A classic statement from Zhou Libo’s performance?

Zhou Libo’s classic lines

1. Thank you all! I feel very honored that so many of you came to visit me today... You spent a lot of money!

2. Allah (our) stocks not only play with people, but also with birds. Even the birds have been played to death by the bastards (you), so why is Allah still playing like a bird?

3. Every time I see Premier Wen on TV at an old farmer's house, he always picks the ugliest person to shake hands with (and then Zhou Libo makes Premier Wen's general statement): "We are late!"

4. Everyone thinks that he is a stock god and makes money by trading. Even the aunt who sells green onions in the small market said: "I have news!"

5. The worst offenders (poor ones) are those sparrows. The big screen at the entrance of the securities company has never been red, it has always been green. The sparrows don’t understand. They think that the Qingqing Forest Park and the Yanzhong Green Space have arrived, and they rush towards the big screen one after another! If you rush one, one will die. If you rush, one will die.

6. Who called Sarkozy no two no three, no three no four (no two no three, no three no four)!

7. Later, I went to observe (the Yuanxiao mold), and it turned out that they took half a mouthful and spit it out, and some of them spit out the foam even if they didn't spit it out well! Basically they gulp it down all afternoon, and a cup of coffee can turn into a cappuccino.

8． Collapse, collapse, is to break into pieces!

9. A person must have a legal concept and know how to protect himself. Of course, if you understand the law and don’t break the law, it would be a waste.

10． The worst thing is the cramp dance, where three to four hundred people dance together, as if they can't find a toilet.

11. Do you still remember the swimsuits worn by girls in the past? It's like...more than six hundred blind knots are worn on the body. Later, a skirt was added, which looked like the skirt of a turtle.

12. (Pile driving model) What do you mean, Nong? What do you mean? Please help me! Please help me gain weight! Please help me, pretend to be cool! Please help me to cheer up! Huami (rich)! Friends, please help! .. I have a big friend! Marlboro, inside pocket!

13． (Magnetic levitation) A big deal, 10 billion, solved the transportation problem of 30 kilometers.

14． Don’t be too weird about malted milk at that time! I went to my classmate's house and his mother made me a cup of malted milk. It was amazing! At that time, children were given malted milk! But when I picked it up and took a look, it was crazy how the (cup) could shine on the opposite side! His mother just put in a few grains of malted milk! She used it as chicken essence! He also inserted a chopstick and told me: Tune it, stir it! Originally it was a bit muddy (turbid), but now it's very clear (very clear)!

15. You must squat down before taking off, otherwise you won't be able to jump high.

16. I don’t need to clear out advertisements for drugs endorsed by celebrities. In the future, as long as we see drug advertisements endorsed by celebrities, we will not buy them

17. A raging fire burned down our Greater Khingan Mountains.

18. (Next to the high-voltage tower) A giant slogan read: It is strictly forbidden to touch high-voltage wires. If you touch them, you will die. If you don't die, you will be punished.

19. remember! Marriage is a set meal that must be eaten together; marriage is currency and must be eaten together

20. (Speaking of the classmate’s father)

Bai Bai (Uncle): Little Funny, do you want to hear Bai Bai (Uncle)’s battle story? Do you want to hear how Bai Bai (uncle) became the monitor?

Libo: Bai Bai (Uncle), I want to hear it!

Bai Bai (Uncle): At that time, I was a soldier of the Ala (our) sharp knife squad. The Ala sharp knife squad was always the first in the battle. When the enemy dropped a cannonball, everyone next to me fell down. No, I didn't fall.

Libo: What next?

Bai Bai (Uncle): Then I became the monitor.

Libo: ... Then Bai Bai (uncle), how did you become the platoon leader?

Bai Bai (Uncle): Platoon leader, this is really a sin (poor)! Back then, I led Ala's sharp knife squad and sharp knife platoon to chase the enemy in Fujian. Ala rushed to the front. The enemy retreated and fought, and the people next to me fell one by one. After rushing to the end, I was the only one left. This time. The six enemies fled to a temple in front and locked the door. At this time, I took a look and saw where my gun was. I only had two grenades on me, so I pulled off the hijab, pulled the fuse, kicked the door open, and shouted: I'm not alive anymore!

Libo: What next?

Bai Bai (Uncle): Then I became the platoon commander...

Libo: ...Then Bai Bai (Uncle) how did you become the company commander?

