The slogan of spreading America

1. A male deer walked faster and faster, and finally it became a highway (deer)! ! ! !

2. Two tomatoes cross the road, a car flies by, and one of them can't avoid being squashed. The other tomato points to the squashed tomato and laughs: dig hahaha, ketchup …

The wolf said, "I will eat you!" ! ! "Guess what?

As a result, the wolf ate the lamb.

4. Stones fight with rice cakes, and stones fly and kick rice cakes into the sea. ..........

Once upon a time, a couple decided to do military service for life, so they made a vow to the girl and gave her a diamond ring, and promised to meet her three years later today. At that time, this ring will be used as a wedding ring. Three years later, the girl has been waiting for the boy, but she can't wait. Sad and desperate, she threw the diamond ring into the sea and moved away. However, the boy has been waiting.

Rice cake! ! !

5. Is jiaozi a boy or a girl?

Answer the boy because jiaozi has a foreskin.

6. There is a duck named Xiao Huang. One day, he was hit by a car. He shouted, "Gung!" From then on, he became a cucumber! !

7. The matchstick suddenly felt itchy, so I reached out and scratched it, and I burned myself to death …

8. Once upon a time, there was a bird.

He passes through a cornfield every day.

But unfortunately,

One day, a fire broke out in the corn field.

All the corn has turned into popcorn.

After the bird flew over, ...

I think it will be very cold if it snows. ...

9. When did Taiwan Province Province want reunification?

When buying instant noodles

10. Asun and appa have nothing to talk about, and time waits for no one.

A song: "Recalling childhood, the happiest thing is Children's Day."

Appa: "Youth Day will be in ten years."

A song: "Father's Day will be in ten years."

Apa: "It will be the day of the elderly in a few decades."

A song: "After a few decades."

Appa: Tomb-Sweeping Day.

1 1. Soldier: "Thirst ... Thirst ..."

Cao Cao: "Hold on a little longer! I have been to this place before, and I remember there is a merlin nearby, which may be there in a moment. "

Soldier: "Oh! There are plums to eat! Oh! "

Half an hour later-Coss: "Master! The expedition found a lot of water! "

Cao Cao: "Ha ha ha ha, did you hear that? Finally, there is water to drink. "

Soldier: "If you don't go ... you must find Plum ..."12. A girl is lovelorn. I advised her: "Two-legged toads are hard to find, and there are many men with three legs!" "

13. One day, Xiao Qiang asked his father, "Dad, am I a stupid child?" Dad said, "Silly boy, how can you be a silly boy?"

14. A medium-rare steak and a medium-rare steak meet in the street. Why don't they say hello (assuming they can talk)?

because ..............

because ................

Because they are all strangers ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

15. Question: How to make sparrows quiet?

Answer: Click.

Reason: silence.

16. A college student was unfortunately caught by the enemy. The enemy tied him to a telephone pole and asked him, "Say, where are you from?" If you don't tell me, I will electrocute you! ! ! "The college student answered the enemy's words and was electrocuted. ...

He said, "I'm from TV University!"

17.a: "I'll take you to a place where all girls don't wear bras."

B: "Really? Where is it? Take me away! "

A: "It's in the kindergarten next door!"

18. Wang, the host of Happy Dictionary, interviewed a program audience and asked, "Who is your favorite hostess?" The audience said, "It's you." Wang asked, "Why do you say that?" The audience said, "Because you look a bit like Yang Lan!"

19. Do you know what color Spider-Man is?

Red, no!

It is white.

I don't believe you have read Spider-Man's English: Spider-Man (a white man).

20. Why did Xiao Ming fall?

Please think twice ........................

Because the floor is slippery.

2 1. After the party, a group of animals rushed into the 7- 1 1 convenience store to buy things. They were all beaten out by the clerk because of the noise, but they left the mutton alone in the shop. Why?

Convenience stores don't close for 24 hours. ...

22. The glass and the coffee cup were crossing the road together. Suddenly someone shouted: Here comes the bus!

The glass was hit by a car, but the coffee cup was fine. Why?

Coffee cups have ears!

