Funny jokes in classical Chinese

1. What humorous jokes are there in classical Chinese? 1. "Boasted money" 1. When a person gets lost, he will meet a mute and can't answer questions. Only when he makes money with his hands to show that he will get the money will he be willing to guide him. This man is going to count money with him. The dumb man opened his mouth and pointed out the way. The man asked, "Why? Dumb: "In today's world, talk if you have money! "2. A lost man met a mute who didn't answer. "Dumb" will only give money by hand, and then give directions. The lost man understood the meaning and immediately took out some money to the "dumb". "Dumb" opened his mouth and pointed out the direction. The lost man asked, "Why are you playing dumb?" "Dumb" said: "In today's world, if you have money, you can talk. "

3. Excerpt from Laughter in the Woods, collected by the owner of the signboard game in the Qing Dynasty, mostly from jokes in the Ming and Qing Dynasties. Second, "Righteousness" 1, the original text: An official is the most greedy.

One day, two people were arrested (tried) for dysprosium, and the plaintiff gave fifty gold. When the defendant heard about it, he paid double the bribe. And at the trial, don't ask why, draw lots to smash the plaintiff.

The plaintiff will make a gesture of counting to five and then say, "The smaller one is reasonable." The official also replied with his hand, "Slave, you are right."

He shook his hand and said, "He is more reasonable than you." 2. An official is very greedy. One day, he arrested the plaintiff and defendant for trial. The plaintiff gave the official 520 gold, and the defendant doubled the bribe after hearing it.

When the court opened, the officials drew lots indiscriminately and beat the plaintiff. The plaintiff gesticulated with five fingers and said, "I am right."

The official also held out five fingers and said, "Slave, although you are right," and then turned his hand over and said, "He is more right than you!" 3, source: rational, pinyin yǒu lǐ, from A Dream of Red Mansions. 3. "Puzzlement" 1, the original text: A young blind man was involved in a lawsuit and complained of blindness.

The official said, "How can you cheat when you have a pair of white eyes?" A: "The master thinks that the villain is innocent, and the villain thinks that the master is confused." 2. A green-blind man was involved in a lawsuit. He argued that he was blind.

The official said, "Your eyes are blue and white. What are you pretending to be blind? " The man replied, "the way you look at me is innocent, but I think you are confused!" " "3. Excerpt from Laughter in the Woods. Fourth, "Du Zi helps each other" 1, the original text: When the military attache goes out, there is no doubt that he will be defeated.

Suddenly there was a magic weapon to help, and the victory was great. The military attache knocked on the name of God, and God said, "I am the God of buttresses."

The military attache asked, "What virtue and ability does this young man have and dare to try to save the gods?" God said, "I only feel that you are at the teaching site and have never hurt me with an arrow." 2. Once upon a time, a military commander went to war and was about to fail.

Suddenly, with the help of magic soldiers, defeat turned into victory. The military commander kowtowed and asked the name of God, and the immortal said, "I am the God who supports the wall."

The military commander said, "What kind of kindness and ability do I have to ask the buttress god to save me?" The god of buttress replied, "I only thank you for never hurting me with an arrow when you practice archery in the school playground." 3. Source: Selected from Pu Songling's Strange Tales from a Lonely Studio in Qing Dynasty.

5. "Tian Jian Swallow Chicken" 1, the original text: A rich man owns an acre of land. If he rents it to Zhang San, he gets a chicken per acre. Zhang San hid the chicken behind his back, and the owner of the field chanted, "This field is different from Zhang San." Zhang San quickly presented the chicken, and Tian's owner shouted, "Without Zhang San, who would be a chicken?" Zhang San said, "I didn't hear about it at first, but I heard about it later. Why? " Master Tian said, "At first, no one talked about chickens, but later, I did it when I saw them."

