Funny connotations, classic and playful Internet quotations

Funny connotations, classic and playful Internet quotations

1. The consequences of a diaosi and a rich and handsome man kissing a goddess forcefully, the former is bang! The latter is bang bang bang.

2. Whose daughter lends it to me, and I will give it back to you next year.

3. Growing up, I have never been afraid of the police, gangsters, or parents. The only thing I am afraid of is my wife!

4. Girl, don’t be stupid, the man who loves you most in the world has already married your mother.

5. The teacher said, students, don’t fall in love early. What you are talking about now will be other people’s wives in the future. When I heard this, I thought, damn, other people’s wives, it’s exciting just thinking about it.

6. Looking back five hundred times in the past life, but in exchange for a "rogue" in this life!

7. A good girlfriend can save you 20G of computer space; a good boyfriend can save you 200 Nanfu batteries.

8. The person you dream about in your dream should go to sleep with him when you wake up.

9. All relationships that are not for the purpose of marriage are playing with other people’s wives.

10. Girls will go back to their parents’ home if they quarrel with their husbands. Be smart, don't bring any bankbook or clothes, they are too weak. Listen carefully and bring along: the air conditioner remote control, the TV remote control, his driver's license, ID card, car keys, change the computer and WiFi passwords, and then go back to your parents' home with peace of mind! I don't believe he doesn't know where he went wrong.

11. When you see someone you like on the street, you immediately start showing off.

12. Wife: Husband takes the money, and I want to go shopping with Xiaoli. Me: Is 20 okay? Wife: OK. I took out my wallet, took out 20, and silently handed the wallet to my wife...

13. I have very high requirements for bedding, and you are the most satisfactory to me.

14. Mother-in-law, your express delivery is too slow. Where did you mail my wife?

15. It is said on the Internet that everything in the world can be summed up in two sentences: none of your business and none of my business. I thought it was very classic. After I returned home, I told my wife and asked her to help me test it! As a result, she said: "I'm pregnant" and I said: "It's none of your business... none of my business... Damn it, you're so cruel!!!"

16. When I say I like you , would you hug me and say: "Damn, I didn't tell you earlier!"

17. Falling in love is so boring, let's get married if we can. Talk about controlling love, talk about sharing

18. "Are you willing to be my sun?" "I do!" "Then please keep 92955886.7 kilometers with me."

19 , There are only two choices before you now, either you obey me, or I obey you.

20. Question: Which is more important, the wife or the game? Answer: Of course, my wife is more important, so I only dare to play games, not my wife.

21. "Come out for a moment. I have something to talk to you about." "What to talk about?" "Love."

22. I cried today when I dreamed that my wife died. I was very sad. When I woke up, I found that I didn’t have a wife at all, and I cried even more sadly.

23. Men who change women more frequently than sanitary napkins will sooner or later have menstrual cramps.

24. A man who comes home early tells stories to his wife; a man who comes home late makes up stories to his wife.

25. When I was single, I always had to do laundry by myself. In order to get rid of this hard life, I decisively found a girlfriend. So... By the way, you guessed it right. Now I wash my girlfriend’s clothes. If I don’t say it anymore, I will shed tears if I talk about it too much. I have to hang the clothes.

26. I turned her from a girl into a woman, and she turned me from a man into a poor man.

27. I was playing with my mobile phone after class today when suddenly someone lay on my back. I thought it was my girlfriend so I kissed her, but it turned out to be the head teacher...

28. I was in the spring I planted a girlfriend, and in autumn, I harvested a bunch of cuckolds.

30. Boyfriend: What do you want? Can you please stop making trouble unreasonably? Girlfriend: It’s unreasonable to make trouble, yes, it’s me who is making trouble unreasonably. As a man, can’t you just say sorry? If you just say sorry to me, that’s the end of it! Boyfriend: Sorry. Girlfriend: Do you think saying sorry is enough? Classic and Funny Internet Quotations

1. If you don’t do the right thing, no matter how beautiful your words are, they are worthless; if you do practical things for the people, once you speak, they are worth a thousand dollars.

2. When someone presses you with a stone, if you can hold your head up, that is resistance.

3. Sometimes love is a kind of harm. Cruel people choose to hurt others, and kind people choose to hurt themselves.

4. Zhang Fei pierced the eye of a needle, don’t look at me as stupid, big and thick, I made it for you to see.

5. I feel sorry for my second brother. Because of his birth order, he has been carrying the heavy burden of being second since he was a child.

