Collect jokes from all over the world! ! !

1, I haven't heard from you for a long time, and I feel very distressed. I thought of death, and I cut my pulse with potato chips; Hit you on the head with tofu; Jump over buildings with parachutes; Noodles. Everyone can die. You can invite me to dinner and support me to death.

If you feel cold, please call me! Please press 1 to talk about feelings, 2 to talk about work, 3 to talk about life, 5 to introduce me, please tell me directly when you invite me to dinner, and please hang up when you borrow money from me.

3, you have grown up, there are some things you should know: the sky is used to shelter from the wind and rain; The land is used to grow flowers and grass; I used it to prove how great human beings are; You are used to stew vermicelli.

Money can buy a house, but not a home; Marriage, but not love; Clock, but can't buy time. Money is not everything, but it is the root of pain. Give me your money and let me suffer alone!

5. Send you 12 Zodiac. I wish you smart as a mouse, strong as an ox, bold as a tiger, cute as a rabbit, confident as a dragon, charming as a snake, romantic as a horse, gentle as a sheep, naughty as a monkey, beautiful as a chicken, loyal as a dog and looks like a pig!

6. I only care about you. What I care about is whether I care about you, whether I care about you, whether I care about you as much as I care about you. Look at you!

7. A portrayal of your life: At the age of ten, you learned to bathe yourself-pigs wash themselves; Brilliant at the age of twenty ―― when the pig is young; Looking for a job at the age of 30-starting a pig-raising career; At the age of forty, I hired a servant-a pig's servant; Learn to play basketball at the age of 50 ―― throw pigs!

The phone suddenly shook, and the pig must want to see it. A click on the pig's trotters turned out to be a bomb. Sweating with anger, pig legs running everywhere. You are such a fool, pig. You have to smile brightly and forward it to other fools.

We'll never contact or meet again. No friends to do! The doctor said that my blood sugar is too high to be near sweet things, and you are the sweetest in my heart!

It rained intermittently, which triggered my infinite thoughts. To put it bluntly, I miss you When the weather is fine, I will take you to the meadow, but I have already told you in advance: Piggy, you are only allowed to eat grass, and you are not allowed to arch the ground!

Life is just a few decades

Money can't buy an inch of time.

Before I met you, my life was dull and had no luster.

After knowing you,

My world; Minecraft;?my?world

It's all fucking dark!

After receiving this message, you are an Egyptian mummy. If you delete this message, you will be an African mistake. If you reply, you are a Rwandan wild boar. If you don't know the news, you are a Thai shemale who failed the operation. If you store it, you are an American pervert! It's up to you.

The father took his son to take a bath, and the bath water was slippery. The child accidentally slipped and grabbed his father's XX without slipping. Father was very painful and casually scolded: it's a good thing you came with me. If you come with your mother, you will die.

Men are sour if they don't pick up girls, and women are really annoyed if they don't pick up girls. When they meet, they pick up girls and do justice for heaven. Some girls don't pick up girls and send them to reform. Can you pick up girls? Brother!

Please call the toll-free number quickly to win the value-added tour of the detention center. Now we will also send handcuffs, posters of young and dangerous people and other gifts, and the top ten will also send photos of detention centers and massage thousands of people with their fists.

Tips for answering the phone for free: When there is an incoming call, press F, R, E, E before the third ring, and then press # to make the call for free and keep it confidential.

I was born useful, but I can't understand it! It's no use asking the crow, so I have to go home and sleep! I dreamed that Wang Di had a hint that after getting up at eight o'clock tomorrow morning, I would understand after eating the cake (if I tried to read the third word of each sentence, there would be a surprise).

During the water-splashing festival, someone suddenly cursed: Who the fuck threw me away? People advise: it is a blessing to vote for you. Bitch: Please, some idiot threw boiling water at me!

When vampires were born again, God said, What do you want? The vampire said, I want to be plump and white like an angel, with two wings, and I can suck blood. God said, just make sanitary napkins.

Abandoned? Being bullied? Homeless? Don't be sad, don't be discouraged, even if the whole world dislikes you and ignores you, at least there is a state-owned pig farm in this city-your warm home.

An ant saw an elephant on the road. The ant got into the soil with only one leg exposed. Little Nutbrown hare saw it and asked, "Why are your legs exposed?" The ant said, "Shh! Don't make any noise, I'll trip his son! "

I was fascinated by a handsome guy because I was drunk last night, but I couldn't help it. I dragged my clothes and pants into my private parts. I feel like I'm walking on a cloud, and it blooms several times a night.

The manager commented on the female secretary's article: you have two prominent points above, flat in the middle and a big hole below. Come to my office at night and I'll add one for you.

I came to Guangdong empty-handed, forced by life, and my uterus developed. It hurt at first, but then it gradually loosened. For a time, I became a rich man, built a cave and remarried my husband.

This year, peach blossoms bloom very early. Guo Jing came to the Peach Blossom Garden and saw Huang Rong taking a bath, with white buttocks and two dates. As soon as Guo Jing saw it, he wanted to fuck Huang Rong. He said that unfortunately, my sister had her period early this morning.

Walking in the early morning, I suddenly felt that the water was about to overflow my underwear! I can't bear it, thank you for your help! Confucius said: comfortable! Comfortable! !

A prostitute went to the hospital to see a doctor and said, "The doctor is very strange. My wystudy has beriberi. " The doctor replied, nothing. Just now, a boy said that he met a prostitute with syphilis on his feet.

There are stars and the moon hanging in the sky, the Goddess Chang'e flying to the moon has a lot on his mind, the Cowherd and the Weaver Girl are in love, the Moon Old Matchmaker is a myth, and there is a fool who doesn't talk and squints at the phone.

Guess: A bamboo in Hanshan Temple doesn't want to fly separately, but it's half-matched, and the birds by the swan pool fly away, and there is no gold to make a cup. Answer; Waiting for you to give me money

The Municipal Public Security Bureau cracked a major mobile phone smuggling case. Your mobile phone is one of the names involved. Please bring your ID card and mobile phone invoice to our bureau for investigation.

Test you: What should I do if pigs all over the world die overnight? (headline)-"At least you"!