2. A rich man has extra fields at home and wants to rent them to Zhang San for planting, on condition that he is given a chicken per acre. Zhang San put the chicken behind his back, and the farmer (the rich man) sang, "This field will not be cultivated by Zhang San." Zhang San quickly took out the chicken and gave it to him. Master Tian sang again: "Who won't give it back to Zhang San?" Zhang San said: "I just heard you say that you didn't give me (seeds), and then you gave me seeds." Why? " The owner said: "I didn't talk about chickens (records) at first, but I did it as soon as I saw chickens (machines)." 3. Excerpt from Laughter in the Woods.

2. What funny self-created paragraphs are there in classical Chinese? 1: There is a kind of fish named Kunda in Beiming.

One pot can't be stewed.

Turn it into a bird, called Pumbaa-sized bird.

We need two barbecue grills.

Polysaccharide and slight spicy taste.

Have a bottle of snowflakes.

Let's face the world bravely.

2. An official is sitting in court, occasionally farting and saying the word "refreshing". Officials don't know, but they mistakenly think they are rewarding officials, hoping to win their favor. They knelt down and said, thank you for your reward!

3: The monkey died. He saw the keeper and asked for a replacement. Wang said, "If you want to be a man, you must pull out all your hair." He's the one who told the hag to do it and pulled out one. The monkey is in great pain. Wang smiled and said, "Bastard, how can you be a man without money?"

4. Isn't it a pleasure to have friends come from afar, flog dozens of them and drive them away from the hospital?

5. Confucius said: It is not appropriate to fight with bricks. It depends on the face. You can't shout any more. Your right hand is almost finished with your left hand, and the brick is crushed with your shoes. You are dying, and you are not dead. How can you be alone with your friends? It's an honor.

Classical Chinese is a written language processed on the basis of ancient Chinese. The earliest written language based on spoken language may have been processed. Classical Chinese is an article composed of written language in ancient China, mainly including written language based on spoken language in pre-Qin period. During the Spring and Autumn Period and the Warring States Period, no articles were invented to record characters, but bamboo slips, silk and other things were used to record characters, while silk was expensive, bamboo slips were huge and the number of words recorded was limited. In order to record more things on a roll of bamboo slips, unimportant words were deleted. Later, when "paper" was used on a large scale, the habit of using "official documents" between the ruling classes had been finalized, and the ability to use "classical Chinese" had evolved into a symbol of reading and literacy. Classical Chinese comes from vernacular Chinese, which is characterized by writing based on words, paying attention to the use of allusions, parallel antithesis and neat melody, including strategies, poems, words, songs, eight-part essays, parallel prose and other styles. Classical Chinese in modern books are generally marked with punctuation marks to facilitate reading and understanding.

3. Classical Chinese funny sentences 1. Haha, Mulan flies a plane. What kind of plane does she fly? Boeing 747.

I resigned from Beijing last year and lived in Tokyo because I was ill there. There was no music in Tokyo, and Sima Guang's voice was not heard at the end of the year.

3. Money is what I want; Beauty is what I want. You can't have your cake and eat it.

I don't leave my grandfather here, I have my own place to leave my grandfather, and I don't leave my grandfather anywhere. I will go to the railway.

I was sick when I was young, not when I was nine. Alone, as for the establishment of a new China. There are no handsome guys, but there are beautiful women in the end. The door is weak and thin, and there is a rest at night.

6. Liu Suying's illness is often in heaven. Chen Shi urine soup, never expired.

7. I like softness when I grasp the sacred dynasty; Li Kui JY, the former satrap, loved Fang La more. From the secretariat of Leslie Cheung, a courtier and a slave.

8. The imperial edict is very strict, and I am responsible for Altman. The whole universe forced me to hang myself. I have to obey.

9. I can live for a hundred years without my grandmother; Grandma can live for a thousand years without a minister. Mother and grandson are not as good as turtles.

10. Chen Mi has two out of twenty this year, and Grandma has nine out of ninety this year. Please forgive my affair.

4. A good joke of about 50 words is rewarded with 5 points. One night, I was walking on the platform, but I saw a woman with long hair floating in the air. I couldn't help but take a look.