6. You don’t understand what my brother is doing because you are still too ignorant.

7. Brother looks so abstract and there is still spring, what are you afraid of?

8. Can talented men like us be handsome?

9. An iron pestle can be ground into a needle, but a wooden pestle can only be ground into a toothpick. If the material is wrong, no matter how hard you work, it will be in vain.

10. When Cupid shoots the arrow of Cupid at you, you have love and arrows; when you return love to Cupid, you are left with nothing but bitch

< p> 11. When you fall in love with someone, Maggie Cheung, Brooke Shields, they should all be idlers, Sister Ma and the royal wife, Li Xiulian, and your girlfriend should be your ultimate aesthetic, the small universe in your heart, the eternal goddess Athens. Na.

12. The real scandals are all in the mouths of ordinary people!

13. The road you choose is to walk on your knees...

14. Eat less! Play more football! Walk to get off work! Miss girls! Think more and lose more, think more often and lose weight more often!--The secret of weight loss

15. The south wind kisses the face gently, the stars are faint, the moon Misty, oh you are so heavy tonight.

16. If I were not afraid of death, I would really commit suicide!

17. I usually never go upstairs because there is an elevator.

19. You can’t see me when I am loneliest, because I am only loneliest when you can’t see me.

20. Being a parent is a highly professional profession, but most parents start the job without any training.

21. Hello host, I’m squeezing in the No. 1 bus, and I want to order a song for the girl by the window in front, the one by Jacky Cheung, you know, right Yes, with you on the road, I am willing to squeeze in a little bit.

22. It may seem possible, but it may not be impossible.

23. The sunrise only needs to appear before sunset, and the class only needs to arrive before get out of class ends.

24. In bed, practice is the only criterion for testing skill.

25. Your ugliness has nothing to do with your face.

26. The sun rises in the east and rains in the west. The teacher is ruthless and I am affectionate.

27. When I take off my clothes, I am a beast, but when I put on clothes, I am a beast!

28. Life is a hundred times crueler than comics. It has placed countless fat tigers around you who like to bully you, countless strong men who like to laugh at you, and a Yijing who you can never catch up with, but it never thought of giving you a real Doraemon.

29. Success is a concept, getting rich is an obligation, and happiness is a power.

30. I want people all over the world to know that I am very low-key.

31. You shameless person, do you think that everyone in the world is your mother and everyone has to spoil you!?

32. When you see a car on the road, there is a sticker on the back of the car. With six words: If you are anxious, fly over.

33. Being so shameless and heartless, you should be very light, right?

34. Don’t always ask why others don’t want to talk to you or follow you. Is it true that you talk to me because I care about you so much that I don’t want to talk to you? Do you believe it?

35. Before I met you, I really didn’t realize that I had the problem of judging people by their appearance.

37. Fashion is always more fashionable than clothes. Old styles are not out of date before new ones come out.

38. A person who can think twice before acting is not because he is smart and rational, but because he is afraid of being easily scolded by others as his mother and uncle.

39. Is the child of two people with type B blood type 2B?

40. I plan to get a haircut, and the bangs are so swung that my neck feels numb. Classic witticisms_Internet witticisms_Quotes collection

1 If one day I become a gangster, please tell others that I was innocent

2 Although I believe in eachother, I may not believe you~ ~

3 Life is like a play, and play is like life. Looking back suddenly; living is a kind of pressure.

4 If a tree doesn’t have its bark, it will surely die, but if a woman doesn’t have shame, she will be invincible.

5 Your ugliness has nothing to do with your face.

6 In the long road of life, there will always be a few wrong steps.

If I take off my clothes, I am a beast. If I don’t take off my clothes, I will be a beast.

7 I never make typos, but I always make mistakes.

8 It’s not that I was careless, but that I did it on purpose. I can't give you happiness, but I can give you comfort!

9 No matter how great the truth is, it will become a cliché if you say it too much.

10 Now I know why my pants are designed with pockets. It’s because no one is holding my hand, so I carry the pockets on my own.

11 Those who work in public institutions are called iron rice bowls, and those who work in private companies are called disposable dishes.

12 Distance does not produce beauty, but the third person.

13 So and so, do you want to be buried in my ancestral grave after death?

14. There is always a group of invisible friends lying in your friend list like dead people, occasionally pretending to be dead, and changing their epitaphs from time to time.

15 You are happy because I am happy, I am happy because you are happy, I am sad because you have lost weight, I have lost weight because you are sick,

I smile because you have become stronger. , I am rich because I sold you

Pig!

16 Don’t let too much yesterday occupy your today!

17 Breaking up means not loving each other anymore. Those high-sounding reasons are not to make the other party feel better, but to make yourself feel better!

