What are the funny jokes?

When the secretary visited a school, he saw a globe in the classroom. He asked student A, "Tell me, why this globe?"

Tilt 23.5 degrees? "Student A was very scared and replied," I didn't do it. At this moment, the classroom walked into another room.

A student B. When the secretary asked again, student B replied, "You know, I just came in and didn't know anything. 」

The director asked the teacher doubtfully what was going on. The teacher said apologetically, "It's not their fault. I bought a globe. "

It was already like this when I came. The headmaster saw that the director's face was getting uglier and uglier, and quickly went forward to explain: "It's a shame to say it."

"I'm sorry," the headmaster said with an apologetic smile. Because the school funds were limited, we bought a cheap one. 」

The teacher asked Xiao Qiang, "Who burned Yuanmingyuan?" Xiao Qiang said indignantly, "Teacher. No, no, I didn't burn it. "

"What? You, you, you call your father, "the teacher said angrily. After school, Xiao Qiang's father came and the teacher told him.

He said, "Today, I asked your son who burned the Yuanmingyuan, and he actually said that he didn't burn it. Is this ridiculous? " small

Strong father blinked and said hesitantly, "Teacher, it's really ...". Not him. It's burnt Our children wouldn't do that.

Why don't we ... pay, okay?

Master of Tsinghua.

Tsinghua deserves to be the home of academic science and technology, and the chefs in the canteen are impressed by it. It is necessary to sit up and take notice!

One day, a southerner lined up to buy steamed buns.

Say to the master: think about steamed stuffed bun. There is no difference between four and ten. )

Host: How much?

This man: si?

Host: How much?

This man a nasty, come up to 1, "ten, of course.

The master replied, "I see! Then he quickly gave the man ten buns, and finally added, "I told you not to." "

It's too difficult! "

Everyone was stunned. ...

Xiao Ming said to his parents as soon as he got home today, "Only I can answer a question the teacher asked at school today. 」

My parents proudly asked, "What's the problem?" The teacher asked: Who didn't hand in their homework? 」

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The teacher asked the students: how to explain' sharing pain with others will halve the pain'?

Xiao Lun replied: If my father hits me, I will hit my brother at once!

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Professor: xxx, please wake up the person next to you. This is a class, not a bedtime.

Student: Professor, please wake him up. You put him to sleep.

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At the beginning of each semester, there are always advertisements for selling old textbooks on the bulletin board. One of them reads: "Heart."

Introduction to science. Fifty yuan. Never used it. Next to the signature, it says, "It must be sold. 」

The next day, a note was added to the advertisement: "The price is fair. But you really haven't used it? " sign

It is a "possible buyer". Under the confession, different handwriting reads: "I can promise!" " The signer examined him.

Test paper professor. "

be intoxicated with self-satisfaction

When I was a freshman, I liked to look in the mirror and feel sorry for myself. Even when the big exam is approaching, I still can't bear to put it down.

I looked down in the mirror, worried about her homework, and tried to persuade her, but she sighed and said, "Is it wrong to be beautiful?"

"Don't worry," the usually taciturn director suddenly said, "you've never made such a mistake."

Three girls in school are talking about a man who came to school to propose.

A (junior undergraduate): How tall is he? Is he handsome?

B (Master): What does he do and what's his monthly salary?

C (Ph.D.): Where is he? ! !

(Pure fiction, please don't mind)

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stay up late or all night on New Year's Eve

At the beginning of the new semester, our senior students went to the station to meet their new classmates.

I saw a little girl standing beside a big box at a loss, so I took the initiative to help her lift it. Unexpectedly, the weight of this box exceeds

One thousand jins, I am embarrassed to put down the box again, so I have to struggle to support it.

After only a few steps, the girl said to me: If you can't move your back, go away.

As soon as I heard this, I cried out my heartfelt anger, put down the box and glared at her.

The girl froze for a few seconds, then pointed to the bottom of the box and said, I mean the wheel.

translate freely

A university professor told his students: "In ancient times,' Lu' meant kissing, which was very vivid; one of

The student asked, "If' Lu' means kissing, how does' Pin' explain the meeting of three people?"

Kissing? "

The professor was about to get angry when another student stood up and said, "I think the word' product' is easy to explain." What about the' device'? " Four people

What happened to the dog? "The whole class laughed, and the professor put down the book.

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This young man is promising and worth teaching.

Teacher: "What's your name and why are you making trouble?"

Student: "My name is Wang."

Teacher: "Be polite to the teacher and be sure to address him as' sir', you know?"

Student: "OK, my name is Mr. Wang."

Step on you ...

A famous botany professor in China and his teaching assistant were studying new varieties of plants when suddenly the teaching assistant asked the professor, "Teaching?"

Professor, what should I do when I go to an internship in a foreign country and meet plants I don't know? The professor replied: In order to avoid classmates.

