Who can help me think of some jokes? Hehe, be more humorous. 10 of them. Thank you.

1. Examiner: What academic qualifications?

Candidate: Didn’t graduate from elementary school.

Examiner: Have you ever had a fight?

Candidate: It’s commonplace.

Examiner: Do you have a criminal record?

Candidate: Just came out.

Examiner: What about physical fitness?

Candidate: It’s okay. You can knock over the vendor’s tricycle with one kick.

Examiner: Do you dare to take other people’s things?

Candidate: This is my strength, just like taking my own things.

Examiner: Do you dare to hit me?

Candidate: Xiaocai, my father made me disabled.

Examiner: You passed the exam. What our city managers need is talents like you!

Examiner: One more question, what should I do if something goes wrong?

Candidate: Just say I am a temporary worker.

Examiner: I will go to work tonight

2. One day on the bus, a man and a woman collided due to crowding. .

The fashionable girl turned around and said, "Are you sick?"

The man felt confused and replied, "Do you have any medicine?"

Car The Master snickered!

The woman felt angry and replied: "Are you mentally ill?"

The man said coldly: "Can you cure it?"

The whole car People are laughing!

The bus driver stopped and leaned on the steering wheel laughing!

Two things:

The bus was overcrowded and there was a woman standing at the door.

A GG squeezed in from behind the car and wanted to get out of the car. He said to the woman: "Give way and get out of the car."

The woman did not move.

GG stepped on her when he squeezed past.

The woman turned out to be very powerful. She kept scolding: "You are crazy! You are crazy!" She was so loud that the whole car was watching.

GG remained silent. When he got off the car, he couldn't bear it any longer. He turned around and said to the woman, "You're on the repeater!"

There were a few funny children behind, who kept talking. Act out the scene just now,

A said: "You are crazy, you!..." B said: "You are a repeater, you..."

Everyone in the car Laughing loudly~!

Later, a little girl also wanted to get out of the car. She squeezed past and said timidly: "I~I~I want to go on, I am not crazy~!"

Everyone in the car Laughing again~!

The woman did not speak, but a word floated from the side: "Are you out of battery?"

The whole car couldn't stop laughing~!

3. Confucius said: Use bricks to shout when fighting, it will not lead to chaos! Take a photo! Never die again!

Buddha said; nonsense! My Buddha is compassionate! Don't play too much! A brick is almost dead! ! !

On Monday, I got on the bus with nothing but the 1 yuan for the ride. Sitting from the starting station to the final station, I felt peaceful all the way. But when I got off the bus at the terminal, I found a note in my pants: "Isn't it a shame for an adult to go out without taking anything with him? --"

On Tuesday, I carried a broken wallet , containing 1 cent. After arriving at the terminal, I found that the money was still there, and a note was stuffed in the wallet: "We are not beggars, please don't insult our profession.--"

On Wednesday, I still broke my wallet. There was 100 counterfeit bills inside. After arriving at the terminal, I found that the money was still there, and a note was stuffed in the wallet: "It is illegal to hide large denominations privately, please go to the relevant department and hand it in. -- "

Thursday , I took an envelope with a stack of expired Straits Talent Newspaper in it.

After arriving at the terminal, I found that the envelope was still there. I took out the newspaper and looked at it. The newspaper had been replaced by the latest Straits Talent News. I took a note with me: "This is the era of consultation. Only by updating information in a timely manner can we seize opportunities and win success." ! -- ”

On Friday, I put a toy mobile phone in my pocket. When I arrived at the terminal, I still had my phone with an additional note: "Please don't make this joke and affect the normal work of our company. --"

On Saturday, I took a toy pistol and stuck it on my waist. After arriving at the terminal, I found that the gun was missing and a note was stuffed in the waistband of my trousers: "I hate you robbers the most, you have no technical skills at all! Confiscate the crime tools! --"

On Sunday, I I was about to get on the bus, but there were too many people and I couldn’t squeeze in. While I was waiting for the next bus, I touched my pocket and found an extra 20 bucks, and a note: "Brother, it's not easy for people in our line of work to be exposed to the sun and wind all day long. I would like to give you 20 bucks." , take a taxi wherever you want to go, please stop teasing us."