18 After reading "Lust, Caution", a monk said it was boring, and others asked; what is so boring, the monk said; religion is boring!

19 Miss, I’m sorry, I’m not handsome. But not every woman has the opportunity.

20 The strong wind rolled up the dark clouds. Between the dark clouds and the sea, there was a petrel, connecting us. Let us meet here and have a love affair at dusk~

21 Not at first. The one who was given was a woman, but it was the woman who was eager to get it later!

22. All men and women after marriage are overjoyed.

23. Money is a black hole, and family, friendship, affection and loyalty will become invisible and disappear without a trace.

24 The procedure for attending a memorial service is often to receive a profound life education first, and then everyone smokes, drinks and plays cards together.

25 If you want to test my patience, please prepare your patience first.

26 Nongfu Spring is a bit sweet, and the woman’s words are a bit suspended.

27 People who say there is a previous life are lying to themselves; people who say there is a next life are lying to others.

28 What is birth, aging, illness and death? It is better to live well, to grow old slowly, to get sick late, and to die quickly.

29 If you see a shadow in front of you, don't be afraid, it's because there is sunshine behind you.

30 If there is no wind, the clouds will not move;

If there is no water, fish cannot swim;

If there is no sun, the moon will have no light;

Without you

Foolish people would not exist.

31 Give me some sunshine and I will rot.

32 Suddenly a question came to mind, can the walnuts pinched by the door still replenish the brain?

33 Give me a girl and I can create a nation.

34 You look infertile!

35 Summer is here, girls can wear skirts, but not above the knees!

36 The latest definition of tourism: It is to go from a place that you are tired of to a place that others are tired of.

37 We had a small disagreement: she wanted me to turn dirt into gold, and I wanted her to treat gold like dirt.

38 When I turned into a swan, you were still an egg!

39 When a woman sees something she likes, she loses sight of the danger.

40 If I burn incense for one year, I can meet you, if I burn incense for three years, I can get to know you, and if I burn incense for ten years, I can cherish you.

Therefore, for my happiness in the next life, I am willing to convert to Christ!

41 Don’t use excuses to deal with me, you can’t afford to deal with me.

42 The iron fences on a university campus are all pointed, and the warning signs on them are as follows:

If a boy accidentally turns over, he will become a girl

If a girl accidentally flips the page, she will turn into a woman

43 The ideal is very plump, but the reality is very skinny.

44 If a man is reliable, a sow will climb a tree.

45 You know my strengths and weaknesses, and I know your depths.

46 As long as it is not obscene, we are mainstream!

47 Don’t fool me with the 1983 xo, get a bottle from this year.

48 The so-called unsuitable for children is actually that adults touchingly leave the risk of making mistakes to themselves.

49 You can lead the industry with foresight, catch up with hindsight, or be eliminated without knowing it.

50 Holding your lover’s hand is like going back to the 1890s;

Holding the hand of a female classmate and regretting not doing so;

Holding the hand of my aunt I found that I held the wrong hand before.

51 Beauty is not discounted. My sister is called beauty, and my sister is called discounted!

52 I prayed to Jesus for a solid and stable life. He thought for a while and said, let’s talk about world peace first...

53 The Four Great Void: The Boss’s Kidney, the manuscript of the third lecture, the lady’s tears, the table from the Bureau of Statistics.

54 I took the floppy disk to the refrigerator and froze it for a day, and it turned into a hard disk! In this way, I have another hard drive.

55 I am in a daze, not here now. If you are more stunned, just look down.

56 There is only a mistress who doesn’t work hard, and there is no family that cannot be broken up.

57 Your eyes are like the bright moon in the sky, one on the first day of the lunar month and the other on the fifteenth day of the lunar month.

58 If you don’t study for a day, no one will notice. If you don’t study for a week, you will start to get angry. If you don’t study for a month, your IQ will be lower than that of a pig.

59 I planted a bunch of girlfriends in the spring, and now autumn is here, tsk tsk, no harvest~~

60 Wallet, what’s wrong with you? Wallet, answer my wallet, you Why have you lost weight again? Wake up.

61 Men, men are really pitiful, they work hard to make money, handing over the money is inevitable, and having a lover is also dangerous.

62 I don’t miss my wife, but my wife always thinks of me.

63. As far as your thoughts go, roll as far as you go; as fast as the speed of light, you roll as fast as you can.

64 Men are lustful, so they cannot withstand temptation; women are talkative, so they cannot withstand loneliness.

65 Real leadership does not lie in how many gentlemen you command, but in how many villains you control.

66 I will definitely be reincarnated as a woman in my next life, and then marry a man like me.

67 Tell me, do you want to die or no longer want to live?

68 In order to cultivate my aura, I often eat garlic, onions and radishes. Now, I am full of aura from top to bottom and front and back.

