The slogan of soup and rice

An American is eating in a restaurant in China. When the waiter served a panlong shrimp, the Americans

Q: "What should I do with the remaining shrimp shells?"

"Of course," said the waiter.

"no! Don't! No! " The American shook his head and said, "In our country, leftover shrimp shells.

Send it to the factory, make it into shrimp cakes, and then sell it to you in China. "

After a while, the waiter brought another plate of fruit, and the American pointed to one of the lemons.

Q: "What should I do with the remaining lemon peel?" "Of course it's poured out," Shi Dao said.

Zhedao

"no! Don't! No! "

The American shook his head and said, "In our country, the leftover lemon peel is sent to the factory.

Make fruit treasures and sell them to you in China. "

When checking out, the American asked the waiter with a smile while chewing gum, "Excuse me?"

What do you do with the leftover chewing gum? "Of course, spit it out," said the waiter.

"no! Don't! No! "

The American shook his head and said proudly, "In our country, chewed gum is brought in."

Make condoms in the factory and sell them to you in China. "

The waiter asked impatiently, "Do you know how to deal with second-hand tableware in China?"

Condoms? "

"Of course, throw it away," said the American humanist.

The waiter shook his head and said, "No! Don't! Don't! In China, used condoms are brought in.

In the factory, make chewing gum and sell it to your America. "

Classic joke: cannibals

A woman was chased by a cannibal and walked into a dead end. Because of fear, the woman wet her pants. When the cannibal saw it, he cursed, "What a fucking pity! The soup spilled! "

After giving birth to the child, the cannibal should first hold the child to her husband and politely say, "Eat while it is hot!" " "

Billionaire cannibals travel abroad with their sons. On the plane, the son asked his father, "Why are there so many people on the plane?" Dad replied, "God always protects us.

Cannibals call elevators vending machines.

Cannibals call their adopted son "bad food"

Cannibals call bathhouses steamers.

Cannibals call people who take a bath: ruining meals.

Classic joke: drink phlegm

Big brother and second brother went to the theater to see the play, and when they saw that they were arguing about the development of the plot on the way, they made a bet.

The boss pointed to a row of spittoons in front of him and said, "The loser should take a sip of what's inside."

Unfortunately, the boss lost, so he took a sip with a frown.

The two went on to bet on the next plot. This time, the second child lost.

I saw the second child pick up the spittoon and took fifteen gulps.

Surprised and envious, the boss said to the second child, "You are amazing. You can even drink fifteen mouthfuls!" " "

The second one shook his head. "It's not that I want to drink. The sputum in the spittoon is too thick. I really can't stop biting! " "

Classic joke: someone touched my ass.

One night, a soldier got up to take a shit at night, but there was no light in our toilet. He had to go to the toilet in the dark. When he was halfway through the solution, he found someone touching his ass. He was so scared that he ran to the security captain without wearing pants and shouted, "An Guan! An Guan! Someone touched my ass in the toilet! "

An Guan: Is there such a thing? ! Don't tell anyone, I'll take care of it. Go back to sleep first! "The next day, the security officer told the monitor about it. The squad leaders were afraid of affecting the morale of the troops and decided to catch ghosts together next time.

It's been a week since it was haunted. ......

One night, another soldier went to the toilet. When he squatted down, he felt someone touching his ass. This time, he shouted even louder. All the monitor got up and rushed to the toilet, some with sticks and some with brooms. There were seven or eight people around the door of the urinal, and all the lights were on. Everyone wants to see what's inside. Just then, one monitor opened the door and the other monitors looked in. All the squad leaders were dumbfounded for about three or four seconds, only to hear the squad leader say, "XXX Le! ! What the hell? Touch your ass! It's all shit! ! !

The son asked his father: Does the heart have legs?

Dad: No!

The son asked his mother: Does the liver have legs?

Mom: No?

Son: I am surprised. Last night, my father said to my mother under the covers, "Dear, separate your legs."

1. Forum landlord: Please smash the photo of my girlfriend and me ~

Forum reply: the sexual organs of plants are inserted into the excrement of long-horned cloven-hoofed animals ...

