People often steal express delivery from the school guard room. Who can write a short article to satirize it?

(Classmate, are you in need?) Classmate, are you in need? Are you short of pants? If you're short of pants, go to the doorman to get express delivery? Are you sure size S can fit you? Are you lacking, classmate? Are you short of milk? If you're short of milk, go to the doorman to get it delivered? Aren't you afraid of vomiting after drinking? Are you lacking, classmate? Do you need an umbrella? If you are short of umbrellas, go to the doorman to get express delivery? Aren't you afraid of seeing ghosts while holding an umbrella? Are you lacking, classmate? Do you need a mobile phone case? If you need a mobile phone case, go to the doorman to get it delivered? Are you sure you can put on the iPhone 6 phone case? Are you lacking, classmate? Do you lack maternal love or fatherly love? Why don't you just casually take away things sent by other people's parents? Are you lacking, classmate? Are you wicked? If you still have some conscience, just send back the things you took intact! Let’s cancel it with one stroke and we owe nothing to each other! If your conscience is eaten by a dog, then I am really speechless. There are still such heartless people in the world! I can only advise you to take care of yourself!