69 Picking up girls is like hanging out on QQ. If you coax her for 2 hours a day, you will soon be able to enjoy the sun.

70 What’s yours is mine, and what’s mine is still mine!

71 If I am asked to sweep the floor, I will never wash the dishes. If I am asked to wash the dishes, I will never sweep the floor. Do both at the same time? You think I'm an alien! Funny connotations

1. The salary is not on time, but the aunt is on time.

2. Use Bluetooth to send your love to your husband.

3. You are rags, but I am not a rag collector.

4. Money is selfless and has deceived many families.

5. I feel relieved when I see you are unhappy.

6. Every time I wake up in the morning, I know that I have to go to bed early at night.

7. First a friend, then a sister, and finally a baby.

8. The wind is rustling and the water is cold. You have to pay back the money you owe.

9. Take your face away and don’t dirty my eyes.

10. Recently, all the flies who are poor at home have gone to other homes.

11. Your photos are really good, 24k, created with pure traffic.

12. Others vomit truth after drinking, but I only vomit food after drinking.

13. You have the body of a bear, but you do the things of a second bear.

14. How many points the teacher gives me, how many years do I wish the teacher to live.

15. Some classes are like Nanfu Battery, one class is longer than 6 classes.

16. Since buying insurance, I don’t even look at traffic lights when walking.

17. Mao Zedong said that anyone who is not interested in getting married is called a hooligan.

18. Shamelessness, if done well, is called a strong psychological quality.

19. In the morning in the countryside, the rooster crows, but in the city at night, the rooster crows.

20. That year, Sora Aoi was still a virgin and Edison didn’t have a camera.

21. What if you have a husband? Wouldn't the ball still go in if there was a goalkeeper?

22. Bed, let me go, don’t be like this, I still have to go to school.

23. Every time someone praises me, I worry that they don’t praise me enough.

24. The attraction of a man’s meticulousness is second only to that of a woman’s nakedness.

25. I only know two things in my life, neither this nor that.

26. Lies, after being packaged, have a better name: oath.

27. People who have a crush on me, how can you be so calm?

28. If you like it, just confess it. Maybe they are waiting to reject you.

29. Men are beasts without clothes, and they are beasts with clothes on.

30. Since ancient times, no one has poop in life, and there is no one who poops without paper. Good poetry, good poetry.

31. My crush changed his hairstyle yesterday, and I suddenly felt like I had a change of heart.

32. As a monster, my wish is to destroy at least one Ultraman.

33. I wanted to eat my sorrow one bite at a time, but instead I ate it into meat balls one bite at a time.

34. Teacher, Xiaogang has to ask for leave tomorrow because he may be sick tomorrow.

35. People want to lose weight, reduce waist and butt, why do you have to start with brain cells.

36. All the dinosaurs died in the last doomsday; so I am very worried about you this time.

37. Do you think I look familiar to you? Yes, you and I were husband and wife in your last life.

38. Forget it, if you don’t lose weight, whether you love meat or not, it won’t increase or decrease.

39. When you think the person you like also likes you, it is usually because you are overthinking it.

40. Once upon a time, there was a man who wanted to finish his homework before eating, but later he starved to death.

41. 10086 is still kind to me. I sent him a text message and he replied 3 messages to me.

42. My brother said: I liked playing with boys when I was a child, and I like playing with girls when I grow up.

43. It’s noon on the day of hoeing, so you don’t rely on general knowledge for anything. If you have nothing to do in your free time, it is better to play Landlord.

44. I feel that I am no longer deserting when I go to class, but directly on a business trip.

45. Someone asked me, have you ever flown on an airplane? I replied, never, but I have flown.

46. It’s really painful to surf the Internet. One card per three seconds, very cool. Stop every five seconds, the stop is tangible.

47. The first line: Find a job, find a good job. The second line: Find a husband, find a good husband. Horizontal comment: Dreaming.

48. Men should like fleshy girls. Those who like bones are dogs. . .

49. For every person who behaves reserved and calm now, there was a time when he was very naive and stupid.

50. True trust is when you say: I fart that doesn’t stink, and she will never cover her nose.

51. A boy who is only good to one girl is called a warm man, and a boy who is good to all girls is called a hot dog.

52. Yuelao, please change to steel wire next time you pull the red thread for me. This damn red thread keeps breaking.

53. These days, I am embarrassed to tell others that school is on holiday without dozens of test papers in hand.

54. In life, first be laughed at by others, then laugh at others, and then you will be full of smiles.

55. There are vampires in American high schools, long legs in Korean high schools, and broken legs due to homework in Chinese high schools.

