The main content of this article mourning Zhimo

Main content: Mourning is an essay written by talented woman Lin after learning that her friend Xu Zhimo was killed. This article is included in Lin Wen's anthology "You are an April Day on Earth".

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1 month 19, our good friend, a new poet loved by many people, was unfortunately killed on the plane, which was unbelievable and cruel. The news touched the hearts of many friends like a needle on the morning of the 20th, which made the morning dark as ink, and the sad throat locked everyone's throat.

Mo Chi ... Death ... Who would have thought to connect these two sentences! He is such a lively person, such a person who has just stood at the peak of his prime. Friends are often surprised by his activities, his childlike innocence and serious attitude. Who would have thought of his death?

Suddenly, he rushed out of our world and fell into eternal silence, without giving us any warning, preparation or last hope. How many friends were shocked by this almost painful decision that day? The undeniable facts are still ruthlessly before us. No matter how painfully we mourn his unfortunate death, no matter how eager we are to get in touch with his original voice and appearance, the fact is that there is no possibility of being moved by our grief! This embarrassing eternal silence and depression is the most cruel part of death.

We are not superstitious and don't watch the curtain of religious death, but we are not sure at all. We don't complain with our mouths open, we don't fall asleep with our eyes closed, and we wander on the edge of reason and emotion. We can't expect the future. We just stare blankly and swallow dry tears for this eternal death; Wait for time to develop the edge of sadness and heal the wounds we grieve every time. Didn't many friends who got the news at the beginning of that afternoon run to Mr. Hu Shizhi's house? But apart from wiping away tears and sitting silently, no one has any thoughts, and no one knows what to say to this death!

No one has an idea, no one has something to say! Facts do not allow us to place any hope, emotions do not allow us not to mourn this sudden misfortune, and reason does not allow us to have supernatural fantasies! Face each other quietly, sit quietly ... and Zhimo is still dead, never looking back, never hearing from him again.

None of us absolutely believe in the theory of fate, but who is not surprised by this unexpected life? Why don't we feel the fragility of manpower and the limitation of wisdom in many facts? Everything has a destiny, okay? Everything is accidental? When can we be completely sure of this eternal problem?

What is in front of us is just a bunch of hard facts:

"Yes, he had a telegram for me on the morning of the 19th. ...

"19th morning, yes! He said that he would arrive at Nanyuan at three o'clock in the afternoon and send a car to pick him up. ...

"The telegram was sent from Nanjing Airport at nine o'clock. ...

"Just after he started flying. ...

"Send someone to get it, wait until 4: 30 ... said the plane didn't arrive. ...

"I didn't arrive ... the airline said it was foggy in Jinan ... it was heavy ..." There was only one hour difference; Arriving at Nanyuan at 3 pm, Jinan is full of fog! Who believes that such different facts will happen in this hour, Sima, my friend!

I saw him the night before he left Pingping. At that time, he didn't know that his plane had been rescheduled three times. He once said that if he changed it again, he would not leave. I came out of the tea party with him and broke up in the main lane. In this tea party, we invited a Dr. Berry for the Pacific Conference, because he is the sister-in-law of Mansfield, the most admired woman writer in Sma's life, and Sma is very diligent; I hope to get more information about Mansfield's early years from Berry. Due to the limited time, we parted in a hurry after drinking tea. I went out on a date in the evening. When I came back late, the page said that he was coming again. Just after my husband and wife left, he sat alone for a while, drank a pot of tea, wrote some words on the table and left. I went to the table and looked at it.

"It is scheduled to take off at six o'clock tomorrow morning, so it is impossible to survive ..." I was shocked and sad for a while, but I was busy calling him.

"Don't worry." He said, "It's very safe. I have to save my life to see greater deeds. How could I die? " ……"

Having said that, he has been dead for two whole weeks!

Now this fact is getting stronger, more fixed and more undeniable every day. Sima died. This simple and cruel reality has already added the color of time. It has been growing for a week or two. ...

I shouldn't be incoherent here, just complaining about the sadness that we are friends. In the final analysis, readers want to hear something about Zhimo from us by praising us, just like "Please Berry for Zhimo". I know that, but I'm afraid I can't satisfy you, because there are so many beautiful things in him that young people know that there is a rare personality here, which can never be expressed in thousands of words. Everyone has to admit that there are not many people like him in the world, whether in China or abroad.

