Be wary of the "stealing books" behavior of Confucianism robbing other theories and the shameful behavior of maliciously covering up its own stains.

Yes, then I'll hype Confucius, so as to make those pedants "happy".

Confucius can be said to be the most popular star in China, and his popularity is as high as the mountains, which is hard to match. (Please forgive me for using some classical Chinese from time to time, because I am also one who was deeply poisoned by Confucius.)

It is said that the distant ancestor of Confucius was descended from the nobles of Shang Dynasty. (What's the big deal? I am also a neighbor of Qin Shihuang's relatives. He was born in Zhou Lingwang for twenty-one years. According to eyewitnesses, Confucius looks strange, with his head low in the middle and high around (doubt? ! This is not like a hill but a basin), and it is 9.6 feet long (2.2 meters today). Wow! Close to the height of Yao Ming), people at that time called him "Chang Ren". Attention! It is a "long person" rather than a "superior person". It can be seen that they are all contemptuous.

People around him don't like him because he looks too postmodern and wastes the earth's resources (eats too much and dresses too long). Birds poop on his head, pigs chase and bite him, little brothers throw stones at him, and little sisters repel him. Xiao Kong was very helpless about this. After many entreaties, the little guys reluctantly agreed to play with him. The condition is: Xiao Kong must help them massage their backs, serve tea and water, brush the toilet and wash the spittoon every day. Therefore, when Xiao Kong became an old man, the reporter interviewed his childhood playmates and published his experience in the Spring and Autumn Daily, with the title "The etiquette system should be started from the doll-remember the childhood of the great, wise and correct educator Mr. Confucius".

It is this tragic story of childhood that Xiao Kong, at the age of fifteen, made a great wish: When I grow up, I want to be a big official, and I want others to help me massage my back, serve tea, brush the toilet and wash the spittoon.

in order to realize the great ideal, Xiao Kong took part in the work. His first job was as an accountant (commissioner), helping the boss manage the accounts. Because he misreported the figures (it is said that Confucius was poor at math), he could not make false accounts, and he was not related to the boss's wife, so he was quickly fired. The second time Xiao Kong learned to be smart, he sent a gift to the leader, and paid for several childcare. Every day, he praised Xiao Kong's ability and diligence outside, and finally got a "cow" plague, that is, a small official who manages cattle and sheep (by Tian, metre). But he found it difficult to achieve his ideal and soon gave up.

It's been over thirty years, that is, the year when Confucius boasted about "standing" in the newspaper column. Reporter Zi Gong asked him jokingly, "Is it right?" Confucius said with self-deprecation: "Those who are' human' (benevolent) want to stand up and stand up, and they want to achieve it." (It means: Alas ~ ~ Life is like this. I want to stand up, but others stand up first; I want to be rich, but others get rich first. ) Naturally, the next day's newspaper became "The first person in China's history who put forward lofty life ideals-Mr. Confucius talks about ideal" benevolence ". Unexpectedly, because that day's newspaper also published the picture of sexy beauty losing chess and dating Lu Gongzi, the newspaper sold out and Confucius unexpectedly got a large payment.

When Zi Gong heard this, he wanted to knock on his bamboo pole and pester Confucius to treat him. Confucius was a well-known miser, so he naturally refused to do it, saying, "It's' vertical' (forgiving)! Don't do to others what you don't want. " (meaning: you are such a boy. If you haven't invited me to dinner yourself, you can't expect me to treat you. )

Later, Confucius wrote columns (all about trivial things of his neighbors, such as Lou Zi Lu, a pig slayer, Yan Hui, a fish seller, or Zeng Shen, an acrobatic player, etc.) and started private training classes. I wanted to know more rich people through this training class, so as to realize the wish of "brushing the toilet and washing the spittoon" quickly. But at that time, there were aristocratic schools with "meteor gardens" and "meteor orchards". Who still regarded Confucius as a small private school? There was no choice but to settle for the second best and recruit a large number of civilian children. Some people say that Confucius has drawn up a set of charging standards for this purpose: standing at thirty, not confused at forty, knowing the destiny at fifty, listening at sixty, and doing whatever you want at seventy. (it means: if you pay 3 yuan a month, you can only stand and listen to the class; If you pay 4 yuan, you can ask questions until you understand them; Pay 5 yuan and you will know tomorrow's exam proposition; If you pay 6 yuan, you can listen to what you want, and if you pay 7 yuan, you can do whatever you want! )

After becoming a self-employed, Confucius soon became an upstart because there was no competition. When he went out, some students helped him build a famous car, and a few followed him. It is estimated that there are still a group of admirers holding slogans and shouting slogans behind him, which made him ecstatic.

At this time, Confucius really tasted the taste of the red man. Even some governors wanted to use Confucius' fame to hype up and improve their fame. When Wei Linggong and his wife go out, they always ask Confucius to sit in the back and parade around the city. Every time when a few kilowatts of light bulbs, watching Wei Linggong and his wife in front of very much in love, each other * * * *, make a Confucius embarrassed. Finally, I couldn't bear it, and finally left a sentence, "I haven't seen a good virtue like a good color" and left.

Later, because I offended too many people, I finally ended up with the fate of "chasing after Lu, cutting away from Wei, being poor in Qi, surrounding Chen Cai and not being in the world", and my political future was ruined. (This is another story)

After the problem of food and clothing has been solved, Confucius is still obsessed with the dream of being a "big official" and has been looking for opportunities to directly participate in political activities. So he began to travel at public expense and went to various countries to talk.

"Zhuangzi" records his visit to steal his feet, which is a classic. Confucius went to see the thief's feet, and when he heard "Kong Qiu, a native of Lu, paid a visit", the thief immediately went into a rage and said that he "made words, arrogantly called himself the champion of literature, martial arts, crown branches and trees, threatened a dead cow, said many things, ate without plowing, wove clothes, wagged his lip and drum his tongue, and made trouble, so as to fascinate the master of the world", and he also wanted to eat his heart. Confucius never gave up, but moved out of his brother Liu Xia, who stole his feet, and made friends with him. Finally, he was scolded by the dog. When I came out, I actually "went away again, went out to get on the bus, and held three lost. My eyes were blind and my color was dying. I bowed my head and couldn't vent my anger." Fortunately, I didn't have a heart attack. As the saying goes, when a scholar meets a soldier, it is unreasonable to say. What's more, if you encounter an eloquent soldier like the stolen foot, of course, it is "self-moxibustion without illness."

Confucius didn't get the chance to be the commander-in-chief of the capital of Lu until he was 5 years old. Because he got along well, he was later promoted to Sikong (in charge of engineering) and Sikou (in charge of judicial prison litigation). But he was soon dismissed and had to go back to his old job until he died.

when we talk about Confucius, we naturally have to talk about Confucianism.

According to Shuo Wen Jie Zi, Confucianism, softness, and sorcerer are called. Guo Moruo also said: "Confucianism" is a vulgar name, and the title of Confucianism is not Confucius' own title, but Mohist school's name for Confucius. Therefore, some people think that Confucianism refers to a profession that makes a living from religion, and is responsible for various religious ceremonies such as mourning and offering sacrifices to gods.

On National Heritage and Original Confucianism: "Confucianism was originally a teacher who asked for rain, so it evolved into the name of warlock".