Ask questions, so I usually walk in the front, and then, trample all the plants I don't know to death.

One day in physics and chemistry class, the teacher announced that there would be a quiz in the next class. Xiao Ming immediately raised his hand nervously and asked the teacher.

It won't be difficult. The teacher only said:? It's simple. I'm glad everyone applauded, but

After the exam, everyone did badly. How can it be simple? So Xiao Ming asked the teacher again.

Just listen to the teacher and say: I am right, it is very simple, and the remaining 90 is very difficult!

There is a professor who wants to keep his students bored every time he gives a lecture.

So the world will tell some jokes to make students happy, but

The girls think the professors are telling funny jokes, but they don't think so.

I think professors should have the dignity of professors, so we are together.

The discussion said that if the professor said it again next time, he would stand up and go at once.

Out of the classroom, unfortunately, the boy knew about it and ran to talk to him.

The professor said, then the professor said, it doesn't matter. I'll take care of it, and then

Once in class, the professor began to speak again! ! He said: I heard recently

Paris is short of prostitutes! ! The girls heard this and started throwing things at each other.

Look, I want to say that the professor is telling colored jokes again.

Carry out their plan, just as they stood up and prepared to go out.

In the classroom, the professor said: hmm! These girls, don't.

What a hurry! ! The plane to Paris won't take off until tomorrow! !

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The last question in the final exam of a certain subject (the teacher of this subject is a big killer):

What song do you want to order for yourself when you see the final exam: (1) Chen Jieyi Heartache (2) Wan Fang.

Everything is as good as new (3) Winnie understands (4) Winnie forgets (5) You Ke Li Lin admits her mistake (6) Others.

One question is 4 points.

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It was love at first sight for a foreign female student studying Chinese in a university.

The idiom "love at first sight" makes a sentence: "I did all my homework last night,

As soon as I saw the clock, I could not help crying! ""no, no.

"You can take the idioms apart," the young male teacher corrected. today，

I fell in love with her at first sight when I arrived at school in the morning.

Meaning, or not. "She looked at the male teacher and said," I fell in love with you at first sight. ...

..... ""That's right this time! Huh? I don't know, ... "The male teacher blushed and said," The sentence is right, but the object is wrong. "

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The teacher who teaches arithmetic asked, "Someone borrowed 50% for monthly interest.

One point, two years later, how much interest can you charge? "

The whole class is busy with calculations. Only the banker's son sat still.

Why doesn't it count? "I am not interested in such a low interest rate." ...

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Not tied.

The adjustment of departments in a university was successfully completed, and all departments, regardless of size, were listed as "colleges".

At the summary meeting, the principal made a generous statement: "From now on, there will be no department (drama) in our school."

The audience applauded.

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Teacher: Did you show your parents the report card?

Health: Yes.

Teacher: Then why don't parents stamp?

Sheng rolled up his sleeves and showed his scarred arm. Cover it here.

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Singular and plural

Teacher: "Nick, do you know singular and plural?"

Nick: "I see."

Teacher: "Tell me, is' pants' singular or plural?"

Nick: "It's singular above and plural below."

answer

In English class, the teacher is talking about the differences between Chinese and western languages. Some students raised their hands and asked, "Teacher,

How to say "jiaozi" in English? "The teacher looked democratic and scolded him:" Ignorance! Renjiaying

China people don't eat jiaozi! "

Straight play.

The teacher wrote "confused" on the blackboard, and then asked a student, "Please say one."

What does this idiom mean? "The student stood up and pushed the glasses of deep myopia.

, carefully looked at the four words on the blackboard, read along while also don't understand, finally he didn't.

Can helplessly say: "teacher, I can't see clearly." "The teacher said," You are right. Please sit down.

Go down. "

Not yet born

A boy went to the girls' dormitory to visit his girlfriend, and the dormitory doorman asked him to fill out a visitor list.

Fill in name, gender, address, age, ... until the last one.

In the "relationship" column, the boy thought for a long time before writing down the word "not yet happened".

Clever method

A middle school principal faced a problem. Older female students in the school began to wear lipstick. When they wear lipstick in the bathroom, they put their lips

Leave lip prints on the mirror. He thought of a way to stop the problem before it got out of control. So he called all the girls who wore lipstick.

And ask them to meet in the bathroom at 2 pm. When the girls arrived at the bathroom at 2 o'clock, they found the headmaster and supervisor already waiting there. The headmaster explained to them

This problem makes the supervisor clean the mirror in the bathroom every night. He thinks that girls don't understand the seriousness of the problem, so they want to take care of themselves.

See how difficult it is to clean the mirror. Then the supervisor began to demonstrate. The supervisor took out a long-handled brush from the box, took it to the nearest toilet and dipped it in water.

