for the second time.

So he went into the clinic and said to the doctor, "I'm here again."

The doctor looked at him and said, "Just take the medicine prescribed last time."

dry-clean

The professor was sitting in the bathtub, and his wife asked strangely, "Why did you take a bath with your clothes on?" teach

Only then did he realize that he had not taken off his clothes. He was just about to jump out and suddenly calm down: "Nothing,

Fortunately, I forgot to put water in the bathtub beforehand. "

Willing to lose and accept punishment

"Blau, I pour a can of water on you, and your clothes won't get wet. Can you believe it? "

"Nonsense, how is that possible!"

"How about we bet a crown?"

Glen called a can of water and poured it on Blau's head. Blau shouted, "Stop, stop,

Stop. My clothes are all wet! "

"Then even if I lose!"

sigh with emotion

After watching the TV movie describing the story of the inventor Edison, the wife said to her husband, "Dear.

Yes, if Edison hadn't invented the electric light, we would still have to watch TV by candlelight.

Yes "