After a while, the woman suddenly stopped and stared at me. Yu Daoan: "Am I not handsome?" But I saw Yi's eyes wide open and her mouth twitched.

I sighed:' Am I too ugly?' I only see that Yi's eyes are getting bigger and bigger, and her mouth is getting bigger and bigger. I'm scared.

I am a gentleman. I have never offended her, let alone met her. I almost wanted to turn and run away when I heard Iraq shout ... ah ... "choo!" " Yi rubbed his nose and drifted away. I'm already sweating. I am cloth, I started with words, and I missed three years; After practicing martial arts, the tinker made an arrow, drummed hundreds of officials and kicked them out with a disorderly stick; He studied medicine, entered the department of clinical medicine, studied hard for five years and made some achievements. He wrote a good prescription and died after taking it.

When I arrived in the underworld, I waited for Emperor Yan to go to court for a long time. I can't stand it. When I asked him, the ghost soldier said: Wang read the document with his feet and laughed wildly. He was frightened in the backyard, but he didn't wake up ... Famous scholars Che Yin Baoying and Sun Kang Xue Ying studied it separately. One day, Kang went to visit Yin, but he didn't meet him. He asked where to go. The doorman said, "He went out to catch fireflies."

When I answered Bai Kang, I saw Kang Xian standing in court and asked, "Why don't you study?" Kang said, "I don't think it snowed today." -(Ming) Master Fu Bai's series "Laughing Forest" Some people sell cakes and their voices are hoarse. People asked them the reason and said, "I'm hungry."

He asked, "If you are hungry, why don't you eat cake?" Said, "It's rotten." (Two people whispering)-(Ming) Fu Bai's master series Laughing Forest can be talked about. The wife of Li Ji, a native of Yan State, is coquettish and dissolute, and often has an affair with the girl next door.

When Li Ji heard about it, he came up with a way to catch him. One morning, Li Ji pretended to be out of town, but he looked carefully in the yard. I saw the neighbor's boy quickly enter the back room of Li Ji's house and plug in the door.

Ricky immediately jumped out and knocked at the door. The wife was very scared indoors and asked the teenager, "My husband is here. What should I do? " The teenager was anxious and asked, "Is there a window?" The wife said, "There are no windows here."

The boy asked again, "Is there a cave?" The wife said, "There is no cave either." The teenager said helplessly, "How can I get out?" At this time, the wife saw a cloth bag next to the wall and said happily, "Great."

The boy quickly got into the bag, asked her to put it on the floor in front of the bed and told her, "If your husband asks, you can say it's rice." After packing, the wife quickly turned around and opened the door to let Ricky in.

Li Ji looked into the house again and found no adulterer. He came to the bed slowly and saw that the bag was full, and it felt particularly heavy to lift it. He asked his wife, "What is this?" The wife was so flustered that she forgot the instructions of the teenager and hesitated for a long time without telling her the reason. When Ricky saw that his wife looked suspicious, he continued to ask more sharply.

The boy in the bag was afraid of being exposed and could not help but answer, "I'm Michaelis." Li Ji caught the adulterer and adulterer on the spot and killed them. Friendly reminder: cheaters will quit! ]-Ming Lu Zhuo's mouth of "Aizi" One year, I was drunk and passed by the door of Lu's participation in politics and vomited all over the floor.

The janitor of Lujia came over and scolded, "How dare you get drunk and spit in front of my house!" " The foolish old man raised a pair of drunken eyes, squinted contemptuously at the doorman and said, "It was your door that was not covered in the right place and was facing my mouth!" " The doorman thought the drunken man's speech was very interesting, so he retorted with a smile, "My door has been built for a long time. Was it built in front of your mouth today? " Yu Gong pointed to his mouth and said, "Lao Zi's mouth has been circulating for several years!" " -Ming Fu Baizhai's "Ya Dou" Fools eat wine. There was a man whose family was poor and could not afford to drink, and he was not good at drinking. However, he especially likes to pretend to save face. Every time he goes out, he eats two distiller's grains cakes, which makes him feel a little drunk, just like he just drank wine.