Try to go to the mirror and start scrubbing.

After that, no one left lip prints on the mirror.

Answer casually

Peter is a clever boy, but because he is playful, his academic performance is not very good. Once, the Chinese teacher asked him, "Do you know Romeo?"

Whose work is Europe and Juliet? "Peter replied lazily," how should I know? Children my age don't like watching Shakespeare.

Asian works. "

mom and dad

Teacher: "one is long and one is short, one is fast and one is slow." Short people are naturally lazy and long. "

I'm so busy. Guess what this is? "

Student: "Mom and Dad."

In the general reading room of Tsinghua Library, there is a boy, Mr. A, sitting opposite him.

Very beautiful Miss B, A looks at B from time to time, hoping that B can look at herself.

Two hours later, Miss B was still buried in her book. At this time, Mr. C, A's neighbor, released one.

Strangely, it was a stuffy fart, and Miss B looked up and stared at her nose for a long time. .........

On the day of the exam, the professor suddenly announced the postponement of the exam, and a student immediately stood up and protested with confidence.

He said that the delay would upset his plan to review other issues. The professor immediately asked, "What's your name? 」

The tone of "Wang Daming" students has softened. "Well, Mr. Wang, I'll give you a grade.

And you are exempt from the exam because you have the courage to speak frankly, which is the most important purpose of education. 」

The student replied, "In that case, my real name is Li Xiaohua. 」

After handing out the test papers

Teacher: "If there is something unclear in the test paper, you can raise your hand and ask questions. 」

White rotten answer: "teacher! The previous classmate's test paper was so unclear that he didn't even ask! 」

A candidate can't overhear the last question in the math exam.

I got an answer from others, but the process still doesn't work. When I was about to hand in my paper, he had a brainwave.

Move and write on paper: the operation process is short. Then copy the answers at the back.

After the marking teacher looks at it, type "? Cross ",and then wrote: the score is slightly.

Brother: Do you want me to help you with your homework today? Brother: I dare not. Yesterday, you put "a meal"

Written as "a ton of rice", my classmates laughed at me as "a big git".

Mom: How many times have I told you? If you don't understand, you should ask the teacher. Child: I asked, but the teacher refused to say.

Mom: When? Child: Just yesterday during the exam.

Classroom inscription

If you can't get high marks, just pass the exam. If you don't learn deeply, you will be smart if you cheat. I am a classroom, but I am free.

Novels spread quickly, magazines frequently read, thinking about playing Go, watching movies and writing love letters.

Thinking of women, without the noise of books, without the fatigue of reviewing, is not a dance floor, but a recreation hall.

Xin Yun: Mix a diploma.

Recite scripture

A rich man found that the teacher he invited for his son was actually teaching him to recite hymns.

Scripture mourning the death of father.

"Teacher, I am still strong. How can you teach him this? 』

"Don't worry, when your son can recite this scripture, you may be one hundred years old. 』

The man created by the emperor

The teacher said to the students, "children, the headmaster will come to ask you questions this afternoon, and you should answer them well."

Benjamin, you are the first. The headmaster will ask you who created it. Just answer that God created it, Tom.

You are the second. The headmaster will ask you who is the earliest person in the world, and you will answer Adam and Eve.

Remember, don't answer wrong. In the afternoon, just as the headmaster was coming, Benjamin suddenly had a stomachache.

The pain was unbearable, so I went to the toilet. When the headmaster came into the classroom, he saw that the first seat was empty and asked the second seat.

Dear Tom: "Who created you?" Tom replied, "Adam and Eve." The headmaster was anxious: "What?

Don't you know that you were created by God? Tom: "God created man with a stomachache.

Went to the bathroom. "

What are the benefits of public places around the college for their study?

1, disco: English

2. Billiards Hall: Mathematics and Physics

3. pub: chemistry

4. Hotel: Biology

A student threw a coin into the air: "look up at the movie and play billiards with your tail up."

If the coin stands up, fuck studying. "

Elephant painting

When handing in homework to the art teacher, one student only handed in a blank sheet of paper.

The teacher asked, "What about the painting?"

The student replied, "Here?" He pointed to a blank sheet of paper and said.

Teacher: "What did you draw?"

Student: "Cows eat grass."

Teacher: "What about the grass?"

Student: "The cows are gone."

Teacher: "Where are the cows?"

Student: "The grass is gone, why is the cow still standing there?" "

bend

Father: "Son, how did you become the worst student in the class?" "son

: "Can you blame me? The worst students have transferred to other schools. "

inertia

The physics teacher is talking about inertia, and the next student is talking nonsense.

The teacher gave him a hint, but he went his own way. Teacher: What did I just say?

Student: Inertia

Teacher: Please give an example.

Student: I was just talking below. In spite of your hints, I can't stop at once.

Being alive, this is inertia.