Whose fault is it from forced marriage of parents to divorce?

A post-90s female friend in my hometown is now 27 years old. Education is not high, people are not smart, and their thoughts are simple, a little naive and stupid. The future is there. I don't know. 2 1 year-old, forced by the pressure of his parents and his own confusion, arranged a blind date with his family and got married in a hurry.

The condition of the husband's family is very ordinary, the standard of ordinary families in rural areas, a three-story building, parents working at home, and husband working as an assembly line worker in the factory. He is handsome and simple-minded, and has no plans or ideas for the future.

In the first year of marriage, I gave birth to a child, a daughter, who is now 5 years old. Two years later, I accidentally got pregnant with a second child, and soon I was born. It's a boy, almost 3 years old now.

As an ordinary woman, at the age of 27, she got married and gave birth to two children. Her parents are still in good health and can work. It can be said that her future life is bright and beautiful. At the age of 27, he completed three of the five major events in his life: reading, getting married, having children, having children and providing for the elderly. In order to live a better life in the future, we just need a family. Qi Xin works together to educate children, be filial to parents and plan his retirement.

In this way, it is good to live a happy little life.

However, such a happy little life can only be realized when she sleeps at night. After less than a year of marriage, her husband hit her for the first time, and her in-laws were not good to her.

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She faced a choice.

First, forbearance and forbearance, it is normal for couples to have differences and quarrel;

The second is to carefully analyze whether this man really deserves his life and what kind of family does he want?

She chose the former. At that time, she was 22 years old and could understand her choice.

Time flies. Their daughter is over 2 years old and their son was born. Listening to her description, I was not happy during this period. Now that I have a son, I think my position at home should be better.

However, ideal and reality are always separated by complicated people's hearts.

Husband and wife have many contradictions in getting along, and their ideas are inconsistent, so they can't understand and tolerate each other. Plus two children and four parents, there are eight people in all. These eight people grew up in different environments, with different ideas and values. What kind of wisdom is needed to get along happily together.

Yes, you guessed it. She was once again violently abused by her husband and once again treated coldly by her parents-in-law. She didn't feel the slightest warmth in this home.

She had to face the choice again. Do you want to stay in this home, without a trace of warmth, and don't divorce? I think this idea must have appeared in her mind countless times.

She told me about her troubles more than once and asked me to give her advice. My advice is always this.-What do you want? Think about it before you make a decision.

Her choice is-or to maintain this loveless marriage.

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Yes! What else can I do?

Now she is no longer a teenage girl. What she has now is a face full of vicissitudes although she is only 27 years old, and her deformed figure after giving birth to a child and being the mother of two children.

This true story happened right next to me. My writing skills are not deep enough, and there are many details that can not be reflected in one article. I think if her life is really written into a script, TV series or movie, the ratings will not be too low.

Seeing this, you may feel that this woman is very pitiful. But I have no sympathy for her. I am her friend, and the story is her life. She told me. Writing articles is inevitably biased towards her.

I have no sympathy for her. Because quarreling is a matter for two people; Her present life and all the unhappiness she has encountered are also her own choices. During her six-year marriage, she had countless opportunities to choose to leave. But she didn't.

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I have been analyzing, what caused her life to become like this?

Analyze from these three aspects:

First, when choosing a marriage partner, she has no clear criteria for choosing a spouse. 2 1 year-old, she only relies on feelings. A 2 1 year-old girl can get rich social experience there, and her feelings are only superficial communication.

Second, the two children are only the product of passion, not the crystallization of planned love. There are no plans for the economic conditions when giving birth to children, the preparation of children's education funds, etc.

Third, every time I am faced with a choice, I am still not clear about the life I want in the future.

So the end result is that there is no clear goal in life.

All selective stress reactions. It was all made under the circumstances, emotions and feelings at that time. Such a choice is like buying a rising stock; Buy a beautiful dress when shopping.

But how can the choice of buying stocks and clothes be compared with marriage and having children?

So, is this unfortunate wedding smog the fault of parents or their own?

My opinion is: "No matter how your parents force you to get married, it must be your own responsibility, but it has nothing to do with your parents who forced you to get married."

Parents' educational level is limited, and their generation's cognition of marriage is different from ours. Forcing you to get married is their way of taking care of you. In their cognitive world, it is for your own good. As an adult, with a higher education level, he should have the ability to distinguish right from wrong. Therefore, in the face of their forced marriage, all we can do is sit and listen to their nagging, continue to pursue the beautiful love we want, and strive for a better life after going out.

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After that, when I reached the age of marriage, I had to think deeply.

I will be a father in the future. When a child is in love, I should communicate with her (him) more, understand their real thoughts, put forward my opinions and suggestions, and then respect their own choices.

At the same time, at the age of 25, facing the pressure of my family to push for marriage, I have to think clearly about what I want as a lifelong partner. What kind of life do you want?

In the past, my choice was: looks > values > family conditions.

Now I will weigh the relationship between the three more carefully and make clear the criteria for choosing a spouse.

Having said that, I'd like to share my mate selection criteria with you.

My husband and wife's standards are simple: emotional independence, life independence and economic independence.

Emotional independence means that your love can be your own master. Nowadays, many little girls ask their girlfriends for advice when looking for boyfriends. Before you decide on your boyfriend and girlfriend, you can ask your girlfriend for help, but you must have your own independent consciousness and ideas. If they don't like it, they can say goodbye! When deciding to get married, I will not be influenced by my parents' opinions. You can discuss with your parents and respect their opinions and opinions, but decide to do it yourself.

I'm dating you, not your best friend and parents.

Living independently means that there is still a long way to go from falling in love to getting married and growing old together. You will encounter many difficulties and setbacks on the road. Sometimes I can't stay with you all the time because of work and other reasons. There will be children who need our care together in the future, so you must be able to take care of yourself and our future children. On this long road, we need to help and support each other.

Economic independence refers to: this economic independence refers to a wide range. It can be your favorite job, it can be in charge of the financial power at home, and so on. Because I hope you can have your own hobbies and pursuits and realize your life value.

I hope to find her on 20 17.

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The standard of measuring love happiness is still these three words: cooperation, trust and growth.

The first keyword is cooperation.

Any long-term happy relationship is run by both parties.

I have seen it too many times, either the man has been paying and the woman has been passively loving; Either the woman has been paying and the man has been passively loving;

They all ended the same, and finally separated. Love is mutual and equal. Once out of balance, feelings will crack. If there is a serious imbalance, the final outcome will inevitably be unpleasant.

The second keyword is trust.

One Earth, 224 countries and a population of more than 7 billion. Two people have never agreed, you start from that end, I start from this end, meet for more than 20 years, then get to know each other, know each other and fall in love.

Together, just because I believe you love you. But because their living environment, family education and social experience are completely different, their values and beliefs are also different. In this noisy and changeable era, mutual trust is becoming more and more precious.

So when you encounter problems, you should trust and tolerate, and the people who love each other are different from you. I cherish this hard-won and precious feeling.

The third key word is growth.

The world is changing rapidly, and there is still a long way to go from acquaintance, mutual understanding and love in the twenties to old age. There will be many difficulties and setbacks on the road, and it takes two people to solve them together and face them. Such a * * * experience will become a beautiful memory for each other.

A happy and long-term relationship needs mutual cooperation, mutual trust and common growth.

Finally, I wish you all a happy New Year!