5. A brother went to the toilet and accidentally entered the women's restroom. After entering, he found that there was no urinal, which felt wrong. Fortunately, there was a urinal in the women's restroom. No one. He walked out as if nothing had happened. When I was opening the door, I met a girl who came in. The girl looked at him, blushed, lowered her head, turned around and went to the men's room

6. One day on the bus. There were too many people, it was extremely hot, and it was extremely stuffy. I don’t know who farted, and now the environment was even worse. My friend really couldn't bear it, and he didn't know who it was, so there was nothing he could do. Just then, the conductor was asking: "Who didn't buy a ticket?" My friend suddenly had an idea and said loudly: "The one who farted didn't buy a ticket!" Suddenly, a very fat woman held the ticket high in her hand and said loudly: "I have already bought a ticket!"

On July 7, a sculpture was completed in a new university building: a girl holding a book in her left hand and a dove symbolizing peace in her right hand. The school publicly solicited names from students, and many people's slogans coincided with each other - studying is useless!

8. A brother was suffering from constipation and could not defecate in the toilet for a long time. While he was trying his best, he saw a brother rush into the toilet like a storm and entered the seat next to him. As soon as he entered, there was a call. Come on, the brother said to the brother with envy: I envy you so much.

The brother said: What are you envious of? I haven’t taken off my pants yet~~

p>

9. The situation of losing bicycles in school is very serious. New bikes disappear in the blink of an eye. However, sometimes you are lucky and the lost bike will appear again every few days. One day, Xiao Jing, a classmate in the same dormitory, bought a new transmission car. She showed off to everyone she met and said, "I have installed the latest lock on this car!" The next day, Xiao Jing returned from studying at night, looking depressed. He looked like he was holding a piece of paper in his hand, which said: Don't think there are no experts here. I borrowed the car and will return it to you in a few days!

A few days later, the thief actually returned the car. Xiaojing was very happy, but she was worried that the car would be "borrowed" again. So I bought ten big locks, locked the car tightly, and put a note on the thief: Let's see how you can "borrow" it! When Xiaojing went downstairs the next morning, she found that there were five more locks on the car, and there was a note on the lock: Let's see how you keep riding!

10. There were three little tadpoles. They went to a restaurant to eat... After waiting for a while, the first dish was served... It was fried frogs..

Three little tadpoles. They all sang in unison: I don’t want to, I don’t want to, don’t want to grow up...

11, one day, Cao Cao captured Liu Bei, Guan Yu, and Zhang Fei. Cao Cao said to the three of them, each of you go to the orchard and choose a fruit. After a while, Zhang Fei brought out an apple. Cao Cao said that if they could put the fruit into their butts, he would let them go. Zhang Fei tried for a while, but failed and was killed. After a while, Guan Yu came out with three grapes. Cao Cao also said the same thing to him, and Guan Yu began to stuff them... When he stuffed the third grape, Guan Yu suddenly burst into laughter, and the grapes were smashed. was killed.

After going down to the underworld, the King of Hell asked Guan Yu: "You are so stupid, why are you laughing? If you don't laugh, you won't die." Guan Yu sighed and said, "I don't want to either! God is jealous of the beauty! When I stuffed the third one, suddenly I saw Brother Liu walking out with a durian in his arms..."

12. Yesterday, I went to KFC to eat. The people in line behind me looked like a couple. I saw them ordering a lot of food, and then Sit next to me. After sitting down, the girl began to eat voraciously, as if she had been hungry for several days, while the boy nibbled on the French fries one by one, as if he had something on his mind.

Suddenly, the boy put down the fries, moved forward, and asked seriously: "Qingqing, can I chase you?"

Girl Without raising his head, he said directly: "No!"

The boy asked again: "Isn't it possible at all?"

The girl simply said: "It's not possible at all!"

The boy was stunned, looking straight at her, staying there...

At that time, the girl was holding a chicken leg in one hand and a hamburger in the other, and felt that the boy was looking at her. , so he stopped eating, then looked at the boy with pitiful eyes, and whispered: "Then...can I still eat?"

