Does anyone have the script for the funny version of "Jing Ke Assassins the King of Qin"?

Funny version of "Assassination of Qin": The King of Qin enjoyed the assassination of Jing Ke in the Super League

2004-10-25 02:14:01 Xinhuanet

(Tian Gang released At dawn, Jing Ke walked up to the Golden Palace carrying a huge roll of maps. Reporters Qin, Reporters Wu, and Reporters Yang followed behind him. Hundreds of civil and military officials stood solemnly with their scepters, and mechanical police officers lined up on both sides. King Qin let out a big yawn. Zhao Gao gave the order: Bring the kid----! )

Reporter Qin: What are you doing? I have to get up early in the morning, but I haven’t brushed my teeth yet!

Reporter Wu: According to my experience, we are going to carry out an assassination. After being gone for so many days, when will Jing Ke invite us to have morning tea?

Reporter Yang: Bring me the money! I lost money last night and you said you would pay it back this morning.

Reporter Qin: I can’t pay it back. Look, there isn’t even a bubble machine in this hall. How can I get rid of it?

Reporter Wu: Since we can’t pay back the money, we have no choice but to continue playing cards. The odds have been opened, I bet on whether Jing Ke can assassinate him!

Reporter Yang: Don’t worry, the dealer will definitely have to adjust before the stabbing. Do you want to win money? Just ask Jing Ke himself. Anyway, people from Sohu are doing live broadcasts inside. Let’s play cards first, and then we can go online and copy the manuscript and revise it later.

(Jing Ke walked to the front of the hall, and suddenly found that there were no reporters behind him. He suddenly lost three points of confidence and ran back angrily.)

Jing Ke: Three are missing and one is missing. You don’t even call me, it’s so unfaithful!

Zhao Gao: Good morning, dear friends! Welcome to the world of King Qin. Now our king is engaged in the super cause of unifying China and integrating the six countries into one, which is referred to as the Chinese Super League! If you have money, please help with a funeral; if you don’t have money, please help with a crematorium. Hey, who is this person meeting? immortal? monster? Thanks!

Jing Ke: I, Jing Ke, came from the State of Yan specifically to assassinate me.

Zhao Gao: I didn’t ask you, don’t answer nonsense, that person below!

Jing Ke: Those are my three assistants, they are fighting the landlord.

Zhao Gao: I didn’t ask you, don’t answer nonsense, that person next to the landlord!

Audience A: I am a fan of Jing Ke. I heard that King Qin was finally willing to talk to the assassin today. On behalf of the majority of movie fans, I came here to support the warrior. That's our slogan, Luke----!

(Audience A showed off a Yan Army jersey and wrote a few lines of black text: Firmly support Jing Ke in assassinating Qin!!! The King of Qin will be dismissed immediately for being cruel!!!)

Jing Ke: Don't rush, don't rush, take your time, everyone has a share. Brothers in the back, please show me your guy! Take two steps, come up and take two steps!

(Audience B, Audience C, Audience D, etc. came to the stage holding banners that read "Rebellion is justified, assassination of Qin is not guilty")

Audience A, B, B and D (singing): My family lives in, II Inside the ring road, I haven't provoked anyone or provoked anyone...

Jing Ke: Everyone is laughing! These are all from Nagada in our village. Please come out today for no other reason than to act as a supporter for Jing Ke and vent your anger. The King of Qin is indeed too shameless! Each of you represents 1 million people, which is 4 million!

(Reporter Qin Wuyang rushed up and scanned with cameras, camcorders, and recorders respectively.)

Zhao Gao: According to last year’s census data, there are only 1.3 million people.

Jing Ke (hitting Zhao Gao on the head): I didn’t ask you. Don’t answer nonsense. What’s wrong with a few million more? If your parents work harder, they will be born sooner or later!

(The walls on both sides of the Jinluan Hall are already covered with slogans: "You shoot one, I'll shoot one, and if you strike, you'll have to do it a lot." "God gives everyone the right to brag at will" "Penalty points and fines" "If one person gets a red card, the whole team will be honored." "If you stop kicking, picking, or blowing, you will be severely punished.")

Jing Ke: Qin Wuyang, the atmosphere in this room is very strange! I have an ominous feeling.

Reporter Qin Wuyang: Nonsense! If you think about it with your heels, you will understand that this is the territory of King Qin!

Jing Ke: I am kao! I am convinced YOU!

(Above the high hall, King Qin was in a daze, Zhao Gao was flipping through the book, and Jing Ke hurried in.)

Zhao Gao: King, be careful! The assassins of Yan Kingdom have already arrived with daggers! !

King Qin: Xie Te! If you don't have a dagger, would you still be called an assassin? Jing Ke, apart from assassination, what else are you good at?

Jing Ke: Come back to your Majesty and dance!

King Qin: Come on, come on, let’s dance a song and walk towards our acquaintance. The love between King Qin and Jing Ke is long, just like the sound of running water day and night, singing one or two!

Reporter Qin Wuyang (booing): No dancing! We went all the way to Xianyang, specifically to see how Jing Ke assassinated the King of Qin!

Jing Ke: Xie Te! Only when the map is poor can you see it with a dagger. Now King Qin doesn’t want to look at the map. What can I do?

(Tai Zi Dan holds the Qinglong Yanyue nail clipper and hums "Prelude to Fighting Tigers on the Mountain", with blood coming from his nose and mouth)

Audience A: I'm KAO! Come and watch the gods fight!

Prince Dan (hugging King Qin): I’m just here to start a fight, don’t make any noise! Jing Ke, why don’t you take action quickly?

Audience B: What a bias! Prince Dan, what’s your motive? Revolution also requires qualifications!

Jing Ke: The map is too long, and the dagger is clamped too tightly and cannot be pulled out.

Audience C: If you don’t want to prick, then don’t prick. You have a personality problem, why are you pretending?

Zhao Gao: Jing Ke! The King of Qin has given you enough face, you are also a member of the Standing Committee after all!

Audience Ding: Those in front please move out of the way, be careful not to get blood all over your body!

RoboCop: Jing Ke, do you want to kill him or not? To kill or not? To kill or not?

(Prince Dan picked up the atlas dropped by Jing Ke and opened it to the audience. On it was written a line of large characters "Emperors will take turns to come to my house next year.")

Prince Dan: Mom’s revolution in Jing Ke was not complete, so I let him use my gun for free. Look at me! There are 13 files here, which is overwhelming!

King Qin: Jing Ke’s assassination of Qin was both a bad thing and a good thing! Prince Dan’s attitude is also positive.

RoboCop: King, be careful! What he is holding is not a map, but a dagger!

King Qin: Want to play with documents and spell out charters with me? mock up! Have you forgotten where I came from?

Zhao Gao (standing in front of Prince Dan): How can you kill a chicken with a bull's knife! I, Lao Zhao, can withstand thousands of armies from the Six Kingdoms alone.

(Zhao Gao held a hardcover document in each hand, one was the "Articles of the International Assassin Federation" and the other was "Fighting Methods". He flew up and down and knocked the 13 documents in Prince Dan's hand to the ground one by one. )

King Qin: Okay, okay, stop making trouble. Reporter Qin Wuyang is still waiting outside to hear the results. He will think about it carefully when he gets back and write a self-criticism of more than 2,000 words.

Send it to me to read, let’s go!

Reporter Qin: It turns out that they settled out of court a long time ago. It’s so boring!

Reporter Dance: The arm can’t twist the thigh, and it can’t stab someone anyway.

Reporter Yang: Go back to Sohu and copy the manuscript! Next time someone calls me to interview Jing Ke, I will fight with you, just like Prince Dan stabbed Qin!