One day, he met an old friend on the road. Seeing that he was a little drunk, his friend asked, "Did you just drink wine this morning?" He answered truthfully, "No, I only ate two bad cakes." He went home and told his wife about it.

His wife gave him advice and said, "If anyone asks again in the future, you can say that you have drunk, or you can pretend." He nodded in agreement.

When I saw that friend the next day, he said that he had drunk. The friend suspected that he had lied and asked, "Is it hot or cold?" He replied, "It's baked." Hearing this, my friend smiled and said, "You are still eating bad cakes."

When he got home, he told his wife about it, and she scolded him and said, "Where can I say anything about baking wine?" ? Said it was the hot drink of the future. "He said remember.

When I met that friend for the third time, before his friend could speak, he boasted, "My wine is very spicy today." The friend asked, "How much did you eat?" He held out two fingers and said, "Two."

-Ming Fu Baizhai's "Laughing Forest" master cheated rice well. A man was so hungry on the road that he came to a family to steal food. He said to his master, "I can mend the needle nose, but I have to eat something to work."

The host was very happy, so he gave him a meal and found all the broken needles and noses. When the man finished eating, the master asked him to mend them. The man said, "Bring the broken needle nose."

-Pan Ming Youlong "Laughing Zen Record" A person is on the road outside. It's getting late, and he wants to spend the night in a nearby temple, but he is worried that the monks in the temple will not agree. He went up to the doorman and said, "I have an inexhaustible thing that I want to give to Bao Si." Hearing this, the monk not only readily agreed to let him in, but also showed special respect to him.

The next morning, the monk came to say hello and asked, "What is the inexhaustible object that the donor said?" The man pointed to a bundle of broken bamboo curtains he put in front of the Buddha statue and said, "If you use it as a lantern stick, will it be inexhaustible?" -Pan Ming Youlong's "Laughing Zen Record" is a racquet. There is a fisherman couple whose family is very poor. Even in the cold winter, there is no quilt, so they have to use fishing nets to keep out the cold. In the middle of the night, they put their fingers out of the net and felt very cold.

The couple secretly rejoiced and said, "How can those who don't have a quilt survive such a cold winter night?" -Feng Ming Meng Long "Laughing Room" Three people are in a trance and three people sleep in the same bed. In the middle of the night, one person felt itchy on his leg, and in a trance, he was on the second person's leg.

5. Is there a small paragraph in classical Chinese? A scholar will be seventy years old when he suddenly has a son.

Born by age, that is, named age. A little later, I gave birth to another son, who seems to learn and name.

The next year, another son was born. He smiled and said, "It's a joke to have a baby at such a big age."

Because of the name "joke", when the three men were old and had nothing to do, they all ordered to go to the mountains to collect firewood and go home. The husband asked, "Who has more firewood for the third son?" The wife said, "As you get older, you have no knowledge at all, but you have a joke to bear."

There is a scholar who is nearly seventy years old. His wife suddenly gave birth to a son. She named him "Age" because she was old enough to have a son. Soon after, another son was born. He looks like a scholar, so he was named "Xue Xue".

In the third year, another son was born. The scholar smiled and said, "It's a joke to have a son at such a big age." So he named it "Joke".

The three sons had nothing to do when they grew up, so the scholar let them go into the mountains to get firewood. When they came back, the husband asked his wife, "Which of the three people has more firewood?" The wife said: "With the growth of age, there is no knowledge at all, but jokes are a burden." Avoid the original snobs, and they will avoid them every time they come out.

The fellow traveler asked him why, and replied, "Give up my relatives." So many times, colleagues are tired.

Even if I meet a beggar, I will try to avoid him and say, "Give up my relatives." Q: "Why are there such relatives?" He said, "But all the good ones are recognized by you."

There was a vain man who met a passing dignitary when he went out and avoided it. People in the same trade asked him why he did this, and he said, "That's my relative."