56. Mom said: Girls should have sweet mouths. So I decisively ate all the sweets in the house.

57. If Newton was sitting under the durian tree, then our exam should be much easier.

58. After winter, the world is divided into two parts, the part under the quilt and the part outside the quilt.

59. People who have always been dissatisfied with their hairstyle have one thing in common: they refuse to admit that it is a problem with their face.

60. I have been crazy, stupid, persistent, persistent, and in love, but in the end I am still alone.

61. Life tips: Farting like crazy in a taxi can reduce the chance of being taken a long way by an unscrupulous driver.

62. My biggest wish is: the school collapses, the teacher goes crazy, the homework belongs to others, but you are mine.

63. An impulsive girl like me should be given a good amount of money to calm down.

64. In fact, people’s looks can be divided into two categories: one is naturally beautiful; the other is naturally inspirational. . .

65. I once had a pair of wings, but instead of flying in the sky, I put them in a pot to stew soup.

66. When I see someone who is showing off, he always lowers his head silently. It’s not because he has good qualities, but because he is looking for bricks.

67. In the dark night, when I took off my sweater and heard the crackling static electricity, I felt that I was worthy of being called a first-class Pikachu.

68. Li Bai was about to travel in a boat when he suddenly heard singing on the shore. Youyou are the most dazzling ethnic style in moving times and making noises.

69. Do you know how disgusting you are? When your mother felt your presence for the first time, she vomited! !

70. In the dead of night, I often ask myself whether I was right or wrong when I decided to come to Earth. . . .

71. I couldn’t stand my foodie girlfriend anymore. She broke my little walnut bracelet and ate it

72. Do you know how disgusting you are? Your mother threw up when she first felt your presence! !

73. I asked God: How to be happy and forget the sad things at the same time. God replied: drive yourself crazy.

74. If you think I’m fat, just say so. Don’t mince words. You walk step by step!

75. There are only three reasons for not paying attention in class: holding a mobile phone in your hand, feeling silly in your heart, and having a funny person next to you.

76. The feeling I am reviewing now is that a large wave of zombies is about to come, but I haven’t even planted sunflowers yet.

77. My dear, you must believe me, I will sit still. The boat is dizzy, let alone riding two boats?

78. Teachers always teach us to care for trees, but teacher, I want to tell you: it seems that the trees have been made into test papers.

79. All the heavy rain I missed in those years will be returned to you these days. I also want to tell you, tell you, it will still rain tomorrow and the day after tomorrow!

80. I will never dare to ride in a car driven by a female driver next time. This is the first time I will cover my eyes instead of applying the brakes when a car is about to crash.

81. If you hear my laughter instead of hahahaha but roaring, you must pay more attention to me and buy me a lipstick by the way.

82. I remember you. You were the boy who fell into a manure pit and was rescued three hours later. Not only was he fine, but he was also running, laughing, wiping his mouth and burping.

83. Every time I take the elevator and hear the ding of the door opening, I feel like I'm in a microwave. Sometimes there are acquaintances there.

84. Taking your girlfriend to ride a roller coaster in the amusement park, someone else’s girlfriend: Ah~ah~how scary! My girlfriend: Oh shit, oh shit!

85. Young man: I will always be seventeen. Literary youth: Starting to grow old at the age of seventeen. Ordinary young people: Start teaching as a teacher at the age of seventeen.

86. I fell in love with you at this age, not because you have a car or a house, but because the sun was very sunny that day, you were wearing a white shirt and had a pack of spicy strips in your pocket

87. Nowadays, the names of the programs are all Where Are We Going, Dad? Brother, I will also come up with a few program names. My godfather will follow me, but my sister-in-law doesn’t want it.

88. Ten years ago, primary school students ate spicy strips and college students drank coffee. Ten years later, primary school students eat Haagen-Dazs and college students eat spicy strips. This is not the point. The focus is on those people who eat spicy strips.

89. I was defrauded of 1,300 yuan by someone online. I went to the police and the police said that the case would not be opened if the amount was less than 2,000 yuan. So I immediately transferred another 700 yuan to the scammer’s account. I was deeply touched. Shocked by his own intelligence.

90. There are three stages in life: first, the Moonlight clan earns money based on their own conditions, which is called defeating the world; second, after defeating oneself, one starts to chew on the old again, which is called the second defeat; Third, when you reach your age and find a partner who is the same as yourself, this is called a failed couple.