Essay on New Year's Day —— About Quality

Title: Mobile phone era

Author: Du Zhaofeng

Performance: Zhao Benshan Song Dandan

Location: University of Northeast China.

Background: A big tree and a haystack at the head of the village.

Character: Old fellow villager (hereinafter referred to as Zhao)

The old lady of Song Daya (hereinafter referred to as Song)

Zhao: (wearing a broken hat) Who said anything about seeing the sun and being buried by the coming night for all his glory? I said that it is more spiritual for the elderly to have a mobile phone. As soon as I use it, people play with it, and I can no longer stop my contact with Daya. I didn't have this thing when I was young. When you are in love, you should send messages. Everything you send me is yellow, and it becomes a cucumber in the afternoon. Now the communication tools are advanced, so you can send text messages if you need anything. Give her the hour with an intellectual trap (press the phone):' I farm, you call me a farmer; I feed the horses, and you call me the groom; I pull the cart, you call me the coachman; I stood in the snow behind your house in the middle of the night in winter, and you said it was kung fu; Now I am a village accountant and bookkeeper. "What should you call me?"

Song: (on stage) If I want to be fooled, I will become a slut! Old people tell jokes, stories and poems when they are free (reading)' In the moonlight, dogs return to their nests/there are more widows in the west of the village/but they are not as lonely as you; The morning heart is thin/the dreams are mottled/the double bed is wide/it's more desolate without you.' The more I look at you, the more you look like a pervert. What the hell is this? !

Zhao: (laughs) People are old, but not old. Some people are afraid to say, and they are ashamed to call when they meet. Daya missed me, and when she was embarrassed, she sent a text message,' My heart is too soft to stab you, for fear of blood; Cry yourself to death. You can grow a dog just because of the flood. Too many fake drugs poison you and the price is high; When you get an electric shock, you are short of electricity, and the state advocates saving; Laugh yourself to death without humor; I really can't, but I miss you so much.

Song: Don't mess with that disgusting thing with everyone.

Zhao: The whole joke said,' The big black pig stared at Landrace. Landrace was shy and ran away, and the big black pig chased after him. Landers said: Look at you, this guy just met. . . . The big black pig quickly explained, "I just want to ask where you bought the slimming cream."

Song: You see, pigs are beginning to lose weight this year. I also have one here:' The chickens in the restaurants in the city are on strike-let me stay with peppers, potatoes and mushrooms for a while. This year is the Year of the Rooster, and we will never be an escort again! "

Zhao: What is an escort? Some people do whatever they want in order to climb up, accompany the leaders to rub hemp, sauna and escort them. Such escort cadres can be promoted without any political achievements.

Song: After all, the cadres you mentioned are a minority, and they are more serving the people. This topic is a bit serious.

Zhao: Let's have a sense of humor. An old farmer went to town to sell rabbits. He met a shopping mall and it was cool to make underwear. He saw a group of women taking off their clothes while walking. He doesn't understand: this is yellow and obscene in the countryside, and the police station must take it away, but the police in the city just watch. Later, when he saw sanitary napkins, he suddenly realized-judging from the band-aid in the city, the difference between urban and rural areas is quite big.

Song: (laughs) This old man is really funny. But when it comes to this difference between urban and rural areas, migrant workers are often discriminated against.

Zhao: Migrant workers are also human beings. As long as they go to work on time, their legal rights cannot be regarded as empty talk. What will the city be like if farmers don't go into the city?

Song: There are fewer and fewer nannies, the buildings are getting older and older, the waiters in the hotel are all gone, no one takes a bath in the bathhouse, and the wages paid by the boss to the workers are no longer negligible. By then, it will be fashionable for some people to dress like farmers.

Zhao: You should not only be able to summarize, but also be good at thinking. Q: The eagle jumped at the rabbit like an arrow, but the rabbit let out a cry and the eagle died. What did the rabbit shout?

Song: The rabbit shouted' You're gone', and the eagle quickly covered his underwear with its wings and fell to the ground. "

Zhao: You said that the eagle knew he was ashamed, but some actors deliberately didn't wear bras and shouted and jumped on the stage, confusing the audience.