This has happened many times, and every time he does this, people in the same industry feel very annoying. Later, suddenly I met a beggar on the road, and all the people in the same trade imitated his appearance and hid aside and said, "That beggar is my relative."

The vain man asked, "How can you have such poor relatives?" People in the same trade said, "Because all the good things are recognized by you." Villagers who eat olives go to town to drink, and there are olives at the banquet.

The villagers took the astringent and tasteless saliva because they asked the people at the table, "What is this?" The people at the same table said contemptuously with their village spirit, "vulgar." The villagers took "vulgar" as their name, so they kept it in mind and said, "I tasted something strange in the city today and called it' vulgar'."

People didn't believe it, but the man opened his mouth and gasped, "You don't believe it, but now it's full of vulgarity." A farmer went to town to attend a banquet with olives.

The farmer picked it up and put it to his mouth. It was astringent and not delicious, so he asked the person at the same table, "What is this?" The people at the same table thought he was vulgar and said contemptuously, "vulgar." The farmer thinks "vulgarity" is the name of olive, so he keeps it in mind. After returning home, he said to people, "I ate a strange fruit in the city today, called' vulgar'."

Everyone didn't believe it, so the farmer opened his mouth wide and panted, "You don't believe it. Now my mouth is full of swearing. " A person stayed for lunch, but the guest had spit out a bowl, but didn't add any more rice.

The guest wanted to let the host know, but pretended to say, "A family has a house to sell." Therefore, he said to his master, "The rafters are so big."

When the host saw that there was no rice in the bowl, he asked the boy to add it. Because he asked the guest, "Does he want value geometry?" The guest said, "Now that we have food, we won't sell it."

A man left a guest for lunch. The guest has finished a bowl, and no one has given him more rice. The guest wanted the host to know, so he pretended to say, "A family has a house to sell."

Then he deliberately pointed the bowl to the owner and said, "The rafters are as thick as the bowl." The host saw that there was no rice in the bowl, so he quickly asked the servant to add rice for him.

Immediately ask the guest, "How much does he sell?" The guest replied, "Now that we have food, we won't sell it." Some people are used to lying.

Every generation of his servants is round. One day, he said to a man, "My well was blown to the house next door by the strong wind yesterday."

People think that there has been nothing since ancient times. The servant Yuan said, "It's true.

My well is near the neighbor's fence. Last night, it was windy. I saw the fence blown by the wind through the well, but it went to my neighbor's house like a well. One day, he said to people, "Someone shot down a wild goose and put a bowl of noodle soup on his head."

The public was surprised. The servant Yuan said, "The same is true.

My master was drinking noodle soup in the yard when a wild goose fell and its head fell into the bowl. Isn't it the noodle soup geese? "One day.

He also said to others: "The cold family has a warm sky account, which covers the world tightly without gaps." The servant frowned and said, "Master, how can I hide this lie?"

There is a man who is used to telling lies. His servants always lie for him. One day, he said to a man, "A well in my house was blown to the house next door by the strong wind yesterday."

Everyone thinks that such a thing has never happened since ancient times. His servant lied for him and said, "My well is really close to the neighbor's fence. It was windy last night, and the fence was blown to this side of the well, just like the well was blown to the neighbor's house. "

One day, he said to people, "Someone shot down a wild goose and put a bowl of noodle soup on his head." Everyone was surprised and didn't believe what he said.

His servant lied for him again and said, "This has happened. My master is eating noodle soup in the yard. Suddenly, a wild goose fell and its head fell into the bowl. Isn't it covered with noodle soup? " Another day, he said to others, "Lengjia has a top temperature account, which covers the world tightly without any gap." Hearing this, the servant frowned awkwardly and said, "The master has gone too far. How can I tell such a big lie to cover it up? "

The scholar peed on the doll for a long time, so he was scared and said, "School is coming." The doll peed immediately.