I have known him for ten years this year. At that time, he was at the London School of Economics and had not yet gone to Cambridge. I met him for the first time, that is, he met Mr. Dickinson, who influenced him to move to school for the first time. Needless to say, he and my father are best friends. Although they are very different in age, they became bosom friends as soon as they met. When he arrived at Cambridge, Dickinson introduced him to the Royal College. At that time, my sister Zhang Wenjun was with him. Until the last two months, Yuan Ning often told many jokes. Although it is a joke, it is also his earliest amazing impression of Zhimo. Mo Chi's earnest poems never contain any falsehood. His stupidity and childlike nature are surprising. Yuan Ning said that one day when he was studying in the school building, it began to rain cats and dogs outside-only in an island country like Britain can it rain like this-suddenly he heard someone knocking at his door and jumped into a guest who was wet by the rain. Needless to say, he is Shima. As soon as he entered the door, he grabbed Yuan Ning and ran out, saying, "Come here, we'll wait on the bridge." This mistake shocked Yuan Ning. He asked Sima what she was waiting for in the heavy rain. Mo Chi opened his eyes wide and said happily like a child, "Look at the rainbow after the rain." Yuan Ning not only said he wouldn't go, but also suggested that Shima change his wet clothes and put on his raincoat to go out as soon as possible. Is the humidity in Britain a joke? Sima ran away before he finished.

Later, I asked Zhimo curiously about the truth of this story. He acknowledged the truth of the whole story with a smile and a nod. I asked: What about the following? How long have you been waiting on the bridge? Have you seen the rainbow? He said he didn't remember, but he really saw the rainbow. I was surprised to interrupt his description of Hong Na and asked him: How did he know there would be a rainbow? He smiled proudly at me and said, "It's a completely poetic belief!" "

"Complete poetic belief", I'm going to cry here! It is for this "poetic belief" that he insists on using the convenience of aviation to realize his long-cherished wish of "flying"! "The plane is very stable," he said. "If something happens, it's my luck!" He really has a completely poetic belief in fate!

Shima, my friend, death is just a new journey. We have never been there, so we can't help but doubt it too much. Death is more painful than this. "We can't easily conclude that there is no sunshine and human comfort on that side", but as I said before, the most embarrassing thing is this eternal silence. We were born in this age without religion, and we are too uncertain about this kind of death. For many days after that, I missed you, fearing that all this would be dark pain and there would be no light unless I also had your beautiful poetic belief!

My personal sadness did not disturb my clear memory of his life and the forgiveness of my friends.

I don't need to say much about the poet's ambition. Many of his poems are the yardsticks for evaluating him. The history of our new poetry is so short, I'm afraid its judges are still among our children and grandchildren. What I want to talk about is Zhimo outside the poet. People say that Zhimo's personality is just casual romance, while Zhimo's poems are all lyric poems. This argument can be said to be fair to people who don't know him. It seems that his friends are really sorry for him. Zhimo is a very eccentric person, romantic, but the essence of others is his sympathy, kindness and tolerance; There are no people who are unfriendly to him, no intolerant people, no new feelings, and he can't show sympathy. I don't say I understand, because don't many people like to say that Zhimo is the most ungrateful? I said that his characteristics are also on this.

We ordinary people love to talk about understanding; We sympathize with what we can understand. If we don't understand, we will feel lonely and even calm. We think it is appropriate to show sympathy for what we can understand; We also think it's fair not to show sympathy for things we can't understand. On the other hand, Mo Chi doesn't understand. He didn't exaggerate. He only knows tenderness, peace and consideration. As long as he knows that there is emotion, no matter who it comes from and under what circumstances, he thinks it is intellectually appropriate or inappropriate. He can show some sympathy. He can really forgive others for being different from himself. Never criticize anyone who is different from him with strict moral standards. His gentleness and tolerance can really make many people feel ashamed. I can honestly say that at least he is much greater than most of us. He felt that human beings' various emotional actions were different, and the value of human eyes was magnified. Compassion should not be limited to what we describe. He is right, my friends. In the final analysis, how many people, events and emotions can we know? Anyway, no one has multiple opinions! Therefore, it is not surprising that Mo Chi has so many friends. Everyone who knows him has a special feeling for him, no matter how deep or shallow this feeling is, this is a natural result. On the other hand, he received little sympathy in his life. Not only that, he was a little sincere about his ideals several times and was hardly tolerated by society. However, he has never been stingy with sympathy for others, and his temperament has never become mean and violent because of stimulation. Who can not admit that he has superhuman generosity?