23. A horse said that our company has launched a new product, Ass 3, or MP3 for short.

24. I hate two kinds of people most:

First, there is racial discrimination;

The second is black;

Third, I can't count!

25. I would like to thank madoka ozawa, Asakawa Paul, Nagase Ai, Takezo liang zi, Gao Qiao Maria, Kawamoto Dance, Youmu Pupil, Natsume Meixi, Naomami Qinyi, Shiraishi, Kudo Kwai, Seiji Ozawa, kishida fumio, Zewai Yoshiyuki, Fujisaki Ayaka, Yeshanづき and Chihiro Inoue. When I was in the worst spirit, they came to comfort me at the right time; When I am exhausted from playing CS, it is they who make me feel unobstructed pleasure; When I feel depressed, they make me excited ~

26. Now the accuracy of earthquake prediction has really improved a lot, only two words are missing this time: the prediction is in Heilongjiang, but the result is in Jiujiang!

27. Jane Zhang said, "My fans say my idol is Ying."

He Jie said, "My fans say my idol is Jie."

Said, "My fans say my idol is Chang."

Chris Lee said: "You talk, I'll go first!"

28. Five Fuwa get together to chat.

Beibei suggested: Let's give ourselves a nickname. I'll call it Beva!

Jingjing: Then my name is Jingwa!

Huanhuan: My name is Huanwa!

Nini: My name is Nina!

Yingying stood up and said, You talk, I have something to do, so I walked first. ...

It is said that in 2058, five Fuwa got together again to chat.

Beibei: Let's talk about our nicknames again. People respect me very much and call me "Mr. Bei"!

Huanhuan: People call me "Ye Huan"!

Nini: Everyone calls me Grandpa Ni!

Yingying: Everyone calls me Yingying!

Jingjing stood up and said, You talk. I have something to do, so I'll go first. ...

29. When winter came, I decided to keep the habit of taking a cold bath, but after washing, I found myself back to my childhood! ! !

30. Celery was walking, and suddenly he felt a pain in his stomach. Then he hissed. What did you say he took out? That's celery dung (diligence)! ! ! What color is celery (vegetable) dung?

Answer: yellow.

Because: Qin Shihuang

3 1. There is a fat man.

Jump off the twentieth floor. ...

It turned out to be .....

Fat man! !

Once upon a time, there was a piece of bread It felt hungry and ate itself.

Once upon a time, there was a glass of beer. He felt thirsty and drank it. ..

Once upon a time, a virgin felt very tired and let herself fall asleep.

33. Who is the ancestor of mankind?

It's peanuts because peanuts ~ ~ ~

34. Which ancient figure was a white-collar worker?

Meng Mu's Three Movements (Thousands)

35. Zhang Fei: "Stop the old thief!"

Yan Yan: "Ring-eyed thief! Dismount and die! "

Police car: "Listen, two thieves ~ ~ ~ You are surrounded ~ ~ ~ Drop your weapons ..."

36. How did the ants that fell from the Himalayas die?

Answer: I am starving. Because it is too light, it will take a long time to float down …

37. The world's largest KB diary

Old bear was about to write a diary when he found that the diary had been used up. He wanted to go out and buy another book, but it was already twelve o'clock at night. But he searched in the dark street by bike. After searching for a long time, he finally found a bookstore and went in before closing. He likes a diary very much, so he asks his boss how much it costs.

The boss said in a very low voice, "This is imported, and the price should be set around 70 yuan ..."

The old bear said, "It's so expensive, but I have to take out 50 yuan."

The boss said, "It doesn't matter, even if you are in 50 yuan."

The old bear said happily, "Thank you, boss."

The boss said in a very low and gloomy voice, "When you buy it back, don't turn to the last page, or something very KB will happen." Don't blame me for not reminding you! "

The old bear said, "Well, I see."

Old bear bought his diary home. He opened the package and put it on the table in front of the room window. At this time, he wants to take a bath and then come out to write a diary. ...

After taking a shower, Lao Xiong found that the window in front of the desk was actually open, and the wind blew away the diary page by page ... When the last page was blown up by the wind, Lao Xiong stepped forward to stop it, but it was too late, and the last page was blown away by the wind.