Bai Bai (Uncle): This is really miserable! At that time, I led the Ala Jian Dao platoon to participate in the battle. Ala occupied a commanding height. Ala and the Jian Dao platoon were together. All we had to do was wait for the general attack. All we had to do was not let the flag fall. There was a burst of crazy shooting, the flag fell down, and my comrades helped it up. With a shot, his comrade fell down, and one of them rushed to help him up. When I finally looked, I was alone again. I thought I was going to die this time. But I died gloriously for the revolution! My comrade-in-arms and I are going to Baixiang! So I rushed forward, raised the flag, and shouted: "Comrades! I'm ready to die!" As a result, the enemy surrendered.

21. A thousand years does not come out, but a Zhou Libo. You think I am a turtle!

22. To be friends with a person, you must not only accept his advantages, but also like his shortcomings. This is called Quexi (fool).

23． I bowed for such a long time, not because I wanted to seek applause. In fact, I mainly wanted everyone to check that my head posture (head direction) was clear.

24. Now our Chinese stock market, it should be said in reverse, has turned into an accident.

25. The two unfavorable factors came together, making us very ridiculed and ridiculed.

26. You said you took 280 yuan, put it on the table, and then looked at it for two hours, would you laugh? Can't laugh. If you put 280 yuan on the table and you laugh, then I will send you to the hospital immediately. If you spend 380 yuan to see Zhou Libo at Meiqi and you don't laugh, you will send Zhou Libo to the hospital.

27. If you think about it, 380 yuan is useless at home. The most you can tell is, hey, this is a counterfeit bill! This one starts with HD!

28． The Ten Thousand Sports Center is like a spittoon!

29. What a big stage! Don't you think I'm here blindly!

30. This one belongs to colored spirit child (hint) and colored flattery.

31． Fei Yuqing, I’ve done the math for him. Every time he has a concert in Shanghai, he runs away the next day. He doesn’t spend money in Shanghai. This doesn’t do anything good for our Shanghai’s overall GDP!

32. Fei Yuqing is an actor I like very much. He sings so well, has such a good temperament, and is a man with a sweet voice.

33． Just think about it, a man, standing on the stage, looks like a sissy, but is not easy to admire (hate), it is definitely difficult to do this!

34. (After singing) Thank you for your tolerant applause. I now have the confidence to destroy Fei Yuqing.

35. You must tolerate my ignorance just like you tolerate your leaders. I don’t mean that leaders must be ignorant, but leaders are basically ignorant. This sentence is wrong! How can a leader be ignorant? The leader is so smart as to be stupid!

In 36. In 30 years, Saddam can become a hanged man; retail investors can also become Wu (coward); the little red guy can become the mold (big brother); the mold can also become the red guy. This is called the Chilao mold.

37. Guan: Then do you think he looks like a welder wearing these glasses?

Zhou: Please don’t tease me?

38. I am very careful, and I found that in the swimming pool, especially for women, the angle of the swimming trunks goes up to 20 degrees on average every five years.

39. (Trademark) No more, Shanghainese. No matter how strong your accent is, as long as you have this thing (trademark), Bazi (bumpkin).

40. Uncle, you understand, this is called a heat sink!

41. I pinched off the two pointed ends of the fried dough sticks, and then I went back to Alam and fucked me again.

42． (Speaking of buying seven or eight fried dough sticks) This feeling is like when you go to Hengdeli on Nanjing Road and you say: Master, help me get three Rolexes.

43． I was also beaten by my mother for eating.

44. If you want to have a beautiful mixed-race child, you must mix as far away as possible, the farther away the better.

45． If my face can be considered a mixed race, it would probably be a mix of Vietnamese and Cambodian people.

46． This son is standing here, and this father must not be a fuel-efficient lamp!

47. Children always have a guilty conscience when they make mistakes, and there is always dirt (poop) behind the door that will never come up again.

48. When an apple fell on Newton's head, he suddenly became a scientist. What do you think if an apple fell on his head? Newton died.

49． Nowadays, in restaurants like this, shredded radish is placed under the beef. I learned this from me. I learned how to do it in the 1970s.

50. I took apart the alarm clock I bought at home and reassembled it, but it never left.

51. Later, my mother's technique was improved. She used two slippers to hit me, and one was specially used for fake movements.

52. Fight me like a zebra.

53. (Imitating a female classmate) Hey, Zhou Libo, did your mother buy new slippers again?

How do you know?

The pattern you have today is different from the one yesterday. The one you have today is straight, while the one yesterday was S-shaped.

54． Happiness and joy are two different things.

55． I still don’t know who came up with this sentence: Ah, don’t let your children lose at the starting line! Pooh! (Shaking head)

56. If children in this country have lost their innocence, then this country’s future must lack imagination.

57. One time I happened to be driving, and a 12-year-old child was on the phone, calling the radio station to request a song for her mother

Auntie, I want to request a song for my mother.