The scholar asked him why, and replied, "I was scared to pee when I saw you scholars get off the stage." The scholar sighed: "I didn't expect this doll to inherit his father's wishes and be elegant;" I didn't expect that this school is good at running water and can pass two stools. "

The servant of the scholar's family held the doll to pee, but the child didn't pee for a long time. The servant frightened him and said, "Here comes the learning platform."

The doll peed immediately. The scholar asked him why, and replied, "I saw your scholar come to the learning platform, and he was scared to pee, so I scared him like this."

The scholar sighed and said, "I didn't expect this doll to inherit his father's wishes and continue studying;" What is even more unexpected is that this learning platform is good at diuresis and can urinate. "Afraid of the examinee's original text, the scholar is afraid of the New Year exam. When he heard that he got off the platform, he panicked and went to the platform. Goodbye.

6. The funny classical Chinese butcher has not started his business more than half, but he can't damage the chief father's hill.

Today, we have a big soup. Fiona Fang is seven miles away. This sincerity can be a tree with a diameter of inches, a piece of jade, a beautiful island and a rock. However, the ministers of the guards are filthy, loyal ministers are frozen thousands of miles away, and Wan Li is snowing. The cover chased the butchers all day to see the beautiful scenery in the field, and the more they looked, the more they entered.

It is advisable to take the road by cutting bamboo and return home. It is not advisable to hold a sacred hearing and stab me in the face to block the road of loyalty and advice. The palace is full of smelly oil and rotten sauce, and there are rows of fines.

If there are those who have committed crimes and are loyal and kind, they should show their tails and breasts to show your majesty's unkindness. Yu Shinan, Zhang Suiyang, Zhang et al. Are they all animals? Do they jump big? , is a butcher like a tourist, Jeanla.

A fool thinks that if he learns to read, he can read "click" on four drums and spread it tirelessly. Donkeys and generals in Guizhou love to make noises during sex. He tried in the past. The butcher called it "two wars, and he wanted to fight first" because he thought Zhong Yong was a satrap.

Fools think that if you learn from the dispute, you can weaken its flag, make it chaotic and make it invincible. Feet confused, eyes blurred. This is why the Han Dynasty was so prosperous; I am confused by my own eyes, and I am confused by my own feet. Since then, the Han Dynasty has been so depressed.

When the butcher was around, every time I looked at the minister with a knife, I lamented that I was not good at shooting. Taihang, the Wangs, the son of my neighbor, the snake god, I know that I am a minister of chastity and good death. I hope your majesty believes that then the Han Dynasty will be overthrown and nothing will be obtained.

I don't know who Chun Han is, but he is as tall as two millet. He devoted his whole life to the secret place in the north, risking his life for the Wenda people in Chu. The butcher doesn't think his ministers are brave and chivalrous, but he cares about him from left to right. Because he was grateful to the three ministers in the Broken Mountain Temple, he allowed the butcher to live a quiet life with his territory and could not stay long.

When the post-value is overthrown, when it is appointed at the end of the road, it ranks between two stocks, and it is useless when you come. The butcher knew that my minister threw aside my food sticks and cups, and I couldn't eat or drink, so he put my minister in the face of collapse.

Since he was appointed, he has always been yellow on the left and white on the right. He only knew how to shoot an eagle with a bow, fearing that entrustment would not work, so he would hurt the young madness of the late emperor. Therefore, he brushed Zhang Suiyang with his sleeve and dared not play. Today, the South China Sea has decided that the military revolution is not indomitable, and there is not much rice and millet. The three armies gave it to him, and he commanded him to bake for 800 miles, mixing with the former army.

Therefore, the minister reported that the butcher's duty was to take the wind home. Yu Shinan, Suiyang and Fang Ping will be appointed as losers who sing on the road and walkers who rest in trees.

May your majesty languish for Iraq. If not, shoot it and sue the butcher knife.

If there are no novelists, it's the south that's to blame, and it's unbearable. Your majesty will also entertain guests and cut his throat.

I am very grateful to you. I am far away now. I'm fighting two wars. I want to fight first.