2. Landlord of the forum: I bought a new manor. If you want to say how big it is, it scared me to death-I drove around for two and a half hours! ! !

Forum sofa: well, I used to have such a broken car ~

3. Forum Landlord: Isn't it hot for you women to wear bras in summer?

Forum reply: We will be hot without you. ...

4. Forum landlord: When I was with my girlfriend ML, my girlfriend seemed to call another man's name. ...

Forum sofa: What's wrong with a woman who fucked someone else? ! !

5. Forum owner: Why is it forbidden to publish this word to visit Japan? The Japanese side is relatively cold, and the airport didn't even hang up the welcome slogan?

Forum sofa: How to hang it? Warmly welcome old Japanese friends to China?

6. Forum landlord: Collect one of the most swearing words.

Forum reply 3 1: Did your mother throw someone away to raise a placenta when she gave birth to you?

7. Forum landlord: Dad gave my husband a deer whip. What does this mean? There are photos to talk about ~

Forum sofa: this is the spur of the older generation to the younger generation ~ ~ ~

8. The owner of the forum: What is the palace sand on the little dragon girl's arm in Legend of the Condor Heroes, and what is its use?

Forum reply: keeping palace sand is a desktop shortcut for virgins.

9. Forum landlord: The news said that someone was swallowed by a python. What should I do if I really meet a python in the wild?

Forum reply 1 1: pinching seven inches and stabbing the anus are two very effective methods, I hope everyone will spread them widely.

Forum reply 12: Agkistrodon's anus or its own anus?

……

Forum reply 47: Bullshit, what are you poking in the wild!

Forum reply 48: Xu Xian knows what to poke!

10. Forum Landlord: I must shave my armpits in summer, otherwise wearing short sleeves will affect my lady image. By the way, is it forbidden to publish words with scratch?

Forum sofa: Don't scratch your mouth!

1 1. Forum Landlord: Handsome is useless-it hasn't been eaten by a chess piece in the end!

Forum reply: Handsome guy has company, a gun, a horse, a car and a secret crush ... What's wrong with handsome guy? ! !

12. Forum landlord: Why do children born have the same surname as their fathers?

Forum sofa: Because the money spit out from the ATM belongs to the cardholder.

14. Forum moderator: As we all know, the road from east to north in Liu Jiao is downhill. Just now, when I came to Liu Jiao, I suddenly saw a lovely MM riding straight down and shouted, "Cool!" " Attract many pedestrians. Looking back now, MM's sweet voice is really unforgettable ~

She seems to be yelling for the following reasons:

1. I just finished the exam and I am in a good mood;

The day's homework is over, let's enjoy ourselves!

3. Because it's downhill, the breeze comes on when it rushes down, so it feels cool;

4.MM happened to see me as a handsome guy, and was too excited to confess at the moment, so she had to shout.

5. Everyone added ...:)

Forum sofa: I'll put this girl's car seat back tomorrow!

Imperial horse in song dynasty

There was a coachman in Song State. One day, I wanted to get on the bus and pull something, so I took a horse and put it on the rut. But the horse refused to move forward, and it was no use beating with a whip and a stick. This man

In great anger, a sword cut off the horse's head and threw it into a deep valley. Then I got on a horse and refused to go forward. When I got angry again, my horse's head was thrown into the canyon again. In this way, three horses and three cars were killed in a row.

I haven't decided yet.

Have a tail, afraid of punishment.

Ai Zi floats on the sea and stays on an island at night. I heard crying underwater, so I listened carefully.

The voice said, "Yesterday, the Dragon King ordered all aquatic animals with tails to be beheaded, so they cried for fear of being beheaded. Since you toads have no tails, why are you crying with tails? "

Another answer: "I'm lucky to have no tail today, but I'm afraid I'll be investigated for having a tail when I'm a tadpole!" " "

Peng Zu's wife.

Once, Ai Zi went out and saw a white-haired old woman crying on the roadside. Ai Zi asked, "Why are you so sad?"

The old woman replied, "My husband is dead."

Ai Zi asked again, "Who is the husband?"

"Peng Zu."