What song would you like to sing for your mother?

I would like to order a song by Aunt Xin Xiaoqi for my mother called "Why Women Are Hard Things for Women".

58. Now if you ask Li Ka-shing to calculate this linear equation of one variable, he guarantees that he will not be able to do it, let alone the linear equation of two variables.

59. Think about it, where are the original monitors and study committee members? They all sell tickets at the door.

60． For example, if Guan Dongtian's house is 100 square meters and Zhou Libo's is 50 square meters, if you send it to the Bureau of Statistics, Zhou Libo's house will be inexplicably changed to 75 square meters.

61. (Talk about the night park) You have to escape after 6 o'clock, why? Because the zone defense team comes out and shines a flashlight on you, and the zone defense teams in the early 1980s were all filthy.

62. (Talking about the visit of the Moscow State Ballet to China) I discovered a strange phenomenon. Almost everyone has a telescope, and there are also high-power telescopes in the first row.

63． I can't do that kind of action, it's ugly, the action is so big, I brought a monocular...

64. I stood on the back of the chair to watch. My movements were very small, but it was quite refreshing to see. Without losing elegance...

65. Without Comrade Xiaoping, there would be no us. Maybe we would still be fighting cocks.

66. Later, before he left office, he (Deng Xiaoping) was worried that they would close the door again, so he removed the door cover and we are where we are today.

67. I have a friend who has 42 TVs in his house...he repairs TVs.

68. (Telling that there was a TV at home in 1979) When night came, I asked the aunt next door to borrow a red armband to wear on my hand. Then I took a ruler and sat at the back. I sat in the front row yesterday and still want to sit today? Sit in the third row!

69． This is past, and it is wrong if it is past. This is called a fault.

70. The scariest thing is watching TV series. It’s really scary. If a close-up camera happens to push it up and into the face, oh, it’s so scary. It’s really scary. The two nostrils are like two bowls of rice. It’s so scary. Scary!

71． This is the world of Marlboro. (Cantonese)

72. Don't worry, American red guys really know how to do business.

73. Advertisements are coming in, and they are shown to you every day, but you can’t buy them.

74. (Speaking of piling molds) At this time, a new industry appeared in Shanghai, and it is still called piling molds.

75． All the piling models in Shanghai seem to have been taught by the same teacher, and they are all dressed the same. Maybe they drink the same water from the Pujiang River?

76． How can you mean (what do you mean) Lanong?

77. Men and women must not forget romance after getting married. Men will give 999 roses before getting married. Don’t just snore 999 after getting married. On Valentine’s Day, don’t forget to give your wife a beautiful rose. Knowing that the spiritual value of a rose is much higher than that of a towering tree to a woman,

78. When a wife believes in her husband, it is also a sign of confidence! You cannot manage well by relying on management. The foundation of marriage is trust! A marriage without trust becomes a shackles, a shackles, and will be broken sooner or later!

79. Everyone likes money, but money may not like everyone.

80. Children have their own future, don’t impose our future on them, otherwise, they will have no future.

81. My little Chenguang is so naughty, I immediately went up to touch his hand, oh, there are so many hairy ones. (I was very naughty when I was a child, so I immediately went up to touch his hand, oh, it was very hairy.)

82. Because foreigners smell of perfume, now I know that they wear perfume because they have body odor.

83. Our public mentality is becoming more and more tolerant, right? At least we now admit that Li Yuchun is a woman!

84． There is a text called Mulan Joins the Army. At that time, even to death, I didn’t believe how could Mulan join the army without being discovered! It’s impossible! Later I met Li Yuchun and realized, oh! This is technically possible!

85. The last time I opened it from my computer, I saw a poster of Li Yuchun, looking pretty and looking like a sunny girl! Below is a slogan from the Family Planning Commission, which is: Boys and girls are born the same.

86． Children's Song:

Comrades, catch him! Speculation is selling salt water tablets (a cheap summer remedy in the old days)!

Comrades, catch me! Speculation will lead to sales (a toad)!

Now: Speculation is called an intermediary.

87． For example, Feng Xiaogang, can his face be called a face?

88． Feng Xiaogang, with his face, if I met him in the alley at 9:30 in the evening, and Feng Xiaogang just walked over like this, I wouldn't let him do anything, I would just hand the wallet to him.

89. It used to be that the order-running gang was an ugly one. What is it called now? Now it’s called logistics.

90． How can there be experts in the stock market? There can’t be experts in the stock market! There are only losers and winners in the stock market.

91． Now is We are the world, the world is one family!

92. Everyone stopped at the top of the bar, and the faces of the two experts were deeply locked.

93． In the mountains, there is no concept of divorce at all. They think that when they are born, they are a combination of pie and fried dough sticks.