The most touching features of Zhimo are his incredible innocence, his simplicity and sincerity in ideals, his earnest appreciation of art and his actual experience of emotion, all of which are extremely commendable. He stood in the rain waiting for the rainbow, and he was willing to risk social criticism for his love freedom; He took a winding train to the countryside to worship Hardy. He gave up the temptation of the doctor and came to England with a schoolbag, just to learn from Russell. He risked his life for a special situation and was once touched. Since then, he has given up all his old jobs and just tried to write a few lines of new poems. In recent years, the luck of trying new poetry is not very enthusiastic, and cynicism is just a common occurrence. He often walks for miles to pick up some roots. These and many other problems are not secrets that we can easily understand. When I say mysterious, it is actually stupid and stupid! In fact, he is just more serious, pious and stupid than us! He is happy, his happy wings can touch the sky, he is sad, and his sadness is bottomless. The scale of ordinary evaluation has lost its utility in his hands, and he has his own views on importance and importance. It is purely an unconventional artistic emotional principle, so ordinary people often hear friends say that he always sighs and says, "That's Zhimo, what can you do!" " Is he really a freak? Friends, no, not at all, he is just closer to us, more enthusiastic than us, more naive than us, more confident in everything, to God, to people, to spirit, to nature and to art!

My friends, we have lost not only a friend, but also a poet. What we lose is an urgent and lovely personality.

As for his works, are they all lyrical? Is his interest limited to emotion? This is even more wrong. Shima has a wide range of interests. He always likes astronomy very much. He knows the names and components of many stars in the sky. He likes to look at the stars in summer. On several occasions, he took the train with scientific books about the universe. He once translated Einstein's theory of relativity. 1922, he wrote an article about the theory of relativity and published it in Mindo magazine. He often joked with Cheng Si: "Mr. Ren Gong's understanding of the theory of relativity still comes from my masterpiece" Mo of Xu Jun ",because he said that he had read many philosophical works about Einstein and didn't understand it until he read the book about Zhimo." I was recuperating in Xiangshan this summer, and he often came to chat. One day, when he talked about his childhood school education and his two-year economics study at Clark University, we couldn't help laughing at each other for a long time. Later, he also said such a passage in the preface of his Tiger Collection. But strange! Unlike many geniuses, he failed in school when he was a child or was expelled from school. He often gets excellent grades. It is said that once an extremely strict economics professor at Cornell Summer School wrote a letter to a professor at Clark University, praising his students for learning a difficult course. I'm not exaggerating for Zhimo here, because in fact, Zhimo himself smiled happily this summer just for this matter!

Besides, he is deeply interested in drama painting. Needless to say, drama is so close to poetry that his painting talent is also considerable. Several post-impressionist painters have very clear likes and dislikes, and he is also familiar with Renaissance painters. He loves Botticelli and Leonardo da Vinci best. Naturally, he often admits that literati's love for painting is often indirectly influenced by other people's papers, and his papers are also influenced by roger fry and walter pater. For architectural aesthetics, he often apologizes to Cheng Si and me, saying, "I'm sorry, my architectural knowledge is Ruskin's." He knows we hate Ruskin. But in order to see the ruins of an ancient building, a stone carving, he is more enthusiastic than anyone else and can appreciate it more calmly.

He likes colors, although he can't draw himself. During the summer vacation, he gave me some letters from Hangzhou. He called them "watercolors for description". He wrote the West (Border) in English in great detail. He carefully observed the color of mulberry fields, every green and every goose yellow. On another occasion, he looked at the broken wall in my garden for a long time without saying a word. Later, he told me that he was silently realizing that he wanted to describe the evening sunshine on the wall and the vines that had just entered autumn.

As for music, he likes both China music and western music, which is not just a hobby. His enthusiasm aroused Beijing's attention to music once-maybe only once. No one can forget that year, crassus went to Beijing to play the violin in True Light for more than an hour. He is also good at acting old plays. In his last few days in Beijing, we went to several plays together. When we went home, we discussed the issue of perm more sincerely than any drama review.

Who believes that such a person, such a person who is loyal to "life", will leave us for another world so early and forever, and will be silent forever without any sound!

I dare not write any more. If Zhimo has this spirit, wouldn't it be unpleasant to hear a child much younger than him talk about him in an old-fashioned tone? I still have a very embarrassing memory here. That year, he wrote the article that hurt my father in the same newspaper. This fantastic life has gone through several twists and turns. Once upon a time, it was my turn to embrace his tragic changes on this windy night. What kind of life is this? What storm? What road? Sima, your ultimate liberation is not happiness or wisdom. I should envy you.