"Peng Zushou died at the age of 800, which is not too short. Why are you so sad? "

The old woman said, "It's not too long to die at the age of 800, but some people still live to be 900. How can I feel at ease? "

One person may steal a horse, while another person may not cross the fence.

Tian Deng became a county magistrate. He was afraid that people would call his name. Anyone who breaks the law will be beaten. Therefore, people in the whole state read the word "light" as "fire". Lantern Festival on the fifteenth day of the first month

Lanterns allow people to visit and watch in the city. The official wrote a placard and hung it in the street: "According to the old practice, the country set fire for three days."

Protect and preserve seedlings.

Zhou planted several new willow saplings in front of the house. He was worried that the children in his neighborhood would tremble and play, so he sent Aleutian to watch them. Ah stayed home for dinner, so he let the wicker go for fear that the children would make trouble.

It's all out and hidden.

Become a cabinet veteran

Dai Dabin, Fujian native, 13 years old Zhong Xiangju, an outstanding talent.

At that time, he went to take the imperial examination. People who took the examination saw that he was young and asked him, "Are you going to be an official at an early age? What are you going to do? "

Dai Dabin said, "Be an elder."

A scholar teased him and said, "I'm not old enough to think about pavilions."

Dai Dabin replied sarcastically: "No talent is a scholar." Everyone burst into laughter.

Sell oneself for money

There was a rich man who was ill for a long time. Because he regards money as his life, he refuses to seek medical advice, and he is about to die. Before he died, he said to his wife, "I have tried my best all my life."

Accumulate money and finally save it. After I die, I can sell my skin to a shoemaker, meat to a butcher and bones to a paint shop. Commemorate ... "Say that finish, I closed my eyes.

Death is over. Suddenly, he opened his eyes slightly, exhausted his last strength and said intermittently, "Now, people can't believe it now. Don't take credit. Be sure to-

Cash! "

Two days have passed.

Song Wen Jing, the minister of the Northern Song Dynasty, likes to close the windows and light expensive big candles inside, singing and dancing. The invited guests have forgotten their fatigue in this environment and only feel that

Why is this night so long? When I opened the curtain, I realized that two days had passed.

Don't commit suicide.

The host left a friend for dinner, but the food on the table was only a bowl of tofu. He said, "I like tofu best. This is my life. I don't think anything is as delicious as tofu. "

A few days later, the host invited another friend to dinner, thinking that he liked tofu, so he put it in the fish. Who knows that he doesn't eat tofu, but he chooses fish to eat meat.

The host asked, "You said tofu is your life. Why not eat today? "

He replied, "I don't even want to die at the sight of fish."

Drink ginseng soup.

A rich young master went out and saw a poor man lying on the ground with a burden. He asked the pedestrian, "Why is this man lying down?"

Answer: "The man had no food and was very hungry, so he fell to the ground to catch his breath."

The young master said, "Strange! Since I have never eaten, why not have a bowl of ginseng soup and go out? You can be full for a long time after drinking! "

Mother of salted eggs

A and B eat salted duck eggs for the first time.

A said in surprise, "The eggs I used to eat were very light. Why is this egg so salty? "

B said, "It's a good thing that you asked me this. To tell you the truth, this egg was laid by a salted duck. "

Joke about the burden

There was a scholar in his seventies who had a happy son, so he was named "Age". The next year, I gave birth to another one, who looked like a scholar and was named "Xuexue". In the third year, I gave birth to my third child.

The scholar said, "It's a joke to have a baby at this age." Just call it a joke.

Three sons grew up, and one day they went up the mountain to get firewood. When he came back from firewood, the old scholar asked, "Does that child firewood much?"

Answer: "I am old, I have no knowledge at all, but I have a burden joke."

Cut off horse liver.

Legend has it that horse liver is poisonous. In the Han Dynasty, a man named Hu Wen died of eating horse liver. The pedant retorted, "horse liver is in the horse's belly. Why won't the horse die? "

Others said, "isn't it because of liver poison that horses are not over 100 years old?"

The pedant was persuaded. He cut off horse liver for one of his horses, and the horse was hacked to death. The pedant said, "It's really poisonous. You can't live if you cut it off. If you hide it in your stomach.

That would be even worse. "

You leave me QQ, I+your friend, you must.