94. (Talking about stocks and divorce) Forget it, everyone is stuck, let’s live together.

95. It used to be that making money was called pafen for a long time, but now it's called rummy. Because I think the rabbi is ruthless.

96． (Talking about the classmate’s father) He was injured countless times, one here and one there, all on his body like a pack of mahjong tiles.

97． I have seen her (Han Hong) in person, and her front teeth are still separated. If you look carefully, you can see her little tongue!

98. For people in the cultural and art circles, I have come to the conclusion that people with ugly faces are generally very strong.

99. Is Zhang Yimou ugly? Absolutely! Nong says that Yi is beautiful and belongs to the category of Nong with problems!

100. Zhang Yimou's face looks like he's been slashed with a kitchen knife! And it’s an unopened kitchen knife!

101. Stand still, waiting for your second shoe to come up.

102. At the beginning of 2008, the Prime Minister said: 2008 will be the most difficult year. Nothing happened until the Prime Minister said this. As soon as the Prime Minister finished speaking, everything happened. Were we celebrating the New Year, there was a snowstorm; we were taking a plane, and we were returning; we were taking a train, and it was derailed; we were sitting at home, and there was an earthquake.

103. Our Prime Minister Wen has his own accent, "Teachers and classmates: This despicable trick cannot stop the friendship between the Chinese and British peoples. Human progress and world harmony are the trend of history and cannot be stopped by any force."

104. We, Premier Wen, used Confucian methods to deal with it, and went on a tour around France. If you don't go in, you will be killed.

105． Then why doesn't your president go to see bin Laden?

106． Are you eating the tofu of our Chinese people?

107. If Sarkozy dares to meet Bin Laden, Premier Wen guarantees that we will have nothing to say and think that you are just a model (you are a good man).

108. Bin Laden has every reason to believe that Sarkozy is a barb sent by George W. Bush.

109. Only later did I realize that if you look for a good model, don’t look for it casually. If you find a good model, don’t look bad. If you fall asleep, you will have to be too sleepy to take it off! (I later learned that you can’t just find a model. If you don’t find it well, your brain will be damaged when you wake up!)

110. If we say that from 2006 to October 2007, our Chinese stock market was like a science fiction movie, it was called omnipotent. Then from 2007 to 2008 it became a thriller. The first two days finally turned into a New Year's movie, and now the sequel is a thriller. Nowadays, the Chinese stock market basically belongs to the bosses, and the bad guys come out; the talents go in, and the coffins come out; the doctors go in, and the idiots come out; the millionaire Yang goes in, and the old man Yang comes out; you want to get rich when you go in, and you want to go crazy when you come out; you hold two guns. Go in and come out with your hands up. All surrendered their guns and were not killed; those who wanted to imitate Buffett went in, but were skinned out; those who were well-off families went in, and the five-guarantees were trapped in them; those who patted their chests went in, and they came out with slaps; men went in, and eunuchs came out; those who were not allowed to go in, and they urinated and defecated Incontinence came out; Zhou Libo rushed in, and Zhou Bapi escaped.

111. Be tolerant of artists.

112. Liu Huan has been around for so many years, but I have never found his neck.

113. You asked Liu Huan to wear a stand-up collar to rob a bank?

114. Have you ever seen a 6-year-old child get sexually transmitted diseases? If so, it was passed down to him by an adult.

115. They didn't have the ability to make us understand, so they tried to confuse us.

116. You have to be calm about the ups and downs, watch the flowers bloom and fall in front of the court, make profits and losses at will, and let the clouds roll and relax in the sky. If you can achieve this state in stock trading, you are basically no longer a human being.

117. Our Chinese men's football team is sick. If we compare the Chinese men's football team to a man, he will suffer from all kinds of diseases except gynecological diseases.

118. If I hadn't thought our socialism was good, I would have committed suicide long ago.

119. There must be a road before the car reaches the mountain. If there is a road, the Toyota cannot stop.

120． If someone doesn't offend me, I won't offend anyone; if someone offends me, I'll be polite; if someone offends me again, I'll give him a shot; if someone offends me, I'll cut the root of it.

121. The manager of the bathhouse said he can understand K-line charts! I couldn’t understand it, but he said he could understand it, so I asked: “You said you can read it, tell me about it.” He said, “Mr. Zhou, this is very simple! This upward line , is called the positive line, the downward line is called the negative line, and the one in the middle is called seeking death. "Then I asked: "Why is the one in the middle called seeking death?" "Oops, if you put your money in the middle, it won't. If you don’t lose money even if you make money, then what is it but seeking death?”