KB happened ... I saw the old bear let out a scream because he saw the last page saying:

(Please pull down)

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................ pulls again. ...

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.

.

Keep pulling ...

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.

Soon, pull a little more ...

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Well, I'm finally going to pull a little …

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The last page reads-Pricing: 3 yuan.

7 1. Life is like shit. Once it is washed away, it will never come back.

Life is like shit, it always looks like that, but it's different every time.

Life is like shit, sometimes it's cool, and sometimes it's tangled with five senses!

Life is like shit, you never know what you will pull out. ..

Life is like shit. If you want the result, you must plant it first.

Life is like shit. You often work hard for a long time, but only a few farts come out. ..

Life is like shit, even if it is beautifully decorated, its essence is still the same. ..

Life is like shit, only you have to face it silently and bravely.

So, as people often say—

"You go to eat shit! 」

In fact, his original intention is "you should seriously integrate into your own life." 』

72. A guy went to the hospital for a checkup and did a lot of tests.

The doctor said: There is good news and bad news! After reading your test results, I found that you have a potential homosexual tendency! ! And it's hard to cure!

This guy says, Oh, my God! What's the good news?

The doctor said shyly, I find you very cute ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

73. One day, the physics teacher of a class in a girls' middle school called in sick.

Forty female students are expecting who will take this course.

In physics class, he is actually a handsome male teacher.

A female classmate quipped: Teacher, can we skip class and play some exciting games?

The male teacher was silent for a moment and said:

Ok ~ ~

Dear students, put away your textbooks and take the exam now!

One day, Sister Cockroach came back crying. ..

Papa cockroach asked, "What happened to my daughter? 」

Sister cockroach said, "Dad! Why do people say I am a pest! Meowed ... "

Brother Cockroach also came back at this moment, and he said with a happy face:

"dad! For the first time in my life, someone greeted me warmly ~ "

Father cockroach asked, "Really? What did they say? 」

Brother Cockroach: I just went out. When they saw me, they said:

"ah! ~ ~ ~ bugs ~ "

75. Tang Priest: You should find a shortcut to learn from the scriptures this time!

Wukong: Flying is faster than riding! !

Bajie: Shenzhou VI is faster! ! !

Friar Sand pulled out his gun and said, I heard that this thing will be sent to the west soon. ...

76. A hunter went hunting with his hounds and wandered around the forest all day without finding any prey.

It was dark, but he continued to ride in the Woods.

The horse suddenly said,' You won't even let me rest. You want to kill me! ? '

The hunter got a fright, immediately got off his horse and ran away with the hounds.

When I ran under the big tree to catch my breath,

The dog patted him on the chest and said to him:

Scared me to death, horses can talk! '

So the hunter was scared to death on the spot. ..............

77. A candy, walking in the North Pole, feels so cold-so it becomes rock sugar! ! !

78. A cabbage, undressing while walking, finally disappeared. .....

79. A bear comes prepared.

The eleventh book is incredible (book 1 1)

The sheep stopped breathing and stood high (the sheep didn't breathe)

80. A black cat saved a white cat from the river. Do you know what the white cat said to the black cat later?

It says: aim ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

8 1. Who will be eliminated, wolf, tiger or lion? wolf

Because: Momotaro (exterminating wolves)

82. How to make drinks bigger?

Read the great compassion mantra

83. A thief steals from someone else's house. When he entered the house, he saw that there was no one in the house, but he was poor, so he left 200 yuan. ...

84. A condom itches, so it is scratched ... Guess what?

This is fatal. ..................

85. Rogue+Rogue =?

Naughty rabbits (two) ————— Xiaobai+Xiaobai = = Little white rabbit.

86. I bought a TV set made by China Unicom. I have been selecting channels, but there is no signal. At this moment, the TV spoke: The TV you dialed is not in service area, please redial later …

One day, when I fell with a match, I broke my head and went to the hospital to dress it. It turned into a cotton swab! ! !