Everyone next to me, including me, laughed out loud, The boy was helpless and hurriedly said: "Eat, eat..."

This girl is so cute...If I don't let her chase her, I will definitely chase her... ..Desperate pursuit! ! ! !

13. I have always been restless in school. When I was a freshman, I went to self-study for the first time. I would sit in the classroom and feel depressed, and then I would go to the corridor to smoke.

Not long after I lit my cigarette, a PL girl came and asked, "We are studying in self-study now! Why did you run out?"

I said, I came out to smoke out of boredom. ,MM which class are you in? He ran out anyway.

PLMM pointed to our classroom and said, that class!

I was very excited and said, are we in the same class? What, are you depressed too?

She said: Well, a new student in our class ran out during self-study, and I came out to look for him.

I smiled, but it seems that he still can’t sit still. Why are you looking for him? You are not his mother!

MM: There is no way, I am his class teacher!

I was confused at the time...

After a minute, I held back a sentence: Teacher, you look so young...

My father is a worker in a glass factory , have the habit of wearing gloves when working.

One day after the night shift, he took a taxi home. As the car passed through a small forest in the suburbs, a cool breeze came. Dad felt a little cold, so he took out his gloves from his pocket and put them on. The driver saw it in the rearview mirror and asked cautiously: "Brother, what are you doing?"

"Oh, it's nothing, I'm used to it. , I have to wear gloves every time I work, so that I will not cut myself or leave traces..."

A middle-aged man went to a local private hotel on a business trip. .

While dining the first night, the middle-aged man saw a few stains on the edge of the dish and was very worried.

He asked the hotel owner: "This dish doesn't look clean." The boss replied: "Don't worry, the mineral water will make it very clean."

Hear With such an answer, the middle-aged man started eating with great peace of mind.

A week passed. The middle-aged man ate in the hotel every day and became familiar with a big dog in the hotel.

When the middle-aged man stepped out of the door, the dog reluctantly caught up with him and clung to him to prevent him from leaving.

The hotel owner saw it, walked up and patted the dog on the head, and said softly: "Let the guest go, mineral water."

”

1

The thief stole a watermelon and sang as he ran: Run with the wind, freedom is the direction

The old lady who planted the watermelon cried while chasing her : Watching me cry, you didn’t look back.

pol.ice saw the thief and chased the thief. While chasing, he said: I must be not good enough, so you want to escape

The thief said while running: Silence accelerates, it’s my footsteps

The thief was caught, the judge said: What more to say, how many tears to leave

The thief cried: Please give me a chance

pol.ice said: This is the best punishment for impulsiveness

Two days after the thief was taken to the pol.ice station After being released, he said: You are always too soft-hearted

The thief came to the old lady's window. The old lady was drinking alone and said: I am drunk alone, and I really want to find someone to accompany me

The thief said outside the window: I came to your window again tonight, how cute your shadow is on the curtains

The old lady opened the curtains and said: There are too many misunderstandings between us!

The thief said: Come with me and leave at dawn!

2

When I was in elementary school, my family was too poor to buy a bicycle, so I took a taxi back. Home

When I was in junior high school, because I excelled in my studies, the school kept me for two more years

The high school principal thought I was quite promising and charged me an extra 30,000 yuan

p>

My current head teacher thought I was very independent and decided to drop me out of school, so I became a gangster, stabbing my brothers and stabbing my brothers for beauties. Brothers are like siblings, and beauties are like clothes. Who can rob me? I cut off his limbs for clothes, and I wear his clothes for anyone who touches my limbs

I used to think that I was a talent, but unfortunately I was wrong, I am not! I didn’t expect that I was actually a genius!

Damn it .... I was helpless and wanted to commit suicide! But your appearance gave up my thoughts and gave me the courage to live. Thank you! Do you know that when I saw you for the first time, I thought: You are so stupid. Why can't I live? My benefactor!

3

Marry to my village! My village is relatively rich!

Communication basically depends on transportation! Basically, we rely on walking!

We basically rely on cattle for lighting!

Basically rely on shaking for heating!

Basically rely on stealing to make money! There are basically no beauties