Song: That's to attract the attention of the audience. You can improve your reputation without improving your acting skills. You don't understand.

Zhao: If you don't improve your acting skills, you will only improve your reputation, and your popularity will be gone. What do you think of this?

Song: Why are you old-fashioned? Now we pay attention to celebrity welfare, as long as you are famous, no matter what your reputation is. This article says well:' The lobster wants to be famous, and the opportunity has finally come. The TV station advertises, and the lines are: white and tender, as transparent as crystal. The lobster was startled and asked, isn't this shrimp? The director replied: Don't you just take it off once? How can you be famous if you don't take it off?'

Zhao: I see. In the past, the highest yield crop was sweet potato. Now, the most profitable thing for hospitals is plastic surgery. Body art is the most popular now.

Song: You've figured it out. In modern times, even writers write with human bodies, let alone actors. Isn't there a saying in the entertainment circle: once you are famous, you become red, and then you become a global superstar.

Zhao: It seems that no one's way of thinking has changed quickly. The donkey crashed the car in the street, and how to deal with the traffic police was helpless.

Song: The donkey collision is not an accident, but a performance art, just like picking up garbage and piling it in the square. It is no longer garbage but modern sculpture, which is fashionable.

Zhao: If you want to talk about fashion, you should look at international trends. (looking at the phone) "The price of oil is going up. Europe and America restrict China's cotton spinning, and women's sexual desire is getting stronger and stronger. Japanese will also enter the market, and Zhao Benshan will not perform skits or go to the football field.'

Song: No matter how rampant Japan is, it is impossible to join the WTO. The Secretary-General of the United Nations is not Junichiro Koizumi.

Zhao: (Excited) But a junior in Japan, who took a lot of aphrodisiacs, was overnourished, hormonal and had an inflated desire for militarism. The mouse beautifies itself just to accompany the cat to the kang, and the fox dares to be brave to the lion, which is simply that the lamb wants to eat the ewe.

Song: What are you excited about? There is Annan in this matter! We also tell jokes-a mosquito in Koizumi's house suddenly wants to race with a car.

Zhao: It shows that Koizumi took stimulants and made mosquitoes have the same temper as him.

Song: As a result, hitting the mosquito killer became a green light.

Zhao: There is a mosquito in the city. It plunged into a big wave of chest and took a fierce bite. Found that the skin was covered with silica gel, so it looked up at the sky and sighed: there are fewer and fewer green foods!

Song: This mosquito must be a male, otherwise it likes to harass as much as you men.

Zhao: It's all because women wear too little. Gender inequality is actually that women are superior to men. For example, cheating, men are full of lust, women are emotional. Someone applied to the United Nations for Men's Day on August 3rd, which shows that the status of men needs to be fair.

Song: Aren't you going to argue? Just now, the fly that said mosquitoes are now flies married fireflies. Fireflies asked: Why did you marry me? The fly replied: Why? ! Save electricity for lighting.

Zhao: (Laughter) Your fly is no good, its level is too low, just to save electricity.

Song: Now the whole people are building a conservation-oriented society. I, a fly, know what waste of resources is.

Zhao: The publicity was so strong that even the flies woke up. You see, a fly wants to marry a rich man, provided that he has a house-a European villa, a car-a Mercedes-Benz, a BMW and a deposit of more than eight figures. So, a snail rode a cockroach and came with Japanese yen.

Song: I shouldn't have told you this. You have no money!

Zhao: Are you a fly? That yen is worthless, and it has depreciated almost as much as negative notes. Do you want it?

Song: I am not a fly, but everyone knows to marry a rich man, not to mention that I am a big mammal.

Zhao: (laughs) Forget it. Only you want to marry a rich man.

Song: Why? You know me best when I was young, that figure, in the words of the sexy devil now, my mouth watered at the first sight.

Zhao: Forget it! At that time, I was stunned and drooled over everyone.

Song: Whether you admit it or not, I am an amazing and beautiful person in Mangniutun, an ancient mule town, with many fans behind me.