88. The leaning tower of Pisa is about to collapse. Go and help the tower alone. Who is he?

John (because of john Travolta)

89. Once upon a time, there was a man who liked to make clay sculptures. One day, he grabbed a quick clay sculpture on a whim and pinched it. As a result, he pinched a clay figurine, but it was bare and ugly. He thought and thought. Suddenly, he had a good idea to make clay figurine hair and beard with grass. He was very satisfied with his job, so he named it "Uncle Cowney". .......................

90. A classmate of mine from Xiamen University was once caught by the enemy when he went out! The enemy also trapped him on a telephone pole and said, "When we asked a person which school he went to, he shouted that he was from RTVU, and then we electrocuted him-if you don't tell, you will end up the same!" My classmate said that I am from Xiamen University.

9 1. What happens when sharks eat mung beans?

Green bean paste

92. Dear, who is more beautiful than Lin Chi-ling and me?

of course it is you ......................

Haha, husband, I love you! By the way, why do you think I'm beautiful?

I'm a little tired recently ..............

93. A child cried, and his father said, "Be good, don't cry. In the future, dad will take you to the vegetable market to watch others eat sugar ............................................................................. "

94. The first party in the university was held in the zoo.

Everyone * * * uses the reason that:

Only here can I feel that I am still a person ~ ~ ~ ~

95. The whole family is lazy.

Dad asked his mother to do housework, and if her mother didn't want to do it, she asked her elder sister to do it.

Big sister didn't want to do it, so she asked her sister to do it.

But my sister doesn't want to do it either, so she lets the dog do it.

One day, a guest came home and was surprised to find that the dog was doing housework.

Ask the dog: Can you do housework?

The dog said, if they don't do it, let me do it!

The guest is even more surprised: can you speak?

Puppy: Shh! Keep your voice down. Otherwise, they know I can talk and will let me answer the phone!

96. "I finally got my wife's heart back from my pet dog! 」

"Really? ! Isn't your wife a dog lover? How did you do that? 」

"In fact, it is very simple. I just cooked food carefully prepared by my wife for the dog. The dog didn't want to eat it, but I ate it with relish! 」

97. A university has been worried about stray dogs on campus.

Stray dogs sometimes bark at people unintentionally.

Some dogs will run to the classroom in class and then lie down in front of the platform …

One day the bell rang and the students came into the classroom one after another.

At this moment, I saw a stray dog wagging its tail and swaggering into the classroom. When I didn't look up and see the professor, I squatted in front of the platform.

When the professor couldn't help yelling loudly:

"quick! Somebody get rid of this dog, it's already in this class! ..」

98. The stewardess walked up to the man who protested loudly.

The man shouted: "I want to protest to this airline!" "

I sit in the same seat every time I fly. No movies, not even curtains! I can't even sleep! 」

The stewardess said, "Forget it ~ Captain, stop it! 」

99. The girl questioned her boyfriend ...

Woman: "I called you that day. Why did a girl answer the phone?" ! ? 」

Man: "Wrong! How is that possible? 」

Woman: "Really ~ She also told me" The number you dialed doesn't respond, please leave a message after the beep! "Go ahead! Who the hell is she! ? 」

100. One day, Xiao Ming went to the cashier to sing and ordered a dream soup from You Hongming.

He didn't come out after waiting for a long time, so Xiaoming rang the service bell.

As soon as the new waiter came in, he was very polite. "What can I do for you, sir?"

Xiao Ming: "Why hasn't the Meng Po soup I ordered come yet?"

Waiter: "OK, sir, I'll help you hurry the kitchen!" " "

10 1. I was hungry last night and wanted to cook some rice porridge. Because the dormitory is small, the rice cooker can only be cooked on the ground, and the porridge maker knows how much porridge will overflow, so on the ground ... at noon the next day, MM came to the dormitory to wake me up. When she opened the door and saw a layer of white sticky things on the ground, she burst into tears, suddenly jumped up and hugged me tightly, sobbing: "I decided to sleep with you tonight, and I will never do SY again!"

102. Just passing by the computer room of a primary school, I suddenly found a piece of paper posted on their window, which read: Prevent Mars from flying into the room!

I thought: this school is science fiction, and then I thought ... Oh. ...

103. I stood up and offered my seat to a pregnant woman. She looked at me doubtfully and suddenly understood, crying and laughing: classmate, I am fat!