Zhao: Hehe, everyone doesn't know that there are 2 1 person in Man Niutun, men, women and children, and her fans are bachelors with cerebral thrombosis next door. I have already told Cui Yongyuan about it.

Song: Why don't you tell the truth? Later, Wu Laoer got cerebral thrombosis because of me.

Zhao: Even if you are attractive, you have married the wrong person.

Song: I was pregnant when I shouldn't be pregnant, and my heart was full of resentment. I was scarred and suffered from domestic violence, but I couldn't find a way out. I regretted it so much that I thought of jumping into the river and killing myself.

Zhao: If I hadn't saved you, you would have fed the tortoise. Now Hua Song is a beautiful turtle. You can't stand here and tell jokes to everyone.

Song: I knew it was inevitable to be a widow. Why should I be serious with him?

Zhao: In the past, your personnel rights belonged to your parents, and your management and use belonged to your husband. With your husband's resignation, you were reorganized.

Song: In a word, I am self-employed.

Zhao: Unfortunately, the transfer of power was too late. Let's see your five senses. Your facial structure is seriously crowded (wrinkled face). You are heavily in debt and on the verge of bankruptcy. You can't move forward without shaking three times. Your throat is often inflamed and your beautiful voice is even coughing.

Song: I have become a single family. What do you want?

Zhao: (Seriously) As the saying goes, young couples always come to accompany them. When we are young, we can't be partners. Now, I just want to hold your hand and grow old day by day. I have a poem for you.

Song: Come on, you knocked over the footbath and the room was wet.

Zhao: Don't spoil art! This is an authentic modern stream of consciousness, romantic and hazy love poem, which tastes like a bowl of spinach soup. (Read aloud) Ah-Baiyun/You are like cotton in full bloom/Pure enough to make the blue sky cry. . . . . .

Song: (Interrupting) Two words, sour! !

Zhao: What is so sour? Not vinegar.

Song: purer than acetic acid. When? You have soured my two white front teeth.

Zhao: It's not my fault that your two teeth were optimized by your stomatology department because of institutional reform and personnel diversion.

Song: You just talk and don't practice. You see, now young people are proposing marriage, and young people are looking for people to kneel down in many places, laying slogans with the girl's name on them and shouting "I love you!" " With flowers in his hand. Put a diamond ring on the girl. What about you?

Zhao: I'll find a place where no one is there, write your name on the tree, and send you a text message with a dog's tail flower in my hand, saying,' Marry me! I will give you a big diamond ring. When you touch your foot, it hurts. It fell to the ground and emerged from the pit. It fell into the water and plopped. It's impossible to wear it on your finger. "

Song: Are you kidding? Is this a diamond ring?

Z: This is a drill bit. You said you, we are almost buried, what are you compared with young people?

Song: Haven't you heard that there are two ages? Although I am old, my psychological age is very young, and I still have many good wishes in my heart. Isn't there a saying called' How big a stage is my heart'?

Zhao: Then I want to go to Dream Theater.

Song: If you want to go to the Dream Theater, you only need to be good at it. Can't you sing a duet?

Zhao: That's CCTV.

Song: CCTV-3 Variety Channel, hosted by Lao Bi, from Fujian.

Zhao: No wonder people call him Bi Fujian. Do you know him?

Song: Old acquaintances, of course. Do you know why the director asked him to be the host?

Zhao: How should I know?

Song: Everyone thinks CCTV is too mysterious. As a result, many outstanding talents have no courage. Now everyone is thinking when they see Lao Bi-no one is eager to try his looks and age.

Zhao: That's what feelings are like. But I went to the Broadcasting Institute.

Song: So you didn't go to the village radio station?

Zhao: At this level, the distance is too big.

Song: What a big deal! You buy two tickets, and we will arrive soon.

Zhao: Do you want to go to Dream Theater?

Song: I want to see Zhao Zhongxiang.

Zhao: (angry) Come on, at this age, you still eat a bowl and look at the pot. Who are you? I'm not playing with you. I'm leaving.

Song: Where are you going?

Zhao: I'm going to find Ni Ping.

Song: I tell you that Ni Ping is his dream lover, and everyone knows that.